Movies
I Know What You Watched Last Summer: Your Guide to Seasonal Sleaze
Enter an internet search of summer horror movies, and the usual suspects pop up. But what if you don’t want to watch Friday the 13th or Jaws for the umpteenth time? What if you crave something trashy, campy, strange, or downright awful? Something that makes you choke on your beer after cackling at the cringe and creates those lasting so-bad-it’s-good memories with loved ones on a humid July night. The ridiculous Sleepaway Camp inspired this list, and while its problematic chaos qualifies, it’s had a resurgence in recent years. I’m here to point you toward less discussed summertime guilty pleasures, whether you’ve never seen them or haven’t had a rewatch in some time. Grab a flashlight and meet me around the fire at Camp Horror Press as we weave a tale of underappreciated gems, and maybe we’ll rip them to shreds along the way.
Cheerleader Camp (1988)
If David Lynch and John Waters teamed up to direct a ludicrous old-school slasher, the self-aware Cheerleader Camp would be their concoction. Originally titled Bloody Pom Poms, it stars Betsey Russel (Jill Tuck in the Saw franchise) as troubled “it girl” Alison as she attends a cheerleading camp where anything goes, and every transgression is near immediately forgotten. Lynchian dream sequences featuring razor-sharp pom-poms and voyeuristic sex provide insight into Alison’s troubled mind. Yet, outside of this nightmare realm, it’s all Porky’sand classically trashy slasher depravity. There is no sense of time, so – much like the film’s young actors who can’t seem to help but tumble through the woods like ragdolls – it’s best to roll with it.
Antics include: Employees hiding a dead body to avoid a camp shutdown, wild bedroom role-play that’s recorded and screened for all to see, and a topless queen bee suntanning showdown, for good measure. Surprisingly, the acting is a degree above half-baked, perhaps because of the film’s presumably knowing nature. The sophisticated script allows for amazing line deliveries like, “Chickens! Where?!” and “I hope you DIE!” which remain oddly charming while wrapped up in the film’s bizarre plane of existence. The reveal of the killer’s identity – loosely based on a true story – is similarly satisfying. If you’re in the mood to submerge yourself in the mystical waters of prime late 80’s slasher filth, it’s time for a weekend at Cheerleader Camp.
Killer Quote: “The queen will epitomize the highest ideals of cheerleading, which are nothing less than the highest ideals of mankind.” – Miss Tipton (Vickie Benson)
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)
Okay, this sequel to its hit predecessor from 1997 is genuinely bad. The original, which piggybacked off the success of Scream, had a few things going for it: It, too, was written by horror scribe Kevin Williamson, the cast is full of bonafide late 90’s dreamboats, and it includes what I consider to be one of the slasher genre’s best chase scenes, starring scream queen Sarah Michelle Gellar. Unfortunately, Williamson did not write this sequel, and poor SMG did not survive her legendary scuffle with the hooked killer. Scream 2 had modeled the precedent less than a year prior by satirizing cliché horror sequels while simultaneously being a great one, and I Still Know took absolutely zero notes. What remains is a hackneyed follow-up that thrusts Jennifer Love Hewitt’s irksome final girl, Julie James, into the muck once more – this time at a tropical resort in the Bahamas that resembles a lakeside retreat in upstate New York.
Hot garbage doesn’t stink so bad when it’s on celluloid, however, and if watched with the mindset of roasting this movie to hell – perhaps a drinking game – there’s fun within. Hewitt’s suspiciously forced acting chops invoke more cringe than trauma two decades before Halloween Kills ingrained “Evil Dies Tonight!” into our brains, and the return of her beau Freddie Prinze Jr. is butchered by writing him into an asinine savior subplot that literally throws him out a hospital window (and much of the action). Hewitt, arms outstretched, also blesses us with a recreation of her iconic, “What are you waiting for?!” scene from the OG, and a hilarious attempt at promotion for her now-defunct singing career inserts itself during the corniest of-the-era needle drop. Don’t fret, JLove, Ghost Whisperer comes soon enough.
