Editorials
Cancelling ‘Santa Clarita Diet’ Is Still Netflix’s Biggest Mistake
For fans of the show, the cancellation of Santa Clarita Diet was a gut punch. A show about a listless housewife who suddenly finds herself navigating a second life as a zombie, I remember binging it in the weeks following its cancellation. I was curious what all the outrage was about, as a friend tore into a thirty-minute tirade about how unfair it was the day after the news broke. I expected not to be so upset, to be mildly amused as a blood-splattered sitcom burned away the hours of a few weekends. But when I reached that final cliffhanger episode of season 3, having grown incredibly fond of Sheila Hammond and her family, I realized how much of a colossal screw-up that Netflix had made.
I know that a very large contingent of Horror Press readers are themselves artists. You’re writers and musicians; many of you even make really cool games and artwork, and we love that for you! So, walk with me for a second. Imagine you’re working on your next big project. Each of your last creations were commissioned and very well received. Many people are big fans of what you do. And as you’re about to get started on your next piece…
You come in to find someone, taking everything you use to work on your art away.
Your instruments, your recording equipment, your paints, your computer, whatever it might be. It’s all being taken away from you without any sort of notice. It was there one day and gone the next. That might sound like an exaggeration, but that’s what happened to Victor Fresco, showrunner and creator of the wildly popular Netflix horror-comedy Santa Clarita Diet. He was made aware in the middle of an editing session that personnel had come on behalf of Netflix to tear down the sets and take back equipment vital for shooting the series.
It was over in that instant. Season 4 of Santa Clarita Diet was not happening.
Why the Santa Clarita Diet Cancellation Hurt Horror Fans
For fans of the show, the cancellation of Santa Clarita Diet was a gut punch. A show about a listless housewife who suddenly finds herself navigating a second life as a zombie, I remember binging it in the weeks following its cancellation. I was curious what all the outrage was about, as a friend tore into a thirty-minute tirade about how unfair it was the day after the news broke. I expected not to be so upset, to be mildly amused as a blood-splattered sitcom burned away the hours of a few weekends. But when I reached that final cliffhanger episode of season 3, having grown incredibly fond of Sheila Hammond and her family, I realized how much of a colossal screw-up that Netflix had made.
HOW TO KILL A GREAT TELEVISION SHOW IN THREE PARTS
Is Santa Clarita Diet special in terms of cancellation? No. In reality, television has been a fickle world since the day cathode ray tubes started beaming Alfred Hitchcock Presents and The Twilight Zone into the heads of millions of Americans. Editor James-Michael and I have even batted around the concept of a series of articles entirely about mourning the many, many canceled horror television shows that never made it out of their premiere seasons.
But the problem is now more than ever, Netflix at large isn’t just stagnating, it’s regressing. Santa Clarita Diet wasn’t just Netflix’s biggest mistake at the time, it’s emblematic of Netflix’s current and most likely future mistakes; its recurring failure to rework how it operates as a company, and its incessant desire to see the line go up. Because the people in charge have decided progress looks more like a statistical analysis program and less like a human mind. And the kicker of all kickers is, it’s not even that good of a program!
The problems are threefold: how Netflix decides how to make consumers watch, how Netflix decides how to pay the people making its shows, and how Netflix prices its services.
THE MACHINE DECIDES, NOT THE VIEWER
The first issue is easy to understand in a world where social media algorithms have become as advanced as they are; Netflix itself as a streaming platform is faltering in predicting and understanding its user’s preferences.
To many people, Netflix’s user interface is just flat-out bad at finding what you want, so much so that many people resort to using an obscure system of URL codes to find the categories they want. Unless you are the ideal customer who is switching between all the most watched shows on Netflix and strictly hopping from Bridgerton to Great British Bake-Off to Wednesday, the UI doesn’t tailor well to things that don’t fit the mold.
Shows like Santa Clarita Diet were the definition of bursting out of the mold with its odd sense of humor, bloody special effects, and the bizarre overarching lore of the series. It combined a sitcom with a plot involving ancient orders, brain spiders, and an ever-expanding cover-up that brings the Hammond family together closer than they ever expected. It was really cute while never sacrificing its oddities to make itself more consumable, and driven by some great performances from leads Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant.
