Reviews
FIRE (AND SKULL SHIPS) IN THE SKY: ‘Kids vs Aliens’ (2022) Review
In high school, I was a massive fan of the grindhouse film Hobo With A Shotgun, probably to an annoying degree (sorry about that guys!). So obviously, I was delighted to find out its director Jason Eisener was heading a spin-off of his V/H/S series segment “Slumber Party Alien Abduction.” I was completely unaware that “Slumber Party” was one of his creations, primarily due to Eisener’s incredibly variable style. This newest venture is also borderline unrecognizable as a spin-off, but I’m glad Kids vs. Aliens is still pretty darn good.
A Sibling Story Meets Alien Chaos
Kids vs. Aliens follows the strained relationship of younger brother Gary (Dominic Mariche) and older sister Sam (Phoebe Rex). With their neglectful parents away, Sam’s attempt to throw a Halloween party to fit in spirals out of control. It gets even worse when aliens attack the gathering and take victims under the waters of the nearby lake.
The greatest hallmark of how different Kids vs. Aliens is from “Slumber Party” is in its incredibly different aesthetics. Muted camcorder footage has been traded up for much more professional wares, at the cost of verisimilitude. The found footage aspect has been dropped almost entirely, bar a few references to the kid’s home movies. Now we get an incredibly bright tone and very high saturation that makes costumes and lighting pop with a big flash of color. The vibes of the set design are bespoke when paired with this, giving us the most colorful Halloween party I’ve seen on screen in a while (you know, before it all gets jacked up). As a result of the trade-up, we also get some genuinely impressive underwater segments that I know had to be a pain to film but came out great.
A Shift from Terror to Campy Fun
The change in aesthetics also shows a clear shift in the film’s goals. Whereas “Slumber Party Alien Abduction” was terrifying and heartbreaking, this movie never aims for pulse-pounding fear. Outside of similar shots and mirroring plot, the tone is nothing like the original short film. This was admittedly disappointing at first since that was my main point of comparison.
My closest point of comparison now for this would be something like Psycho Goreman. This movie evokes much of the same charm that film had without inheriting its flaws. My second closest point of comparison would be a Goosebumps book if it had a parental advisory sticker. Which, make no mistake, is a good thing! When I came to terms with what this film was, I could enjoy it as a purely campy good time.
Stellar Cast with Comedic Chops
Beyond technical stuff, I greatly enjoyed the cast, all of whom have great comedic timing. Gary, Jack, and Miles are the central grace of this movie, delivering a bunch of surprisingly hilarious lines naturally; I didn’t expect to laugh as much as I did, but everybody just hit their beats right on time. Just like Mariche, Rex also sells herself nicely. You buy her as a wrestling junkie and devoted sister who secretly loves being the star of his homemade monster movies. Even when she’s swinging around an incredibly fake-looking sword, she’s giving a pretty good performance. And when things get serious, they can all pull back and deliver on sincere and sometimes sad moments.
You hear that?
It’s the sound of a film where someone gets liquefied, being more sincere than half of the big-budget releases this year.
A Memorably Vile Villain
The main human antagonist Billy (played by Calem MacDonald), is also so memorable because he must have the worst case of an anti-social personality disorder I’ve ever seen on film. He is downright evil in a way that becomes funny, then doubles back on being despicable again twice over. When he isn’t running for his life, he’s devoted to killing a group of kids who have done nothing to him other than be around. His consistency is incredible, and I don’t care if it’s bad character writing. I love it!
So, how are the aliens putting them in danger then? All right, mostly, heavily carried by how nasty the movie is willing to get with its special effects. You get some silly creature acting that’s a lot more haunted house than haunting, but I’m not complaining. Acid slime melting people and mutating ooze is the real star of the show, however, with everything looking the right level of viscous to make you go “ewww” at least once. The way some characters go out in this is messy, prolonged, and meanspirited in the best of ways.
Synth-Wave Soundtrack Hits the Right Notes
The last thing I should note is the music by Andrew Gordon MacPherson, a synth-wave-heavy soundtrack. It’s effectively equal parts Power Glove and Power Rangers, which fits the movie’s look nicely. It stands out as a pretty good addition to the catalog in a burgeoning era of horror, where I’ve noticed many filmmakers lean on the music to evoke feeling rather than accentuate it. While it is sometimes a bit louder than I would prefer for a scene, it’s a well-made OST that doesn’t try and force a mood. It just strikes the right balance it needs to.
In the end, Kids vs. Aliens may not utilize the full potential of its horrifying premise in the way its short film counterpart did. When it comes to scares, it’s severely lacking. But, as I’ve made clear in many of my reviews, being scared is rarely the end-all-be-all of a great horror movie, and you shouldn’t let that determine whether you see this one. Eisener’s latest endeavor is goofy and tongue-in-cheek, but incredibly heartfelt and well-made too. Its clunkiness in spots is definitively outweighed by its charm, so this is me saying it as strongly as I can: watch it.
