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‘Tales from the Crypt’ Top 10 Episodes of All-Time, Ranked

Horror Press ranks the ten best episodes of Tales From The Crypt.

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Greetings Boils and Ghouls! Growing up I was a big fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation. One week I saw in TV guide that Patrick Stewart was hosting a show I had never heard of called Saturday Night Live. In my effort to stay up late enough to watch the show, I started to channel surf until I came upon another show called Tales From The Crypt.

I was instantly hooked on the horror, comedy, and naughty glimpses of nudity. Did I stay up long enough to watch Captain Jean-Luc Picard talk about sexy cakes? Yes I did, but the following week I eagerly returned to spend time with my pal the Crypt Keeper.

Fast forward 30 years: I host a podcast called Dads From The Crypt, where I am joined by two other spooky dads to review horror and sci-fi anthology movies and series, such as Tales From The Crypt, Black Mirror, and Creepshow… and also to give questionable parenting advice.

After reviewing the entire bloody series, here is my list of the best Tales From The Crypt episodes.

The Ten Best Episodes of Tales From The Crypt

10. Skin Deep: Season 6, Episode 2

For a show known for pushing the boundaries of sex and violence, this one has both on full display. Expertly directed by William Malone (House on Haunted Hill (1999), Feardotcom (2002)) and starring the electric Sherrie Rose, this episode should give pause to anyone who considers going home with a mysterious girl at a party.

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9. Cutting Cards: Season 2, Episode 3

The legendary Walter Hill (48 Hrs (1982), The Warriors (1979)) brings us the shortest episode in the series that packs a massive punch. Lance Henrickson and Kevin Tighe play two gamblers locked in an escalating battle of will and luck. These two chew the scenery with the ferocity of the shark from Jaws, and the absurdly funny resolution is an ending for the ages.

8. House of Horrors: Season 5, Episode 7

Ever wanted to watch Wil Wheaton, Keith Coogan, and Jason London scrub a floor with toothbrushes in their underwear while being berated by Kevin Dillion? This episode has you covered! Directed by Bob Gale (From the Back To The Future franchise- look for the interview I did with him!), this episode involves a fraternity hazing prank that you can really sink your teeth into. Think Animal House meets Night of the Demons.

7. Dig That Cat… He’s Real Gone: Season 1, Episode 3

This was one of the three episodes (The Man Who Was Death, And All Through The House…) that kicked off the series on Jun 10, 1989. All three of them are excellent and could easily make anyone’s top 10 list, but I went with this one for the sake of variety. Directed by the late great Richard Donner (Superman, The Goonies, The Omen), this episode really showcased the series’ dark humor. Many Tales From The Crypt segments are set in a creepy circus, a great setting for shady stories of the macabre. This one is the best, featuring Joe Pantoliano as a death-defying performer who pushes his luck. His and Robert Wuhl’s performances are so big they could pop out of your screen. Donner crafts a nasty, comedic tale that sets the tone for the rest of the series. 

6. Television Terror: Season 2, Episode 16

Real life media personality and verifiable loudmouth Morton Downey Jr. parodies his own career in this take of the BBC’s Ghostwatch. Part terrifying haunted house story, part tongue-in-cheek commentary on the state of the media, this episode chills and tickles to the bone. Legendary stuntman Charlie Picerni directs this fan-favorite episode with a steady, imaginative hand.  

5. Dead Right: Season 2, Episode 1

Kicking off season 2, the increased budget is immediately noticeable with improved sets and even the craftsmanship of the Crypt Keeper puppet itself. Demi Moore displays her charisma in this classic episode months before Ghost would make her a household name. Jeffery Tambor dons a plethora of prosthetics to play a character who is uglier on the inside than he appears on the outside. Director Howard Deutch (Pretty In Pink) lands this campy, creepy crypt tale.

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4. The New Arrival: Season 4, Episode 7

This is the scariest episode of the entire series. When I first saw it as a kid, I was so scared I kept the lights on when I went to bed. David Warner plays a radio child psychologist who quickly gets in way over his head when he is invited to help a mysterious, disturbed child. Zelda Rubenstein is excellent as always, and Robert Patrick has a fun cameo in this tight terror tale from Peter Medak (The Changeling). Think Frasier Crane visits the house in The People Under The Stairs.