Odd, off-kilter shows that the site doesn’t fit to mass appeal just don’t make it far on the front page of the site. They just aren’t offered as often as other programming, and it’s a funny Catch-22 in that way. If the show isn’t served up to viewers by the algorithm, it can’t find an audience. And if it can’t find an audience, the show isn’t served to viewers by the algorithm. Netflix is letting machines, not humans, decide what humans want to watch. While some algorithms are incredibly impressive, it’s clear that Netflix’s is rudimentary and harmful to the company’s existence.
Netflix’s Contractual Pitfalls Stifle Horror Creativity
Then there is of course what happens to these shows on the backend, the contractual agreements made, and how Netflix pays showrunners and doles out those big budgets.
Fresco explained in interviews following Santa Clarita Diet’s cancellation that the vast majority of contracts are terminated early because, Netflix’s contracts indicate that if a show gets renewed for a fourth season, the payment for the cast and crew generally gets significant increases. The budgets get bigger, and consequently, the stakes get higher for Netflix, who expect to make a massive return on investment.
This generally tracks when you look at all the Netflix horror originals that have bitten the dust. Podcast turned moody atmospheric sci-fi horror Archive 81, and the French gothic supernatural horror Marianne were killed in their first seasons despite showrunners having big plans for them. The Bill Skarsgård led Hemlock Grove was quashed by its third season, and it eventually was wiped entirely from Netflix. And if you really want to push the definition of horror (I do, always), Warrior Nun died on the vine two seasons in, and that was essentially a fantasy horror show about demon hunters. As did The Dark Crystal: Resistance, whose gateway horror and puppetry was simply too cool to live past a first season.
Of course, these were legitimately less known shows for most audiences; but Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, which was struck down in its second season, wasn’t. Neither was the very popular Slasher, which in what may be the strongest case for the season 4 death-wall, was popular enough to find a new home on Shudder for its 4th and 5th seasons. But not popular enough for Netflix’s tastes. Because Netflix wants massive hits, and massive hits only.
Stranger Things Sets an Unreachable Bar for Horror
The horror elephant in the room I haven’t mentioned so far is Stranger Things, a show the success of which might actually have been the death knell for most other horror shows to find a long-form home on Netflix. Miniseries like Mike Flanagan’s Midnight Mass and The Fall of the House of Usher which are limited releases will generally always have a place on Netflix because they are contained to one season, and generally low risk; same goes for the oft forgotten but really weird and really fun show Brand New Cherry Flavor.
But any hopes for more ambitious horror, serialized and ongoing horror stories, won’t make it. Because they’re up against the likes of Stranger Things, a five-season sensation known the world across. That kind of success is the benchmark, it’s the only way creatives can ensure any work they do with Netflix doesn’t go the way of Hemlock Grove and ends up completely erased from the library of shows.
It’s not sink or swim anymore, its fly out of the water or plummet to the bottom of the ocean.
Is NetFlix Even Worth It For Horror Fans Anymore?
That brings me to my final point about Netflix’s continual failure to deliver media many people would be interested in: when you look at the price versus the perceived value, it’s simply not worth having anymore for many people. In a cost-of-living crisis where entertainment is the first thing people are chomping at the bit to axe from their budgets, and in a world where you can find yourself an hour of cheap thrills for free by scouring the net, Netflix seems to be really excited to cut people off from itself by regularly raising prices and getting rid of content.
If you really look at the platforms that are catering to horror television in particular, you find places like Showtime and AMC; which of course includes its subsidiary and Horror Press mainstay, Shudder. Yellowjackets, Interview with a Vampire, the Dexter revival series like New Blood & Original Sin, Boulet Brothers Dragula, and a score of other shows that in yesteryear might have had a home on Netflix are now spread thin across many different platforms.
The Future of Horror on Netflix Looks Bleak
Netflix used to be a Swiss army knife that could cater to the tastes of a lot of different people. And I’m not going to lie and say Netflix is doomed, but I will say it doesn’t feel the same at all, and I definitely don’t have high hopes for good out-there media to survive on it. Now especially, in its eternal and all-consuming quest to have the next Squid Game or Stranger Things grow organically on its platform, it’s made a synthetic nightmare landscape engineered to give audiences something to like rather than figuring out what they actually do like.
Santa Clarita Diet wasn’t the only show to suffer from this change, but it’ll always be the show that convinced me of it; it’ll forever be the one in my heart that made me wake up and walk away from it.