The cast rounds out with a rasta-appropriating Jack Black, 90s icon Brandy as the rare black final girl, and Mekhi Phifer as her incredulously rude boyfriend. A few decent kills liven up the joint with some much-needed gore, followed by a suspenseful epilogue that acts as a lovely nightcap – that is, until it abruptly ends with a gotcha moment so uninspired your eyes may get lost in the back of your head. Keep up the (responsible) drinking game, and you’ll be litty as a kitty in no time!
Killer Quote: “All I know is that this is the worst vacation of my life. I’m tired, I’m hungry, I’m fucking horny, and I ain’t seen one goddamn psycho killer.” – Tyrell (Mekhi Phifer) moments before being slain.
Tourist Trap (1979)
What if the killer from House of Wax had telekinetic abilities and was super annoying? This wacky freakshow from the always entertaining Full Moon Features follows a group of twenty-somethings who suffer a doomed roadside run-in with the Carrie White of dollmakers, and it certainly checks off the “wrong turn road trip” box. Made at a time when not everything needed an explanation, the kinetically charged Tourist Trap somehow succeeds at being both positively silly and uncomfortably disturbing. Its achievements in audio are key: A shifty score oscillates between high tension and something akin to a Spotify playlist for clowns, and its sound design highlights the orgasmic talents of an army of moaning mannequins; if you have thin walls, beware.
Molly, the bonnet-wearing Little Karen on the Prairie heroine, is precisely as irritating as she sounds, and, as mentioned, the film’s villain is no different – he never shuts the fuck up! Of course, this is all part of the fun. There are some genuine scares to be had, mainly due to its infusion of supernatural blood into the standard slasher formula. Tourist Trap: Come for the chills…stay for the sultry mannequins!
Killer Quote: “He always wanted to be like me. You see, I’m his big brother. He always wanted everything I ever had. Including my face.” -Mr. Slauson (Chuck Connors)
Deep Blue Sea (1999)
“Deepest, bluest, my hat is like a shark’s fin.”
“Bleeding to death with no arms and short sleeves.”
“Struggling to flow with hemorrhages in your throat,
Getting the lap dance while I smash through your boat.”
Yes, those are lyrics from LL Cool J’s time capsule of a marketing tool meant to coincide with the release of this late ’90s sharkbuster. Lady Gaga who? (jk ILYSM). A rap track about how Cool J is as badass as a genetically modified shark fits the bill, though, because this movie is just as absurd. Equal parts The Poseidon Adventure and Jaws, the likes of Samuel L. Jackson and Thomas Jane fight for their lives to prevent uber-intelligent sharks – engineered as research for an Alzheimer’s cure – from escaping captivity to the open sea. It’s full of gnarly kills, close calls drenched in sweat and salt water, and a shocking early death that rips a page from the Drew Barrymore gag in Scream – see, I Still Know, someone took notes.
While not very…deep, the movie isn’t half bad and was quite successful upon release. However, 20+ years and two piss-poor straight-to-video sequels later, I don’t see Deep Blue Sea getting nearly as much time in the spotlight as its summer horror peers. It’s an all-around good time and may as well be Jaws when compared to the deluge of incoherent shark movies that release every year. As Sam Jackson once said in that other creature feature, “Hold on to your butts.”
Killer Quote: Honestly, just watch the video for “Deepest Bluest (Shark’s Fin)” with subtitles on. LL Cool J cemented himself as the poet laureate of 1999.
That concludes our time around the fire tonight. Hopefully, my shady reads of these discounted gems have inspired you to give them a whirl and make some steamy summer memories yourself. And don’t stop there. Continue down the rabbit hole and discover even more amethysts in the dirt. A few may even supply that, “You’ve never heard of this movie?” clout you can use at the next barbeque. Until next time.
Brooklyn Horror Film Fest kicked off its 10th year with a screening of the highly anticipated Queens of the Dead. This sparkly and zombie-fied night was presented by Horror Press and set the tone for at least two after parties. As a good queen does.
