TV
Presenting: ‘The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula: Season 5′ Second Annual Golden Ghoulie Awards
Welcome back, normies and Uglies alike, to the Second Annual Golden Ghoulie Awards™! After last year’s titanic showing of resurrected favorites bickered and clawed their way to the crown like a scene out of 1912, it is a return to form as we honor the frights, freaks, and fallacies of the Season 5 cast of The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula in all their glorious agony. With their fresh flesh waiting to be torn asunder, exterminations and the subsequent murders of these ill-fated Monsters made a comeback – and fed into our sadistic desires. It’s a new, post-Titans era, and we saw the Boulet Brothers themselves take over directing duties. Mama, they sure do love a monochromatic moment, am I right? Drac and Swan poured what remains of their souls into this season, so dim the lights, unzip a nearby serpent, and hit the vape as we celebrate the successes of Season 5 and begin the show!
Welcome back, normies and Uglies alike, to the Second Annual Golden Ghoulie Awards™! After last year’s titanic showing of resurrected favorites bickered and clawed their way to the crown like a scene out of 1912, it is a return to form as we honor the frights, freaks, and fallacies of the Season 5 cast of The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula in all their glorious agony. With their fresh flesh waiting to be torn asunder, exterminations and the subsequent murders of these ill-fated Monsters made a comeback – and fed into our sadistic desires. It’s a new, post-Titans era, and we saw the Boulet Brothers themselves take over directing duties. Mama, they sure do love a monochromatic moment, am I right? Drac and Swan poured what remains of their souls into this season, so dim the lights, unzip a nearby serpent, and hit the vape as we celebrate the successes of Season 5 and begin the show!
The Best Individual Looks in Season Five
In the Underworld, all souls are tormented equally, so it’s essential to take a moment and appreciate the fabulous walk-in closets that are the minds of these Monsters. The Boulets appropriately renamed the Boudoir into the Laboratory because “It’s the Laboratory. Short for laboratories. It’s where they build monsters in the laboratories, darling.” This season a fair share of Frankenstein fuckery was birthed into the realms. No, it didn’t all spawn from the many orifices of Niohuru’s Trashcan Children floor show, but we’re confident some brain worms Got a Tik Or two. Reminisce with us as we shine a spotlight on the Best Individual Looks of our Season 5 Monsters – in order of their offing, of course.
And if you’d like to find out what your favorite Monster says about you, find out here.
Disclaimer: No looks from the final floor show are in contention because they should have admitted themselves into the Underworld early if those aren’t their best.
Onyx Ondyx: The Unholy Pontiff (The Last Supper)
Onyk, Onyk, Onyk. Why did you wait until the reunion to pull out all the stops? Her time on this Earth was brief, but when the Boulets brought their Monsters back together for one final meal, Onyk Ondyx proved why all eyes were on her in the center of the ring, just like a circus. Putting the freak in this Shudder freak show, she is a master of body horror. This papal cenobite served up her scalp on a scarlet platter and had the congregation gagging.
Satanna: Mutha Superior (The Last Supper)
Some would say, “Not today, Satan,” but at the Golden Ghoulies, all we can think when we see Satanna’s reunion lewk is, “Well, yes!” Blasphemous and gorgeous all at once, she stunted pretty as an infernal priestess ready to wash away her cardinal sins. There were – perhaps unintended – layers to this fashion moment as Satanna herself admitted it was time to dust that chip off her shoulder and baptize herself anew. Please don’t get too nicey cutie on us, though.
Jarvis Hammer: The Spectral Hitchhiker (Ghosts of the Gatehouse)
The only Monster who showed up to compete previously deceased, Jarvis Hammer presented ghostbusting perfection during the Haunted Hotel floor show. His icy green accents were orgasmically ectoplasmic, and if it weren’t for a few wardrobe malfunctions (and if Jay Kay happened to slip on a few pearls), this poltergeist might have hammered home a win. Still, if you’re looking for a good time at any of the many sus motels on Route 666, hit him up on his socials. Ghosts doomscroll, too!