Make sure you catch Kids Vs. Aliens on Shudder starting April 14th!
Reviews
‘Them That Follow’ Review: A Bleak and Brilliant Thriller
From Blood Shine to now, I’ve really been eating my words with my “don’t like cult horror” attitude. Maybe all I needed was a gigantic break from the hundreds of cult-based horror films that were being churned out. Or, maybe the subgenre just needed some space to find its footing? Anyway, imagine the shock on my face when I was researching snake-based horror films and came across Them That Follow, starring Walton Goggins, Olivia Coleman, Kaitlyn Dever, and *checks notes* Jim Gaffigan!
Lemuel (Walton Goggins) is the pastor of a snake-fearing religious group, tucked away deep in the Appalachian mountains. His daughter, Mara (Alice Englert), is set to marry Garret (Lewis Pullman), a man she seemingly has no interest in. As their young love comes into question, Johnny Law starts breathing down their necks. With her best friend Dilly (Kaitlyn Dever) on her side, Mara questions everything she’s known about her life thus far. Will she go forward and marry a man she may not even love? Or, will her former fling, Auggie (Thomas Mann), win her affection and get her to leave this awful life behind?
A Slow-Burn With Style
Writer/directors Brittany Poulton and Dan Madison Savage bring a wholly unique feature to the table with Them That Follow. At first, the film’s meandering and lackluster pace is grating. WHEN will something happen? WHAT will move this story forward? Slowly but surely, Poulton and Savage’s story serpentines its way into nihilistic horror. If you have zero control over your life, what kind of life is it? Them That Follow is a harrowing, albeit slow, exploration of grief in a way that “elevated horror” typically fails at doing. Rather than forcing audiences into its grief, Poulton and Savage craft an excellent story around it.
Them That Follow explores not just grief, but groupthink. In a world where deeply religious political parties storm pizza restaurants with automatic weapons and kill in the name of their god, this film acts as a harsh mirror. YOU may not be aware that groups like this exist…they do. One of my favorite articles is written by someone who embedded himself in a Q-adjacent cult as he chronicled just how broken some of these groups are. (I wish I could remember the title/author, sorry!) Them That Follow does an incredible job at visualizing some of the things I read in that article. Those who believe Lemuel see nothing wrong with letting one of their friends get bitten by a venomous snake and slowly drift into a quiet death in the name of their god.
Outstanding Performances and a Surprising Cast
What really excited me about Them That Follow is how wonderfully miserable the cast is. Never have I seen people portray misery as entertainingly as this cast. Walton Goggins embodies his violent optimism in a way I haven’t seen him do before (though I haven’t seen Justified). Olivia Coleman is brilliant as always. But it’s everyman comedian Jim Gaffigan who really caught my eye. His performance is subtle and refined, something I didn’t think he could pull off. And if you ever thought you would see the day where Jim Gaffigan and Olivia Coleman play husband and wife on screen, you’re lying.
It’s not until the final act that the film goes from stagnant (positively) forwardness to amped up energy. I was concerned Them That Follow wouldn’t nail an interesting stinger, but Poulton and Savage wrapped a bloody brilliant bow on the end of this gift. I did wish they had gone in a different, less realistic angle to the film’s ending; something more grotesque. But I can’t fault them for leaving the film grounded in a reality that is justified and believable. Not all films like this have to end with a supernatural, Lovecraftian twist. And for that, I tip my ten-gallon hat to them.
Why Them That Follow Deserves More Attention
Them That Follow was an incredible surprise, and a wonderful change of pace for what cult-based horror films typically are. With a stacked cast, brilliant writing, and stunning performances, I’m shocked more people haven’t stumbled across this film. It utilizes its snake-based horror well and doesn’t vilify those slithery sneaks in a way many snake-based horror films do. At the very least, watch this film to see what it would be like if Olivia Coleman and Jim Gaffigan were married.
Reviews
‘Five Nights at Freddy’s 2’ Review: Fanservice Wrapped in Mess
I have no illusions that Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 entertained me due in no small part to personal bias. There was genuine enjoyment to be had for how silly and fun it was and enjoy it I did. I, of all people, am not immune to nostalgia. But there’s no mincing words: the second outing at the cinemas for creator Scott Cawthon’s behemoth horror franchise is, in no uncertain terms, a movie of mixed to low quality. It’s kind of bad. And that’s okay.
Its effects are simultaneously better and worse, its dialogue ranges from alright to atrocious, and its performances are all over the place. The premise it runs with, remixing the second game with its shiny new Toy versions of the Fazbear Entertainment gang, is a fun time fueled by fan service and busting at the seams to try and accommodate it all to an under two-hour runtime. But it’s messier than the backrooms of the pizzerias it takes place in.
