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The Amityville Horror Franchise, Ranked

It’s Haunted House Month here at Horror Press! Since a common thread of haunted house movies is exploring the dark past of the dwelling at the center of the story, I thought I’d dig through one of the darkest times in my own movie-watching past to deliver a ranking of the Amityville Horror franchise, loosely based on the real-life-but-almost-definitely-a-hoax story of the Lutz family’s paranormal experience of living in a Long Island home that had recently been the site of a mass murder.

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It’s Haunted House Month here at Horror Press! Since a common thread of haunted house movies is exploring the dark past of the dwelling at the center of the story, I thought I’d dig through one of the darkest times in my own movie-watching past to deliver a ranking of the Amityville Horror franchise, loosely based on the real-life-but-almost-definitely-a-hoax story of the Lutz family’s paranormal experience of living in a Long Island home that had recently been the site of a mass murder.

Note: We’re only going to be counting the movies in the “proper” franchise, which generally means anything between the 1979 original and the 2005 remake, as well as whatever came after that which had a budget that could buy you more than a box of Cracker Jacks. Around the early 2010s, filmmakers seemed to discover that you can’t copyright the name of a real town, so infinite low-budget knockoffs began to spring up, and I’m sorry but stuff like Amityville Karen and Amityville Christmas Vacation just doesn’t belong here.

They certainly deserve an article of their own, but that’s an entirely different ballgame, with a drunk umpire.

10. The Amityville Curse (1990)

The Amityville movies frequently have a hard time focusing on the core elements of the franchise, as you’ll soon see, but this installment – the fifth – was where they really lost the plot good and proper. It’s a milquetoast adult drama set in Amityville, but it’s in an entirely different house, and one that is much squatter and uglier and more boring to look at than the iconic Dutch Colonial with the windows that look like glaring, angry eyes. The boring outsides of the house reflect the boring paranormal antics going on within its walls, and the whole thing is predicated on a plot twist that is so obvious I didn’t realize we weren’t supposed to already know it was happening.

9. Amityville: The Awakening (2017)

This is the single “proper” Amityville movie made after 2005, and it took them three years of reshoots and post-production meddling to actually get it released. Maybe they should have taken longer, because the final product is in shambles. It has promising elements (Jennifer Jason Leigh, a meta angle where the Amityville movies exist), but nothing to show for it as it lazily grafts an Insidious-style storyline into the Amityville universe without any of the potent James Wan-style scares.

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8. The Amityville Horror (2005)

A shirtless 2005 Ryan Reynolds with an axe certainly gets you somewhere, but even by the standards of a mid-2000s horror remake, The Amityville Horror is pretty weak. The haunted house genre is the one that least benefits from “improved” special effects that involve slopping lots of bad CGI onscreen, but every choice made here delivers the story and themes with the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

7. Amityville Dollhouse (1996)

This one is about a new house built on the same lot as the original Amityville house, but there’s a haunted dollhouse in the shape of the original house that is exerting its evil influence? Hell if I know what’s actually going on here, but Amityville Dollhouse is drab more than it is actively bad. And it does have its moments. It’s more exploitative than many of the other installments, so if you’re into scantily clad men or women, there’s a surprising amount of both for what is ostensibly a family drama. Also, because the movie has as little understanding of its own plot as I do, the manifestations of the presence in the house are kooky and constantly changing, which does keep you on your toes.

6. The Amityville Horror (1979)

You might be surprised to find the original movie so low on the list, but for a minted classic, it can get tedious. It’s episodic with no real build-up, needlessly shackling itself to the “real” events of the story, leaving it diffuse and messy and narratively unsatisfying for a great big portion of its run time.

5. Amityville 1992: It’s About Time (1992)

The sixth Amityville movie is part of a run of sequels involving objects from the original house being brought into other homes and wreaking havoc. In this case, it’s a haunted clock that bends time, and the results are cuckoo bananapants. It’s a low-budget direct-to-video movie, so there’s a ceiling to how well things go for it, but it’s full of beautifully conceived post-Elm Street supernatural mayhem and its chaotic energy is kind of a delight.

4. Amityville II: The Possession (1982)

After the release of the original, Italian shlock producer Dino De Laurentiis got his hands on the franchise and gave it a big ol’ shot in the arm. The 1980s were in full swing at this point, and thus the movie is jam-packed with glorious rubbery effects, incest, and mayhem. Unfortunately, it concludes with a boring Exorcist riff, but it’s a pretty fun entry overall.

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3. Amityville: The Evil Escapes (1989)

This is the one with the Evil Lamp, and oh what a lamp! You take one look at it and go, “Yeah, that lamp is evil; stay away from that.” Somehow this is an Amityville movie that is also a Patty Duke TV movie, and even more shockingly, it works. It’s very silly, sure, but it’s got one of the most engaging core storylines of the bunch, with three generations of women battling evil in an isolated home. It’s everything the new Halloween trilogy thought it was doing, and more. (“More” is a teenage girl dumping two giant bowls of salad down a garbage disposal.)

