Reviews
FIRE (AND SKULL SHIPS) IN THE SKY: ‘Kids vs Aliens’ (2022) Review
In high school, I was a massive fan of the grindhouse film Hobo With A Shotgun, probably to an annoying degree (sorry about that guys!). So obviously, I was delighted to find out its director Jason Eisener was heading a spin-off of his V/H/S series segment “Slumber Party Alien Abduction.” I was completely unaware that “Slumber Party” was one of his creations, primarily due to Eisener’s incredibly variable style. This newest venture is also borderline unrecognizable as a spin-off, but I’m glad Kids vs. Aliens is still pretty darn good.
A Sibling Story Meets Alien Chaos
Kids vs. Aliens follows the strained relationship of younger brother Gary (Dominic Mariche) and older sister Sam (Phoebe Rex). With their neglectful parents away, Sam’s attempt to throw a Halloween party to fit in spirals out of control. It gets even worse when aliens attack the gathering and take victims under the waters of the nearby lake.
The greatest hallmark of how different Kids vs. Aliens is from “Slumber Party” is in its incredibly different aesthetics. Muted camcorder footage has been traded up for much more professional wares, at the cost of verisimilitude. The found footage aspect has been dropped almost entirely, bar a few references to the kid’s home movies. Now we get an incredibly bright tone and very high saturation that makes costumes and lighting pop with a big flash of color. The vibes of the set design are bespoke when paired with this, giving us the most colorful Halloween party I’ve seen on screen in a while (you know, before it all gets jacked up). As a result of the trade-up, we also get some genuinely impressive underwater segments that I know had to be a pain to film but came out great.
A Shift from Terror to Campy Fun
The change in aesthetics also shows a clear shift in the film’s goals. Whereas “Slumber Party Alien Abduction” was terrifying and heartbreaking, this movie never aims for pulse-pounding fear. Outside of similar shots and mirroring plot, the tone is nothing like the original short film. This was admittedly disappointing at first since that was my main point of comparison.
My closest point of comparison now for this would be something like Psycho Goreman. This movie evokes much of the same charm that film had without inheriting its flaws. My second closest point of comparison would be a Goosebumps book if it had a parental advisory sticker. Which, make no mistake, is a good thing! When I came to terms with what this film was, I could enjoy it as a purely campy good time.
Stellar Cast with Comedic Chops
Beyond technical stuff, I greatly enjoyed the cast, all of whom have great comedic timing. Gary, Jack, and Miles are the central grace of this movie, delivering a bunch of surprisingly hilarious lines naturally; I didn’t expect to laugh as much as I did, but everybody just hit their beats right on time. Just like Mariche, Rex also sells herself nicely. You buy her as a wrestling junkie and devoted sister who secretly loves being the star of his homemade monster movies. Even when she’s swinging around an incredibly fake-looking sword, she’s giving a pretty good performance. And when things get serious, they can all pull back and deliver on sincere and sometimes sad moments.
You hear that?
It’s the sound of a film where someone gets liquefied, being more sincere than half of the big-budget releases this year.
A Memorably Vile Villain
The main human antagonist Billy (played by Calem MacDonald), is also so memorable because he must have the worst case of an anti-social personality disorder I’ve ever seen on film. He is downright evil in a way that becomes funny, then doubles back on being despicable again twice over. When he isn’t running for his life, he’s devoted to killing a group of kids who have done nothing to him other than be around. His consistency is incredible, and I don’t care if it’s bad character writing. I love it!
So, how are the aliens putting them in danger then? All right, mostly, heavily carried by how nasty the movie is willing to get with its special effects. You get some silly creature acting that’s a lot more haunted house than haunting, but I’m not complaining. Acid slime melting people and mutating ooze is the real star of the show, however, with everything looking the right level of viscous to make you go “ewww” at least once. The way some characters go out in this is messy, prolonged, and meanspirited in the best of ways.
Synth-Wave Soundtrack Hits the Right Notes
The last thing I should note is the music by Andrew Gordon MacPherson, a synth-wave-heavy soundtrack. It’s effectively equal parts Power Glove and Power Rangers, which fits the movie’s look nicely. It stands out as a pretty good addition to the catalog in a burgeoning era of horror, where I’ve noticed many filmmakers lean on the music to evoke feeling rather than accentuate it. While it is sometimes a bit louder than I would prefer for a scene, it’s a well-made OST that doesn’t try and force a mood. It just strikes the right balance it needs to.
In the end, Kids vs. Aliens may not utilize the full potential of its horrifying premise in the way its short film counterpart did. When it comes to scares, it’s severely lacking. But, as I’ve made clear in many of my reviews, being scared is rarely the end-all-be-all of a great horror movie, and you shouldn’t let that determine whether you see this one. Eisener’s latest endeavor is goofy and tongue-in-cheek, but incredibly heartfelt and well-made too. Its clunkiness in spots is definitively outweighed by its charm, so this is me saying it as strongly as I can: watch it.
Make sure you catch Kids Vs. Aliens on Shudder starting April 14th!
