Reviews
‘Sleepy Hollow’ Review: Seeing Really Is Believing
It’s always been hard to admit, but I’ve never been the biggest Tim Burton fan. His movies have been genre-defining moments, and yet I’ve just always felt lukewarm about him and his films. Maybe a part of it could be attributed to growing up in the Burtonesque Hot Topic era. One of the only films of his I had ever had an affinity for is Sleepy Hollow. Sleepy Hollow, the story, frightened me as a child. Throw in a terrifying, sharp-toothed Christopher Walken and a horse-producing tree vagina, and you’re set. Unfortunately, I have to chalk this up as yet another film I looked back on with heavy rose-tinted glasses.
Sleepy Hollow A Murder Mystery in Upstate New York
Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) is a constable from New York who dreams of ‘modernizing’ police work. He has issues with how monstrous and primitive the methods of police work were at the time. In an attempt to rid themselves of his tenacity, Ichabod is sent to upstate New York by his superiors to investigate a string of decapitations. Upon arriving at Sleepy Hollow, Ichabod starts to realize there is more to this string of killings than meets the eye. Along with Katrina Anne Van Tassel (Christina Ricci), Ichabod must find the true secrets behind this small town before it’s too late.
If you’re still reading this, then I assume you’re either hate-reading to see what other negative things I say about Tim Burton, or you agree with me. Looking at his filmography, Tim Burton is clearly a genuinely impressive filmmaker. Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, Ed Wood, Mars Attacks!, Big Fish, and Frankenweenie are wonderful films. He is rightfully given the credit he deserves. Personally, I heavily dislike the aesthetic of most of his work. Dark gothic whimsy has never been appealing to me whatsoever. It’s a similar reason to why the majority of horror comedies don’t work for me.
Tim Burton Is All Style Over Substance
Behind Washington Irving’s original story exists a harrowing true tale of death and destruction. That is, if you’re to believe a bloody battle during the American Revolution inspired the story. Director Tim Burton’s quirky retelling and reimagining of this story lessens the impact of the original story. Along with writer Andrew Kevin Walker and story writers Kevin Yagher and Andrew Kevin Walker, Tim Burton’s Sleepy Hollow feels brainless and empty. It’s the epitome of all style and no substance.
Tim Burton should receive ample credit for how he directs his actors, though. As much as it’s easy to hate him, Johnny Depp gives a performance that clearly was him working up to his signature style. And it works very well. Depp plays off his more charismatic cast in a way that works well for his character, and this is one of the few Depp performances I truly love. Each performance (not you, Jeffrey Jones) is spectacular. Christina Ricci is a delight, as always. Michael Gambon is a joy to watch. And Christopher Walken gave me nightmares as a child. It feels weird to say that Sleepy Hollow was my first introduction to Walken, and was soon followed by “more cowbell”!
Practical Effects and Late-90s Digital Effects That Still Hold Up
1999, or the late 90s in general, was the wild wild west for digital effects in film. To my surprise, the handful of digital effects used in this film hold up incredibly well. The biggest effect in this film is the tree vagina/horse going into the tree. If there’s another positive I can give to Tim Burton, it is that he appreciates a good practical effect. Thankfully, he didn’t fall into the pitfall that many successful filmmakers did around this time. If it can be done practically, it should. Having the clout that Tim Burton has, I have a feeling that studios would not have pressured him into sacrificing any part of his vision.
Rarely do I enter a review without knowing what I want to say. Sleepy Hollow is one of those rare times. I hate to say that most of this film did little to nothing for me, now. Sure, the performances are great, and the production design is astounding. But set that aside, and this film was basically an hour and 45 minutes of me blankly looking at my television screen. It was one of the rare times that ads on a free-to-watch platform actively infuriated me. Maybe it’s because I pitched other incredible films I had already watched for January. Or maybe it’s because I still just don’t care for Tim Burton.
There are countless subgenres within subgenres for horror, and one that feels underutilized is workplace horror. Unless you’re one of the lucky few, most people wake up at some point during the day, go to work, and then come home. It’s one of the few things in life that’s nearly unavoidable. While there are countless real-life examples of workplace violence, seeing exaggerated forms of it in film can still be fun. When I pitched covering The Belko Experiment for this month, I actually thought I was pitching Joe Lynch’s Mayhem. I soon found out how incorrect I had been, but figured I’d go along with it anyway.
Mike Milch (John Gallagher Jr.) and 79 of his coworkers are locked inside the towering building they come to work in every day in Bogotá, Colombia. They’re given simple instructions: murder two coworkers within the next half hour. When they fail that task, coworkers’ heads start blowing up left and right. When they’re given the next task, kill 30 people in two hours, they take it…a little more seriously.
The Belko Experiment’s Brutal Premise Sets Up High Stakes
Written by James Gunn and directed by Wolf Creek creator Greg McLean, The Belko Experiment is a painfully by-the-numbers film that offers little more than a handful of entertaining kills. Its futile attempts at commentary regarding work/life balance or just how bad “faceless” upper management is fall so flat it’s comical. Nothing like multi-millionaire James Gunn telling me how awful it is to have to work a real job for a living. Great work. And its one-dimensional characters do little more than create a slight sigh of relief when they’re dispatched without regard.
A singular attempt at cleverness is broached from the beginning when we see a colony of ants in an ant farm on someone’s desk. Oh, look at that, these workers are nothing more than mindless ants! But any attempt at following that slightly clever idea is quickly thrown away. At one point, Barry Norris (Tony Goldwyn), the big boss in the office, attempts to group up who should and shouldn’t be killed; who has the most value outside of work. Gunn had the perfect opportunity to make Barry a deep and more sinister antagonist. If Barry had grouped people into sets from most to least profitable for the company, we would have something. It would show that Barry is a forward-thinking villain who is trying to suck up to the people who get paid even MORE than him!