We’re digging into workplace horror this month at Horror Press. While there are plenty of horror stories about the evils committed against workers, other movies take a different tack. Sometimes they’re about the horrors perpetrated by people who care way too much about their jobs and their status. This has perhaps never been distilled more perfectly than in American Psycho’s business card scene. Our killer, Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale), has a just-barely-not-literal dick-measuring contest with his coworkers by comparing their nearly identical cards. Witness below:
In the scene, we are presented with multiple differing opinions about which cards are better than others. However, it seems pretty clear that everybody thinks Paul Allen’s is far and away the best. But who are these assholes to judge? I’m here to settle once and for all which business card is most worthy of a table at Dorsia.
American Psycho (2000) Business Cards Ranked
4. Timothy Bryce (Justin Theroux)
First and foremost, there are two glaring flaws here. However, they are endemic to every business card at Pierce & Pierce. The biggest is that “Acquisitions” is misspelled. It’s missing the C! However, since all four cards are missing the C, we must assume that the company itself has a misspelled name. The fact that this infuriates me either makes me better than Patrick Bateman or way worse. I don’t wish to interrogate that.
The other issue I have right off the bat is that the last name is in all caps. I can’t quite articulate why that annoys me so much. But every card does this, so I similarly need to remove that factor from consideration when ranking them.
Bateman calls this card “impressive” and “very nice,” but you can tell that he’s lying through his teeth. The man’s ideas aren’t always great, but he’s right about Huey Lewis & The News, and he’s right about Bryce’s card. It’s too plain. The raised lettering might add some texture, but it doesn’t pop visually. The pale, nimbus white coloring is fine, I guess. But when combined with that pulpy horizontal pattern, the card looks like nothing less than a strip of toilet paper.
I do like how the card pops out of his metal carrying case at an angle, like a cigarette. But we’re judging the card on its own merits, not by its delivery mechanism.
3. David Van Patten (Bill Sage)
If we were judging by delivery mechanism, Bryce might have the edge. We don’t see how Van Patten’s card emerges. However, his delivery is quick enough that we can assume he didn’t extract it from some sort of cool sheath. The card itself does lose points right off the bat, though, because Bryce calls it “super” and “tasteful.” What the hell does that guy know?
Patrick muses that “I can’t believe that Bryce prefers Van Patten’s card to mine.” Once again, he’s right on the money. The man may be a cold-blooded murderer, but he’s got a killer eye. The eggshell coloring with Romalian type isn’t much better than Bryce’s card, for the most part. However, the font used for the phone number in the upper-left corner has a lot more flair. Plus, that pulpy pattern is more vertical here, and that makes a huge difference. The card looks more like a stucco wall than something you’d wipe your ass with.
2. Paul Allen (Jared Leto)
Now, this is the card that sends Bateman into a jealous rage. I don’t know if it’s quite worthy of that, but it’s certainly the best of his trio of competitors. And while I’m not trying to count presentation toward this ranking, there’s no denying the aura that Allen has. The BDE of people talking about his card when he’s not even in the room is undeniable. Allen doesn’t even need to throw his hat into the ring. Bateman asks to see his card. And Bryce pulls it out of his own pocket with trembling, reverential fingers.
There’s a lot here that gets Patrick Bateman flying off the handle. “Subtle off-white coloring.” I’ll give you the coloring. I don’t know about subtle, though. It’s bold and practically glowing. But I like it! “Tasteful thickness.” I’ll have to take his word for it on the tastefulness, but who wants a thick business card? That sounds like a one-way ticket to a paper cut.
And then Bateman concludes by admiring its watermark, which I simply can’t abide. Watermarks have only ever made things more visually cluttered. Case in point: If you’ve ever searched for a generic photo on Google, you’ve probably already declared a blood feud against Alamy.
All in all, though, it’s a pretty good card! I love the detail that the information at the bottom is displayed in two rows. It makes it all much easier to parse. However, alongside the aforementioned demerits, Allen gets major points off for the pretentious dots between digits in his phone number.
1. Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale)
By picking Patrick Bateman’s card as my No. 1, I’m technically disagreeing with him. That’s how I can sleep at night.
I do like how he flips it casually out of his case, like a gunslinger. That doesn’t count, of course, but the card speaks for itself anyway. The bone coloring works well with the black Silian Rail lettering, making the overall effect less harsh on the eyes. And the embossed lettering gives it the visual texture that Bryce’s raised letters failed to achieve. I do think it’s a little disturbing how much margin there is on the card, though. It’s like the words are shrinking away from the edges. There’s too much negative space. However, there is a lot of flair in the font here. Those are some downright saucy serifs, on the phone number in particular. This card stands out among the crowd.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to return some videotapes.