Reviews
‘Iron Lung’ Review: Exceptionally Atmospheric Cosmic Horror
As Iron Lung begins, the film places you in an overhead shot looking down at a submarine that’s seen better days. Jagged metal teeth of a broken cage sit at its head, illuminated by a light from the ship above that’s about to cut it loose. As you’re about to be dropped into a roiling ocean of blood, you become quickly invested in its story.
A dire paternal voiceover runs you through your place in the world as an observer: someone is being sent into the “waters” of a far-off moon in a dead, dark galaxy. They’re in search of an answer you’re automatically aware will never be enough and a penance they will never attain. It prompts an obvious, cutting question: if Hell is where we’re looking for an answer, how bad must things be among the stars to go searching there for hope?
A Surprising Outing for Writer and Director Mark Fischbach
The debut feature film of writer and director Mark Fischbach, better known to the internet at large as Markiplier, is as surprising as it is atmospheric. And no, not surprising because Fischbach is an internet personality crossing over into film. And no, not surprising because this is a video game adaptation that is actually quite good.
The surprise here is mainly from the way Fischbach dodges a number of first-time filmmaker torpedoes that would otherwise sink the film straight to the sea floor. It’s in the very clear coordination and trust he has with his cast and crew. In a way, the film itself is a mirror of the submersible his character is forced to pilot: flawed, surely, but strong enough to complete its mission and deliver an exceptional experience.
What Is Iron Lung About Exactly?
The story goes as follows: in the wake of an event called the Quiet Rapture, the stars themselves have been snuffed out. Most of the galaxy has been plunged into sudden darkness, and a mass dying off has consumed countless worlds (think the worst possible aftermath to The Nine Billion Names of God).
Convicted for a reprehensible crime, the convict Simon (played by Markiplier himself) has been given a rare opportunity to return to life among the survivors. The mission is to pilot a death trap of a one-man submarine into the blood oceans of an alien moon, looking for a scientific sample useful enough to earn his freedom. That is, assuming he doesn’t lose his mind or his life in the process.
Bespoke Set Design That Matches the Premise Perfectly
Iron Lung should be commended first and foremost for being a bottle film with the perfect set design to match. Not overly ambitious, but not too simplistic either. Contained in a marvel of a small space, the submarine here is a tactile nightmare of rusty metal and antiquated technology you never get sick of seeing more of.
While Fischbach and director of photography Philip Roy have the camera linger in close ups almost too often, I don’t blame them for wanting to capture the finer details and leer at them. It’s clear every inch of this condensation covered machine was engineered by the art team and production design to emphasize its prison cell qualities as a barely functional vessel.
The ship’s external camera fires off like a flash bulb on its interior, barely illuminating the cabin with its next horrific image of the sea floor before plunging us back into darkness. The oxygen gauge and its cold robotic voice are a countdown to the painful annihilation that awaits its pilot. Its proximity sensors give only the barest indications of what’s going on outside, ticking a dull noise warning us: you are not alone. It’s a punishment to operate, and the set design as well as the very solid sound design that accompany it make that violently clear and effectively spinetingling.
Translation From Game to Film Isn’t So Perfect Though
This perfect setting isn’t always used perfectly though. The translation of the game’s mechanics and gameplay to the screen are both a weakness and a strength. They make the pacing of the first third run to a slow start, especially when Fischbach’s screenplay grinds against the strong suit of the film’s cinematography: the panic of it all.
Like its video game source material, David Szymanski’s Iron Lung, the film is really at its best when it’s instilling a sense of active and imminent panic. A tone that matches the borrowed time the submarine is glued together with. Putting out fires, both literal and metaphorical, ratcheting up its claustrophobia as you’re placed cheek to cheek with Simon in steamy, metallic darkness. This is where Iron Lung shines.
Markiplier’s Performance in Iron Lung is Hit or Miss, But Mostly Hits
It’s outside of these moments of panic where the weakest parts of the script and Fischbach’s performance are highlighted. Some weak line deliveries and beats of dead air kill the real tight headlock the film could have you gripped in from start to finish. And while Fischbach is phenomenal at playing terrified or pleading or even simple exhaustion in the face of the impossible, he really requires someone to bounce off of as his solo work just isn’t as compelling. Even the clunkiest bits of dialogue between him and his jailer (Caroline Kaplan) are better than the best of his moments where he talks to himself or tries to inject some humor into the bleak story.
This is a shame too, because the minimalist storytelling and background we get for his character is genuinely very intriguing. It’s thematically rich for what the film is trying to say about the power and terror of belief, and it’s doubly satisfying that the film has enough confidence to not lay everything out in a longwinded speech explaining the motives and lore that landed him here.
All that being said, his performance is hit or miss, but he mostly hits. The dialogue becomes more urgent as we approach the climax, and all of the cast delivers on that impending doom nicely. It reaches its peak in the final act, and Fischbach is on fire as he struggles to hold himself together in the face of absolute madness leaching its way into the pressurized cabin.