2. Amityville 3-D (1983)

Dropping the “based on a true story” conceit immediately allowed the franchise to cut loose and have some fun, combining the deliberate pace of the original and the 1980s grotesquerie of the sequel into a focused slow boil toward a rollicking good time. Plus, Meg Ryan is kicking around and a Frisbee gets thrown directly into your face, so what’s not to like?

1. Amityville: A New Generation (1993)

It’s not often that a direct-to-video seventh installment in a franchise is the best, but The Amityville Horror is one of the more unusual horror franchises on the market. This one, about a haunted mirror tormenting bohemian artists straight from the cast of Rent, features a stacked cast (David Naughton! Terry O’Quinn! Richard Roundtree! Lin Shaye!!), unique visual ideas, and a solid plot. It’s no masterpiece, but it’s a diamond in the rough. Or, at the very least, some cubic zirconia in the rough.

 

 

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Brennan Klein is a millennial who knows way more about 80's slasher movies than he has any right to. He's a former host of the  Attack of the Queerwolf podcast and a current senior movie/TV news writer at Screen Rant. You can also find his full-length movie reviews on Alternate Ending and his personal blog Popcorn Culture. Follow him on Twitter or Letterboxd, if you feel like it.

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‘Queens of the Dead’ Took a Bite Out of Brooklyn Horror Fest

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Brooklyn Horror Film Fest kicked off its 10th year with a screening of the highly anticipated Queens of the Dead. This sparkly and zombie-fied night was presented by Horror Press and set the tone for at least two after parties. As a good queen does.

Before the movie began, director and co-writer, Tina Romero, took the stage to share that she isvery proud to be my dad’s kid, and proud to carry his torch, and super super proud to do it in a way that shows queer joy and queer resilience.After watching the film, it’s clear Romero meant business as she expanded on the zombie world built by her dad, the genre icon George A. Romero.

A Scrumptious Evening

The opening night film was also unforgettable because it was followed by a Q&A afterward moderated by New York’s baddest emcee, Xero Gravity. Tina Thee Romero took the stage with cast members Samora la Perdida, Julie J., Tomas Matos, and Nina West. They kept the vibe fun but also addressed why this movie is especially important in dire times like these.

Nina West said,I’m really proud that this movie is coming out specifically right now.West explained,We talked about how important this film is right now. How queer people, I think, are going to have the opportunity to grab onto it and hopefully feel a sense of community, a sense of self, and a reminder of how vital it is to have chosen family and the ability to have space. Watching it tonight with an audience, that’s what I’m reminded of.”

The Romero Legacy is Very Much Alive and Well

Gravity opened the talk by addressing Romero’s dad’s work,So, Tina, your father’s legacy is invaluable to the horror community, especially the horror community of marginalized people. When I look into the audience, I see a bunch of queer people, a bunch of different skin tones, I see people with disabilities, and for that, I know we all appreciate George A. Romero’s legacy in terms of allyship.”

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When the applause died down, she asked Romero what Queens of the Dead has to say about our current state in society. Romero said she felt incredibly grateful that Shudder and IFC Films are putting this movie out in 2025.

Romero elaborated,It’s not easy to get a little indie movie out into the world. It’s so important that it’s coming out this year because what a year we have had. Holy shit.” 

Romero continued,It feels so good to have a big queer movie coming out in a time when our community is feeling really under the threat of erasure and under attack. I feel like what our movie says is we are here and we are wonderful, come along for the ride. I really hope that this movie brings a little bit of empathy. A little bit ofI can’t help but laugh at and love these characters.” 

Romero concluded, “I really love my father.  I love the films he made. It was very important to me to make sure his legacy continued in a way that said some shit and with queerness on screen.” 

A Night of Glitter and Gore

During the talk back, Romero shared a lot of cool facts. One being that her and co-writer Erin Judge worked on this film for ten years. She also shared that Dawn of the Dead is her favorite movie in her dad’s franchise when Gravity pointed out a couple of nods to the movie in Queens of the Dead.

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The Q&A went by entirely too quickly as the audience fell in love with this amazing crew. However, the love and community spilled into the bar area afterward. People were given the opportunity to thank everyone for their work and tell them they loved the film. People were offered penis-shaped cakes, which is a fun gag from the film. Attendees were also given a chance to get a little bloody at the hands of local makeup artist Dime. They applied bite marks and blood to everyone who wanted to feel like they were a part of the hottest zombie movie of the year. 

It was another scrumptious evening in Brooklyn. It also left many of the audience with an axe wound right in the heart. I’m excited to see how Brooklyn Film Fest follows this movie, and I will be in the bar area this weekend, waiting to see. 

Queens of the Dead will slay in theaters on October 24. 