Anna Phylactic: Backstabbed Beauty (Ghosts of the Gatehouse)
An ethereal vision in ivory, Anna Phylactic’s boudoir beauty forgot to check all her angles after waking from a deep slumber. Hamming it up during the floor show like a Boulet-inspired version of Drew Barrymore’s Sugar from Batman Forever, this ice queen had a sanguine surprise coagulating on the back of her head. Anna’s lewk played flawlessly into her classic drag ghoul aesthetic, and its imagery left a devastatingly beautiful impression for the Haunted Hotel to carry for eternity.
Jay Kay: The Popper Bellhopper (Ghosts of the Gatehouse)
Jay Kay took a lot of shit from his fellow Monsters for frequently haphazard costuming, but the third and final lewk being honored from the Haunted Hotel floor show was right up his back alley. The natural boxiness of cardboard, Jay Kay’s fabric of choice, fit the theme like a puzzle piece as he strutted the stage in an uncharacteristically tailored bellhop design. A scalped skull and hollow chest were the icing on the cake, cementing this as a win for the punk rock peacock.
Cynthia Doll: The Shroom Sis (Terror in the Woods)
Oh, mami! She’s giving you all of that umami taste sensation, honey. The self-proclaimed high fashion nightmare lived up to her title in the inaugural floor show of the season, wiggling her couture chanterelle like Nickelodeon’s next It Girl. Take a bite off that mushroom cap, baby doll, and you’ll feel the Cynthia Doll high in no time. Just don’t ask her for directions when you get lost in the woods because her gay ass couldn’t help you to save her life.
Fantasia Royale Gaga: Teenta TurnTer (Gods of Death Part 1)
During the Monsters of Rock solo performance floor show, Fantasia commanded the stage like a glam rock queen. If her castmates’ main critique is that she doesn’t bring the horror and filth, Fantasia certainly embodied Royale Gaga glamour as she worked the room like Tina Turner covered in opulent and glittering chain mail. Attitude secures Fantasia’s bag, and she milked every last drop of it, booking a spot as frontwoman and outplaying those other groupies.
Blackberri: Fembot Sexpot (It Came From Beyond)
Clean, expensive, and understands the assignment – these are the chemical properties of a Blackberri. Fembots have feelings too, and her curvy chromatic sexpot sported two cone-shaped erogenous zones that gave the Boulets the ol’ razzle-dazzle. All tea all shade toward the other Monsters because Blackberri’s props always fulfill their duties when called to action. This particular lewk was sculpted with form-fitting precision and projected a silky smooth sheen that you can’t help but crave to caress.
Niohuru X: Fox Spirit “Huli Jing” (Terror in the Woods)
Mamma Mia, was this a hard choice! When it’s Nio’s turn to cross the threshold, you know you’re about to see living art. And while she had no hard boots this season, her demonic fox spirit of Chinese folklore entered the chat with rabid ferocity. If you weren’t familiar with her social media presence beforehand, this told you everything you needed to know. From the reverence for her Chinese culture to a wild yet refined aesthetic, Niohuru X has layers of darkness and silliness under that seemingly unapproachable exterior.
Orkgotik: Leadyr Skynhead (Gods of Death Part 2)
While Ork’s grotesque Humanoid Hemorrhoid from Episode 2 nearly took this spot, his Monsters of Rock band leader lewk checked all the boxes. Focusing on a much more subtle point of view than his usual fare – wherein you sometimes don’t understand what you’re looking at – this root vegetable turned hellion phantasmagoria featured a sickening drag mug and dominating spirit that allowed Ork’s light to shine through the cracks in his shadow armor. In fact, the look was so cohesive that his band, Chaotik, followed suit and drank from the poisoned chalice to transform into a gaggle of Baby Orks. Who would have thought this floor show would do group possession better than The Exorcist: Believer?
Throb Zombie: Gawdzilla (Humongous Horrors)
Put down the fan fiction because if you’ve ever wanted to check out Godzilla with enormous breasts, The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula has you covered. As the season wore on, Throb continued to play with gender in a way not often seen on the show, and no look was more evident of this than their gender-bending take on the infamous King of the Monsters. Throb destroyed Hunty City with ferocious flamboyance like a pin-up model under a kaiju curse. It’s moments like these that remind you why the Boulets decided to carve out a space for alternative queer culture on TV.
