You’ve probably seen a rash of memes about Regal Cinemas’ 4DX on your For You page recently. The theater experience that will shake the life out of you in your chair, or blast you with water, or if you’re going to see Alien: Romulus deploys a real-life face hugger to get you. But after seeing one of those videos, I remembered that this had all been done by one of the most ambitious filmmakers of the ‘50s and ‘60s, a man dedicated to completely immersing audiences in his films: William Castle.

A juggernaut of B-movies, Castle was a big fan of implementing silly gimmicks for even sillier horror films; you might end up in a “Percepto” shocking chair that gave the sensation of being attacked by a crawling parasite, or find yourself voting in a “Punishment Poll” on the fate of a film’s villain with glow in the dark cards. Or most hilariously, you might be given a $1000 life insurance certificate to be used in the event the film was frightening enough to kill you (a little north of $10,000 in today’s cash).

THE CREATION AND IMMEDIATE REROUTING OF DARK CASTLE ENTERTAINMENT

Castle was a primetime player when it came to entertaining the imaginations of audiences and the minds of many young filmmakers. This included media visionary Robert Zemeckis, who in an interview described making his father take him to see all sorts of monster movies, but in particular those of William Castle.

Decades later, when he broke into the industry, Zemeckis linked up with American film producer Joel Silver. The two would later start the often-forgotten but fairly successful Dark Castle Entertainment, named in honor of William Castle. Their goal? To use the company as a springboard to remake Castle’s films. And while the first two films came to fruition, remakes of House on Haunted Hill and Thirteen Ghosts respectively, this masterplan never really panned out. It’s anybody’s guess as to why they weren’t able to bring the homage dream to fruition, but the main suspect? Film rights disputes.

John Squires of Bloody Disgusting wrote a pretty interesting article about the prospective Thirteen Ghosts television series revival, which was halted by the SAG-AFTRA and WGA Strikes that set Hollywood ablaze the past few years. In it, show producer John Mediate explains that even if it weren’t for the strikes, Sony’s split franchise rights with Dark Castle for Thirteen Ghosts make getting their blessing much more complicated than a simple go-ahead. Likewise, the majority of Castle’s films aren’t solely William Castle Productions features, so getting Columbia or Allied Artists or any of the other rights holders to approve of remakes would have certainly been a problem from the jump.

My current running theory is that a lot of those remakes were killed early on because of it, with House and Thirteen being the only ones to make it to full film status.

FROM CRITICALLY REVILED TO CRITICALLY RE-EVALUATED

The final horror remake the studio put out wasn’t even for a Castle film but a very loose remake of the Vincent Price feature House of Wax. House of Wax holds some of my earliest memories of seeing critics rail on a film, partly because it is a very standard slasher with all the tropes it entails, and partly because of the kind of sexist media circus around Paris Hilton being in the film (the amount of men I’ve seen slip in nasty digs at her while trying to present their criticisms of the film seriously is about as gross as the films gnarliest effects).

Following the smash success of the trippy psychological thriller Gothika, the studio almost instantly went from being made for remakes to creaking brand new IPs. It also eventually produced films for many well-known horror directors like Simon Barret’s Séance, Vincenzo Natali’s Splice, and Jaume Collett-Serra’s Orphan.

All three of the remakes have seen some form of critical reevaluation in recent years, with video essays on Thirteen Ghosts and House on Haunted Hill finding an audience through bigger YouTubers like Ryan Hollinger and MistaGG. The democratization of media criticism through social platforms has definitely helped rehabilitate the reputation of these films, whether one finds it deserved or not.

THE CASTLE FILMS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER

And I don’t blame them, because House of Wax, House on Haunted Hill, and especially Thirteen Ghosts are fun films to watch. Thirteen is one of my favorite ghost films of all time because of the creative spark you can find burning inside each and every one of the ghost designs in it. Whether you were drawn to the phantasmagoric and flesh-warping design of The Hammer, or completely terrified of the Jackal barely contained in his scolds-bridle and strait jacket, you will leave the film with at least one new favorite horror villain.

Though I couldn’t appreciate it in the past, House of Wax is also a pretty impressive film for its effects. It fits nicely in that era of the grotesque that was the early 2000s, with a lot of nasty moments like the “peeling” scene. Which, if you haven’t seen it, is so much worse than it sounds! Not to mention, it makes interesting slashers in how it replaces Vincent Price’s spooky wax museum owner Henry Jarrod with the more brutal killers Vince and Bo Sinclair.

