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[REVIEW] What Resides In The Woods Is ‘Abominable’ (2006)

Abominable actually follows Preston Rogers (Matt McCoy), an affluent man who is returning to his mountain house six months after a rock climbing accident took his wife’s life, as well as his ability to walk. Preston is released into the care of a nurse named Otis Wilhelm (Christien Tinsley). Otis joins Preston at his house for a few days to help him with a sort of immersion therapy. There are also multiple stairs (like over 30) to get into the house, so Preston is essentially trapped in the house without the assistance of Otis. Amanda (Haley Joel) and her friends arrive at the house next door to Preston. Equipped with binoculars, Preston is stuck watching Bigfoot pick these girls off one by one because Otis doesn’t believe him. Can Preston warn the remaining girls? Or will they continue to call the man watching them with binoculars a creep?

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Do you have false memories about any specific movie? Something you’ve thought to yourself, for over a decade, was about one thing with one actor playing a specific character and then upon rewatch, you realize you were VERY far off? For me, that movie is Abominable. My neighbor came over on a Saturday at some point in my youth. My parents had the Sci-Fi channel on, and a movie called Abominable was playing. At one point, it caused my neighbor to scream and subsequently ask my dad to walk him across the street at the end of the night.

Here is my false memory of the movie. A couple goes to a cabin in a heavily forested mountain range and gets trapped inside when a freak snowstorm hits. The couple find themselves trapped in the house as Bigfoot taunts them for hours upon hours before inevitably breaking in and killing them. At one point, Lance Henrikson (in a wheelchair) joins the fray as a former Bigfoot hunter. After buying the subtitle-less MVD Blu-Ray/DVD release I realized just how wrong I was.

Abominable actually follows Preston Rogers (Matt McCoy), an affluent man who is returning to his mountain house six months after a rock climbing accident took his wife’s life, as well as his ability to walk. Preston is released into the care of a nurse named Otis Wilhelm (Christien Tinsley). Otis joins Preston at his house for a few days to help him with a sort of immersion therapy. There are also multiple stairs (like over 30) to get into the house, so Preston is essentially trapped in the house without the assistance of Otis. Amanda (Haley Joel) and her friends arrive at the house next door to Preston. Equipped with binoculars, Preston is stuck watching Bigfoot pick these girls off one by one because Otis doesn’t believe him. Can Preston warn the remaining girls? Or will they continue to call the man watching them with binoculars a creep?

It is very clear that writers Ryan Schifrin, James Morrison, and director Ryan Schifrin were heavily influenced by Hitchcock’s Rear Window. As someone who has only seen a handful of Hitchcock’s films, I’ll take Ryan at his word on that. While the Hitchcock reference escapes me, I was able to pick up on a few other references to Bigfoot cinema. Well, one reference and one nod. Bigfoot cinema hit the genre heavily in the late ’60s/early ’70s upon the release of the rightfully criticized Patterson–Gimlin footage. Some even say that the footage was the first Bigfoot movie. (I say that because it’s fake.)

The most noticeable reference to Bigfoot cinema is the handful of times we leave Preston’s POV and transport ourselves into the eyes of the Bigfoot itself. Bigfoot’s vision is a slightly out-of-focus image with a yellowish vignette around the outside. This homage is directly lifted from the uniquely gory Night of the Demon, which is a Bigfoot slasher film and one of the only Bigfoot films to be considered a Video Nasty.

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Abominable tips its hat at the Bigfoot cinema of yore. As these films were pumped out en masse in the ‘70s, their popularity started waning. This meant less money was being funneled into Bigfoot films which forced the subgenre to turn into more of a tell, don’t show subgenre. Bigfoot would rip people off-screen and the outcomes would be shown post-kill (if shown at all). The first person to go missing in Abominable is thought to be killed that way, though Schifrin and Morrison have a great payoff for that character. As the kills ramp up, so does what we see. It feels like Schifrin and Morrison pay their homage to the films that led the groundwork of Bigfoot cinema and then amp it up tenfold to let the audience know, “This ain’t your grandma’s Bigfoot movie.”

