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FEAR THE DARK (BEHIND YOUR EYELIDS): ‘The Boogeyman’ (2023) Review

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I believe that cliché slashers and creature features that retread the same beats are fun. Cliché demon movies that do the same are not. Every Friday the 13th movie or Nightmare on Elm Street entry has a horde of imitators with varying levels of quality, the latter of which are especially entertaining and deserve an article all their own. But they’re forced to stand out, forced to make themselves special through their story or their directing or their creature design. Demon movies, often, aren’t backed into that corner and forced to fight. They’re the easiest for big studios to pump out with copy-paste plots ad infinitum, they take no risks, and they’re taken more seriously by both studios and audiences despite being infinitely more underwhelming, and usually sillier. Would you like to hazard a guess whether The Boogeyman cares to break that streak?

The Boogeyman: A Familiar Horror Story

The Boogeyman follows older sister Sadie and younger sister Sawyer, whose therapist father Will is one day confronted by a would-be patient named Lester, claiming his children were killed one by one by a malevolent entity that can mimic voices and lurked in shadows. Disbelieved by everyone, Will is driven to commit suicide in the family’s home. The entity then moves on to terrorize Sadie and Sawyer, beginning to brutalize the two as he grows nearer and nearer to taking them. 

That sounds familiar, right?

Because this movie was so poorly advertised, I assumed it was a remake of the Eric Kripke-penned movie of the same name. No, it’s an adaptation of the Stephen King short story of the same name, though this is mostly different and radically inferior. Put aside the fact the movie is without a pulse, it is definitively the worst Stephen King adaptation yet, which is like adding a triple homicide charge onto whatever crime derailing a multi-million-dollar train would be (public endangerment? I don’t know, I’m a writer, not a lawyer). 

Failing Stephen King’s Legacy

It’s bad enough that it rejects the massive sprawling spider-web that is Stephen King’s beautifully messy, interconnected works; an ironic choice given how spider-like the monster is. It also fails at the one thing King is most adept at: making you care for the characters being put through their paces. This is not The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. This is not Under the Dome. It’s not even The Langoliers. It is, emotionally, borderline nothing. I could not tell you the characters’ names three hours after without searching them up. The stock characters we get are as lifeless as it gets, and it hurts to see this happen to even a minor, relatively unimportant piece of King’s bibliography.

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It’s ironic double jeopardy that the movie bumbles as it steals its whole third act from Stranger Things season 1, because 21 Laps Entertainment, who produced this movie, ALSO produces Stranger Things, a show which at least understood the basic elements of what makes King stories great. It’s like a matryoshka doll of aping Stephen King’s works! I’d be impressed if I wasn’t so ANNOYED.

Lackluster Performances in a Big-Budget Horror

Beyond the realm of King, let’s touch on those performances. For a movie with a $35 million budget, the cast sure doesn’t say $35 million budget. I don’t mean they lack star power, just that they lack screen presence. When it comes to performances, there are two redeeming ones: Dastmalchian as bereaved and haunted father Lester, and Vivien Lyra Blair as little sister and “boogeymagnet” Sawyer. Everybody else generally faceplants through a dark corridor several times over. 

Sophie Thatcher’s Underwhelming Role

This is a shock since Sophie Thatcher is a great actress. If you haven’t seen her in Yellowjackets, you’ve probably seen her in the short film Blink, where she carries the entire performance through her eyes alone as a paralyzed woman haunted by a monster. If you haven’t seen that, watch it here.

But here, it’s abundantly clear that either Thatcher is actively fighting to phone it in, or subject to some of the worst directing available. This also doesn’t make any sense because I know from Host and Dawn of the Deaf (which you can watch below for proof!) that Rob Savage is an outright INCREDIBLE director who knows how to lead his actors! Surely, it’s not him being intimidated by the scale of things, since he’s proven he can manage low-budget and more official affairs with equal skill. Something fishy is going on. 

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Studio Interference and a PG-13 Letdown

Of course, readers, all this coupled with a neutered PG-13 rating and a lot of hype-building nonsense articles about being too scary means I smell a whole lot of studio interference. And as much as I can sympathize, I can’t in good conscience recommend this movie because I know they’re not responsible. It hasn’t had time to get its Blair Witch 2 treatment, it hasn’t aged enough in 24 hours. 

