I’m happy Netflix knew I would be back on my bull shit. Now that we’re in January, and the end-of-year lists are done, I’m trying to cram as many 2025 titles into my eyeballs as I possibly can. I know it sounds backwards, but it’s sadly a yearly tradition now. No matter how many titles you cram into a year, there are always a ton more you missed. Because I am broken, I need to know if I missed anything that should have been on my lists ASAP. Then I can drag myself for not getting my eyeballs on things sooner. Or worse, seeing titles that came out after my deadline and would have definitely been on there. I need to feel resentment for their schedules not letting me be great. 

Luckily for me, the streamer has dropped quite a bit of new stuff recently. This includes movies and shows that I put off, or that legitimately premiered a couple of weeks ago. So, now I can spiral in the comfort of my own home as I binge all of these titles like a maniac. If you are also trying to walk into the new year stressed out, then maybe this streaming guide is for you, too.

City of Shadows (2025)

When a burned body is put on display on the facade of an iconic building, two inspectors must work together to solve the crime. I don’t know much about this Spanish thriller, but I know winter is the time for an unsettling mystery. The show is based on the first book of the Milo Malart tetralogy written by Aro Sáinz de la Maza. So, if it’s as good as I hope it is, there is a whole world with this inspector awaiting us in print. I’m ready to take all six of these episodes in one setting if the streaming Gods allow.

Frankenstein (2025)

Oscar Isaac, Jacob Elordi, and Christoph Waltz are among the names in this newest adaptation of the beloved Gothic horror classic. Guillermo del Toro’s take on Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is clearly one of the top priorities this month. While I skipped it in festivals because of the runtime, I knew I would have a date with it on Netflix this winter. While it has been on the streamer for a minute, I wasn’t able to dedicate two and a half hours to it. I also had watched my friends’ mixed reviews come in, and couldn’t take another disappointment last year. So, I saved this treat for the holiday. Fingers crossed, it is better than people are saying it is. 

I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025)

A new group of friends is tormented by a new stalker in this sequel to Kevin Williamson’s other ’90s slasher. I’m indifferent to the I Know What You Did Last Summer movies. Some are less awful than others, and I think this one was fine, but I know the original source material. Which means I know just how far they stray from what the original author, Lois Duncan, was about. So, I look at these movies and the flimsy premise they repeat differently than a lot of my friends. I think it’s an interesting look at how IP gets handled in Hollywood, but I don’t usually get much out of these. Which is another reason I’m kinder to this Jennifer Kaytin Robinson film than some people. While I won’t be rewatching it this January, I think a lot of people who missed it in theaters are going to have fun with some of these kills now that it’s on Netflix. 

Stranger Things: Season 5 (2025)

The long-awaited conclusion to Stranger Things is finally upon us! Will Vecna take out some of this ridiculously large cast on the way out? I hope so. Will we pretend to be surprised when Eddie Munson gets a few seconds of screentime? I refuse to play this game. However, are we all going to tune in to see how this epic ride ends? You betcha! I hate that they’re breaking this final season up into three chunks, but I will be sitting for all of them. 

The first four episodes hit in November. The next three landed on Netflix on December 25, and the finale premiered on December 31. I don’t know what to expect, but I know I am so ready to close this chapter of my relationship with Netflix and the Duffer Brothers. If it is even half as good as season four, then I will be a very happy nerd.

Troll 2 (2025)

A new troll awakens, causing Nora, Andreas, and Captain Kris to find new allies to take it down. This Norwegian monster flick almost got by me, so I’m happy Netflix dropped the trailer for this one. I’m using this as an excuse to finally watch the first one. I’m thinking a double feature is in order, so I can spend a whole day with these trolls. This is not my usual type of party, but after Troll Hunter won me over, I figure anything can happen. So, I will not judge you if you’re not feeling this out of left field pick. Just know that I’m running at it with an open mind and hoping to see some carnage as a reward. 

These are just the Netflix titles I’m prioritizing. This is in no way a complete overview of all of the new shows and movies they’ve added this winter. We also know that they usually have a ton of international bangers that they refuse to advertise. So, I end up stumbling over Korean titles every January and then trying to tell people we missed some really excellent stuff. So, pick up your remote and turn your phone off. It’s time to Netflix and Chill in the less sexy and more nerdy way.

The Anaconda franchise is probably one of the most misbegotten IP exercises of the modern era. The original is one of those bone-stupid genre movies that were constantly becoming hits throughout the 1990s. Like, it outgrossed L.A. Confidential in 1997. And I Know What You Did Last Summer. Ditto Jackie Brown. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, Boogie Nights, Selena, Air Bud, and Event Horizon too all knelt before its grandeur.