We need to talk about Bigfoot itself. At its core, Abominable is a man-in-a-suit film. Actor, and Oscar-nominated/winner, Christien Tinsley also served as Creature Effects Coordinator. With the exception of one awful digital Bigfoot mouth, where it unhinges its jaws like a snake, the Bigfoot creature is astounding. On top of the Bigfoot proper, the kills are practical and exceptional. Part of my false memory surrounding this film was that it was a Sci-Fi Original, and I went into this viewing still thinking that. Upon further research, it was not. While some of the acting does feel Sci-Fi Original-ly, the effects are beyond what you would expect for a film like this.

There’s something that Preston says in the film that was either a straight-up error or a very fortunate mistake. Aside from the necessary, “I know what I saw!” line, Preston describes the creature as having red eyes. It clearly has yellow eyes. Part of me wonders if that was intentional or not. Was this a commentary on sightings and conspiracy in general? I’ve spoken at length with a Bigfoot enthusiast/hunter as well as a few Ufologists. None of them have exaggerated their experiences to me, but as someone who is deeply ingrained in this culture, exaggeration is something we need to accept. So, is this eye-color discrepancy a goof? Or is this further commentary on sightings as a whole? I am going to say it’s the latter.

The acting in Abominable isn’t fantastic, but it’s far from schlocky B-movie acting. There are a few cameos from some horror icons. Dee Wallace has a few minutes of screen time. Part of my false memory was correct in the fact that Lance Henriksen is indeed in the film! However, like Dee Wallace, his screen time is limited. And he doesn’t waste a second of it. Paul Gleason is in the film for a few minutes and is a joy to watch. But it’s Jeffrey Combs who steals the [cameo] show. His costume makes him nearly unrecognizable, and he chews up the scenery more than the constant chain of cigarettes in his mouth.

What’s most impressive about Abominable is that it’s a film for Bigfoot cinema fans as well as people who don’t really have an interest in the hairy cryptid. (Yes, I called Bigfoot a cryptid, fight me.) Abominable pays its dues to the films before it and still finds new and creative ways to make it fresh and fun. At a lean hour and 34 minutes, this film doesn’t overstay its welcome and will delight and please all ages of horror fans. That being said, I do not recommend the MVD release. There are no subtitles, and the intro from Ryan Schifrin feels like he’s doing a chore. If you have the physical copy, maybe watch it without his intro. It tainted the first 10 minutes of my viewing experience.

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Brendan is an award-winning author and screenwriter rotting away in New Jersey. His hobbies include rain, slugs, and the endless search for The Mothman.

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‘Them That Follow’ Review: A Bleak and Brilliant Thriller

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From Blood Shine to now, I’ve really been eating my words with my “don’t like cult horror” attitude. Maybe all I needed was a gigantic break from the hundreds of cult-based horror films that were being churned out. Or, maybe the subgenre just needed some space to find its footing? Anyway, imagine the shock on my face when I was researching snake-based horror films and came across Them That Follow, starring Walton Goggins, Olivia Coleman, Kaitlyn Dever, and *checks notes* Jim Gaffigan!

Lemuel (Walton Goggins) is the pastor of a snake-fearing religious group, tucked away deep in the Appalachian mountains. His daughter, Mara (Alice Englert), is set to marry Garret (Lewis Pullman), a man she seemingly has no interest in. As their young love comes into question, Johnny Law starts breathing down their necks. With her best friend Dilly (Kaitlyn Dever) on her side, Mara questions everything she’s known about her life thus far. Will she go forward and marry a man she may not even love? Or, will her former fling, Auggie (Thomas Mann), win her affection and get her to leave this awful life behind?