In terms of technical details, the film ranges from nice to disappointing. Savage’s directing is good, as usual, but you would think a movie this focused on playing with light and dark would be better lit. I’ll give it credit where credit is due, The Boogeyman has a handful of good jumpscares that hinge on flashing and flickering lights, and despite how needlessly loud they are, the visual build-up is effective. It’s just a shame the best one was spoiled in the trailer. 

Toothless Horror and Uninspired CGI

When we do get to the action in the light with our titular boogey oogey, it’s all toothless as far as these movies go, with everything going blurry and cutting away just as the truly terrible stuff is happening. You never have a sense anyone, most of all Sawyer, is in danger, or that the Boogeyman even wants to kill them that much. What else would you expect from a PG-13 horror movie? I don’t need everything to try and outpace Terrifier 2 levels of nastiness. I just want a bit more peril in my movie which is fundamentally about parents leaving their children alone and the horrors that concept entails. 

(And splurge on a bit more blood if you’re going to rip someone in half. Come on, cheapo.)

But above all, this movie’s greatest crime is having the same old uninspired CGI creature design since the late 2010s (i.e. the studio screaming, “We wanted something Javier Botet would play without actually having to pay Javier Botet or makeup artists because we hate actors, and we hate practical effects artists even more!”). 

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And all of that would be fine if they just didn’t show it so much. I feel like by the end, I’ve seen more of the creature than I have of Sadie or Sawyer. This is impossible given its only 99 minutes, but somehow even that is too long. I’m aware it sounds drastic, but this could stand to be 8 or even 10 minutes shorter for the sake of brevity. Not that the film is badly paced, quite the opposite. Just that its good pacing is wasted on an unoriginal story.

The Boogeyman: A Forgettable Horror Flick

And so, The Boogeyman (2023), is like many of its “the demon has been passed onto you, and you must defeat it to save your family” counterparts: you’ve seen this movie, ten thousand times. Which I would be okay with if it just grew a personality and stopped hiding behind the ajar door. It fully fails to capture everything that makes being a child, or hell, even an adult staring into pure dark scary. It doesn’t relish the quiet, it clumsily dances in loudness to little entertainment value. It might work well as someone’s first horror film to give them an idea of genre tropes, but it doesn’t work for me, and probably won’t for you. 

I have made it a personal principle of mine to avoid telling people not to watch movies, even if they suck. But don’t waste money on a ticket and steer clear until this comes to streaming or cable. And even then, you’re better off watching something on Shudder. We’ve got more than enough recommendations. Take your pick. 

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Luis Pomales-Diaz is a freelance writer and lover of fantasy, sci-fi, and of course, horror. When he isn't working on a new article or short story, he can usually be found watching schlocky movies and forgotten television shows.

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‘Iron Lung’ Review: Exceptionally Atmospheric Cosmic Horror

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As Iron Lung begins, the film places you in an overhead shot looking down at a submarine that’s seen better days. Jagged metal teeth of a broken cage sit at its head, illuminated by a light from the ship above that’s about to cut it loose. As you’re about to be dropped into a roiling ocean of blood, you become quickly invested in its story.

A dire paternal voiceover runs you through your place in the world as an observer: someone is being sent into the “waters” of a far-off moon in a dead, dark galaxy. They’re in search of an answer you’re automatically aware will never be enough and a penance they will never attain. It prompts an obvious, cutting question: if Hell is where we’re looking for an answer, how bad must things be among the stars to go searching there for hope?

A Surprising Outing for Writer and Director Mark Fischbach

The debut feature film of writer and director Mark Fischbach, better known to the internet at large as Markiplier, is as surprising as it is atmospheric. And no, not surprising because Fischbach is an internet personality crossing over into film. And no, not surprising because this is a video game adaptation that is actually quite good.

The surprise here is mainly from the way Fischbach dodges a number of first-time filmmaker torpedoes that would otherwise sink the film straight to the sea floor. It’s in the very clear coordination and trust he has with his cast and crew. In a way, the film itself is a mirror of the submersible his character is forced to pilot: flawed, surely, but strong enough to complete its mission and deliver an exceptional experience.

What Is Iron Lung About Exactly?

