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The Penis of a Madman: Ranking the Dong Shots in ‘Creep’

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Fans of The League were caught off guard when indie darling Mark Duplass and Patrick Brice shocked audiences with Creep in 2014. While Duplass was no stranger to horror, his mass appeal from The League skyrocketed his gorgeous mug into the hearts of primetime television. Mark Duplass and his brother Jay tantalized horror fans with his meta and absurd Sundance-premiering film Baghead. Four years later, Mark Duplass would be back at Sundance as a writer for his wife’s second film with Black Rock.

A Stellar Track Record with a Surprise Follow-Up

Just two years after Black Rock, Mark Duplass would take SXSW by storm with his genre-bending, thought-provoking, all-around madness-filled found footage flick Creep. Creep would immediately click with genre fans, spawning one of horror’s favorite masked maniacs: Peachfuzz. What really came as a surprise to audiences was Duplass’ commitment to the character of Josef/Aaron as well as his passion for [non-assaultingly] showing his dick.

On June 3, 2024, Mark Duplass tweeted “Big Announcement tmrw [sic] (Tuesday) 11 am on TikTok @duplassmark.” A good portion of his fan base wondered if that meant a new season/movie of The League was coming out, while the other portion of his fans knew what that meant…The possibility of a third installment of Creep. Well, we are happy to confirmthat Mark Duplass announced a Creep TV series is coming soon!

In honor of this joyous news, we decided to look back at Josef’s jovial junk and rank every time Mark Duplass served us dong in the Creep films.

Ranking the Full Frontal Scenes in the Creep Franchise

2. Creep 2 (2017)

Since there are only two Creep films, it was a 50/50 shot of which one would get second place. Ranking these films as films would be a much harder topic of discussion, but ranking these films by dong shots is much easier and way more fun.

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Body positivity in horror is something fans have struggled with for quite a long time. Gone are the days of 70s and 80s cinema where coke-fuelled 20-somethings play rail-thin teenagers with their breasts out and imprints of their dong bulging from their short shorts, but due to the shock of full frontal in the first film, it came as less of a surprise and has cemented itself as a visual mainstay in the franchise. As someone who struggles with body positivity, seeing someone like Mark Duplass be comfortable enough to literally bare it all is a beautiful sight.

And seeing that low-hanging fruit is also a beautiful sight.

1. Creep (2014)

It’s really impossible not to give Creep the golden trophy for dong shots because this is the film that started it all. When Duplass dangles that hulking hunk of meat without a care in the world, it shows audiences that they are in for quite a few surprises. This shot came out of nowhere, like an axe to the back of the head. In a genre overstuffed with female nudity, it’s refreshing to finally see a dick! If Peachfuzz and the overwhelming sense of dread don’t cement Creep as one of the most impressive and inspiring found footage films of all time, then the dong shot certainly will.

Given the announcement that Creep will be making its way to our TVs, we have to ask, will that limit the amount of full-frontal nudity in the franchise?

Either way, stay tuned for more Creep news, you can bet your taint we’ll keep our eyes PEELED for it.

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Brendan is an award-winning author and screenwriter rotting away in New Jersey. His hobbies include rain, slugs, and the endless search for The Mothman.

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Misc

‘Death Becomes Her’ 4K Giveaway: Live Forever with This Cult Classic!

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We’re back with another killer giveaway! This Oscar-winning, campy Robert Zemeckis flick, shot by the always incredible Dean Cundey, has re-rocked the queer community with its recent Broadway adaptation. A few simple steps can put you in the running to receive this genre classic.

Enter Our Death Becomes Her Giveaway!

How to Enter:

Step 1. Make sure to FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM!

Step 2. LIKE the giveaway post!

Step 3. TAG A FRIEND who you’d like not to get old and decrepit with. 

Luckily for you, we’re not asking for a $200,000 check for an elixir that grants eternal youth and immortality.

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If the winner does not respond on Instagram within 24 hours, we will randomly select another winner.

What You’ll Win

  • 4K transfer of the original 35mm camera negative
  • Presented by Dolby Vision
  • The Making of Death Becomes Her: featuring interviews with Robert Zemeckis, writer David Koepp, Director of Photography Dean Cundey, Production Designer Rick Carter and Special Effects Artists Lance Anderson and David Anderson
  • Vintage Making-of Featurette
  • Photo Gallery
  • Theatrical Trailer

Celebrate Pride with this gorgeous 4K copy of a bona fide cult classic! What are you waiting for? Your rejuvenation potion to kick in? Go on, do it, it’s the completion of your physical media collection! SEMPRE VIVE!

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Misc

Demon Twinks: Horror’s Deadliest Skinny Boys

Ranking the top 10 deadliest twink horror villains! From Corey Cunningham in Halloween Ends to Lee in Bones and All, these slim slashers bring terror with style.

