Reviews
‘The Loved Ones’ Review: A Gruesome, Underrated Horror Classic
“I’m gonna go to your house now and stab your mummy just like you did my Daddy. Then I’m gonna go find Holly and stab her in the heart just like you did to me.” Yeah, Carrie White might not be the scariest Prom Queen anymore…
A Modern Horror Gem by Sean Byrne
Directed by one of horror’s most underappreciated modern voices, filmmaker Sean Byrne (The Devil’s Candy, Dangerous Animals), The Loved Ones is a high school horror film not for the faint of heart. Starring Xavier Samuel and Robin McLeavy, the film clocks in at 84 minutes, but depending on who you ask, it could feel like a lifetime. The movie just barely crosses into the torture porn subgenre, and it basks in its bloody glory.
While its gruesome torture can be too much for less seasoned horror viewers, The Loved Ones is beyond worth the nausea if you can stomach it. The torture just on its own it may have fallen flat, as it did for many 2000s splatter flicks, but the movie is so much more. The Loved Ones is a parable on grief, a clever puzzle box of a low-budget mystery, a teen romance, a psychological nightmare, somehow kind of a zombie film, and, finally, more of a deconstruction of the torture porn subgenre than an actual entry. The Loved Ones is deeply underrated, but should be considered a horror classic.
A Quick Run-Down
The film has a relatively simple premise, but it works like a well-oiled machine in its nooks and crannies. When teenager Brent Mitchell (played by Xavier Samuels), grieving a parental loss, turns down a prom invite by the school’s resident outcast Lola, he then finds himself kidnapped, at the mercy of Lola and her creepy father (John Brumpton). Soon, a nightmare prom night of torture, bloodshed, and dark secrets ensue.
Defying Torture Porn and Conventional Antagonists
While The Loved Ones inarguably has a lot more going for it than just a plethora of nauseating visuals (which we’ll get into), it delivers on its splatter-y premise. Brent goes through just about everything a horror movie character can while somehow surviving. A heart is carved into his chest, he is stapled, stabbed, and beaten.
The most messed up part of the movie is what’s in the basement. Brent is not the first of Lola’s victims, and from a young age, she’s been kidnapping, using a drill and hot water to boil her victims’ brains, dumbing them down into essentially zombies. It is really fucked up. Other critics may say the movie goes too far in its torture, however, I am not other critics. The movie has just enough bloodlust to satiate the genre’s biggest gore hounds, but has enough of a compelling puzzle box story to earn it. Besides, the violence is so strikingly original, you are certain not to mix this up with a Hostel knock-off.
Additionally, Lola is a BRILLIANT villain. She is somehow sympathetic through all her torturous ways, and her odd demeanor adds a sense of morbid comedy to the whole thing. Her relationship with her dad is also bizarre, and their duo feels straight out of a Herschell Gordon Lewis flick. Both the type of torture, as well as the villains, defy typical conventions of 2000s horror.
2000s Horror Catnip
The film is a product of its time in the best way possible. Like other turn-of-the-millennium classics like House of Wax and Jennifer’s Body, the film revels in alternative aesthetics of the 2000s. Heavy eyeliner, plaid on band tees, and an indie rock soundtrack make it a pretty enjoyable time capsule. The fashion, the looks, and the angst all come together perfectly to make it a nostalgic throwback to the emo era. That may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but those looking for a more demented, grounded Jennifer’s Body have found the right place.
A Grief-filled Nightmare
The Loved Ones attacks the concept of grief much more intelligently and deeply than most horror films. It does merely, as so many do, create a supernatural antagonist to stand in for grief (a la the hundreds of Babadook knock-offs we’ve seen). The movie truly understands how grief is a tidal wave, sending shock waves and ripples through friends, families, and communities.
Brent is a grief-stricken teen, working through his father’s untimely death. He plays the role with subtlety, understanding the complexity of loss in a pained, yet determined performance. He is hurt, but his pain ultimately drives him to withstand some horrific torture. Grief makes him stronger.
A Community Shaped by Tragedy
Additionally, the waves of grief echo through the entire film. Lola’s impact on this small Australian community is seen in every character, and every moment of life in the film. For example, it is revealed that the car crash that killed Brent’s father was caused by one of Lola’s escaped victims (the person Brent almost hit). An entire subplot involving a school dance may seem pointless for most of the runtime, but it clicks at the end. Mia (Jessica McNamee) is a depressed alt girl; her screen time as the date of awkward stoner Jamie (Richard Wilson) seems pointless. The cuts to them at the dance seem mainly existent for comic relief. But, as it is revealed, Mia is actually the Brother of Timmy Valentine, one of Lola’s victims. This twist makes her small character, and their subplot of heavy drinking and depression makes sense.
Mia’s Father, a cop, is then driven to hunt for Brent. Every little thing is connected, and the overall metaphors work beautifully. The movie, for all its pomp and frills of blood and guts, is a puzzle box of a meditation on grief, and the power it holds.
While Dangerous Animals is a fantastic return to horror for Sean Byrne, it does not quite match the hectic, brutal, and disquieting terror of The Loved Ones. It is, however, great to see him return to the big screen. One can hope that with news of his latest flick, attention will be given back to this overlooked cult classic.