The story goes as follows: in the wake of an event called the Quiet Rapture, the stars themselves have been snuffed out. Most of the galaxy has been plunged into sudden darkness, and a mass dying off has consumed countless worlds (think the worst possible aftermath to The Nine Billion Names of God).

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Convicted for a reprehensible crime, the convict Simon (played by Markiplier himself) has been given a rare opportunity to return to life among the survivors. The mission is to pilot a death trap of a one-man submarine into the blood oceans of an alien moon, looking for a scientific sample useful enough to earn his freedom. That is, assuming he doesn’t lose his mind or his life in the process.

Bespoke Set Design That Matches the Premise Perfectly

Iron Lung should be commended first and foremost for being a bottle film with the perfect set design to match. Not overly ambitious, but not too simplistic either. Contained in a marvel of a small space, the submarine here is a tactile nightmare of rusty metal and antiquated technology you never get sick of seeing more of.

While Fischbach and director of photography Philip Roy have the camera linger in close ups almost too often, I don’t blame them for wanting to capture the finer details and leer at them. It’s clear every inch of this condensation covered machine was engineered by the art team and production design to emphasize its prison cell qualities as a barely functional vessel.

The ship’s external camera fires off like a flash bulb on its interior, barely illuminating the cabin with its next horrific image of the sea floor before plunging us back into darkness. The oxygen gauge and its cold robotic voice are a countdown to the painful annihilation that awaits its pilot. Its proximity sensors give only the barest indications of what’s going on outside, ticking a dull noise warning us: you are not alone. It’s a punishment to operate, and the set design as well as the very solid sound design that accompany it make that violently clear and effectively spinetingling.

Translation From Game to Film Isn’t So Perfect Though

This perfect setting isn’t always used perfectly though. The translation of the game’s mechanics and gameplay to the screen are both a weakness and a strength. They make the pacing of the first third run to a slow start, especially when Fischbach’s screenplay grinds against the strong suit of the film’s cinematography: the panic of it all.

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Like its video game source material, David Szymanski’s Iron Lung, the film is really at its best when it’s instilling a sense of active and imminent panic. A tone that matches the borrowed time the submarine is glued together with. Putting out fires, both literal and metaphorical, ratcheting up its claustrophobia as you’re placed cheek to cheek with Simon in steamy, metallic darkness. This is where Iron Lung shines.

Markiplier’s Performance in Iron Lung is Hit or Miss, But Mostly Hits

It’s outside of these moments of panic where the weakest parts of the script and Fischbach’s performance are highlighted. Some weak line deliveries and beats of dead air kill the real tight headlock the film could have you gripped in from start to finish. And while Fischbach is phenomenal at playing terrified or pleading or even simple exhaustion in the face of the impossible, he really requires someone to bounce off of as his solo work just isn’t as compelling. Even the clunkiest bits of dialogue between him and his jailer (Caroline Kaplan) are better than the best of his moments where he talks to himself or tries to inject some humor into the bleak story.

This is a shame too, because the minimalist storytelling and background we get for his character is genuinely very intriguing. It’s thematically rich for what the film is trying to say about the power and terror of belief, and it’s doubly satisfying that the film has enough confidence to not lay everything out in a longwinded speech explaining the motives and lore that landed him here.

All that being said, his performance is hit or miss, but he mostly hits. The dialogue becomes more urgent as we approach the climax, and all of the cast delivers on that impending doom nicely. It reaches its peak in the final act, and Fischbach is on fire as he struggles to hold himself together in the face of absolute madness leaching its way into the pressurized cabin.

Iron Lung: A Redemptive Finale With Pure Liquid Body Horror

What a fantastic final act it is, one that makes up for its imperfection in the first two parts with a homerun of pure liquid body horror. It’s just phenomenal how the film’s digital and practical effects present the true horrors of Iron Lung. There’s a near perfect mesh between the two, and they highlight the best influences of similar genre films that came before.

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Soaked with all the gore, madness, and mystery of the likes of Event Horizon and Pandorum, Iron Lung is a worthy successor in the cosmic horror genre as it rises above its own problems. It’s a moody, environmentally precise stunner of a horror film that sets a benchmark as the movie to beat for forthcoming releases this year.

