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‘Snakes on a Plane’: A First-Time Watch Review

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I entirely missed the pre-release Internet buzz surrounding 2006’s Snakes on a Plane. I had far too many commitments to my Neopets to take notice of such things. But I think that’s what intrigued me most about watching it for the first time in honor of snake month. Now that we’re nearly 20 years removed from the firestorm of publicity around the viral hit, what’re we left with?

The plot is simple enough, though it has a few more layers than the title implies. Surfer Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips) witnesses a brutal mob hit perpetrated by Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson). FBI agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) spirits him away from Hawai’i to Los Angeles to testify against the mobster. Alas, their flight takes a turn for the worse when Kim has a variety of venomous snakes released on board. Sean, Flynn, and the plane’s crew and passengers then do everything they can to survive the deadly, hissing onslaught.

Does Snakes on a Plane Hold Up?

Right off the bat, one of the things that most marks this as a 2006 feature is the CGI. The titular serpents are thankfully brought to life by animatronics and real non-venomous snakes in certain scenes. However, whenever they are entirely computer generated, they’re sheeny-shiny monstrosities straight out of a Fruit Roll-Up commercial. We’re also graced with some truly hideous “SnakeVision.” As in, the frame suddenly becomes drenched in lime green like the camera just won a Kids’ Choice Award.

Don’t get me started on POV shots assuming that a creature’s vision is the same color as its skin tone. We simply don’t have time for a chat about evolutionary biology. What really matters is that it’s ugly and renders it impossible to tell what’s going on in those scenes. Fortunately, a lot of the deaths doled out by those CGI, green-eyed snakes result in some solid, practical gore. There are also a surprising amount of deaths that have nothing to do with the snakes, which are similarly well-rendered.

Using Post-9/11 Flight Anxiety to Build Tension

Additionally, the second most 2006-y thing about Snakes on a Plane is very much used to its advantage. The state of air travel post-9/11 is an excellent cultural context in which to ground this type of thriller. Between the difficult-to-access cockpit and the lack of items that can be used as weapons, survival is that much harder.

The only component that has aged as poorly as the CGI is some of the humor. There’s a homophobic running gag and a few misogynistic moments, which are to be expected, unfortunately. There’s also the obligatory spoiled rich girl who carries a dog in her purse, because Paris Hilton changed culture forever. However, that character – Mercedes (Rachel Blanchard) – is a lot more layered than she could have been. And all in all, there’s really not that much humor that has aged poorly.

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Is Snakes on a Plane Worth Watching?

What shocked me the most is the main reason why there’s so little poorly-aged humor in the movie: Snakes on a Plane is almost entirely sincere. Now, I’m not kidding myself. The movie that did reshoots to give Jackson the chance to say “motherfucking” a couple times isn’t 100% earnest. However, for the majority of its runtime, it is a completely straightforward (albeit over-the-top) disaster movie. It has propulsive suspense sequences that arise organically from the narrative’s ever-heightening peril. It has surprisingly robust character moments both before and during the snakes’ siege, even for the stock archetypes. Hell, it cares whether those characters live or die, and so will you. Though it’s dressed up as parody schlock, it’s a genuine throwback to classic airline disaster movies. It is much more Zero Hour! than Airplane!, is what I’m saying.

This sturdy, traditional approach to the over-the-top material works like gangbusters to paper over the movie’s flaws. Speaking of… In addition to the flaws mentioned above, the movie is just a tad too long. And it’s too liberal with its pace-murdering cuts to Special Agent Hank Harris (Bobby Cannavale) organizing a ground team. And it has trouble juggling all of its characters, with some vanishing for long stretches at a time. And the third act does rely on the characters being more stupid than they had been up to that point. But hey, we made an Academy Award-winning hit out of a movie as luxuriously stupid as Armageddon. Who am I to begrudge Snakes on a Plane?

A Stacked Ensemble Cast Keeps It Engaging

At the end of the day, it’s a rock-solid disaster thriller. For one thing, the cast is wildly stacked with committed stars and character actors doing very good work. Except Phillips, who can’t juggle elevating a flatly written character while hiding his Australian accent. Regardless. In addition to Jackson and Cannavale, we’ve got Lin Shaye! Julianna Margulies! David Koechner! And even Kenan Thompson in a rare dramatic role (though he’s often comic relief)! The ensemble has a deep, reliable bench of performers that helps flesh out the world and give it human stakes.

Plus, the movie is thorough in exploring every facet of its premise. We see every possible type of gory, disgusting harm a snake might inflict on a human. On top of that, every aspect of the plane setting is brought into play in a variety of satisfying ways. We’re talking killer drink carts, oxygen masks, overhead compartments, and more! Including an object lesson on why it’s a terrible idea to tamper with the lavatory’s smoke detectors. At the end of the day, Snakes on a Plane is just a really good time at the movies. It could have been a low-effort crapfest and still have been a blast. But the fact that so much effort was put into it pays huge, entirely unexpected dividends.