While I enjoy Dark Castle Entertainment films like Orphan well enough, and especially enjoy its sequel Orphan: First Kill, I do mourn the many lost possibilities for the remakes that never made the cut. The Tingler and Dr. Sardonicus, in particular, strike me as if they would have some fantastic reinterpretations thanks to the special effects possibilities that lurked within them; they’re body horror spectacles just waiting in the wings for their time to shine. Though Guy Rolfe hated wearing the makeup in the original film, there is something in the Sardonicus smile prosthetics that has so much potential to creep you out on screen with the right people in charge of them, and I think about them quite a bit when people ask me if there’s any horror films that I think deserve a remake.

The potential for more modern gimmicks in theatres is still strong and alive, and in a time when horror movies are just feeling more fun and experimental in general, it’s a waste not to explore it. And as long as we’re doing as many reboots and requels and remakes as we are, we might as well give the campier horror of decades past a fighting chance like Dark Castle initially wanted to. And studios might as well do what remakes have always been meant to do: reimagine and revitalize tried and true stories for the next generation.

But until that strain of thought becomes more popular, we can always indulge in some classic William Castle schlock on the small screen while we wait. Happy watching horror fans!

The Florida sun is blazing and the smell of fake fog is strong over at Universal Studios Orlando, where Halloween Horror Nights 33 is well underway. I was thrilled to spend several nights at the event in mid September, and after running through each haunted house multiple times (in between enjoying a Mini Stay-Puft S’more or three), I’m pleased to share my totally definitive, can’t-argue-with-my-logic HHN 2024 house rankings with the world.

The Houses of Halloween Horror Nights 2024, RANKED

Okay, that’s a lie: my rankings are highly subjective and — I anticipate — fairly controversial, so don’t let them dissuade you from checking out a house you’re curious about! But if you’re on the fence about which Stay & Scream pen to scamper into or whether that 90-minute wait time is truly worth it, let this list guide your feet as you navigate the roving chainsaw gang…

10. Major Sweets Candy Factory

The prequel to the Sweet Revenge scarezone at HHN 31, Major Sweets Candy Factory is one of the six original houses at Halloween Horror Nights this year. I’m sorry to say that, for me at least, it was the weakest of the bunch. Maybe I’m just not scared of kids, but the storyline here fell flat for me.

This house is one of the grossest, however. Puking bodies and barrels of gore plague you as you move deeper into the cruel confectioner’s factory, offset with appearances from the maniacally laughing Miss Treats armed with various weapons. Be sure to press the big red buttons as you pass to trigger a surprise for yourself or another guest!

9. A Quiet Place

I’m sure I’ll catch some flack for this, but I didn’t love my visit to A Quiet Place (and it had nothing to do with my general ambivalence toward the first two films). This house took a big swing with its minimal sound design and attempts to discourage noise from guests, but its overreliance on animatronics makes its scares feel predictable, while also removing the possibility of guest-triggered creature “attacks.” It’s hard to feel truly immersed in this world when the teens in front of you are wittering away without consequence.

What A Quiet Place loses in surprise, it makes up for in set design. With detailed recreations of the flooded basement from the original film, the dock from A Quiet Place Part II, and more, this house certainly succeeds in making you feel like you’re stepping into the franchise. Sadly, there’s no Lupita Nyong’o or cute kitties to be found, but if you’re willing to brave the ever-long wait times, A Quiet Place is worth creeping through.

8. Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

I struggled with the placement of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire on this list. On the one hand, this house includes some virtually screen-accurate recreations of sets from the recent film of the same name, including a frozen firehouse facade that is sure to stir your nostalgia. On the other hand, it’s based on one of the least interesting entries in the Ghostbusters franchise, so unless you’re enamored with the new films (which I am not), you may not find this house rewarding enough for repeat visits.

To combat this, Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire does feature a few cameos from fan-favorite entities across the franchise, and the way that Slimer is brought to life is endlessly endearing. Predictably more fun than scary (though the towering ice demon Garraka has his moments), this house won’t chill you to the bone, but it will make you hungry for one of those Mini Stay-Puft S’mores I mentioned.

7. Triplets of Terror

Halloween Horror Nights is gunning for its own slasher franchise with Triplets of Terror! As you move through the house, you’ll be assailed by the Barmy siblings — Melody, Harmony, and Junior — as, every 10 years, they recreate the night when they slaughtered their parents.

With shades of Rob Zombie and some particularly hulking scareactors portraying Junior, Triplets of Terror successfully conveys the sensation of being trapped inside a slasher film. Where it fell a little short for me was in its repetitiveness. While the triplets do age up as you move through the house, their masks shrinking on their faces, the change isn’t substantial enough to make their repeat appearances with the same weapons feel new or surprising. Still a strong house and often boasting far shorter wait times than the big IPs that surround it, you’d be barmy to miss Triplets of Terror during your visit.

6. Universal Monsters: Eternal Bloodlines

Universal Monsters houses at Halloween Horror Nights are often high rankers for me, but I have to admit that this year’s entry has its faults. The most timing-dependent house of the 2024 line-up, it’s not uncommon to have a walkthrough that feels somewhat empty.