Best Boulet Brothers Look: Sisterhood of Evil Mutants (Children of the Can)
Someone let Charles Xavier know that two Mutant Mothers of Mothlandia have arrived in Krakoa. What’s there to even say about this lewk other than those wigs are to DIE for?! Inspired by the deadly beauties of X-Men lore, this Episode 2 appearance by the Boulet Brothers upheld their dominance as the Queens of Samhain.
Best Wig: Fantasia Royale Gaga as Teenta TurnTer (Gods of Death Part 1)
This big, bodacious blonde bombshell of a wig allowed Fantasia’s Episode 4 floor show to come to life and seize the day. Sometimes less is more, and while it’s not a headpiece of laid intestines, it takes an impeccable stage presence to pull off something like this so effortlessly. The higher the hair, the closer to Gaga!
Top 3 Floor Shows:
As we mentioned at the show’s beginning, the Boulet Brothers took a seat in the director’s chair for Season 5, and one aspect of their pride and joy that greatly benefited from their new role was the floor shows. As discussed on their podcast and the reunion episode, they consciously tried to direct and edit the Monsters so that no one looked a fool. The evidence speaks for itself, even if you can sometimes tell that a Monster may have flopped based on the brevity of their cut. Add to this the revolving floor at the top of the stage that twirls them around like the E! Live 360 red carpet camera, and you have nine episodes of dark magic to be swept away in. These are the Top 3 Floor Shows of Season 5.
- The Haunted Hotel (Ghosts of the Gatehouse): For good reason, three of our ten Monsters were awarded their Best Look of the season for this journey to the Overlook Hotel. Providing precisely the kind of alternative drag affair we look for on the show, this campy little number allowed us to see our Monsters put on the Ritz like you were visiting an LGBT speakeasy. For once, everyone was a hit in both looks and performance, and the silliness went on just long enough before the tides turned and things got dark. We need versatility from the world’s next Drag Supermonster, sis.
- Drag Kaiju (Humongous Horrors): Bigger is typically better when it comes to drag. Blowing up our Monsters to city-sized proportions is excellent. It’s impossible not to embrace a childlike sense of glee regarding this challenge, and the Top 5 of Season 5 went bananas with it. Do you have pent-up rage after weeks of filming a high-stakes television show? Do you want to be carried around set like a serpentine Cleopatra? Have you always wondered what feeling taller than Drac would be like? Check, check, and check!
- Blacklight Dark Ride (Ultraviolet Umbras): This assignment was not necessarily understood by all, but it was enjoyable to watch, and that’s what counts when you’re making good TV. Meant to be a throwback to 1980s haunted houses; it became a smorgasbord of random ideas that had nothing to do with 1980s haunted houses. Still, the excitement of what we’d see when the blacklights turned on was a pleasure, and even though the Boulets didn’t get Cynthia’s look, we know Oblina from Aaahh!!! Real Monsters! when we see her.
Floor Show Most Deserving of a Revival: Drag Kaiju (Humongous Horrors)
The Boulets adore the Monsters of Rock challenge – we know it isn’t going anywhere. However, if any floor show deserves to be revived in future seasons, it’s Drag Kaiju. Allowing the Monsters to look inward and outwardly express their biggest, baddest visions of self will forever pay off. No matter your style of drag, shoot for the stars, and you, too, will be able to smash, flutter, and fart your way through a miniature cityscape in a Los Angeles film studio.
Deadliest Extermination: The Birthing Simulator (It Came From Beyond)
Sure, jumping off a bridge into total darkness is terrifying – especially when Satanna’s at the top waiting to cut the cord – and there’s no way you’d catch us taking on a mouthful of maggots. Still, even the best of us can be humbled by a little thing called physical pain, and the birthing simulator in Episode 6 is a particularly sadistic exercise in the measure of a Monster. Jay Kay found out the hard way that the sensation of pushing a human out of your body is no laughing matter, despite getting different sorts of butterflies from the studly shirtless man administering the misery. And while no babies were harmed in the making of this extermination, one Mama of the Royale Gaga variety was, in fact, born. The Boulets are deranged AF for this one.