The Loved Ones is available for rent.
Reviews
‘Iron Lung’ Review: Exceptionally Atmospheric Cosmic Horror
As Iron Lung begins, the film places you in an overhead shot looking down at a submarine that’s seen better days. Jagged metal teeth of a broken cage sit at its head, illuminated by a light from the ship above that’s about to cut it loose. As you’re about to be dropped into a roiling ocean of blood, you become quickly invested in its story.
A dire paternal voiceover runs you through your place in the world as an observer: someone is being sent into the “waters” of a far-off moon in a dead, dark galaxy. They’re in search of an answer you’re automatically aware will never be enough and a penance they will never attain. It prompts an obvious, cutting question: if Hell is where we’re looking for an answer, how bad must things be among the stars to go searching there for hope?
A Surprising Outing for Writer and Director Mark Fischbach
The debut feature film of writer and director Mark Fischbach, better known to the internet at large as Markiplier, is as surprising as it is atmospheric. And no, not surprising because Fischbach is an internet personality crossing over into film. And no, not surprising because this is a video game adaptation that is actually quite good.
The surprise here is mainly from the way Fischbach dodges a number of first-time filmmaker torpedoes that would otherwise sink the film straight to the sea floor. It’s in the very clear coordination and trust he has with his cast and crew. In a way, the film itself is a mirror of the submersible his character is forced to pilot: flawed, surely, but strong enough to complete its mission and deliver an exceptional experience.
What Is Iron Lung About Exactly?
The story goes as follows: in the wake of an event called the Quiet Rapture, the stars themselves have been snuffed out. Most of the galaxy has been plunged into sudden darkness, and a mass dying off has consumed countless worlds (think the worst possible aftermath to The Nine Billion Names of God).
Convicted for a reprehensible crime, the convict Simon (played by Markiplier himself) has been given a rare opportunity to return to life among the survivors. The mission is to pilot a death trap of a one-man submarine into the blood oceans of an alien moon, looking for a scientific sample useful enough to earn his freedom. That is, assuming he doesn’t lose his mind or his life in the process.
Bespoke Set Design That Matches the Premise Perfectly
Iron Lung should be commended first and foremost for being a bottle film with the perfect set design to match. Not overly ambitious, but not too simplistic either. Contained in a marvel of a small space, the submarine here is a tactile nightmare of rusty metal and antiquated technology you never get sick of seeing more of.
While Fischbach and director of photography Philip Roy have the camera linger in close ups almost too often, I don’t blame them for wanting to capture the finer details and leer at them. It’s clear every inch of this condensation covered machine was engineered by the art team and production design to emphasize its prison cell qualities as a barely functional vessel.
The ship’s external camera fires off like a flash bulb on its interior, barely illuminating the cabin with its next horrific image of the sea floor before plunging us back into darkness. The oxygen gauge and its cold robotic voice are a countdown to the painful annihilation that awaits its pilot. Its proximity sensors give only the barest indications of what’s going on outside, ticking a dull noise warning us: you are not alone. It’s a punishment to operate, and the set design as well as the very solid sound design that accompany it make that violently clear and effectively spinetingling.
Translation From Game to Film Isn’t So Perfect Though
This perfect setting isn’t always used perfectly though. The translation of the game’s mechanics and gameplay to the screen are both a weakness and a strength. They make the pacing of the first third run to a slow start, especially when Fischbach’s screenplay grinds against the strong suit of the film’s cinematography: the panic of it all.
Like its video game source material, David Szymanski’s Iron Lung, the film is really at its best when it’s instilling a sense of active and imminent panic. A tone that matches the borrowed time the submarine is glued together with. Putting out fires, both literal and metaphorical, ratcheting up its claustrophobia as you’re placed cheek to cheek with Simon in steamy, metallic darkness. This is where Iron Lung shines.
Markiplier’s Performance in Iron Lung is Hit or Miss, But Mostly Hits
It’s outside of these moments of panic where the weakest parts of the script and Fischbach’s performance are highlighted. Some weak line deliveries and beats of dead air kill the real tight headlock the film could have you gripped in from start to finish. And while Fischbach is phenomenal at playing terrified or pleading or even simple exhaustion in the face of the impossible, he really requires someone to bounce off of as his solo work just isn’t as compelling. Even the clunkiest bits of dialogue between him and his jailer (Caroline Kaplan) are better than the best of his moments where he talks to himself or tries to inject some humor into the bleak story.
This is a shame too, because the minimalist storytelling and background we get for his character is genuinely very intriguing. It’s thematically rich for what the film is trying to say about the power and terror of belief, and it’s doubly satisfying that the film has enough confidence to not lay everything out in a longwinded speech explaining the motives and lore that landed him here.
All that being said, his performance is hit or miss, but he mostly hits. The dialogue becomes more urgent as we approach the climax, and all of the cast delivers on that impending doom nicely. It reaches its peak in the final act, and Fischbach is on fire as he struggles to hold himself together in the face of absolute madness leaching its way into the pressurized cabin.