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The Worst Blumhouse Movies and Why They Miss the Mark

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I feel like I’m always taking swings at Blumhouse Productions and would like to explain why I’m usually frustratedly screaming into a mic, “For whomst?!” My relationship as a horror fan with most of the movies this company produces cannot be summed up in quick, snide comments and eyerolls. It’s bigger than that because when Blumhouse gets it right, they get it right. Get Out, Us, Creep, Creep 2, Happy Death Day, Freaky, M3GAN, and Drop are some of my favorite movies from the last 10 years. The Paranormal Activity franchise is the reason I show up for found footage films today. 

However, while the mission to seemingly greenlight anything is good on paper, it does lead to some questionable films. Some projects feel irresponsible to fund, and some that are just bad make up the majority of their library. For every diamond, we get a bunch of movies that leave us scratching our heads and wondering if the obvious conversations were not being had. Which is why I picked four Blumhouse movies I have legitimate beef with. I think these are prime examples of why I have a hard time getting excited when the company’s PR starts up for a new project. I’m also respectfully asking if there are things in place to avoid these issues and concerns in the future.

The Exorcist: Believer

Two girls disappear in the woods and return to their families, who soon learn they are possessed by an evil entity. My surface problem with this Blumhouse movie is that they learned nothing from greenlighting the Halloween trilogy and put the cart before the horse again. However, my main grievance is that I was led to believe this would be a Black-led Exorcist movie. That would have been groundbreaking in this almost exclusively white franchise. More importantly, Leslie Odom Jr. and Lidya Jewett were more than capable of leading this movie. So, why were they shoved into the margins? We had a double exorcism and gave the non-Black child most of the cool things to do. The film also made Odom Jr.’s character the chauffeur for Chris MacNeil, who was shoehorned in for fan service and given nothing important to do. The Exorcist: Believer was unbelievably bad to boot.

Dashcam (2021)

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Two friends livestream the most terrifying night of their lives while on a road trip. This movie would have done fine because it was from the team that brought us Host. As we were still in pandemic mode, many of us were curious to see what they would do next. So, there was a lot of face cracks when it came out that problematic Twitter personality Annie Hardy would be basically playing herself in the film. From her political stances, COVID denial, racist rants, and that time she turned a pride flag into a swastika on Twitter, she’s very blatantly a person who does not need a bigger platform.

It’s irresponsible to allow a movie to use her as stunt casting in a Blumhouse production. Again, this movie would have been better off without her because it would have ridden the steam of Host. Instead, it turned people off, and some refused to see it or review it.

They/Them (2022)

A group of teens at an LGBTQ+ conversion camp suffer psychological torture at the hands of the staff while being murdered by a masked killer. I feel there were too many cis people weighing in on this movie. I personally watched an awful person who masquerades as a journalist leap into Twitter conversations where Trans and non-binary people were discussing why this movie wasn’t it. So, I chose to keep my thoughts to myself and listen to the community, who should get a say.

I encourage you to do the same. Here is the Horror Press review by Bash Ortega. I also encourage you to read Kay Lynch’s essay at Bloody Disgusting. Consequence of Sound also had a review that is worth reading. While this was one of the movies under the Blumhouse banner that had its heart seemingly in the right place, we know intention and impact are not the same thing.

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Soft & Quiet (2022)

An elementary teacher meets with other white supremacists and then commits a hate crime. This movie felt like a bunch of shocking events strewn together, and I wanted my money back for this rental. I have no idea how this film came to be what it is. Personally, I hope there is a version that doesn’t feel like racial trauma porn somewhere, but this is not it. I kept wondering who this movie is for, and the internet confirmed it wasn’t for POC. With all the ways to capture white supremacy on film, this is what they did? I feel this is the most irresponsible movie Blumhouse has subjected me to. It’s the reason I no longer get excited when I hear a filmmaker I am rooting for is working with the company. 

In Closing…

I know I come across as flippant when I drag most of Blumhouse’s films. However, it stems from a place of concern and frustration. Bad movies like Firestarter, Unhuman, Night Swim, and Imaginary are one thing. These movies that clumsily handle important topics that are the reason I’m usually waiting for their titles to hit streaming. Whether they’re putting Black leads in the backseat, greenlighting movies where internet trolls are being given roles, or adding to the canon of racial trauma porn, I’m tired. I don’t know how to fix it because I don’t know if it’s a lack of support or interference regarding the writers and directors.

I don’t know if it’s just quantity over quality leading to some messy and unnecessary movies making it through the cracks. However, if Jason Blum can unpack why M3GAN 2.0 flopped, then it would be cool for him to unpack what he’s learned from the movies that should actually be cause for concern. As a film girl, I would love to see these Blumhouse choices laid out like case studies. Whatever lessons learned and actionable items taken to not make these mistakes again, could be beneficial to other production companies that are also struggling. All I know is an honest investigation is needed if they’re going to keep yeeting films out at this rate. We want to root for all horror. However, it’s hard to do that if we’re wondering who is (or is not) in the room for so many important conversations that need to happen.

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