So it was inevitable that Anaconda was going to get a sequel. However, that didn’t come to theaters for a full seven years. That movie was also a box office success. Nevertheless, the franchise sank deeper and deeper into the IP muck the more it thrashed around. At the time, the sign that your franchise was losing steam was that it started going direct-to-video. Think 1995’s Leprechaun 3, 2000’s Hellraiser: Inferno, and 1995’s Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest. And you wanna know what happened to Anaconda? It went straight to The Sci-Fi Channel. Friends, this is an even worse fate. However, the franchise’s jagged, clunky progress is what makes it so interesting. Like, even its impending 2025 remake is weird.

Ranking All the Anaconda Movies

Instead of a straightforward serpentine creature feature, we’re getting a meta comedy starring Paul Rudd and Jack Black. Like… what? In honor of this baffling series of motion pictures, here is a ranking of the original Anaconda movies. I won’t be including the impending remake. Or the 2024 Chinese remake Anaconda: Cursed Jungle, which follows circus performers fighting a giant snake. That also sounds deliciously weird, but I literally just learned that it existed while writing this paragraph.

#5 Anaconda (1997)

So, I have (entirely unintentionally) made Horror Press a home for my controversial opinions. But I have never been anything other than scrupulously honest. And look, it’s true that 1997’s Anaconda has its advantages over the other installments. It has the biggest budget to play with. It has the most star-studded cast (Jennifer Lopez! Ice Cube! …Jon Voight… Baby Owen Wilson!). And it was the only Anaconda movie to actually be shot in the Amazon. Later installments would sub in Fiji, Romania, Bulgaria, and Australia.

However, all of that is what makes it downright offensive that the movie is such a harebrained mess. Everything about it falls flat. Primarily because the titular snake looks exactly like a shitty animatronic 99% of the time. It’s deeply unscary. And the untested main cast is so effortfully trying to ground it that it can’t succeed at a bad-good level.

The only thing that comes remotely close to working in this movie is Jon Voight. He is delivering his tooth-gnashing villain performance with one of the most baffling fake accents ever concocted. It’s compellingly bizarre, unlike anything else in the rest of the movie.

Regardless, the reason I rate this movie lowest is because it has no excuse to be this bad. Yes, there are at least three other movies in the franchise that are cheap, bad movies. But there is something demonstrably worse about being an expensive bad movie. Anaconda had the resources to become something truly great, or at least fun, and it largely failed to be either.

#4 Anaconda 3: Offspring (2008)

And here we have our first SciFi Original. And not the last, unfortunately. This movie is just shamefully cheap-looking. The anacondas themselves are CGI monstrosities that look more like strips of rubber from a tire than menacing serpents.

However, basically all of these movies feature at least one notable performer. You know the type. Someone who isn’t exactly surprising to find in a schlocky movie, but who at the very least has screen presence. A recipient of a grant from the Joan Crawford Make-A-Genre-Film Foundation for Aging Actors.

This movie has two, namely David Hasselhoff and John Rhys-Davies. Frankly, their powers combined don’t get them within an inch of what Jon Voight was working with. But at least it’s vaguely interesting seeing them forced to face off against anacondas that have escaped from a lab.

Sidebar: The Anaconda franchise is really a haven for some of our most toxically right-wing stars, isn’t it? What’s up with that?

#3 Anacondas: Trail of Blood (2009)

The one Crawford Foundation star that remains in this SciFi installment is John Rhys-Davies, which kinda should be a demerit. However, this movie has its benefits. The anaconda CGI is slightly better than Anaconda 3, at least. Slightly. Plus, the plot is both tighter and more enjoyable. It’s a yarn about a mutant anaconda that injects a bit of fun into an already pleasantly melodramatic story. There are human-level stakes and engaging villains in addition to the monster mayhem. Not to the point that Trail of Blood resembles a real movie, but at least it has its moments. Plus, the final 20 minutes or so are a real humdinger.

#2 Lake Placid vs. Anaconda (2015)

Somehow, combining two dumb franchises that were separately spawned from two dumb 1990s creature features worked! Go SciFi Channel (which had become Syfy by this point)! Lake Placid vs. Anaconda is ultimately a little bit more than the sum of its parts. By the by, the snakes are fighting crocodiles in this one, not the lake itself. In case you were confused.

Of the middle-of-the-pack offerings in the Anaconda franchise, Lake Placid vs. Anaconda is the most fun. For one thing, it benefits tremendously from featuring the latter-era Lake Placid character Reba (Yancy Butler). For those not in the know, she’s a salty hunter who loves stabbing crocs in the head. She’s a hell of a good time. Plus our Crawford Foundation star here is Robert Englund, who always adds a bit of spice to low-budget nonsense. And I bet you didn’t think there would be a sorority initiation in this movie, didja? So the movie gets some extra points for throwing another subgenre in there, just for funsies.

#1 Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004)

And now we’ve reached one of the few sequels in cinema history that surpasses the original. It retains the sexy cast and jungle mayhem of the original, but adds quite a few important components. This includes some comic relief that actually lands and a more intentionally campy story about immortality flowers.

One more thing. Now, keep in mind that I’m a bad person who is absolutely unmoved by animal characters who aren’t in Babe. So when I tell you there’s a monkey that I care about more than any human onscreen, that means something.