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‘Witchboard’ Review : New Coven, Who Dis?

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Those of us hoping Chuck Russell’s Witchboard remake would be a pleasant surprise found ourselves with a mixed bag. At times, it feels like 1990s supernatural fodder blended with a knockoff of a CW horror drama aimed at tweens. This is sad because most of us were assuming this take on Kevin Tenney’s 1986 film of the same name would be fun. Or at least push the envelope forward as it is being reimagined nearly forty years later. 

Witchboard Returns With An R Rating

Another reason some of us were excited to see Witchboard is that Russell directed, produced, and co-wrote this reimagining. He helmed The Blob and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, so he knows what a fun horror movie should look like. However, we are met with a 112-minute runtime that is unearned. While this film has little in common with the original, it also avoids ever doing anything too interesting. Instead, it settles on a rather pedestrian and frustratingly predictable tale that lacks thrills. The film has an R rating, and I have no clue how it achieved that with its almost basic cable sensibilities. 

Witchboard

Some Missed Opportunities

This iteration of Witchboard is set in present-day New Orleans. Emily (Madison Iseman), Christian (Aaron Dominguez), and some of their friends are opening a restaurant in the French Quarter. However, those plans are derailed when Emily finds (and becomes obsessed with) the cursed board. She unknowingly falls for a trap set by a vengeful witch willing to kill for her own gains. Yet, all of the reveals are toothless, and none of the attempted scares land. So, this movie feels very paint-by-the-numbers, and you can see where it’s going from the very beginning. Instead of making this one-note story fun or exciting, the team serves a very bland movie.

We soon find out that Emily battled to get sober not so long ago, as it comes up a lot. Her fiancé continually asks her if she’s using again. His friend/ex-girlfriend Brooke (Melanie Jarnson) explains Emily’s addictive personality is the reason she’s such an easy target for the board. We even get her former dealer trying to catch her at a funeral and calling to offer her heroin. Witchboard harps on Emily’s past but never does anything with it aside from reminding her and the audience about it. It’s one of the many things that feel underdeveloped in this film. 

Alexander Babtiste in Witchboard

Subtly Doesn’t Exist in Witchboard

Through completely obvious and predictable means, Alexander Babtiste (Jamie Campbell Bower) gets involved with this couple and this cursed item. He’s an occult expert who is asked to help save Emily’s soul, but the script doesn’t do anything subtly. Witchboard announces he’s the big bad from the beginning, so we have to suspect everyone who works with him is also evil. While Bower gives one of the stronger performances, his character is written like a cartoon villain. This especially hurts because wherever you land on Stranger Things, you know Bower can play a damn good bad guy. However, he’s sadly one of the many wasted opportunities in this film.

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While this version of Witchboard should be more modern, bold, and scary, it curiously feels like it takes many steps backward. The original film had a bromance that felt like it would have been a romance in more modern times. This new version shoves away that glimmer of queerness and instead makes the main trio of characters very hetero. However, you almost forget to throw tomatoes for those reasons because the casting department has given us another prime example of why we have to start having more conversations about colorism.

Witchboard

And Another Thing!

This movie is set in New Orleans. However, I can count the Black actors with dialog on one finger, and the Black actors I saw on screen with one hand. They were able to hire a few more to be bodies when things go down later in the film. While I am begging for more POC representation in general, I can’t help noticing the media’s aversion to casting actors with darker skin tones. It’s almost as if the powers that be aren’t aware that POC can have a variety of skin tones. I write this while looking at my own pasty legs and glaring at my computer.

This is not to take away from how happy I was to see Dominguez and Jarnson on screen. If anything, I would love to see them in better movies so I can see what they are actually capable of. However, I am also tired of the industry-wide problem. We have seen so many horror movies this summer, which also didn’t get the memo that Brown people can be Brown.

Why Remake Witchboard?