A Slow-Burn With Style

Writer/directors Brittany Poulton and Dan Madison Savage bring a wholly unique feature to the table with Them That Follow. At first, the film’s meandering and lackluster pace is grating. WHEN will something happen? WHAT will move this story forward? Slowly but surely, Poulton and Savage’s story serpentines its way into nihilistic horror. If you have zero control over your life, what kind of life is it? Them That Follow is a harrowing, albeit slow, exploration of grief in a way that “elevated horror” typically fails at doing. Rather than forcing audiences into its grief, Poulton and Savage craft an excellent story around it.

Them That Follow explores not just grief, but groupthink. In a world where deeply religious political parties storm pizza restaurants with automatic weapons and kill in the name of their god, this film acts as a harsh mirror. YOU may not be aware that groups like this exist…they do. One of my favorite articles is written by someone who embedded himself in a Q-adjacent cult as he chronicled just how broken some of these groups are. (I wish I could remember the title/author, sorry!) Them That Follow does an incredible job at visualizing some of the things I read in that article. Those who believe Lemuel see nothing wrong with letting one of their friends get bitten by a venomous snake and slowly drift into a quiet death in the name of their god.

Outstanding Performances and a Surprising Cast

What really excited me about Them That Follow is how wonderfully miserable the cast is. Never have I seen people portray misery as entertainingly as this cast. Walton Goggins embodies his violent optimism in a way I haven’t seen him do before (though I haven’t seen Justified). Olivia Coleman is brilliant as always. But it’s everyman comedian Jim Gaffigan who really caught my eye. His performance is subtle and refined, something I didn’t think he could pull off. And if you ever thought you would see the day where Jim Gaffigan and Olivia Coleman play husband and wife on screen, you’re lying.

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It’s not until the final act that the film goes from stagnant (positively) forwardness to amped up energy. I was concerned Them That Follow wouldn’t nail an interesting stinger, but Poulton and Savage wrapped a bloody brilliant bow on the end of this gift. I did wish they had gone in a different, less realistic angle to the film’s ending; something more grotesque. But I can’t fault them for leaving the film grounded in a reality that is justified and believable. Not all films like this have to end with a supernatural, Lovecraftian twist. And for that, I tip my ten-gallon hat to them.

Why Them That Follow Deserves More Attention

Them That Follow was an incredible surprise, and a wonderful change of pace for what cult-based horror films typically are. With a stacked cast, brilliant writing, and stunning performances, I’m shocked more people haven’t stumbled across this film. It utilizes its snake-based horror well and doesn’t vilify those slithery sneaks in a way many snake-based horror films do. At the very least, watch this film to see what it would be like if Olivia Coleman and Jim Gaffigan were married.

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‘Five Nights at Freddy’s 2’ Review: Fanservice Wrapped in Mess

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I have no illusions that Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 entertained me due in no small part to personal bias. There was genuine enjoyment to be had for how silly and fun it was and enjoy it I did. I, of all people, am not immune to nostalgia. But there’s no mincing words: the second outing at the cinemas for creator Scott Cawthon’s behemoth horror franchise is, in no uncertain terms, a movie of mixed to low quality. It’s kind of bad. And that’s okay.

Its effects are simultaneously better and worse, its dialogue ranges from alright to atrocious, and its performances are all over the place. The premise it runs with, remixing the second game with its shiny new Toy versions of the Fazbear Entertainment gang, is a fun time fueled by fan service and busting at the seams to try and accommodate it all to an under two-hour runtime. But it’s messier than the backrooms of the pizzerias it takes place in.

A Remix of Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 (And Others), Heavy on Fanservice

This time, the primary antagonist puppeteering a cast of aggressive animatronics is literally a puppet; the Marionette, a scorned victim of the previous film’s antagonist William Afton. Slain and bound to the very first restaurant Afton started, a group of ghost hunters unleash its evil when a recording of their show goes horribly wrong. It’s up to Mike (Josh Hutcherson) and Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail) to try and seal it away again, or risk their lives being torn apart by the supernatural once more.

For the game fans this film was crafted for, it will satiate any lore craving they might have. Well, at least until the third film, when Mike will combat oxygen deprivation that causes him to hallucinate phantom animatronics (no, that sentence is not a joke, that actually happens). There are tidbits of foreshadowing for sequels, confirmations of theories, retcons, and somewhat amusing cameos. For everyone else, you’ll get a good laugh and the occasional scare, but you will have a plethora of questions.