3. “Death of Some Salesman”: Season 5, Episode 1

Bordello of Blood may have been underwhelming, to say the least, but director (and longtime Tales From The Crypt producer) Gil Adler proved he had the chops with two classic Tales episodes: “Death of Some Salesmen” and “What’s Cookin’.” “Death of Some Salesmen” gets the nod here for an incredible performance by the iconic Tim Curry. He plays all three members of a demented family at once, sometimes even in the same shot. Effects master Todd Masters deserves major credit for the exceptional makeup. Ed Begley Jr. is the titular salesman trying to make the deal of a lifetime. This episode provides the gore, humor, and thrills that fans crave.

2. “Top Billing”: Season 3, Episode 5

To kill or not to kill? That is the question this episode seeks to answer, and boy is it a killer time! Jon Lovitz gives a surprising performance as a down-on-his-luck actor hoping to breathe life into his career by auditioning for the lead in a production of Hamlet that is way off-Broadway. Todd Holland directs this quintessential Tales From The Crypt episode, with a colorful cast including Bruce Boxleitner, John Astin, and Louise Fletcher. The shocking twist will floor you, and the gory effects gag in the final scene will leave you shaken.

1. “Yellow”: Season 3, Episode 14

My choice for best Tales From The Crypt episode of all time was not meant to be a Tales From The Crypt episode. At the height of the series’ success, there was a plan to make a more wartime/action-oriented spin-off series. “Yellow” was meant to kick off the series and was given a big budget and longer run time. When the spinoff plans were canceled, this episode and a few others were repurposed into the main series. Lucky for us, this Robert Zemeckis (Back To The Future, Forrest Gump) episode transcended the show’s status quo. The series hallmarks are still present, with gory effects thanks to the World War I setting and a morality lesson that resonates today. Real-life father and son Kirk and Eric Douglas play a father and son on a tragic trajectory that feels so authentic that they barely seem to be acting. Dan Akroyd and Lance Henrikson round out the cast of this fantastic, heart-wrenching episode, which is one of the best episodes of TV ever broadcast.

I hope you enjoyed my list! Let us know your favorite Tales From The Crypt episodes on social media! If you want to know which episodes my co-hosts chose, you can listen to our July 2nd, 2023 episode, where we shared/compared/trashed each other’s list. You can find us on YouTube or your podcast app of choice.

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Revisiting ‘Haven’: SyFy’s Forgotten Stephen King Adaptation

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The works of Stephen King are back in the spotlight once again, if they ever really left. Mike Flanagan’s Carrie series is set to release on Amazon Prime this October 7th, and the heat is on. This would be the fourth run at the tale of a tortured psychic girl suffering through serious religious trauma and bullying; it’s also the first successful television series adaptation. Famously, the 2002 TV film was supposed to serve as the pilot for an extended Carrie series, but that never got off the ground.

There’s a variety of reactions to the show already; from complaints about getting another Carrie White that doesn’t look like Carrie White, to thoughts about introducing other psychic students into the story. It’s fair to say there’s, at the very least, renewed interest in re-evaluating the many adaptations of Stephen King’s works. Old habits die hard.

There’s a ridiculously large swath to choose from, ranging from the obvious classics like The Shining and Pet Sematary, to irregulars like The Langoliers and The Night Flyer. If you’re feeling especially bold, you might try a King original like Storm of the Century or Rose Red (I’m overdue for a watch of Storm anyways). But among all these lies one of the strangest and most forgotten King adaptations. One that was sold as an adaptation of a single novel, but is really a spiritual sibling to the entirety of Stephen King’s canon. That adaptation is the SyFy original series, Haven.

The Silver Age of Supernatural Television Drama

The development of Haven sits smack dab in the middle of what I would call the Silver Age of Supernatural Television Drama. The hypothetical Golden Age that precedes it isn’t pinned to exact years but rather defined by a few masterpieces of evergreen television. These are the shows throughout the ‘90s that really impacted cable TV at large. The obvious cultural touchstones of the genre: The X-Files, Twin Peaks, and most importantly Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, which would see monumental success. They were rapidly followed by the likes of shows like American Gothic and Roswell. I would count Smallville too, but again, blurry edges.

