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BATTLE OF THE BLOODSTAINED SPOUSES: Which Horror Movie Villain Would Make the Best Romantic Partner?

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Pictured: A tender embrace between lovers. So sweet.

There was our simple first age as a species, Cro-Magnon’s who had to limit our minds to whatever scary things we could draw with berry juice on a cave wall. Then we walked upright boldly into an age of movies, an age of horror movies. We created bold new monstrosities to watch in wonder and fear.

And then, with The Shape of Water dawned a new age: an age where people could boldly and openly say they would bang with monsters.

And I’m glad for those people. But life isn’t all about the carnal pleasures. It’s about meaningful relationships. Bonding with someone you love. Stability. So, putting aside your weird fantasies for a second, I implore you to consider this.

What monster would you not only want to be with…but also build a home with?

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For the next few weeks, we at Horror Press will be doing some polls around a curated list of horror movie icons to determine who has the makings of a solid life partner. And you, dear readers, get to vote and determine who passes on between the weeks up until the very final article is publish on Valentine’s Day. The name of the game is long term, stable relationship, so, let’s put them to the test and you put your three votes to good use!

But before that…

THE GROUND RULES

If we were to go through all of horror’s great monsters to do this, we’d be here all day. So we’ll have to whittle down our list of possible candidates.

Rule #1: They must be the villain of that film. Self-explanatory.

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Rule #2: They must be sapient and consenting. Relationships require communication, trust, and respect, and anything that only has sentience alone cannot give you those three things. This disqualifies any creatures that behave like wild animals, i.e. The Things from The Thing or Aliens from Aliens. Sorry to you nasties out there.

Rule #3: They must be able to do things other than killing/torturing. Anything completely mindless/mechanical in their motives are incapable of being reasoned with, so they’re a no go. This disqualifies the likes of Michael Myers and Pinhead. If they go mindless as the result of a transformation, they’re on the table. If they just do just because it’s fun, that’s a boring person to be around, its effectively the same as someone who has made their hobby their whole personality.

Rule #4: They must be single. This disqualifies the Jack Torrance’s on our list who are in relationships. This also disqualifies Pennywise and The Babadook since they are in a loving relationship (iykyk). Killers in a poly relationship feel like cheating by submitting extra ballots, so they’re also off the table.

I must make a very specific ruling as a Chucky fan, if you have some mechanism by which you split your soul, but only one iteration of you is in the relationship, this does not count as being single. That’s just…you in a relationship with extra steps. So sorry Charles, you’re still taken by Tiffany and vice versa.

Rule #5: They must not be bound to a singular location. Monsters or killers stuck to a particular stomping ground are often too inflexible and too rigid. How would you go on vacation? What if you find a nice apartment at a reasonable rate in another part of town? It’s just not realistic to limit yourself, Jotun from The Ritual.

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Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I’ve narrowed our competitors down to 30 horror stars from across all genres. THE LIST IS, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

  1. Baguul (Sinister)
  2. The Phantom (Phantom of the Opera)
  3. The Tall Man (Phantasm Series)
  4. Freddy Krueger (Nightmare on Elm Street Series)
  5. Wolf (Alien VS. Predator)
  6. Herbert West (Re-Animator)
  7. Audrey II (Little Shop of Horrors)
  8. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
  9. Rose the Hat (Doctor Sleep)
  10. John Kramer (Saw)
  11. Angela Baker (Sleepaway Camps 2 & 3)
  12. Norman Bates (Psycho)
  13. Annie Wilkes (Misery)
  14. Sweeney Todd (Sweeney Todd)
  15. Gabriel (Malignant)
  16. The Gill Man (The Creature from The Black Lagoon Series)
  17. Marie (High Tension)
  18. Roman Bridger (Scream 3)
  19. Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th Series)
  20. Seth Brundle (The Fly)
  21. Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre Series)
  22. Leslie Vernon (Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon)
  23. Tom Hanninger (My Bloody Valentine Remake)
  24. Sue Ann (Ma)
  25. Dracula (Dracula 2000)

And that’s it for Week 1 everybody.

MAY THE BEST MONSTER WIN! Your heart.

VOTING HAS CLOSED! THANKS FOR PARTICIPATING!

Luis Pomales-Diaz is a freelance writer and lover of fantasy, sci-fi, and of course, horror. When he isn't working on a new article or short story, he can usually be found watching schlocky movies and forgotten television shows.

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Misc

See You At Night Frights LA 2025!

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In just a few days, Horror Press will be leaving the East Coast for the sunny rays of Los Angeles. Why, you may ask? For the Night Frights LA film festival! Night Frights LA was founded by the Winchester brothers (no, not Sam and Dean). Their goal? To celebrate bold, original horror and give independent creators the spotlight they deserve. What does Night Frights LA have to offer? Let’s take a look!

Location, Location, Location

From 10 AM to 10 PM on September 20th, Night Frights LA will take place at the Los Angeles Convention Center in the West Hall. The convention center will also be host to Horrorcon Los Angeles on the 20th and 21st. You can park in the West Hall garage and head on directly to the theater on the 2nd floor.

What’s Screaming?

A film festival is only as good as its lineup, and Night Frights LA has a bloody, fun lineup for us! Doors open at 9:30 AM, and the festival kicks off at 10!

The festival kicks off with Short Film Block: Best in Blood. The short films included are: Ghosted, Playback, Knife, No Slasher Here, A Simple Life, Chickenboy, Banjo, Where the Shadows Feast, Love Forevermore, and The Carvening.

After a short break, the Horror Writers Association will host a panel called Page to Screen, hosted by Kevin Wetmore.