Runner Up: Bungee jumping off a bridge into total darkness IS fucking scary! Many average citizens would pass on the opportunity, but perhaps more would pass on simulating a birth.
Best Death Scene: Anna Phylactic (Gods of Death Part 2)
All of this season’s death scenes leaned heavily into horror homage, but none felt quite like a waking nightmare more than the death of one Anna Phylactic. Let loose in a dilapidated house, Anna hesitantly enters a room stacked with cloaked mannequins. Yes, the scariest part of a haunted house where you just know one of those mannequins is a real scare actor hired to aid in the shitting of your pants. It’s no surprise that Anna meets an untimely end, but the swift and brutal way in which the cloaked Boulet jumps out and stabs her in the jugular actually kinda scared us a little. We hope your casket cleared customs, love.
Runner Up: Onyx Ondyx having the life sucked out of her by bizarre little dolls crafted in the likeness of Episode 2’s Top 3 gave us a queasy and uneasy feeling.
Most Gag-Worthy Moment: A Literal Lip Sync For Your Life (Gods of Death Part 1)
The Boulet Brothers explicitly avoid the other L word when producing their show, which is understandable given its prominence in mainstream drag culture. This is, after all, a place for the outcasts. So when a mouthed moment makes that once-in-a-Blood-Moon appearance, you know it’s gonna be a gag. Such is the case in Season 5 when our hosts shocked ’em all and threw Episode 4’s bottom two (Jay Kay and Jarvis Hammer) into an R-rated lip sync battle – a franchise first. Jay Kay promptly lit the stage on fire and sent Jarvis straight to Hell. Then, in another first, we were treated to a direct transition into the (second?) murder of Mr. Hammer as we followed him backstage and under the weight of a rather hefty spotlight.
Runner Up: Fate found Cynthia Doll as Jay Kay cast The Curse of the Teletubby Toilet Bowl upon her, which forced her to do her floor show makeup in a porta-potty. Girl, why?
Biggest WTF Moment: Orio X Makeout Sesh
Rather than subjecting us to the laborious drama of a Titan-sized love triangle, Season 5 kept it quaint and stuck to a lovestruck duo. It was tongues – not claws – out while we watched the odd couple Niohuru X and Orkgotik find love in a desolate, hopeless place. It’s not so much the PDA as it is the PDA while in total Monster drag that makes their multiple on-camera makeout sessions the WTF Moments of the season. Watching Nio slather her tongue over Ork’s peeling prosthetics or Ork shove his tongue into the mouth of a gargantuan reptile is something you don’t see every day. The cast’s expressions ranged from utter disgust to “Are they done yet?” side-eye, injecting further humor into these uncomfortably adorable moments.
Runner Up: In the Cauldron after the Haunted Hotel floor show, Cynthia revealed Onyx Ondyx’s severed leg was in her prop suitcase the entire time. Girl, why?
Most Hilarious Malfunction: Fantasia Accidentally Joining FeetFinder (Ultraviolet Umbras)
Look, this season involved a lot of props and wardrobe malfunctions. And while this coulda woulda shoulda leaves room for disappointment, no mishap left us giggling at the chaos more than Fantasia’s feet randomly protruding from her blacklight boa lewk in Episode 7. The woman simply looked TIRED as she dragged herself around that stage, her feet casually popping out of her elongated torso like little teats under the belly of the beast. Hindsight is 20/20 because only one episode later, she’d learn via Nio that she could have zipped it up and commanded the crew to carry her any which way.