A Remix of Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 (And Others), Heavy on Fanservice
This time, the primary antagonist puppeteering a cast of aggressive animatronics is literally a puppet; the Marionette, a scorned victim of the previous film’s antagonist William Afton. Slain and bound to the very first restaurant Afton started, a group of ghost hunters unleash its evil when a recording of their show goes horribly wrong. It’s up to Mike (Josh Hutcherson) and Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail) to try and seal it away again, or risk their lives being torn apart by the supernatural once more.
For the game fans this film was crafted for, it will satiate any lore craving they might have. Well, at least until the third film, when Mike will combat oxygen deprivation that causes him to hallucinate phantom animatronics (no, that sentence is not a joke, that actually happens). There are tidbits of foreshadowing for sequels, confirmations of theories, retcons, and somewhat amusing cameos. For everyone else, you’ll get a good laugh and the occasional scare, but you will have a plethora of questions.
The Screenplay Has Been Springlocked
The script for this sequel is riddled with oddities, nothing characters, and genre cliches that are in a quantum state of “good because it’s hilarious” and “bad because it’s genuinely bad” depending on who is delivering them. The story isn’t always predictable just because of the adaptation factor it relishes in, but its dialogue is undeniably silly and hamstrings what could otherwise be good performances with a need to rush along lore and forced character development.
Hutcherson’s go around as Mike this time is phoned in, and it doesn’t help that he wasn’t given anything to work with other than being a stereotypical single father figure to his kid sister. It’s not all bleak; Lail does actually deliver the film’s best bits in a genuinely frightening dream sequence delving into Vanessa’s backstory. She also gets a few fun final girl moments, but hasn’t reached the level of iconic that would garner calling her a scream queen; we’ll see if that changes in 3 given the radical shift in character she goes through here.
Great Villains Hamstrung by an Imperfect Script (And Effects)
Piper Rubio is once again fit to her role as Abby, though the character she’s playing is oddly one note for a child who is psychic friends with the ghosts of dead kids. The brief voice lines for the animatronics by guest stars garner little in the way of memorability, but long-time Freddy voice actor Kellen Goff does manage to make a solid impact with the one or two lines he receives.
While we’re on the topic of those new fiendish animatronics, they are much better than anticipated. Their practical puppetry bases and how they’re composited with the CGI isn’t bad at all, with game designs translating well and moving nicely. The Marionette’s myriad forms, however, do feel exceptionally goofy despite the terrifying concept of a slithering octopoid puppet ghost with no concrete skeleton. They’re the lowlight of the film’s effects, but it’s kind of endearing how silly they look.
The biggest victim of the film, however, is Freddy Carter. He plays the creep factor of his character up to a thousand in a way that absolutely would work with better writing and a darker tone. But he’s shackled by the lore implications of being a character people have been waiting for, in a way that feels more offensive to the story than the constant easter eggs. Every word that leaves his mouth feels comically bad, laden with exposition or just outright limp and cold linework.
We Underused Matthew Lillard Again (And Skeet Ulrich This Time Too)
Which is a shame, because our minor villain does get to have fun. Matthew Lillard’s brief screen chewing time in the sun as William Afton once more is delightful, playing a deranged killer in a yellow bunny costume with all the glee that visual would indicate.
Skeet Ulrich as fan favorite character Henry Emily, however, doesn’t get nearly enough time to shine. Despite being a perfect casting for the role and delivering a convincing turn as a grieving father, he’s relegated to just delivering a plot device that gets 30 seconds of screentime. Here’s to hoping the next film reunites the Scream alums, allowing the long-time rivals of the game to finally cross paths.
Can Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 Be More Than Fan Service?
I suppose the constant reiteration of that last point is important to address: the current train of thought is that hopefully, eventually, the kinks will be worked out as far as the Five Nights at Freddy’s films go. Though I’m not holding my breath.
There are no reservations that this is, first and foremost gateway horror for younger audiences, with a nostalgia barbed fishhook to sink into in older fans as well. My humble prediction is that almost all of these films will remain roughly the same level of quality (middling to poor), the same level of frightening (more than you’d think and much less than you’d hope), and the same level of entertaining for the segments of the population it hits for (a fairly fun time).
And maybe that’s enough. To simply be entertaining gateway horror is fine, I don’t think there’s a screaming necessity for these to be masterpieces. This movie is kind of bad, and that’s okay if all you need is some fleeting entertainment or to see your favorite game adapted to film. But films with this much franchise potential should be treated as all others. They can be strong horror films with great iconography rather than features beholden entirely to that iconography.
Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 fails to wow in any particular department other than being “for the fans” and much of its unintentional humor. Still, there’s a glimmer of hope here in its silvery eyes that this can all be something more down the line.