Last year for 420, the great Sharai Bohannon hit you with the Top 5 Stoner Horror Movies on streaming. To celebrate 420 this year, we’re expanding our scope with horror movies to watch when you’re super stoned. There is a difference, you see. Movies don’t have to be about stoners in order to appeal to the righteously baked. Let’s jump right into it, before that edible kicks in.
5. Hausu (1977)
The only reason Hausu is ranked so low is that you may not speak Japanese. If you don’t, subtitles will likely be a struggle to keep up with. However, you don’t really need subtitles to keep up with Hausu. Obayashi Nobuhiko’s surrealist classic isn’t about plot. A witch is sucking the youth out of schoolgirls by killing them one by one. It’s not hard to parse. What Hausu is really about is giving you the brain-scrambles in every possible way.
Scenes as simple as schoolgirls getting on a bus are presented in a kaleidoscopic, colorful barrage of imagery. So imagine how it looks once the story actually gets balls-to-the-wall nuts. We’re talking characters being eaten by pianos and turning into piles of bananas. It’s wild, and it’s impossible to predict what’s around the next corner. However, the movie’s nonstop sense of fun is a safety net that should prevent you from getting too overwhelmed.
Hausu (1977) is currently streaming for free on Plex.
4. Amityville 1992: It’s About Time (1992)
Honestly, being stoned could only improve this latter installment in the Amityville Horror franchise. You might not be alert enough to notice just how low budget this haunted house sequel is. This will allow you to focus on just how bananas its goopy, special effects-heavy time travel story gets. Between the inscrutable character motivations and creative visuals, it’s dreamlike in the best possible way.
Amityville 1992: It’s About Time (1992) is currently streaming for free on Plex.
3. Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)
There’s nothing better than a post-Elm Street sequel to a straightforward pre-Elm Street slasher. Wes Craven’s 1984 classic was a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart of the slasher genre. However, its supernatural premise meant that copycat filmmakers had to shift their priorities as the slasher boom continued. It doesn’t matter a lick that the original Slumber Party Massacre had no supernatural elements. Its sequel’s a straight-up musical about a dream killer bearing an electric guitar with a giant drill bit on it. You just gotta roll with it. This movie also features some gloriously gross, cheesy nightmare sequences that stand among the best of the Elm Street ripoffs. Nothing could possibly dilate your stoned pupils more than the “evil chicken” or “exploding pimple” sequences. It’s also just 77 minutes long. Even if you’ve overestimated how much awakeness you had left in you, you can get through it.
Slumber Party Massacre II (1987) is currently streaming for free on Plex.
2. Suspiria (1977)
Dario Argento’s Suspiria is probably the most intense movie on this list in terms of its horror elements. So be warned. However, its purity as a visual experience is unmatched in the horror genre. Many filmmakers have tried and failed to recapture its color-drenched nightmare logic. Everything in the movie, from the plot to the aesthetic, feels simultaneously bizarre and perfectly ordered. Of course that woman has fallen into a room full of barbed wire. Of course that scene of a corpse crashing through a stained-glass ceiling is beautiful enough to make you weep. Honestly, maybe being stoned will get you onto whatever plane is required to fully pick up what it’s putting down.
Suspiria (1977) is currently streaming for free on Kanopy and Plex (which is a friend to all stoners, apparently).
1. Killer Party (1986)
Killer Party is also a post-Nightmare on Elm Street slasher. However, the liberties it takes with the genre are even more unhinged. It’s simultaneously a sorority slasher, a college comedy, and… well, I shouldn’t spoil that last subgenre. It’s a lot of different movies at once, all of which are perfectly designed to appeal to the stoned palate. Plus, its opening sequence within an opening sequence within an opening sequence should unlock your galaxy brain headspace right away.
Honorable Mention: Idle Hands (1999)
This title was already on Sharai’s list, otherwise it would have been at the top of mine. Not only is it a movie about stoners, but it’s a damn delightful horror-comedy thrill ride. 1990s horror icon Devon Sawa stars as a lazy young man whose hand is possessed by a homicidal demon. Things only get kookier from there.