Biggest Upset: Jay Kay Wins the Haunted Hotel Floor Show (Ghosts of the Gatehouse)
As the Monsters were made to lip sync to the 1913 Billboard Hot 100 hit “At the Devil’s Ball,” the Episode 3 floor show required an unhinged commitment only a punk like Jay Kay could pull off. Their charismatic and quirky charm dominated the week, and despite having already been exterminated, the resurrected Monster clawed his way to a win. This high was vindicating yet about to be tested because a trip to the Cauldron was next on the schedule…
Fiercest Fight: Jay Kay vs Orkgotik (Ghosts of the Gatehouse)
Many quarrels confounded the residents of Season 5, but most began and ended as obtuse disagreements on opinion, which is par for the course on reality TV. Determined to shake things up, Jay Kay, riding his aforementioned high, decided to have some funsies and poke the beast known as Orkgotik. After questioning Ork’s look and ability to remain out of the bottom, Ork clapped back with a handful of expletives and some shade of his own. Unbothered, Jay Kay got a little horny (?) and offered himself up to Ork, only to have a drink spilled on his head. It was a hot mess, and we loved every second. Plus, it gave us the forever gifable moment of a dazed and confused Fantasia looking directly into the camera like a gooped Betty Boop.
Most Heartwarming Moment: Nio and Throb Butch It Up (Ultraviolet Umbras)
Nio is a deathly gorgeous siren of the Underworld in and out of drag, but she needed some coaching when it came to going masc 4 masc for her Episode 7 floor show. Throb came to the rescue and unleashed the secret knowledge of the “Dorito Method,” in which one tightens their torso and leads with their shoulders. Grunts and titty jokes aside – this tender moment in gender studies brought together two very unlikely Monsters with whom we hadn’t seen much interaction, speaking to the power of drag both on and off the show.
Cynthia Doll holding the coveted Golden Breastplate trophy.
The Golden Breastplate Award of Honor: Cynthia Doll
The Second Annual Golden Breastplate Award™ reveres the most lovable Monster of the bunch whom you could not hate if Satan himself dangled you over the pits of Hell. Cynthia Doll is unfiltered, endlessly endearing, and bewitchingly erratic. She will defend herself and her friends while narrowly avoiding the crossfire because it bounces off of her like some perplexing permabuff. Trying to understand Cynthia Doll’s acid-tinged whimsy is an impossible task comparable to her attempt at explaining what a cube is. If she feels like enacting a dramatic death scene in the middle of a dark forest when not a single soul asked her to, she will. It’s Cynthia Doll’s world; we’re all just living in it. Pass the vibe check and get on her wavelength, or there’s the door, bitch!
That’s a wrap on the Second Annual Golden Ghoulie Awards! Our cauldron bubbled over with talent and iconic moments from this dynamic cast, and they indeed left an indelible mark on the franchise. If you are sitting in Orkgotik’s section, we have towels and combs to dry you off and remove the flayed skin from your hair. And remember, we hope you didn’t get too attached to the cast of Season 5; all but one is dead, and more sacrifices are needed before another round of Titans can commence. Until next year, Uglies!
The works of Stephen King are back in the spotlight once again, if they ever really left. Mike Flanagan’s Carrie series is set to release on Amazon Prime this October 7th, and the heat is on. This would be the fourth run at the tale of a tortured psychic girl suffering through serious religious trauma and bullying; it’s also the first successful television series adaptation. Famously, the 2002 TV film was supposed to serve as the pilot for an extended Carrie series, but that never got off the ground.
There’s a variety of reactions to the show already; from complaints about getting another Carrie White that doesn’t look like Carrie White, to thoughts about introducing other psychic students into the story. It’s fair to say there’s, at the very least, renewed interest in re-evaluating the many adaptations of Stephen King’s works. Old habits die hard.
There’s a ridiculously large swath to choose from, ranging from the obvious classics like The Shining and Pet Sematary, to irregulars like The Langoliers and The Night Flyer. If you’re feeling especially bold, you might try a King original like Storm of the Century or Rose Red (I’m overdue for a watch of Storm anyways). But among all these lies one of the strangest and most forgotten King adaptations. One that was sold as an adaptation of a single novel, but is really a spiritual sibling to the entirety of Stephen King’s canon. That adaptation is the SyFy original series, Haven.
The Silver Age of Supernatural Television Drama
The development of Haven sits smack dab in the middle of what I would call the Silver Age of Supernatural Television Drama. The hypothetical Golden Age that precedes it isn’t pinned to exact years but rather defined by a few masterpieces of evergreen television. These are the shows throughout the ‘90s that really impacted cable TV at large. The obvious cultural touchstones of the genre: The X-Files, Twin Peaks, and most importantly Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, which would see monumental success. They were rapidly followed by the likes of shows like American Gothic and Roswell. I would count Smallville too, but again, blurry edges.