The Silver Age then is marked by an explosion of shows, not necessarily being created as knee jerk reactions to that success, but certainly heavily inspired by these network defining hits. Shows that enjoyed the episodic “monster of the week” format while retaining a focus on the interpersonal drama between its characters. They debuted as their progenitors ended or went late in their run, effectively meant to “replace” them.

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This time saw the rise of J.J. Abrams renown with the shows Alias, Fringe, and most importantly, the mega-hit Lost. The most successful of all of them, Eric Kripke’s Supernatural, is still reverberating through pop culture today after its 15 year long run. And for my fellow Warehouse 13 enthusiasts, you know that this is the era that the highly underrated show thrived in.

Also, MTV’s Teen Wolf was there too, I guess.

From The Dead Zone to Haven Island

Among these much more successful shows was an odd little Stephen King adaptation: USA Network’s The Dead Zone. It was a very fast and loose interpretation of King’s novel of the same name. You know the one: go into a six-year coma, come back with psychic powers, meet an evil politician, race to stop him from causing the end of the world. Also, Anthony Michael Hall is here too, I guess.

As one might expect, the premise was rife with procedural potential. Despite a solid initial viewer base, The Dead Zone ran for 6 seasons before being cancelled due to waning ratings. But two of its writers, Sam Ernst and Jim Dunn, ended up as showrunners for a similar but even stranger translation of King’s work: a television adaptation of the book The Colorado Kid called Haven.

When The Adaptation Is Unrecognizable

Haven premiered in July of 2010 on SyFy, joining during a great (if not the best) era for the network. There were phenomenal runs going on with Merlin, Warehouse 13, and later the American remake of Being Human. And, unsurprising to anyone who got 20 minutes into the show’s first episode, “Welcome to Haven”, it fit in much more with those shows than it did with its source material. In fact, the premise betrayed all expectations for fans of the novel.

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What The Colorado Kid Is About…

For context: the book is about an intern at a newspaper, Stephanie, trying to solve the bizarre death of a nameless drifter with her new bosses, Dave Bowie and Vince Teague. Details are sparse, and what few the trio have just don’t line up. What results is a hard-fought battle to finally crack the case of who, or what, killed the Colorado Kid. More importantly, The Colorado Kid is pretty explicitly a mystery novel about mystery novels; it has a victim, but there’s little information about the killer, and that’s intentional.

The blank space in this case is the focus. King is really more interested in observing how an audience interfaces with a mystery and what makes them so compelling. He spells all this out as much in an afterword, down to explaining why he wanted to write the story and his perspective on “wanting” an answer being better than “knowing” the answer.

…Is Far and Away from Haven’s Premise

The TV show Haven, however, is very, very different. The show follows FBI agent Audrey Parker (Emily Rose), who is drawn to the town to investigate the inexplicable murder of a criminal who escaped federal prison. When it’s revealed he was killed by impossible means, she soon discovers a phenomenon known as “The Troubles”: the sudden and often subconscious manifestation of dangerous supernatural abilities in the townspeople of Haven. As Audrey realizes her past is intertwined with The Troubles, she attempts to solve the mystery of what’s causing them and who she really is as she becomes entrenched in the lives of Haven’s locals.

Different versions of newspaper owners Dave and Vince, as well as The Colorado Kid himself in season 2, do show up in Haven. But fundamentally, the show is an entirely different beast tonally. It is far and away from the novel, and strangely enough, that was at Stephen King’s request. He initially told Ernst and Dunn when the show was being pitched to ABC to spice it up with more supernatural elements.

Hence, how it ended up as a monster of the week show on Syfy. Double hence, how it became an unrecognizable adaptation of a hardly supernatural book. If I had to compare it to any of the Golden Age shows, it’s most obviously inspired by The X-Files. That being said, it’s hard not to draw comparisons to Fringe. Especially given how, like Fringe, Haven becomes really, really serialized rather than episodic.