Brennan Klein is a millennial who knows way more about 80's slasher movies than he has any right to. He's a former host of the  Attack of the Queerwolf podcast and a current senior movie/TV news writer at Screen Rant. You can also find his full-length movie reviews on Alternate Ending and his personal blog Popcorn Culture. Follow him on Twitter or Letterboxd, if you feel like it.

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‘Re-Animator’ Review: The Lasting Legacy of a Horror Comedy

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I can’t remember the first time I saw Re-Animator. While this will probably piss someone off, my first real introduction to a variation of the source material was with Joshua Chaplinsky’s Kanye West – Reanimator. Maybe I had seen the film before that, but I wasn’t certain. I decided to go back and watch (or rewatch) the film to compare it to the satirical book. To my surprise, I loved it! I’m not sure why I didn’t remember watching the film, but I was so enthralled that I wanted to make my second tattoo a Re-Animator tattoo! Five tattoos later, and I still don’t have one.

What is Re-Animator About?

Daniel Cain (Bruce Abbott) is a medical student at Miskatonic University, along with his girlfriend Megan Halsey (Barbara Crampton)… Megan just happens to be the daughter of Dean Halsey (Robert Sampson). Herbert West (Jeffrey Combs), who recently transferred to Miskatonic, finds a posting with a room for rent at Daniel’s. Paying with a fat stack of cash, Herbert quickly moves into Daniel’s and gets down to business. The only problem is, Herbert’s business is reanimating the dead.

As someone who has been adamant about not liking horror comedies, Re-Animator really tickles me in a way most don’t. There’s a supremely dark tone to this film that is brightened by the overly campy performances, deadpan jokes, and brutally funny practical effects. Re-Animator is one of the rare films that could have been singularly played for laughs or fear, but exists in this middle ground where it’s the best of both worlds. While this film isn’t deep enough to glean new meanings or gain profound lessons, each rewatch never ceases to be less enjoyable than the last.

One of the Best Lovecraft Adaptations

Writers Dennis Paoli, William J. Norris, and Stuart Gordon took (racist) H.P. Lovecraft’s Herbert West–Reanimator and unknowingly made one of the best Lovecraft adaptations to date. There’s a peculiar phenomenon in horror where films attempt to be overly Lovecraftian, much like the genre’s tendency to label films as Lynchian. What people don’t get about Lovecraft is that not everything was all tentacles and otherworldly. Obviously, there’s a level of that that plays into what Lovecraft was. I would personally label Re-Animator, along with In the Mouth of Madness and Color out of Space, as the best three Lovecraft adaptations/Lovecraftian films to date.

There’s little to say about a film like Re-Animator that hasn’t been said already, but there is one specific point that needs to be echoed. Well, two. Firstly, Re-Animator was director Stuart Gordon’s directorial debut. His insistence on creating a viscerally nasty, sexy, funny debut film was important to set his name apart from others. Stuart Gordon came out swinging and, throughout his career, didn’t stop swinging.

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The second point that needs to be echoed is just how amazing the film’s practical effects are. Whether it’s the played-for-laughs cat puppet or Dr. Carl Hill’s (David Gale) decapitated head, each practical moment is handled with dignity, care, and the utmost beauty. While a handful of shots may not hold up as much now as they did in the 80s, the practical effects that grace Re-Animator rival some of the rare practical effects that are used today.

Why Re-Animator Still Matters in Horror History

If you haven’t seen Re-Animator, what are you doing? It’s full of brilliant, campy performances that could be a masterclass in Horror Acting for Screen 101. Barbara Crampton is a gorgeous badass, Bruce Abbott is a hilariously hapless himbo, and Jeffrey Combs showed how he was cultivating his career to be exactly what he wanted it to be. A film like Re-Animator will live on in horror history for the rest of time. My only question is…how hasn’t there been a (yuck) remake yet?

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‘Iron Lung’ Review: Exceptionally Atmospheric Cosmic Horror

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As Iron Lung begins, the film places you in an overhead shot looking down at a submarine that’s seen better days. Jagged metal teeth of a broken cage sit at its head, illuminated by a light from the ship above that’s about to cut it loose. As you’re about to be dropped into a roiling ocean of blood, you become quickly invested in its story.

A dire paternal voiceover runs you through your place in the world as an observer: someone is being sent into the “waters” of a far-off moon in a dead, dark galaxy. They’re in search of an answer you’re automatically aware will never be enough and a penance they will never attain. It prompts an obvious, cutting question: if Hell is where we’re looking for an answer, how bad must things be among the stars to go searching there for hope?