The Silver Age then is marked by an explosion of shows, not necessarily being created as knee jerk reactions to that success, but certainly heavily inspired by these network defining hits. Shows that enjoyed the episodic “monster of the week” format while retaining a focus on the interpersonal drama between its characters. They debuted as their progenitors ended or went late in their run, effectively meant to “replace” them.
This time saw the rise of J.J. Abrams renown with the shows Alias, Fringe, and most importantly, the mega-hit Lost. The most successful of all of them, Eric Kripke’s Supernatural, is still reverberating through pop culture today after its 15 year long run. And for my fellow Warehouse 13 enthusiasts, you know that this is the era that the highly underrated show thrived in.
Also, MTV’s Teen Wolf was there too, I guess.
From The Dead Zone to Haven Island
Among these much more successful shows was an odd little Stephen King adaptation: USA Network’s The Dead Zone. It was a very fast and loose interpretation of King’s novel of the same name. You know the one: go into a six-year coma, come back with psychic powers, meet an evil politician, race to stop him from causing the end of the world. Also, Anthony Michael Hall is here too, I guess.
As one might expect, the premise was rife with procedural potential. Despite a solid initial viewer base, The Dead Zone ran for 6 seasons before being cancelled due to waning ratings. But two of its writers, Sam Ernst and Jim Dunn, ended up as showrunners for a similar but even stranger translation of King’s work: a television adaptation of the book The Colorado Kid called Haven.
When The Adaptation Is Unrecognizable
Haven premiered in July of 2010 on SyFy, joining during a great (if not the best) era for the network. There were phenomenal runs going on with Merlin, Warehouse 13, and later the American remake of Being Human. And, unsurprising to anyone who got 20 minutes into the show’s first episode, “Welcome to Haven”, it fit in much more with those shows than it did with its source material. In fact, the premise betrayed all expectations for fans of the novel.
What The Colorado Kid Is About…
For context: the book is about an intern at a newspaper, Stephanie, trying to solve the bizarre death of a nameless drifter with her new bosses, Dave Bowie and Vince Teague. Details are sparse, and what few the trio have just don’t line up. What results is a hard-fought battle to finally crack the case of who, or what, killed the Colorado Kid. More importantly, The Colorado Kid is pretty explicitly a mystery novel about mystery novels; it has a victim, but there’s little information about the killer, and that’s intentional.
The blank space in this case is the focus. King is really more interested in observing how an audience interfaces with a mystery and what makes them so compelling. He spells all this out as much in an afterword, down to explaining why he wanted to write the story and his perspective on “wanting” an answer being better than “knowing” the answer.
…Is Far and Away from Haven’s Premise
The TV show Haven, however, is very, very different. The show follows FBI agent Audrey Parker (Emily Rose), who is drawn to the town to investigate the inexplicable murder of a criminal who escaped federal prison. When it’s revealed he was killed by impossible means, she soon discovers a phenomenon known as “The Troubles”: the sudden and often subconscious manifestation of dangerous supernatural abilities in the townspeople of Haven. As Audrey realizes her past is intertwined with The Troubles, she attempts to solve the mystery of what’s causing them and who she really is as she becomes entrenched in the lives of Haven’s locals.
Different versions of newspaper owners Dave and Vince, as well as The Colorado Kid himself in season 2, do show up in Haven. But fundamentally, the show is an entirely different beast tonally. It is far and away from the novel, and strangely enough, that was at Stephen King’s request. He initially told Ernst and Dunn when the show was being pitched to ABC to spice it up with more supernatural elements.
Hence, how it ended up as a monster of the week show on Syfy. Double hence, how it became an unrecognizable adaptation of a hardly supernatural book. If I had to compare it to any of the Golden Age shows, it’s most obviously inspired by The X-Files. That being said, it’s hard not to draw comparisons to Fringe. Especially given how, like Fringe, Haven becomes really, really serialized rather than episodic.