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A Flat, Kind of Cheesy First Season That Grows on You

The initial monster of the week format set up in Season 1 does carry into the following four seasons, but it becomes very clear that there is a main mythology that will take precedence by early Season 2. While the supernatural mysteries that make up the bulk of the episodes are solid (see episodes 1, 4, 6, 8, and 10 through 13 for the best of the first season), they’re mostly establishing the groundwork for Audrey’s personal narrative arc.

The mysteries are also the backdrop for Audrey’s budding love triangle with local handsome cop Nathan Wournos (Lucas Bryant) and local handsome rogue Duke Crocker (Eric Balfour). The romance is kind of terrible, and unfortunately very frequent since they’re often cooperating to solve the mysteries together.

So, that’s all I’m going to say about it in an effort to be kind.

Haven Season 2 Deepens Audrey Parker’s Mystery

Haven’s first season is mostly tame, erring on slightly underwhelming, with some very cheesy dialogue and drama. The characters aren’t nailed down as anything but loose pastiches until the last several episodes. By then, they’ve built some weight and dimension to them. Where Season 1 leaves off is a pretty solid cliffhanger that will have you at least curious enough to venture into Season 2 if you’ve watched this far. It serves as the first big bite into the intrigue of the question “Who Is Audrey Parker?”, which is the central pillar of the show.

Season 2 is much more engaging, and the episodic mysteries feel much more significant and dangerous. Eventually, the mythology around Audrey and the Troubles sprawls out into a maze of even more questions involving secret societies, split personalities, time travel, and tears in the fabric of reality. That last bit might stand out to fans of The Dark Tower series, and that’s because I’m talking about exactly what you think I’m talking about (no spoilers!).

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A Stephen King Adaptation About Stephen King Stories

The show is only somewhat effective at establishing its mythos around Audrey and The Troubles. But I have to appreciate it for what it manages to do in the process, especially throughout the second season as it gives us one good solid villain to follow in the malicious Reverend Driscoll. He is a classic King-style villain, and an embodiment of what Haven really excels at. The same way that The Colorado Kid is a mystery novel about mystery novels, Haven is a Stephen King adaptation about Stephen King Stories.

This goes beyond the fact that they’re effectively trying to find a new person with the shine every week and stopping them before they have their own personal “Black Prom” level meltdown. The show is chockful of references, small and large (the vast majority are sight gags referring directly to Stephen King stories) to his writing. There’s an abundance of episodes whose plots are overtly reinterpretations of King’s works, especially in season two with various homages to It, Maximum Overdrive, and The Dark Half.

And even when the show doesn’t have a one-to-one analog with a King story, it excels at stocking Haven Island with a variety of secondary characters that genuinely feel like the cast of a Stephen King book. The dialog might be corny and the residents strange, but it does feel like a lived in setting, a hallmark of the author’s many fictional small towns in Maine (which get namedropped a decent amount in the show, obviously, they’re all neighbors). Also, when we get the answer of who exactly Audrey is, it actually does end up connecting to the greater Stephen King mythos in a way that is surprising and kind of fun, even if the ending is a little underwhelming and gives Buffy finale flashbacks.

Haven Isn’t Half Bad

At the end of the day, I can’t confidently say Haven is a great show. Especially with how it drags in a lot of places (that double-wide trailer of a fifth season is particularly egregious). It can be exceptionally hit or miss. But it’s so uniquely dedicated to recapturing the vibes of a Stephen King story, that I have to admire it when it does succeed, when some might find that a futile task. Paradoxically, the further it gets away from the source material it was barely riffing off of, the more King it feels.

It is at the very least an incredibly unique show in the Silver Age of Supernatural TV, and if you can tolerate the melodrama of your Supernatural’s and Warehouse 13’s, you’re likely to find some amusement in it even if you’re tuning in and out while watching it. More than ten years out now from Haven’s 2015 finale, it’s safe to say the series won’t click with everybody, but for fans that enjoy homages to the prolific horror author’s extensive repertoire, you’ll be hard pressed to find a show that shows more love to King than this.