I cannot say Witchboard is a good time. I tried to convince myself that it might be so bad it’s good, but that would be a lie. Aside from the embarrassingly bad CGI and a few smartphones, there is nothing to really anchor this movie in this decade. It could’ve easily been a late ’80s or early ’90s effort. Which begs the question, why this remake now? If it doesn’t want to be in conversation with anything going on today, why touch the IP? It would have been cool to push the premise forward for a more modern audience. Instead, we have a toothless reimagining that overstayed its welcome. For why? For Whomst?

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Sharai is a writer, horror podcaster, freelancer, and recovering theatre kid. She is one-half of the podcast of Nightmare On Fierce Street, one-third of Blerdy Massacre, and co-hosts various other horror podcasts. She has bylines at Dread Central, Fangoria, and Horror Movie Blog. She spends way too much time with her TV while failing to escape the Midwest. You can find her most days on Instagram and Twitter. However, if you do find her, she will try to make you watch some scary stuff.

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‘Shutter’ (2004) Review: Is Aughts-ful

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The aughts were the wild wild west when it came to remakes and reboots. One subgenre that excelled in striking fear into the hearts of North Americans was unquestionably J-horror. It was a craze that gave a 10-ish-year-old me nightmares for too much of my childhood. Out of all of the J-horror remakes that frightened me, the one I never got around to checking out was Shutter. Which is what I was initially going to open this review with. That was until I realized that Shutter wasn’t a J-horror remake! Talk about egg on my face!

A Haunting Tale in Japan

Shutter follows Ben Shaw (Joshua Jackson), a seasoned photographer who moves to Japan with his new wife Jane (Rachael Taylor). Their first night in Japan gets off to an awful start when Jane runs over a mysterious woman at night. Jane starts seeing this mysterious woman throughout her daily life, and Ben’s photos become unusable when a spirit takes them over one by one. Is this spirit coming after Ben and Jane for the accident? Or, is this spirit haunting them for a more sinister reason?

This hastily assembled remake is directed by Masayuki Ochiai and written by Luke Dawson. After Shutter, Dawson’s only other notable script would be the 2015 flop The Lazarus Effect. Which is what I was initially going to write until I learned that The Lazarus Effect brought in nearly $40 million at the box office. It’s difficult to say what the worst part of Shutter is, but the script is definitely at the top of that list. Not only is the script boring and bereft of any real terror, but the characters are beyond flat. Even without having seen Shutter (2004), it was clear what direction this film was taking, and any suspense that could have existed flew right out the window.

Failed Cultural Commentary

Dawson’s script attempts to take a look at white people forcibly inserting themselves into a culture and making it all about themselves. But it’s such a surface-level observation and handled with the care of a five-year-old’s crayon drawing that it’s nearly laughable. At the very least, Shutter does succeed at being a good-for-her film. And for that, I can tip my hat.

Director Masayuki Ochiai and cinematographer Katsumi Yanagijima fail to explore any space in any meaningful way. Japan is a beautiful location, and it’s completely wasted throughout this film. The only really visually interesting moment is the well-choreographed car crash. From there, things quickly go downhill. I’m sure there’s a way to make a film about spirit photography feel interesting and scary, but this is definitely not the right approach.

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Shutter is a Forgettable Horror Flop

I’ve covered a lot of films during my tenure at Horror Press that I’ve never seen before. It’s a gamble I’m happy to risk. Whether they hit or miss doesn’t usually matter to me. For some reason, I held Shutter in high regard. I thought people were over the moon for this film. I suppose I can add this to my list of films, such as The Barrens and Warm Bodies, as ones I could easily consider a complete waste of time.

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Brooklyn Horror Film Festival 2025: ‘Buffet Infinity’ Review

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Within the found footage subgenre exists an even more niche and untapped market. Screen life has slowly overtaken found footage; hardcore fans, like myself, ache for something different. One of the more interesting sub-subgenres of found footage is something that I don’t think has a name yet, so let’s name it here and now. How about…TV-gone-rogue! The TV-gone-rogue subgenre is small. Ghostwatch got the ball rolling for these gone rogue-like films, but there was radio silence for quite some time. It would be Chris LaMartina’s WNUF Halloween Special that really brought this idea back into the limelight. Many filmmakers have tried to make TV-gone-rogue interesting, and many have failed. That is until Simon Glassman stepped onto the scene with Buffet Infinity.