That’s a shame because Universal Monsters: Eternal Bloodlines is a truly beautiful house. After entering the snowy cemetery where Saskia Van Helsing is mourning her deceased family, we follow the fledgling monster hunter as she seeks revenge against the vampire that killed them. The return of the Bride of Frankenstein is a highlight, but the ambitious plot can be a little hard to follow (even after multiple visits and a Behind-the-Screams tour, I’m a little hazy about why Saskia goes to Egypt). I suspect this one may grow stronger as the scareactors firm up their timing, but for me, Eternal Bloodlines wasn’t as fang-tastic (heh heh) as I’d hoped.

5. The Museum: Deadly Exhibits

I’ve seen a lot of chatter online about The Museum: Deadly Exhibits being meh, but I’m here to tell you that among my scream squad, this one was a firm favorite. If you love museums as much as I do, it’s hard not to be charmed by the detailed signage, inflated ticket prices, and eerily corrupted audio tour as you live out a true nightmare at the museum.

The plot of this one concerns The Rotting Stone, an ancient artifact that possesses the other displays and brings them to life. It’s fun to watch the exhibits unravel and the staff lose their heads (literally) as the evil spreads, represented through glowing green patches on the walls and a handful of living rock creatures that aren’t afraid to crowd you. A wide variety of characters and some well-placed in-plain-sight scareactors provide plenty of screams, but the long nature of some of the corridors does result in certain scares being spoiled long before you reach them.

4. Goblin’s Feast

Located at the very back of the park, Goblin’s Feast consistently had some of the shortest wait times during my visit, so others may not be as hungry for the feast as I was. But for my money, this is one of the most beautiful houses at Halloween Horror Nights this year.

Jaunty music and a prancing goblin with malice in his eyes greet you as you enter the tavern facade of Goblin’s Feast, setting the tone for an experience that balances comedy, fantasy, and meaty gore. These goblins are flesh-eaters, you see, and we’re on the menu. While the distinction between the fairytale creatures in the house isn’t always clear, and some of the details of the impressive set are lost in the darkness, Goblin’s Feast is a delicious bite of camp that made me hungry for more.

3. Monstruos: The Monsters of Latin America

A transplant from Halloween Horror Nights 2023 in Hollywood, Monstruos: The Monsters of Latin America invites guests to experience the legends of Tlahuelpuchi, La Lechuza, and El Silbón, three creatures of folklore that share a taste for blood.

Impeccable set design, one truly jaw-dropping animatronic, and the towering terror that is El Silbón make this house an utter delight to walk through, with one particularly creative scare sending my friend hurtling back into another’s arms. I should note that this house is one of the more pungent entries in HHN 33’s lineup, but hold your nose and power through it, because Monstruos: The Monsters of Latin America is a true standout.

2. Slaughter Sinema 2  

Following the success of the original house at Halloween Horror Nights 28 in 2018, Slaughter Sinema 2 welcomes us back to the Carey Drive-In for another B-movie marathon. From a demonic Western to sharksploitation and a mummified sleaze-fest, you’ll step into snapshots of eight fictional flicks, each separated by a stretch of poster-lined lobby that tees up the film ahead.

The success of this house lies in its variation. If one room doesn’t work for you, you know there’s a wildly different movie waiting just around the corner. The drive-in facade also makes the queue for Slaughter Sinema 2 an experience in itself, especially after dark when you’ll see trailers for the films you’re about to witness projected on the big screen. Fill up your novelty popcorn bucket before getting in line, and you’ll be in for a good time.

1. Insidious: The Further

I’ve been coming to Halloween Horror Nights since 2019 and no other house has made me cower quite like Insidious: The Further. Incorporating sinister specters from all five films in the Insidious franchise, the scares come thick and fast in this house, especially once you shiver and shriek your way into the curtain-shrouded realm of the Lipstick-Face Demon.

If A Quiet Place felt like stepping into a movie, Insidious: The Further feels like getting lost in one. From the moment you step through the oversized red door and see the Lambert family house bathed in the eerie blue light of the Further, you’re on your own, Elise’s calming voice growing fainter and fainter behind you. Elise herself only appears twice in the house, though we never see her face, and only in the initial rooms; the deeper you go, the further you get from help.

It’s terrifying, a word I don’t use lightly, and I found myself drawn inexorably back, even as the wait times crept up (though I’m pleased to report they drop significantly after 1 a.m. if you can stay awake). Let this recommendation be your guide. Keep a steady stride. Into Insidious: The Further you go…

Well, that’s my list, and I look forward to hearing how wrong I am. In all seriousness, I love talking Halloween Horror Nights, so go experience it for yourself and come tell me your rankings! Happy hauntings…