Missed Opportunities for a Smarter Corporate Villain
I’ll do you one better. After all of that, what if the bad guys that Barry recruited to help him cull his subordinates realized they were just pawns in the game of Big Business? So then they attempt to repent by killing Barry in the hopes that they can find a common means of escape from this hell? Why is there zero attempt at making an interesting story other than this shitty, watered-down Battle Royale with people we don’t give a shit about? Instead of anything interesting, we’re just given a group of baddies who try to get into the security office’s gun safe. The only reason we’re slightly scared of the “bad guys” is because they’re bad guys.
The only slightly interesting performances we get are from David Dastmalchian and Adria Arjona, even if it might be a fluke. As someone who is a fan of Greg McLean and the Wolf Creek series, something just felt disconnected about nearly every aspect of The Belko Experiment. I’ve brought it up before that sometimes it’s okay to have a film that doesn’t tell a great story as long as the kills can carry some of the weight. But to say this film has a story is laughable, and that carries over to how flat this film looks.
Skip The Belko Experiment and Watch Mayhem Instead
It’s weird how sour this film left me. When I was watching it, I found myself grimacing at some of the kills. And I didn’t vehemently dislike it as much as this review would suggest. But as I sat there and thought longer, I just couldn’t wrap my head around what anyone sees in this. Mayhem is an all-around better film that tackles this same subject but in a much better way. So if you ever decide to sit down and watch The Belko Experiment, maybe go watch Mayhem on Shudder instead.
Would it be a month of coverage on Horror Press if I didn’t bring up at least one aughts film? I know the curator of all things Horror Press, James-Michael, is shaking his fists at the sky and cursing the fact that he approved me covering The Hitcher. Of all the remakes that were so pervasive throughout the aughts, The Hitcher is one that slipped completely under my radar. And that’s a damn shame. It wouldn’t be until I found a DVD copy at Bookoff that I finally got the opportunity to watch it. Hot damn, the critics really got it wrong here.
The Hitcher: A Road Trip Turned Nightmare
Jim Halsey (Zachary Knighton) and his girlfriend Grace Andrews (Sophia Bush) are on a road trip to Lake Havasu in Jim’s gorgeous Oldsmobile 442. An unfortunate run-in with a mysterious hitchhiker, John Ryder (Sean Bean), Jim and Grace find themselves in a fight for life and death. Only, John isn’t their only concern. With the 5-0 hot on their tails, Jim and Grace must escape from a psychopathic man with a death wish and the hot-tempered, hot-faced Lieutenant Esteridge (Neal McDonough). As the odometer grows, so does the body count.
The Hitcher is one of those remakes that does not have the approval of the original’s lead, Rutger Hauer. Which is astounding to me. Sure, the original is good. But it doesn’t set itself apart from the crowd too much. Rutger Hauer’s John is slightly more reserved, and while he has an edge to him, I don’t necessarily find him overly menacing. (Don’t kill me.) Sean Bean’s John Ryder, on the other hand, is furiously terrifying. There’s no question that there are tons of issues with the Platinum Dunes remake, though, for me, the pros significantly outweigh the cons.
Jim Halsey Falls Flat
The biggest issue is the character of Jim Halsey. I love how the roles of Jim and Grace are swapped from the original film. It brings an updated, modern edge to the film and is a great way to throw audiences who have seen the original. Though I can imagine the hyper-masculine fans of the original were not too happy with that. When it was decided to swap the roles of the characters, it seems like any character depth for Jim was thrown out of the window. I think Zachary Knighton is a wonderful actor who does the best with what he has, but he doesn’t have enough to work with. Writers Eric Red, Jake Wade Wall, and Eric Bernt updated the film with tons of epic scenarios and moments, while seemingly forgetting to make the supposed lead of the film interesting.
On top of cardboard Jim, the inciting police incident just feels very forced. Grace runs into a diner, covered in blood, after she and Jim found a family butchered by John. Someone from the diner calls the police, which leads to Jim and Grace being arrested and charged with murder. Whether or not that’s supposed to be commentary on rural police doesn’t matter because it completely fails to do anything other than forcibly push the story forward.
Besides that? I hate to say, but I don’t have many issues with The Hitcher.
Soundtrack and Atmosphere: A High-Octane Experience
First and foremost, The Hitcher’s soundtrack is incredible. We start the film with Move Along by The All-American Rejects. Talk about a shot of adrenaline. And the greatest needle drop in all of aughts horror history is Nine Inch Nails’s Closer during the film’s most wild car chase. It’s hard not to get lost in this film when the music kicks in.
What really sells this film is how intensely they handle the violence and the film’s gorgeous chase scenes. It’s no Death Proof, but these scenes are miles above the Fast movies that were out at this time. In a day and age where chase scenes are overly produced, badly edited, and just plain boring, The Hitcher manages to infuse horror and action in a way that probably won’t be seen again. Watching films like The Hitcher makes me sad for the state of modern cinema. The Hitcher wasn’t made to win scores of Oscars; it was made by people passionate about telling a badass, harrowing story (minus Jim). And they greatly excel at that.
The Hitcher Is a Misunderstood Cult Favorite
The Hitcher falls in line with my running theory of post-9/11 ultra violence. We were a nation scared of what happened, what was happening, and what seemed to be on the horizon–The Hitcher bottles that fear and anger, packaging it into a nasty piece of genre. Sean Bean and Sophia Bush are an on-screen match made in heaven. They wade through harsh lighting, thick film grain, and buckets of blood to deliver a film that critics and audiences unfairly panned. While audiences may have moved along, I sure didn’t. I want to exist in a world of nothing but aughts genre films, but am forced to live in a world of elevated horror. Le sigh.