Iron Lung: A Redemptive Finale With Pure Liquid Body Horror
What a fantastic final act it is, one that makes up for its imperfection in the first two parts with a homerun of pure liquid body horror. It’s just phenomenal how the film’s digital and practical effects present the true horrors of Iron Lung. There’s a near perfect mesh between the two, and they highlight the best influences of similar genre films that came before.
Soaked with all the gore, madness, and mystery of the likes of Event Horizon and Pandorum, Iron Lung is a worthy successor in the cosmic horror genre as it rises above its own problems. It’s a moody, environmentally precise stunner of a horror film that sets a benchmark as the movie to beat for forthcoming releases this year.
Reviews
‘The Ritual (2017)’ Review: When Grief Gets Gruesome
The Ritual is, without a doubt, one of the most completely enthralling horror films of the past decade. Usually, I wouldn’t open with such a strong reaction for a movie that isn’t a technical and narrative masterpiece, but this is close enough to call that in. It’s at the very least masterful work that deserves more love, and that’s even with it having a permanent home and high placement on the world’s biggest streaming platform. It’s no longer the obscure hidden gem it was at the time of release, if it ever was that, but I refuse to stop talking about it.
The sheer catharsis this film grants through its cast, and the way its environment really pushes that cast of characters, is what I could only describe as “surgical.” It cuts to the bone. It’s a movie about the strangling nature of grief, and it gives us a great time showing its characters fighting against that choking feeling.
What is The Ritual (2017) About?
After the death of Rob, things haven’t been the same for Luke. The memories of the robbery that took his life, a robbery he had to witness hiding behind a liquor shelf, still haunt him. But there’s a chance for closure as he and his friends go on the trip that Luke had helped plan the night he died.
Their quest to honor his memory sends them through the beautiful locales of Northern Sweden, along a hiking trail in the mountains. But after an attempt at a shortcut sends the group deep into the woods and they struggle to get back on course, it becomes violently clear they aren’t the only ones in the wilderness. Ritualistic markings, involving dead animals and dire effigies, warn of a much greater power lurking in the forest. Whether they can escape it depends on whether they can keep each other safe long enough to get out.
Netflix Could You Lock In And Do A Physical Release For Once
This is a phenomenal film, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t get up on my soapbox about its format for just one moment. Regrettably, this is a streaming-only film that has been shackled by Netflix to its platform. It has an excessively rare DVD release floating around, but that is also unfortunately, region locked, and likely more low fidelity than most physical collectors would like. Especially when so much of this movie relies on shadow and darkness, a Blu-Ray release is kind of obligatory for high quality preservation of the director’s vision.
Not sure what I expected from the media conglomerate that it is. Netflix is already notorious for refusing to release physical media and then cancelling and erasing shows from the platform. What are we going to do with you Netflix? You only ever seem to cause me problems. Just make the physical release for this already.
Gorgeous, Grotesque, And Gut-wrenching All At The Same Time
Setting that thought aside, this film was bound to be fantastic given the horror pedigree behind it. Cutting loose anthology director David Bruckner, the MVP of the V/H/S franchise, then giving him a budget and legendary location scouting is about as great as you’d expect. It’s like saying that sugar and butter make things taste better; should you really be shocked?
When you have this many lighting and environmental factors to juggle, expectations are understandably high. The film on paper should look at least a little choppy, but Bruckner and cinematographer Andrew Shulkind really are in their element here. This is only exemplified even further by the film’s most memorable space-bending set piece at its climax. I won’t even risk spoiling it for lack of a better description, but I will say the stark contrast they play with light and shadow here makes for some really captivating visuals and frightening moments.
The naturalistic environment this folk horror takes place in really has a knack for showing the contrasting beauty and grotesqueness of the things hiding in the woods. And its director really has a knack for using that environment to squeeze the actors for all they’ve got.
A Phenomenal Cast Led By Rafe Spall
Make no mistake: The Ritual is not just a pretty face. This is at its core a story about a group of men facing their strained relationships in the wake of a brutal death, and all the ugliness that entails. They’re foolish, angry, bitter, and sad people struggling each in their own way to accept a loss. What it leads you with is what you’d expect to be one-note characters being slotted into archetypal roles, but what they end up as feels surprisingly real.
The obvious star here is our lead Rafe Spall, whose turn as main character Luke ranges from downright depressing to shockingly soul lifting. You can see Spall plays him as a man slowly trying to piece himself back together, fumbling as he’s soaked in alcohol and self-pity. His changing demeanor throughout the film really reflects the truth of his character: he was only ever going to change and confront his past when he was forced to. And him being forced to go through supernatural circumstances really does make for one of the most satisfying character arcs in a horror film I’ve ever seen.
Is This The Best Creature Design Of The Past 20 Years?
Again, it’s difficult to talk about this film without spoiling its most fun moments, so I will just say that you only stand to gain something by watching it. If its emotional aspects don’t grab you, its aesthetic qualities will. And if all that fails to grab you, maybe this will: The Ritual boasts what is the definitively best monster design of the 2010s, if not the past 20 years. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can top the visual concept this film delivers on with that design. Need I say more?