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‘The Ritual (2017)’ Review: When Grief Gets Gruesome

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The Ritual is, without a doubt, one of the most completely enthralling horror films of the past decade. Usually, I wouldn’t open with such a strong reaction for a movie that isn’t a technical and narrative masterpiece, but this is close enough to call that in. It’s at the very least masterful work that deserves more love, and that’s even with it having a permanent home and high placement on the world’s biggest streaming platform. It’s no longer the obscure hidden gem it was at the time of release, if it ever was that, but I refuse to stop talking about it.

The sheer catharsis this film grants through its cast, and the way its environment really pushes that cast of characters, is what I could only describe as “surgical.” It cuts to the bone. It’s a movie about the strangling nature of grief, and it gives us a great time showing its characters fighting against that choking feeling.

What is The Ritual (2017) About?

After the death of Rob, things haven’t been the same for Luke. The memories of the robbery that took his life, a robbery he had to witness hiding behind a liquor shelf, still haunt him. But there’s a chance for closure as he and his friends go on the trip that Luke had helped plan the night he died.

Their quest to honor his memory sends them through the beautiful locales of Northern Sweden, along a hiking trail in the mountains. But after an attempt at a shortcut sends the group deep into the woods and they struggle to get back on course, it becomes violently clear they aren’t the only ones in the wilderness. Ritualistic markings, involving dead animals and dire effigies, warn of a much greater power lurking in the forest. Whether they can escape it depends on whether they can keep each other safe long enough to get out.

Netflix Could You Lock In And Do A Physical Release For Once

This is a phenomenal film, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t get up on my soapbox about its format for just one moment.  Regrettably, this is a streaming-only film that has been shackled by Netflix to its platform. It has an excessively rare DVD release floating around, but that is also unfortunately, region locked, and likely more low fidelity than most physical collectors would like. Especially when so much of this movie relies on shadow and darkness, a Blu-Ray release is kind of obligatory for high quality preservation of the director’s vision.

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Not sure what I expected from the media conglomerate that it is. Netflix is already notorious for refusing to release physical media and then cancelling and erasing shows from the platform. What are we going to do with you Netflix? You only ever seem to cause me problems. Just make the physical release for this already.

Gorgeous, Grotesque, And Gut-wrenching All At The Same Time

Setting that thought aside, this film was bound to be fantastic given the horror pedigree behind it. Cutting loose anthology director David Bruckner, the MVP of the V/H/S franchise, then giving him a budget and legendary location scouting is about as great as you’d expect. It’s like saying that sugar and butter make things taste better; should you really be shocked?

When you have this many lighting and environmental factors to juggle, expectations are understandably high. The film on paper should look at least a little choppy, but Bruckner and cinematographer Andrew Shulkind really are in their element here. This is only exemplified even further by the film’s most memorable space-bending set piece at its climax. I won’t even risk spoiling it for lack of a better description, but I will say the stark contrast they play with light and shadow here makes for some really captivating visuals and frightening moments.

The naturalistic environment this folk horror takes place in really has a knack for showing the contrasting beauty and grotesqueness of the things hiding in the woods. And its director really has a knack for using that environment to squeeze the actors for all they’ve got.

A Phenomenal Cast Led By Rafe Spall

Make no mistake: The Ritual is not just a pretty face. This is at its core a story about a group of men facing their strained relationships in the wake of a brutal death, and all the ugliness that entails. They’re foolish, angry, bitter, and sad people struggling each in their own way to accept a loss. What it leads you with is what you’d expect to be one-note characters being slotted into archetypal roles, but what they end up as feels surprisingly real.

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The obvious star here is our lead Rafe Spall, whose turn as main character Luke ranges from downright depressing to shockingly soul lifting. You can see Spall plays him as a man slowly trying to piece himself back together, fumbling as he’s soaked in alcohol and self-pity. His changing demeanor throughout the film really reflects the truth of his character: he was only ever going to change and confront his past when he was forced to. And him being forced to go through supernatural circumstances really does make for one of the most satisfying character arcs in a horror film I’ve ever seen.

Is This The Best Creature Design Of The Past 20 Years?

Again, it’s difficult to talk about this film without spoiling its most fun moments, so I will just say that you only stand to gain something by watching it. If its emotional aspects don’t grab you, its aesthetic qualities will. And if all that fails to grab you, maybe this will: The Ritual boasts what is the definitively best monster design of the 2010s, if not the past 20 years. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can top the visual concept this film delivers on with that design. Need I say more?

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