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When one is ideating horror-related topics for Pride Month, it shouldn’t take too long for the phrase “demon twink” to pop into one’s head. Naturally, it took me three years to come up with this idea. I never said I was a genius. But once it got into my head, I couldn’t get it out. Twinks don’t have a reputation for being imposing or menacing. They’re usually young, slim, etc., and as such can be quickly written off.

But horror villainy is an equal opportunity business, and there are plenty of demon twinks to be had, if you know where to look. Twunks need not apply. So I took the time to do some exhaustive research and break down some of the deadliest skinny boys in the business (ranked by deadliness, of course – their body type is part of the foundation of this discussion but not attached to any sort of value judgment).

Warning: Some of these movies are whodunits, so there will be spoilers.

Top 10 Demon Twinks in Horror

#10 Orphan: First Kill (2022) – Gunnar Albright

Demon twink number 10 is low on the list because he doesn’t actually kill anybody during the events of Orphan: First Kill, but (VERY SPOILER ALERT) the fact that, prior to said events, he murdered his own kid sister and conspired with his mother to cover it up very much earns him a place on this list. That’s demonic as hell.

#9 He Lives by Night (夜驚魂) (1982) – The Stocking Killer

This Hong Kong movie is probably the least well-known of the titles on this list, but it shouldn’t be. Well, it is a touch transphobic, as are so many early post-Psycho slashers, so be warned. But the killer – whose mind snapped because of his cheating wife, leading him to murder women by strangling them with stockings – pulls off a heap of brutal, protracted, often beautiful murders, including one that I would accuse of ripping off Tenebrae if it hadn’t actually come out before the Argento classic.

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#8 Terror Train (1980) – Kenny Hampson

Kenny racks up a pretty solid body count for an early 1980s slasher villain, helping 10 people shuffle off this mortal coil. However, the flair that he has for changing costumes is not reflected in the kills, which can be a little samey, landing him a little lower on the list than he maybe should be.

#7 Scream VI (2023) – Ethan Landry

Like all Scream movies, the exact body count that each Ghostface is responsible for in Scream VI is a little unclear. However, given where he is at certain times in the movie, he could have perpetrated at least five of the New York City slayings, which is more than his dad (three, tops) or his sister (who maxes out at four). He’s also pretty clearly the Ghostface behind the notorious ladder scene, which results in one of the most gruesome deaths in the movie. Poor Anika. We hardly knew ye.

#6 Cutting Class (1989) – Brian Woods

See, this demon twink 1980s slasher killer has a more compact body count of 6, but he knows how to have fun with it. He’s out here baking people into kilns and inspiring Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving with a deliciously preposterous trampoline murder.

#5 Angst (1983) – K

K may not have a lot of meat on his bones, but what he does have to offer is an uncontrollable urge to torture and murder people. This bleak, shocking motion picture has a relatively low body count, because it primarily follows him tormenting one isolated family. However, the sheer intensity of what we do see cannot be denied, as is the intensity of the way K does everything in his life, including eating a sausage in what might actually be the most disgusting scene in the movie.

#4 Fade to Black (1980) – Eric Binford

When it comes to a small body count with flair, look no further than Eric Binford, who stages five spectacular murders inspired by classic films, namely Kiss of Death, Dracula, Hopalong Cassidy, The Mummy, and White Heat, all while trying to get with a Marilyn Monroe lookalike. Commitment to a theme will get you far in Pride Month, and we must all pay respect.

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#3 Bones and All (2022) – Lee

Lee’s onscreen kill count isn’t especially high, but he gets extra points for style (Slitting a dude’s throat in the middle of a hookup? This demon twink brings the drama) and for canonical cannibal murders that have taken place before the events of the story, including those of his father and babysitter. Plus, Timothée Chalamet is the ur twink of our day, and that is what pushes him so far toward the top of the list.

#2 Children of the Corn (1984) – Malachai

Although he does not figure very much in the opening scenes of the movie when the town’s children turn on the adults, Isaac’s second-in-command makes up for lost time once the main thrust of the story kicks in. In fact, he’s really the only person who commits proper, non-supernatural murders from that point on, and he takes to his job with terrifying gusto.

#1 Halloween Ends (2022) – Corey Cunningham

I know, I know. He’s not technically Michael Myers, and we’re all mad about that. This is something I’ve written extensively about for Horror Press in the past. But he is the primary killer in this movie, like it or not. He’d already get points for the accidental but spectacular murder of that beyond irritating kid he’s babysitting in the opening sequence (which I’ve also written about previously), but he later adds nine bodies to that count, as well as a homoerotic assist for a Michael Myers slaying. And some of those kills are pretty damn gruesome! This is a deadly, demon twink if there ever was one.

Runners-Up: Jesse Walsh from A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, Alex from My Soul to Take, Charlie Walker from Scream 4, Arne Johnson from The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It, and Norman Bates from Psycho IV: The Beginning

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