Reviews
[REVIEW] What Resides In The Woods Is ‘Abominable’ (2006)
Abominable actually follows Preston Rogers (Matt McCoy), an affluent man who is returning to his mountain house six months after a rock climbing accident took his wife’s life, as well as his ability to walk. Preston is released into the care of a nurse named Otis Wilhelm (Christien Tinsley). Otis joins Preston at his house for a few days to help him with a sort of immersion therapy. There are also multiple stairs (like over 30) to get into the house, so Preston is essentially trapped in the house without the assistance of Otis. Amanda (Haley Joel) and her friends arrive at the house next door to Preston. Equipped with binoculars, Preston is stuck watching Bigfoot pick these girls off one by one because Otis doesn’t believe him. Can Preston warn the remaining girls? Or will they continue to call the man watching them with binoculars a creep?
Do you have false memories about any specific movie? Something you’ve thought to yourself, for over a decade, was about one thing with one actor playing a specific character and then upon rewatch, you realize you were VERY far off? For me, that movie is Abominable. My neighbor came over on a Saturday at some point in my youth. My parents had the Sci-Fi channel on, and a movie called Abominable was playing. At one point, it caused my neighbor to scream and subsequently ask my dad to walk him across the street at the end of the night.
My Long-Held False Memory of Abominable
Here is my false memory of the movie. A couple goes to a cabin in a heavily forested mountain range and gets trapped inside when a freak snowstorm hits. The couple find themselves trapped in the house as Bigfoot taunts them for hours upon hours before inevitably breaking in and killing them. At one point, Lance Henrikson (in a wheelchair) joins the fray as a former Bigfoot hunter. After buying the subtitle-less MVD Blu-Ray/DVD release I realized just how wrong I was.
Abominable actually follows Preston Rogers (Matt McCoy), an affluent man who is returning to his mountain house six months after a rock climbing accident took his wife’s life, as well as his ability to walk. Preston is released into the care of a nurse named Otis Wilhelm (Christien Tinsley). Otis joins Preston at his house for a few days to help him with a sort of immersion therapy. There are also multiple stairs (like over 30) to get into the house, so Preston is essentially trapped in the house without the assistance of Otis. Amanda (Haley Joel) and her friends arrive at the house next door to Preston. Equipped with binoculars, Preston is stuck watching Bigfoot pick these girls off one by one because Otis doesn’t believe him. Can Preston warn the remaining girls? Or will they continue to call the man watching them with binoculars a creep?
Hitchcock’s Rear Window Influence on Abominable
It is very clear that writers Ryan Schifrin, James Morrison, and director Ryan Schifrin were heavily influenced by Hitchcock’s Rear Window. As someone who has only seen a handful of Hitchcock’s films, I’ll take Ryan at his word on that. While the Hitchcock reference escapes me, I was able to pick up on a few other references to Bigfoot cinema. Well, one reference and one nod. Bigfoot cinema hit the genre heavily in the late ’60s/early ’70s upon the release of the rightfully criticized Patterson–Gimlin footage. Some even say that the footage was the first Bigfoot movie. (I say that because it’s fake.)
The most noticeable reference to Bigfoot cinema is the handful of times we leave Preston’s POV and transport ourselves into the eyes of the Bigfoot itself. Bigfoot’s vision is a slightly out-of-focus image with a yellowish vignette around the outside. This homage is directly lifted from the uniquely gory Night of the Demon, which is a Bigfoot slasher film and one of the only Bigfoot films to be considered a Video Nasty.
From Off-Screen Kills to Full-On Bigfoot Slasher
Abominable tips its hat at the Bigfoot cinema of yore. As these films were pumped out en masse in the ‘70s, their popularity started waning. This meant less money was being funneled into Bigfoot films which forced the subgenre to turn into more of a tell, don’t show subgenre. Bigfoot would rip people off-screen and the outcomes would be shown post-kill (if shown at all). The first person to go missing in Abominable is thought to be killed that way, though Schifrin and Morrison have a great payoff for that character. As the kills ramp up, so does what we see. It feels like Schifrin and Morrison pay their homage to the films that led the groundwork of Bigfoot cinema and then amp it up tenfold to let the audience know, “This ain’t your grandma’s Bigfoot movie.”
We need to talk about Bigfoot itself. At its core, Abominable is a man-in-a-suit film. Actor, and Oscar-nominated/winner, Christien Tinsley also served as Creature Effects Coordinator. With the exception of one awful digital Bigfoot mouth, where it unhinges its jaws like a snake, the Bigfoot creature is astounding. On top of the Bigfoot proper, the kills are practical and exceptional. Part of my false memory surrounding this film was that it was a Sci-Fi Original, and I went into this viewing still thinking that. Upon further research, it was not. While some of the acting does feel Sci-Fi Original-ly, the effects are beyond what you would expect for a film like this.