Before the movie began, director and co-writer, Tina Romero, took the stage to share that she is “very proud to be my dad’s kid, and proud to carry his torch, and super super proud to do it in a way that shows queer joy and queer resilience.” After watching the film, it’s clear Romero meant business as she expanded on the zombie world built by her dad, the genre icon George A. Romero.
A Scrumptious Evening
The opening night film was also unforgettable because it was followed by a Q&A afterward moderated by New York’s baddest emcee, Xero Gravity. Tina Thee Romero took the stage with cast members Samora la Perdida, Julie J., Tomas Matos, and Nina West. They kept the vibe fun but also addressed why this movie is especially important in dire times like these.
Nina West said, “I’m really proud that this movie is coming out specifically right now.” West explained, “We talked about how important this film is right now. How queer people, I think, are going to have the opportunity to grab onto it and hopefully feel a sense of community, a sense of self, and a reminder of how vital it is to have chosen family and the ability to have space. Watching it tonight with an audience, that’s what I’m reminded of.”
The Romero Legacy is Very Much Alive and Well
Gravity opened the talk by addressing Romero’s dad’s work, “So, Tina, your father’s legacy is invaluable to the horror community, especially the horror community of marginalized people. When I look into the audience, I see a bunch of queer people, a bunch of different skin tones, I see people with disabilities, and for that, I know we all appreciate George A. Romero’s legacy in terms of allyship.”
When the applause died down, she asked Romero what Queens of the Dead has to say about our current state in society. Romero said she felt incredibly grateful that Shudder and IFC Films are putting this movie out in 2025.
Romero elaborated, “It’s not easy to get a little indie movie out into the world. It’s so important that it’s coming out this year because what a year we have had. Holy shit.”
Romero continued, “It feels so good to have a big queer movie coming out in a time when our community is feeling really under the threat of erasure and under attack. I feel like what our movie says is we are here and we are wonderful, come along for the ride. I really hope that this movie brings a little bit of empathy. A little bit of ‘I can’t help but laugh at and love these characters.”
Romero concluded, “I really love my father. I love the films he made. It was very important to me to make sure his legacy continued in a way that said some shit and with queerness on screen.”
A Night of Glitter and Gore
During the talk back, Romero shared a lot of cool facts. One being that her and co-writer Erin Judge worked on this film for ten years. She also shared that Dawn of the Dead is her favorite movie in her dad’s franchise when Gravity pointed out a couple of nods to the movie in Queens of the Dead.
The Q&A went by entirely too quickly as the audience fell in love with this amazing crew. However, the love and community spilled into the bar area afterward. People were given the opportunity to thank everyone for their work and tell them they loved the film. People were offered penis-shaped cakes, which is a fun gag from the film. Attendees were also given a chance to get a little bloody at the hands of local makeup artist Dime. They applied bite marks and blood to everyone who wanted to feel like they were a part of the hottest zombie movie of the year.
It was another scrumptious evening in Brooklyn. It also left many of the audience with an axe wound right in the heart. I’m excited to see how Brooklyn Film Fest follows this movie, and I will be in the bar area this weekend, waiting to see.
Queens of the Dead will slay in theaters on October 24.
I feel like I’m always taking swings at Blumhouse Productions and would like to explain why I’m usually frustratedly screaming into a mic, “For whomst?!” My relationship as a horror fan with most of the movies this company produces cannot be summed up in quick, snide comments and eyerolls. It’s bigger than that because when Blumhouse gets it right, they get it right. Get Out, Us, Creep, Creep 2, Happy Death Day, Freaky, M3GAN, and Drop are some of my favorite movies from the last 10 years. The Paranormal Activity franchise is the reason I show up for found footage films today.
However, while the mission to seemingly greenlight anything is good on paper, it does lead to some questionable films. Some projects feel irresponsible to fund, and some that are just bad make up the majority of their library. For every diamond, we get a bunch of movies that leave us scratching our heads and wondering if the obvious conversations were not being had. Which is why I picked four Blumhouse movies I have legitimate beef with. I think these are prime examples of why I have a hard time getting excited when the company’s PR starts up for a new project. I’m also respectfully asking if there are things in place to avoid these issues and concerns in the future.