Buffet Infinity: A Chaotic Tale of Westridge

The town (city?) of Westridge is whisked into chaos when the new Buffet Infinity restaurant rolls into town. Local sandwich shop owner Jennifer Avery (Allison Bench) is the first to take the soon-to-be conglomerate to task with increasingly pointed advertisements. Suddenly, local restaurant owners/workers go missing in droves as Buffet Infinity expands into neighboring businesses. Sinkholes, missing cityfolk, quarantines, and mysterious sounds abound, leaving residents to ask one question…who really has the sauce?

On the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival schedule, the header image for Buffet Infinity shows multiple people T-posing and floating in the sky. I was immediately sold. I had no clue what I was getting into, and I didn’t want to know. The film was introduced as “one of the craziest we have this year.” (Slightly paraphrasing.) What was I about to watch? Little did I know, it was about to be an hour and forty minutes of small-town madness.

Writers Allison Bench and Elisia Snyder, and writer-director Simon Glassman, transport viewers into an upside down world of weaponized local ads; a thriving town invaded by the deep pockets of monopolized capitalism. As someone who grew up in a decently sized town, though probably not large enough to be considered a city, there was a tinge of nostalgia that accompanied Buffet Infinity. Westridge feels cozy and intimate, a town where everyone knows your name. It’s a “baked in a buttery flaky crust” town. Sure, they have their McDonald’s and Burger Kings, but the real townsfolk eat at Jennifer’s sandwich shop–local knitting circles murmur about what they think is in Jennifer’s secret sauce. Simply put, Westridge feels like a home that many people like myself grew up in. And it reminds us of a simpler time that’s long gone.

A Unique Blend of Humor and Eldritch Terror

Buffet Infinity hides its horror well. It slowly guides the viewer into a sense of unease. As easily as the creators have you laughing, they have you squirming. The absurdist joy quickly transforms into Eldritch terrors from beyond. Many filmmakers say they’re inspired by the idea of it’s-not-what-you-see that’s scary, but many times it feels performative. Bench, Glassman, and Snyder have crafted a truly special script that edges you with terror and excitement. They constantly push you to the edge of release, and then back away. It’s the Japanese water torture of exposition. And, for me, it works incredibly well.

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One of the most important aspects of Buffet Infinity is the over-capitalization of our lives. While the creators tackle this idea in a tongue-in-cheek manner, their message is highly effective. For the most part. This constant tete-a-tete between Buffet Infinity and the locals is highly amusing, but brings a larger conversation to the forefront. The town I grew up in is a shadow of what it once was. And I know many feel the same about the towns they grew up in. I can already hear the moans of people who dislike this film: “Brandon, it’s not that deep.” And I would highly disagree. Buffet Infinity feels like a reflective protest film–a loud and proud middle finger at what we should have said when the Super Walmart put mom and pops out of business.

Sorry, this review has gone off the rails. Let’s reel it back in a bit.

Why Buffet Infinity Redefines Found Footage

Buffet Infinity is a riotous romp, a hilarious horror that goes from zero to 100 pretty damn fast. Each commercial slowly builds on its last and uniquely tells its story. This film sets a new precedent for the TV-gone-rogue subgenre. Not to directly compare, but a film like WNUF Halloween Special (a film I love) uses its commercials as a coda; it’s a separation of what you saw/heard and prepares you for the next movement. Buffet Infinity uses its commercial to create the story. Instead of watching news pieces, then irrelevant commercials, then back to news pieces, Buffet Infinity breaks the mold. Hell, it creates the mold.

As someone who has been dying to see a Welcome to Nightvale film, Buffet Infinity is the closest thing I could ask for. It is full of killer performances (looking at you, Ahmed Ahmed), is well-crafted, and sets a new precedent on an underutilized side of found footage. Buffet Infinity is a full-course meal. I highly suspect that Buffet Infinity will gather the unwavering support that Hundreds of Beavers gathered and will go on to be considered an instant classic of the 2020s.

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