Red Eyes or Yellow Eyes? Bigfoot and Unreliable Sightings
There’s something that Preston says in the film that was either a straight-up error or a very fortunate mistake. Aside from the necessary, “I know what I saw!” line, Preston describes the creature as having red eyes. It clearly has yellow eyes. Part of me wonders if that was intentional or not. Was this a commentary on sightings and conspiracy in general? I’ve spoken at length with a Bigfoot enthusiast/hunter as well as a few Ufologists. None of them have exaggerated their experiences to me, but as someone who is deeply ingrained in this culture, exaggeration is something we need to accept. So, is this eye-color discrepancy a goof? Or is this further commentary on sightings as a whole? I am going to say it’s the latter.
The acting in Abominable isn’t fantastic, but it’s far from schlocky B-movie acting. There are a few cameos from some horror icons. Dee Wallace has a few minutes of screen time. Part of my false memory was correct in the fact that Lance Henriksen is indeed in the film! However, like Dee Wallace, his screen time is limited. And he doesn’t waste a second of it. Paul Gleason is in the film for a few minutes and is a joy to watch. But it’s Jeffrey Combs who steals the [cameo] show. His costume makes him nearly unrecognizable, and he chews up the scenery more than the constant chain of cigarettes in his mouth.
Is Abominable Worth Watching?
What’s most impressive about Abominable is that it’s a film for Bigfoot cinema fans as well as people who don’t really have an interest in the hairy cryptid. (Yes, I called Bigfoot a cryptid, fight me.) Abominable pays its dues to the films before it and still finds new and creative ways to make it fresh and fun. At a lean hour and 34 minutes, this film doesn’t overstay its welcome and will delight and please all ages of horror fans. That being said, I do not recommend the MVD release. There are no subtitles, and the intro from Ryan Schifrin feels like he’s doing a chore. If you have the physical copy, maybe watch it without his intro. It tainted the first 10 minutes of my viewing experience.
There are countless subgenres within subgenres for horror, and one that feels underutilized is workplace horror. Unless you’re one of the lucky few, most people wake up at some point during the day, go to work, and then come home. It’s one of the few things in life that’s nearly unavoidable. While there are countless real-life examples of workplace violence, seeing exaggerated forms of it in film can still be fun. When I pitched covering The Belko Experiment for this month, I actually thought I was pitching Joe Lynch’s Mayhem. I soon found out how incorrect I had been, but figured I’d go along with it anyway.
Mike Milch (John Gallagher Jr.) and 79 of his coworkers are locked inside the towering building they come to work in every day in Bogotá, Colombia. They’re given simple instructions: murder two coworkers within the next half hour. When they fail that task, coworkers’ heads start blowing up left and right. When they’re given the next task, kill 30 people in two hours, they take it…a little more seriously.
The Belko Experiment’s Brutal Premise Sets Up High Stakes
Written by James Gunn and directed by Wolf Creek creator Greg McLean, The Belko Experiment is a painfully by-the-numbers film that offers little more than a handful of entertaining kills. Its futile attempts at commentary regarding work/life balance or just how bad “faceless” upper management is fall so flat it’s comical. Nothing like multi-millionaire James Gunn telling me how awful it is to have to work a real job for a living. Great work. And its one-dimensional characters do little more than create a slight sigh of relief when they’re dispatched without regard.
A singular attempt at cleverness is broached from the beginning when we see a colony of ants in an ant farm on someone’s desk. Oh, look at that, these workers are nothing more than mindless ants! But any attempt at following that slightly clever idea is quickly thrown away. At one point, Barry Norris (Tony Goldwyn), the big boss in the office, attempts to group up who should and shouldn’t be killed; who has the most value outside of work. Gunn had the perfect opportunity to make Barry a deep and more sinister antagonist. If Barry had grouped people into sets from most to least profitable for the company, we would have something. It would show that Barry is a forward-thinking villain who is trying to suck up to the people who get paid even MORE than him!
Missed Opportunities for a Smarter Corporate Villain
I’ll do you one better. After all of that, what if the bad guys that Barry recruited to help him cull his subordinates realized they were just pawns in the game of Big Business? So then they attempt to repent by killing Barry in the hopes that they can find a common means of escape from this hell? Why is there zero attempt at making an interesting story other than this shitty, watered-down Battle Royale with people we don’t give a shit about? Instead of anything interesting, we’re just given a group of baddies who try to get into the security office’s gun safe. The only reason we’re slightly scared of the “bad guys” is because they’re bad guys.
The only slightly interesting performances we get are from David Dastmalchian and Adria Arjona, even if it might be a fluke. As someone who is a fan of Greg McLean and the Wolf Creek series, something just felt disconnected about nearly every aspect of The Belko Experiment. I’ve brought it up before that sometimes it’s okay to have a film that doesn’t tell a great story as long as the kills can carry some of the weight. But to say this film has a story is laughable, and that carries over to how flat this film looks.