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Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’: Why Its Apocalypse Still Feels Relevant

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Let’s look back at a time none of us really want to…December of 2020. Trump is in the final few months of his first term as President. The nation is still in the midst of the COVID pandemic. With dictatorship, political and social unrest, and a pandemic sweeping the nation, it felt like either the best or the worst time for something like The Stand to return to American pop culture.

The Stand’s miniseries remake came out in 2020. Generally, the consensus is pretty negative. The original Mick Garris series from the 1990s is also very flawed and received an extremely mixed reception, but it has also garnered a bit of a cult status. None of this is too surprising, seeing as the novel is a grandiose epic that is a daunting task to adapt perfectly. Regardless of iteration, though, it unfortunately seems like a fairly relevant text for troubled times, and seems to continuously return to the zeitgeist in times of recession or despair. So…why exactly does it keep coming back?

The Stand in the 1990s

The Stand was originally published in 1978, and was a smash hit.  For those unfamiliar, the novel is a post-apocalyptic, fantasy-horror epic concerning the outbreak of a deadly disease called Captain Trips’. Groups of pure-of-heart Survivors are brought together by premonitions of a psychic woman named Mother Abigail. She is a symbol of everything good in the world. Meanwhile, a demonic drifter named Randall Flagg begins to collect vagrants to build a fascist regime out of a gutted Las Vegas. Commercially and critically, the novel struck a chord with audiences everywhere. King was well-known already for Salem’s Lot, Carrie, and The Shining, so a horror-adventure epic felt like the next step for him. In the 1990s, a complete and unabridged edition was published, clocking in at over 1100 pages. This edition is where the novel’s political analysis can really start.

One notable detail changed from the 1970s edition to the 1990s uncut version is the inclusion of contemporary details. The timeline was changed to cement the book with a sense of timelessness. One haunting detail in particular is the comparison of the disease to the AIDS epidemic, which was devastating the country in the 1980s and 90s.

While the comparison is not a major detail of this changed text, it feels very purposeful in its playing into the politics. With the fictional Captain Trips’ connection to the U.S government’s failure to help/control the disease, one can feel the frustration with the Reagan cabinet’s handling of the pandemic during the 1980s. The miniseries premiered in the 1990s as well, so it makes sense that some of these same frustrations might be the catalyst for the book’s first major adaptation.

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The Stand in 2020 and 2026

This was touched upon in the intro, but like the 1990s, 2020’s decision to adapt might have lined up perfectly with the world’s current affairs. COVID and Trump are clear, commonly stated comparisons to Captain Trips, as well as Randall Flagg. With Trump back in power in 2026, the CDC is gutted, giving way to poop lettuce and a rise in Measles. One can begin dog-earring the old mass market paperback of The Stand and pull their collars in nervousness.

Randall Flagg’s attention to Las Vegas coincides with Trump’s love of all things gold and grand. The faux-royal look, with redecorations to the White House and a hideous ballroom, might remind constant readers of Randall Flagg’s move to Las Vegas. All of the garishness is but a fake distraction, decorations so his followers do not see that the promises are all fake. At the end of the day, it is all designed to serve Flagg and Flagg only. It might be time for another adaptation soon…

Apocalypse fiction, and Hope rooted in Horror

The Stand is a testament to the power of horror and genre fiction. The reason horror has maintained its cultural relevance more than any other genre is its relevance to cultural fears and worries. All the way back to Night of the Living Dead, the genre had recognized the world around it and found ways to tell stories to allow a sense of escapism, and an outlet for anxiety. The Stand is possibly the greatest example of this.

The Stand will always be relevant, unfortunately, because there will always be Randall Flaggs. There will always be Captain Trips’. This incarnate evil will always exist in some capacity in society, in one way or another. However, there will also be Mother Abigails. There will always be Tom Cullens. The Stand exists for catharsis, yes, escapism, yes, but also as hope.

As we see at the end of the novel’s extended edition, Randall Flagg does not die-he just is reborn in a different time period. On the other hand, after Mother Abigail’s death, she continues to speak to the survivors as well. There will always be evil, but there will also always be good. The Stand is a testament to the cultural catharsis of horror, but also the necessary hope rooted in the darkest stories we tell.

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