Iron Lung: A Redemptive Finale With Pure Liquid Body Horror
What a fantastic final act it is, one that makes up for its imperfection in the first two parts with a homerun of pure liquid body horror. It’s just phenomenal how the film’s digital and practical effects present the true horrors of Iron Lung. There’s a near perfect mesh between the two, and they highlight the best influences of similar genre films that came before.
Soaked with all the gore, madness, and mystery of the likes of Event Horizon and Pandorum, Iron Lung is a worthy successor in the cosmic horror genre as it rises above its own problems. It’s a moody, environmentally precise stunner of a horror film that sets a benchmark as the movie to beat for forthcoming releases this year.
Reviews
‘The Ritual (2017)’ Review: When Grief Gets Gruesome
The Ritual is, without a doubt, one of the most completely enthralling horror films of the past decade. Usually, I wouldn’t open with such a strong reaction for a movie that isn’t a technical and narrative masterpiece, but this is close enough to call that in. It’s at the very least masterful work that deserves more love, and that’s even with it having a permanent home and high placement on the world’s biggest streaming platform. It’s no longer the obscure hidden gem it was at the time of release, if it ever was that, but I refuse to stop talking about it.
The sheer catharsis this film grants through its cast, and the way its environment really pushes that cast of characters, is what I could only describe as “surgical.” It cuts to the bone. It’s a movie about the strangling nature of grief, and it gives us a great time showing its characters fighting against that choking feeling.
What is The Ritual (2017) About?
After the death of Rob, things haven’t been the same for Luke. The memories of the robbery that took his life, a robbery he had to witness hiding behind a liquor shelf, still haunt him. But there’s a chance for closure as he and his friends go on the trip that Luke had helped plan the night he died.
Their quest to honor his memory sends them through the beautiful locales of Northern Sweden, along a hiking trail in the mountains. But after an attempt at a shortcut sends the group deep into the woods and they struggle to get back on course, it becomes violently clear they aren’t the only ones in the wilderness. Ritualistic markings, involving dead animals and dire effigies, warn of a much greater power lurking in the forest. Whether they can escape it depends on whether they can keep each other safe long enough to get out.
Netflix Could You Lock In And Do A Physical Release For Once
This is a phenomenal film, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t get up on my soapbox about its format for just one moment. Regrettably, this is a streaming-only film that has been shackled by Netflix to its platform. It has an excessively rare DVD release floating around, but that is also unfortunately, region locked, and likely more low fidelity than most physical collectors would like. Especially when so much of this movie relies on shadow and darkness, a Blu-Ray release is kind of obligatory for high quality preservation of the director’s vision.
Not sure what I expected from the media conglomerate that it is. Netflix is already notorious for refusing to release physical media and then cancelling and erasing shows from the platform. What are we going to do with you Netflix? You only ever seem to cause me problems. Just make the physical release for this already.
Gorgeous, Grotesque, And Gut-wrenching All At The Same Time
Setting that thought aside, this film was bound to be fantastic given the horror pedigree behind it. Cutting loose anthology director David Bruckner, the MVP of the V/H/S franchise, then giving him a budget and legendary location scouting is about as great as you’d expect. It’s like saying that sugar and butter make things taste better; should you really be shocked?
When you have this many lighting and environmental factors to juggle, expectations are understandably high. The film on paper should look at least a little choppy, but Bruckner and cinematographer Andrew Shulkind really are in their element here. This is only exemplified even further by the film’s most memorable space-bending set piece at its climax. I won’t even risk spoiling it for lack of a better description, but I will say the stark contrast they play with light and shadow here makes for some really captivating visuals and frightening moments.
The naturalistic environment this folk horror takes place in really has a knack for showing the contrasting beauty and grotesqueness of the things hiding in the woods. And its director really has a knack for using that environment to squeeze the actors for all they’ve got.
A Phenomenal Cast Led By Rafe Spall
Make no mistake: The Ritual is not just a pretty face. This is at its core a story about a group of men facing their strained relationships in the wake of a brutal death, and all the ugliness that entails. They’re foolish, angry, bitter, and sad people struggling each in their own way to accept a loss. What it leads you with is what you’d expect to be one-note characters being slotted into archetypal roles, but what they end up as feels surprisingly real.
The obvious star here is our lead Rafe Spall, whose turn as main character Luke ranges from downright depressing to shockingly soul lifting. You can see Spall plays him as a man slowly trying to piece himself back together, fumbling as he’s soaked in alcohol and self-pity. His changing demeanor throughout the film really reflects the truth of his character: he was only ever going to change and confront his past when he was forced to. And him being forced to go through supernatural circumstances really does make for one of the most satisfying character arcs in a horror film I’ve ever seen.
Is This The Best Creature Design Of The Past 20 Years?
Again, it’s difficult to talk about this film without spoiling its most fun moments, so I will just say that you only stand to gain something by watching it. If its emotional aspects don’t grab you, its aesthetic qualities will. And if all that fails to grab you, maybe this will: The Ritual boasts what is the definitively best monster design of the 2010s, if not the past 20 years. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can top the visual concept this film delivers on with that design. Need I say more?