A Flat, Kind of Cheesy First Season That Grows on You
The initial monster of the week format set up in Season 1 does carry into the following four seasons, but it becomes very clear that there is a main mythology that will take precedence by early Season 2. While the supernatural mysteries that make up the bulk of the episodes are solid (see episodes 1, 4, 6, 8, and 10 through 13 for the best of the first season), they’re mostly establishing the groundwork for Audrey’s personal narrative arc.
The mysteries are also the backdrop for Audrey’s budding love triangle with local handsome cop Nathan Wournos (Lucas Bryant) and local handsome rogue Duke Crocker (Eric Balfour). The romance is kind of terrible, and unfortunately very frequent since they’re often cooperating to solve the mysteries together.
So, that’s all I’m going to say about it in an effort to be kind.
Haven Season 2 Deepens Audrey Parker’s Mystery
Haven’s first season is mostly tame, erring on slightly underwhelming, with some very cheesy dialogue and drama. The characters aren’t nailed down as anything but loose pastiches until the last several episodes. By then, they’ve built some weight and dimension to them. Where Season 1 leaves off is a pretty solid cliffhanger that will have you at least curious enough to venture into Season 2 if you’ve watched this far. It serves as the first big bite into the intrigue of the question “Who Is Audrey Parker?”, which is the central pillar of the show.
Season 2 is much more engaging, and the episodic mysteries feel much more significant and dangerous. Eventually, the mythology around Audrey and the Troubles sprawls out into a maze of even more questions involving secret societies, split personalities, time travel, and tears in the fabric of reality. That last bit might stand out to fans of The Dark Tower series, and that’s because I’m talking about exactly what you think I’m talking about (no spoilers!).
A Stephen King Adaptation About Stephen King Stories
The show is only somewhat effective at establishing its mythos around Audrey and The Troubles. But I have to appreciate it for what it manages to do in the process, especially throughout the second season as it gives us one good solid villain to follow in the malicious Reverend Driscoll. He is a classic King-style villain, and an embodiment of what Haven really excels at. The same way that The Colorado Kid is a mystery novel about mystery novels, Haven is a Stephen King adaptation about Stephen King Stories.
This goes beyond the fact that they’re effectively trying to find a new person with the shine every week and stopping them before they have their own personal “Black Prom” level meltdown. The show is chockful of references, small and large (the vast majority are sight gags referring directly to Stephen King stories) to his writing. There’s an abundance of episodes whose plots are overtly reinterpretations of King’s works, especially in season two with various homages to It, Maximum Overdrive, and The Dark Half.
And even when the show doesn’t have a one-to-one analog with a King story, it excels at stocking Haven Island with a variety of secondary characters that genuinely feel like the cast of a Stephen King book. The dialog might be corny and the residents strange, but it does feel like a lived in setting, a hallmark of the author’s many fictional small towns in Maine (which get namedropped a decent amount in the show, obviously, they’re all neighbors). Also, when we get the answer of who exactly Audrey is, it actually does end up connecting to the greater Stephen King mythos in a way that is surprising and kind of fun, even if the ending is a little underwhelming and gives Buffy finale flashbacks.
Haven Isn’t Half Bad
At the end of the day, I can’t confidently say Haven is a great show. Especially with how it drags in a lot of places (that double-wide trailer of a fifth season is particularly egregious). It can be exceptionally hit or miss. But it’s so uniquely dedicated to recapturing the vibes of a Stephen King story, that I have to admire it when it does succeed, when some might find that a futile task. Paradoxically, the further it gets away from the source material it was barely riffing off of, the more King it feels.
It is at the very least an incredibly unique show in the Silver Age of Supernatural TV, and if you can tolerate the melodrama of your Supernatural’s and Warehouse 13’s, you’re likely to find some amusement in it even if you’re tuning in and out while watching it. More than ten years out now from Haven’s 2015 finale, it’s safe to say the series won’t click with everybody, but for fans that enjoy homages to the prolific horror author’s extensive repertoire, you’ll be hard pressed to find a show that shows more love to King than this.