The Screenplay Has Been Springlocked

The script for this sequel is riddled with oddities, nothing characters, and genre cliches that are in a quantum state of “good because it’s hilarious” and “bad because it’s genuinely bad” depending on who is delivering them. The story isn’t always predictable just because of the adaptation factor it relishes in, but its dialogue is undeniably silly and hamstrings what could otherwise be good performances with a need to rush along lore and forced character development.

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Hutcherson’s go around as Mike this time is phoned in, and it doesn’t help that he wasn’t given anything to work with other than being a stereotypical single father figure to his kid sister. It’s not all bleak; Lail does actually deliver the film’s best bits in a genuinely frightening dream sequence delving into Vanessa’s backstory. She also gets a few fun final girl moments, but hasn’t reached the level of iconic that would garner calling her a scream queen; we’ll see if that changes in 3 given the radical shift in character she goes through here.

Great Villains Hamstrung by an Imperfect Script (And Effects)

Piper Rubio is once again fit to her role as Abby, though the character she’s playing is oddly one note for a child who is psychic friends with the ghosts of dead kids. The brief voice lines for the animatronics by guest stars garner little in the way of memorability, but long-time Freddy voice actor Kellen Goff does manage to make a solid impact with the one or two lines he receives.

While we’re on the topic of those new fiendish animatronics, they are much better than anticipated. Their practical puppetry bases and how they’re composited with the CGI isn’t bad at all, with game designs translating well and moving nicely. The Marionette’s myriad forms, however, do feel exceptionally goofy despite the terrifying concept of a slithering octopoid puppet ghost with no concrete skeleton. They’re the lowlight of the film’s effects, but it’s kind of endearing how silly they look.

The biggest victim of the film, however, is Freddy Carter. He plays the creep factor of his character up to a thousand in a way that absolutely would work with better writing and a darker tone. But he’s shackled by the lore implications of being a character people have been waiting for, in a way that feels more offensive to the story than the constant easter eggs. Every word that leaves his mouth feels comically bad, laden with exposition or just outright limp and cold linework.

We Underused Matthew Lillard Again (And Skeet Ulrich This Time Too)

Which is a shame, because our minor villain does get to have fun. Matthew Lillard’s brief screen chewing time in the sun as William Afton once more is delightful, playing a deranged killer in a yellow bunny costume with all the glee that visual would indicate.

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Skeet Ulrich as fan favorite character Henry Emily, however, doesn’t get nearly enough time to shine. Despite being a perfect casting for the role and delivering a convincing turn as a grieving father, he’s relegated to just delivering a plot device that gets 30 seconds of screentime. Here’s to hoping the next film reunites the Scream alums, allowing the long-time rivals of the game to finally cross paths.

Can Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 Be More Than Fan Service?

I suppose the constant reiteration of that last point is important to address: the current train of thought is that hopefully, eventually, the kinks will be worked out as far as the Five Nights at Freddy’s films go. Though I’m not holding my breath.

There are no reservations that this is, first and foremost gateway horror for younger audiences, with a nostalgia barbed fishhook to sink into in older fans as well. My humble prediction is that almost all of these films will remain roughly the same level of quality (middling to poor), the same level of frightening (more than you’d think and much less than you’d hope), and the same level of entertaining for the segments of the population it hits for (a fairly fun time).

And maybe that’s enough. To simply be entertaining gateway horror is fine, I don’t think there’s a screaming necessity for these to be masterpieces. This movie is kind of bad, and that’s okay if all you need is some fleeting entertainment or to see your favorite game adapted to film. But films with this much franchise potential should be treated as all others. They can be strong horror films with great iconography rather than features beholden entirely to that iconography.

Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 fails to wow in any particular department other than being “for the fans” and much of its unintentional humor. Still, there’s a glimmer of hope here in its silvery eyes that this can all be something more down the line.

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