The Exorcist: Believer
Two girls disappear in the woods and return to their families, who soon learn they are possessed by an evil entity. My surface problem with this Blumhouse movie is that they learned nothing from greenlighting the Halloween trilogy and put the cart before the horse again. However, my main grievance is that I was led to believe this would be a Black-led Exorcist movie. That would have been groundbreaking in this almost exclusively white franchise. More importantly, Leslie Odom Jr. and Lidya Jewett were more than capable of leading this movie. So, why were they shoved into the margins? We had a double exorcism and gave the non-Black child most of the cool things to do. The film also made Odom Jr.’s character the chauffeur for Chris MacNeil, who was shoehorned in for fan service and given nothing important to do. The Exorcist: Believer was unbelievably bad to boot.
Dashcam (2021)
Two friends livestream the most terrifying night of their lives while on a road trip. This movie would have done fine because it was from the team that brought us Host. As we were still in pandemic mode, many of us were curious to see what they would do next. So, there was a lot of face cracks when it came out that problematic Twitter personality Annie Hardy would be basically playing herself in the film. From her political stances, COVID denial, racist rants, and that time she turned a pride flag into a swastika on Twitter, she’s very blatantly a person who does not need a bigger platform.
It’s irresponsible to allow a movie to use her as stunt casting in a Blumhouse production. Again, this movie would have been better off without her because it would have ridden the steam of Host. Instead, it turned people off, and some refused to see it or review it.
They/Them (2022)
A group of teens at an LGBTQ+ conversion camp suffer psychological torture at the hands of the staff while being murdered by a masked killer. I feel there were too many cis people weighing in on this movie. I personally watched an awful person who masquerades as a journalist leap into Twitter conversations where Trans and non-binary people were discussing why this movie wasn’t it. So, I chose to keep my thoughts to myself and listen to the community, who should get a say.
I encourage you to do the same. Here is the Horror Press review by Bash Ortega. I also encourage you to read Kay Lynch’s essay at Bloody Disgusting. Consequence of Sound also had a review that is worth reading. While this was one of the movies under the Blumhouse banner that had its heart seemingly in the right place, we know intention and impact are not the same thing.
Soft & Quiet (2022)
An elementary teacher meets with other white supremacists and then commits a hate crime. This movie felt like a bunch of shocking events strewn together, and I wanted my money back for this rental. I have no idea how this film came to be what it is. Personally, I hope there is a version that doesn’t feel like racial trauma porn somewhere, but this is not it. I kept wondering who this movie is for, and the internet confirmed it wasn’t for POC. With all the ways to capture white supremacy on film, this is what they did? I feel this is the most irresponsible movie Blumhouse has subjected me to. It’s the reason I no longer get excited when I hear a filmmaker I am rooting for is working with the company.
In Closing…
I know I come across as flippant when I drag most of Blumhouse’s films. However, it stems from a place of concern and frustration. Bad movies like Firestarter, Unhuman, Night Swim, and Imaginary are one thing. These movies that clumsily handle important topics that are the reason I’m usually waiting for their titles to hit streaming. Whether they’re putting Black leads in the backseat, greenlighting movies where internet trolls are being given roles, or adding to the canon of racial trauma porn, I’m tired. I don’t know how to fix it because I don’t know if it’s a lack of support or interference regarding the writers and directors.
I don’t know if it’s just quantity over quality leading to some messy and unnecessary movies making it through the cracks. However, if Jason Blum can unpack why M3GAN 2.0 flopped, then it would be cool for him to unpack what he’s learned from the movies that should actually be cause for concern. As a film girl, I would love to see these Blumhouse choices laid out like case studies. Whatever lessons learned and actionable items taken to not make these mistakes again, could be beneficial to other production companies that are also struggling. All I know is an honest investigation is needed if they’re going to keep yeeting films out at this rate. We want to root for all horror. However, it’s hard to do that if we’re wondering who is (or is not) in the room for so many important conversations that need to happen.
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