Let’s look back at a time none of us really want to…December of 2020. Trump is in the final few months of his first term as President. The nation is still in the midst of the COVID pandemic. With dictatorship, political and social unrest, and a pandemic sweeping the nation, it felt like either the best or the worst time for something like The Stand to return to American pop culture.
The Stand’s miniseries remake came out in 2020. Generally, the consensus is pretty negative. The original Mick Garris series from the 1990s is also very flawed and received an extremely mixed reception, but it has also garnered a bit of a cult status. None of this is too surprising, seeing as the novel is a grandiose epic that is a daunting task to adapt perfectly. Regardless of iteration, though, it unfortunately seems like a fairly relevant text for troubled times, and seems to continuously return to the zeitgeist in times of recession or despair. So…why exactly does it keep coming back?
The Stand in the 1990s
The Stand was originally published in 1978, and was a smash hit. For those unfamiliar, the novel is a post-apocalyptic, fantasy-horror epic concerning the outbreak of a deadly disease called Captain Trips’. Groups of pure-of-heart Survivors are brought together by premonitions of a psychic woman named Mother Abigail. She is a symbol of everything good in the world. Meanwhile, a demonic drifter named Randall Flagg begins to collect vagrants to build a fascist regime out of a gutted Las Vegas. Commercially and critically, the novel struck a chord with audiences everywhere. King was well-known already for Salem’s Lot, Carrie, and The Shining, so a horror-adventure epic felt like the next step for him. In the 1990s, a complete and unabridged edition was published, clocking in at over 1100 pages. This edition is where the novel’s political analysis can really start.
One notable detail changed from the 1970s edition to the 1990s uncut version is the inclusion of contemporary details. The timeline was changed to cement the book with a sense of timelessness. One haunting detail in particular is the comparison of the disease to the AIDS epidemic, which was devastating the country in the 1980s and 90s.
While the comparison is not a major detail of this changed text, it feels very purposeful in its playing into the politics. With the fictional Captain Trips’ connection to the U.S government’s failure to help/control the disease, one can feel the frustration with the Reagan cabinet’s handling of the pandemic during the 1980s. The miniseries premiered in the 1990s as well, so it makes sense that some of these same frustrations might be the catalyst for the book’s first major adaptation.
The Stand in 2020 and 2026
This was touched upon in the intro, but like the 1990s, 2020’s decision to adapt might have lined up perfectly with the world’s current affairs. COVID and Trump are clear, commonly stated comparisons to Captain Trips, as well as Randall Flagg. With Trump back in power in 2026, the CDC is gutted, giving way to poop lettuce and a rise in Measles. One can begin dog-earring the old mass market paperback of The Stand and pull their collars in nervousness.
Randall Flagg’s attention to Las Vegas coincides with Trump’s love of all things gold and grand. The faux-royal look, with redecorations to the White House and a hideous ballroom, might remind constant readers of Randall Flagg’s move to Las Vegas. All of the garishness is but a fake distraction, decorations so his followers do not see that the promises are all fake. At the end of the day, it is all designed to serve Flagg and Flagg only. It might be time for another adaptation soon…
Apocalypse fiction, and Hope rooted in Horror
The Stand is a testament to the power of horror and genre fiction. The reason horror has maintained its cultural relevance more than any other genre is its relevance to cultural fears and worries. All the way back to Night of the Living Dead, the genre had recognized the world around it and found ways to tell stories to allow a sense of escapism, and an outlet for anxiety. The Stand is possibly the greatest example of this.
The Stand will always be relevant, unfortunately, because there will always be Randall Flaggs. There will always be Captain Trips’. This incarnate evil will always exist in some capacity in society, in one way or another. However, there will also be Mother Abigails. There will always be Tom Cullens. The Stand exists for catharsis, yes, escapism, yes, but also as hope.
As we see at the end of the novel’s extended edition, Randall Flagg does not die-he just is reborn in a different time period. On the other hand, after Mother Abigail’s death, she continues to speak to the survivors as well. There will always be evil, but there will also always be good. The Stand is a testament to the cultural catharsis of horror, but also the necessary hope rooted in the darkest stories we tell.