Skip The Belko Experiment and Watch Mayhem Instead
It’s weird how sour this film left me. When I was watching it, I found myself grimacing at some of the kills. And I didn’t vehemently dislike it as much as this review would suggest. But as I sat there and thought longer, I just couldn’t wrap my head around what anyone sees in this. Mayhem is an all-around better film that tackles this same subject but in a much better way. So if you ever decide to sit down and watch The Belko Experiment, maybe go watch Mayhem on Shudder instead.
Would it be a month of coverage on Horror Press if I didn’t bring up at least one aughts film? I know the curator of all things Horror Press, James-Michael, is shaking his fists at the sky and cursing the fact that he approved me covering The Hitcher. Of all the remakes that were so pervasive throughout the aughts, The Hitcher is one that slipped completely under my radar. And that’s a damn shame. It wouldn’t be until I found a DVD copy at Bookoff that I finally got the opportunity to watch it. Hot damn, the critics really got it wrong here.
The Hitcher: A Road Trip Turned Nightmare
Jim Halsey (Zachary Knighton) and his girlfriend Grace Andrews (Sophia Bush) are on a road trip to Lake Havasu in Jim’s gorgeous Oldsmobile 442. An unfortunate run-in with a mysterious hitchhiker, John Ryder (Sean Bean), Jim and Grace find themselves in a fight for life and death. Only, John isn’t their only concern. With the 5-0 hot on their tails, Jim and Grace must escape from a psychopathic man with a death wish and the hot-tempered, hot-faced Lieutenant Esteridge (Neal McDonough). As the odometer grows, so does the body count.
The Hitcher is one of those remakes that does not have the approval of the original’s lead, Rutger Hauer. Which is astounding to me. Sure, the original is good. But it doesn’t set itself apart from the crowd too much. Rutger Hauer’s John is slightly more reserved, and while he has an edge to him, I don’t necessarily find him overly menacing. (Don’t kill me.) Sean Bean’s John Ryder, on the other hand, is furiously terrifying. There’s no question that there are tons of issues with the Platinum Dunes remake, though, for me, the pros significantly outweigh the cons.
Jim Halsey Falls Flat
The biggest issue is the character of Jim Halsey. I love how the roles of Jim and Grace are swapped from the original film. It brings an updated, modern edge to the film and is a great way to throw audiences who have seen the original. Though I can imagine the hyper-masculine fans of the original were not too happy with that. When it was decided to swap the roles of the characters, it seems like any character depth for Jim was thrown out of the window. I think Zachary Knighton is a wonderful actor who does the best with what he has, but he doesn’t have enough to work with. Writers Eric Red, Jake Wade Wall, and Eric Bernt updated the film with tons of epic scenarios and moments, while seemingly forgetting to make the supposed lead of the film interesting.
On top of cardboard Jim, the inciting police incident just feels very forced. Grace runs into a diner, covered in blood, after she and Jim found a family butchered by John. Someone from the diner calls the police, which leads to Jim and Grace being arrested and charged with murder. Whether or not that’s supposed to be commentary on rural police doesn’t matter because it completely fails to do anything other than forcibly push the story forward.
Besides that? I hate to say, but I don’t have many issues with The Hitcher.
Soundtrack and Atmosphere: A High-Octane Experience
First and foremost, The Hitcher’s soundtrack is incredible. We start the film with Move Along by The All-American Rejects. Talk about a shot of adrenaline. And the greatest needle drop in all of aughts horror history is Nine Inch Nails’s Closer during the film’s most wild car chase. It’s hard not to get lost in this film when the music kicks in.
What really sells this film is how intensely they handle the violence and the film’s gorgeous chase scenes. It’s no Death Proof, but these scenes are miles above the Fast movies that were out at this time. In a day and age where chase scenes are overly produced, badly edited, and just plain boring, The Hitcher manages to infuse horror and action in a way that probably won’t be seen again. Watching films like The Hitcher makes me sad for the state of modern cinema. The Hitcher wasn’t made to win scores of Oscars; it was made by people passionate about telling a badass, harrowing story (minus Jim). And they greatly excel at that.
The Hitcher Is a Misunderstood Cult Favorite
The Hitcher falls in line with my running theory of post-9/11 ultra violence. We were a nation scared of what happened, what was happening, and what seemed to be on the horizon–The Hitcher bottles that fear and anger, packaging it into a nasty piece of genre. Sean Bean and Sophia Bush are an on-screen match made in heaven. They wade through harsh lighting, thick film grain, and buckets of blood to deliver a film that critics and audiences unfairly panned. While audiences may have moved along, I sure didn’t. I want to exist in a world of nothing but aughts genre films, but am forced to live in a world of elevated horror. Le sigh.