A Surprising Outing for Writer and Director Mark Fischbach

The debut feature film of writer and director Mark Fischbach, better known to the internet at large as Markiplier, is as surprising as it is atmospheric. And no, not surprising because Fischbach is an internet personality crossing over into film. And no, not surprising because this is a video game adaptation that is actually quite good.

The surprise here is mainly from the way Fischbach dodges a number of first-time filmmaker torpedoes that would otherwise sink the film straight to the sea floor. It’s in the very clear coordination and trust he has with his cast and crew. In a way, the film itself is a mirror of the submersible his character is forced to pilot: flawed, surely, but strong enough to complete its mission and deliver an exceptional experience.

What Is Iron Lung About Exactly?

The story goes as follows: in the wake of an event called the Quiet Rapture, the stars themselves have been snuffed out. Most of the galaxy has been plunged into sudden darkness, and a mass dying off has consumed countless worlds (think the worst possible aftermath to The Nine Billion Names of God).

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Convicted for a reprehensible crime, the convict Simon (played by Markiplier himself) has been given a rare opportunity to return to life among the survivors. The mission is to pilot a death trap of a one-man submarine into the blood oceans of an alien moon, looking for a scientific sample useful enough to earn his freedom. That is, assuming he doesn’t lose his mind or his life in the process.

Bespoke Set Design That Matches the Premise Perfectly

Iron Lung should be commended first and foremost for being a bottle film with the perfect set design to match. Not overly ambitious, but not too simplistic either. Contained in a marvel of a small space, the submarine here is a tactile nightmare of rusty metal and antiquated technology you never get sick of seeing more of.

While Fischbach and director of photography Philip Roy have the camera linger in close ups almost too often, I don’t blame them for wanting to capture the finer details and leer at them. It’s clear every inch of this condensation covered machine was engineered by the art team and production design to emphasize its prison cell qualities as a barely functional vessel.

The ship’s external camera fires off like a flash bulb on its interior, barely illuminating the cabin with its next horrific image of the sea floor before plunging us back into darkness. The oxygen gauge and its cold robotic voice are a countdown to the painful annihilation that awaits its pilot. Its proximity sensors give only the barest indications of what’s going on outside, ticking a dull noise warning us: you are not alone. It’s a punishment to operate, and the set design as well as the very solid sound design that accompany it make that violently clear and effectively spinetingling.

Translation From Game to Film Isn’t So Perfect Though

This perfect setting isn’t always used perfectly though. The translation of the game’s mechanics and gameplay to the screen are both a weakness and a strength. They make the pacing of the first third run to a slow start, especially when Fischbach’s screenplay grinds against the strong suit of the film’s cinematography: the panic of it all.

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Like its video game source material, David Szymanski’s Iron Lung, the film is really at its best when it’s instilling a sense of active and imminent panic. A tone that matches the borrowed time the submarine is glued together with. Putting out fires, both literal and metaphorical, ratcheting up its claustrophobia as you’re placed cheek to cheek with Simon in steamy, metallic darkness. This is where Iron Lung shines.

Markiplier’s Performance in Iron Lung is Hit or Miss, But Mostly Hits

It’s outside of these moments of panic where the weakest parts of the script and Fischbach’s performance are highlighted. Some weak line deliveries and beats of dead air kill the real tight headlock the film could have you gripped in from start to finish. And while Fischbach is phenomenal at playing terrified or pleading or even simple exhaustion in the face of the impossible, he really requires someone to bounce off of as his solo work just isn’t as compelling. Even the clunkiest bits of dialogue between him and his jailer (Caroline Kaplan) are better than the best of his moments where he talks to himself or tries to inject some humor into the bleak story.

This is a shame too, because the minimalist storytelling and background we get for his character is genuinely very intriguing. It’s thematically rich for what the film is trying to say about the power and terror of belief, and it’s doubly satisfying that the film has enough confidence to not lay everything out in a longwinded speech explaining the motives and lore that landed him here.

All that being said, his performance is hit or miss, but he mostly hits. The dialogue becomes more urgent as we approach the climax, and all of the cast delivers on that impending doom nicely. It reaches its peak in the final act, and Fischbach is on fire as he struggles to hold himself together in the face of absolute madness leaching its way into the pressurized cabin.

Iron Lung: A Redemptive Finale With Pure Liquid Body Horror

What a fantastic final act it is, one that makes up for its imperfection in the first two parts with a homerun of pure liquid body horror. It’s just phenomenal how the film’s digital and practical effects present the true horrors of Iron Lung. There’s a near perfect mesh between the two, and they highlight the best influences of similar genre films that came before.

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Soaked with all the gore, madness, and mystery of the likes of Event Horizon and Pandorum, Iron Lung is a worthy successor in the cosmic horror genre as it rises above its own problems. It’s a moody, environmentally precise stunner of a horror film that sets a benchmark as the movie to beat for forthcoming releases this year.

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