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From there, it’s time to get back to the short films. Short Film Block: Mental Carnage will include: Vivir, Devil’s Prism, The Specter of Christmas, Contraction, The Vanity, The Last Thing She Saw, and Keep Coming Back.

The final set of shorts, Short Film Block: Planet Terror, will include: Umbra, La Croix, The Overkill, The Smell of Sin, Bananahead, and The Nature of Death.

A Special Screening ONLY at Night Frights LA

You know we love short films over here at Horror Press, but once the shorts are done, Night Frights heats UP with a special screening of the first-ever feature film to be screened at Night Frights LA with Teddy Grennan’s Catch a Killer. This screening will be followed by a Q&A session featuring the cast and crew.

But wait! There’s more! Starting at 6 PM, there will be a Q&A with John Massari (composer of Killer Klowns from Outer Space)! And this wonderful Q&A will be followed up with a screening of Killer Klowns from Outer Space, sponsored by us here at Horror Press! Sounds like a hell of a time to me! The festival will close out at 8 PM with the awards ceremony hosted by Elias Alexandro!

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So what are you waiting for? Join me, and horror fans from around the world, for a day full of horror BY horror lovers.

Badges for Night Frights LA start at $20 and can be picked up here! See you there!

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Who’s The Better New Jersey Horror Icon: Jason or Chucky?

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This month at Horror Press, the theme is New Jersey. As a dyed-in-the-wool slasher guy, the first horror-related thing that comes to mind when thinking about the Garden State is obviously the Friday the 13th franchise. The first movie was shot in New Jersey, and the majority of the subsequent movies are set there when they’re not wandering off to Manhattan or space. However, Mrs. Voorhees and her son Jason aren’t the only New Jersey natives to have spawned a slasher franchise.

After all, the bloodthirsty Charles Lee Ray, better known as the killer doll Chucky, grew up in Hackensack. So what do you do when you have two slasher villains on your hands? You have them battle, of course. In order to figure out which killer is the best New Jersey horror icon, we’re going to compare the two in a variety of categories, but the one that will be weighted the heaviest is obviously “New Jersey-ness.” Without any further ado, let the head-to-head begin!

Which Horror Icon is the Most Jersey?

Kill Count

Jason: 179 (give or take)

This total spans 10 movies, including the 2009 reboot, but not the original 1980 Friday the 13th or 1985’s A New Beginning (neither of which feature Jason as the killer). Nor does it include non-body count deaths like the remaining teens on the sunken Lazarus in Jason Takes Manhattan or the entire population of the destroyed Solaris station in Jason X, so if anything, the actual number is even higher than this. This makes for an average of 17.9 per movie.

Chucky: 104 (give or take)

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This total spans seven movies and three television seasons. If we count that as a total of 10, Chucky hits an average of 10.4 per outing.

Winner: Jason

Personality

Jason: He does have a lot of creativity to express when it comes to finding new and exciting ways to turn people’s insides into their outsides. And that hockey mask adds a certain amount of flair, true. But this big lug is the strong and silent type. There’s really not a lot going on with him.

Chucky: The fact that he talks certainly helps him stand out, but regardless, Chucky is all personality from top to bottom, whether it’s the wholesome and child-friendly appearance that he presents to the world when he’s not pursuing his insidious desires or the true self he exposes once you get to know him a little better. He’s narcissistic, bad to the bone, and loves nothing more than wise-cracking while doling out creative kills. He’s also smart enough to design certain murders to cast the blame on others. What a guy!

Winner: Chucky

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Franchise Quality

Jason: Friday the 13th has some high highs. For instance, The Final Chapter is the platonic ideal of the 1980s slasher movie. However, while the franchise generally tends to be relatively reliable and consistent, those lows can be crushing. Everybody disagrees on which are the lowest, which adds some benefit of the doubt here. Still, whether it’s A New Beginning, Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Goes to Hell, or Jason X (which is my personal pick), there’s gonna be at least one movie you don’t like here.

Chucky: Not only is the Child’s Play franchise consistent, but it is all in strict continuity (minus the 2019 reboot, which we’re pretending doesn’t exist). It has some glorious highs (Bride of Chucky is one of the iconic 1990s horror movies) and its lows aren’t all that bad. Child’s Play 3 tends to be people’s least favorite, but even that one is a totally watchable, if lightweight, horror romp. (If Seed of Chucky is your lowest-ranked, please come see me after class.)

Winner: Chucky

New Jersey-ness

Jason: Now, there’s a lot to break down here, both in-universe and on a meta level. First of all, one huge point goes to Jason because the majority of his slayings are committed in New Jersey. Jason was also canonically born in the small (fictional) town of Crystal Lake, growing up there as well, as shown by the inexplicable Voorhees family manor in Crystal Lake township that appears in Jason Goes to Hell. In fact, beyond going to Manhattan, space, etc., there is no evidence that he has ever left Crystal Lake and its surrounding environs more than a handful of times (mostly for killing – for example, his field trip to take care of original final girl Alice Hardy in Part 2).

However, on a more meta level, very few of the Friday the 13th movies were shot either partially or entirely in New Jersey. They were mostly shot in California, the South, or Canada. Not very Garden State, if you ask me.

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Chucky: Chucky gets a huge boost from the fact that he was raised in Hackensack, New Jersey, which is actually a real place as opposed to Crystal Lake township. However, most of his killings from the franchise do not take place in New Jersey. While the Chucky series rectifies this by setting season 1 in Hackensack and featuring the killer doll returning to his hometown in the modern day (alongside flashbacks of his antics as a youngster), his reign of terror has mostly taken place elsewhere. One additional demerit is that, as a human, he was known as the “Lakeshore Strangler,” having taken up residence in Chicago as an adult.

However, while Hackensack is a real place, the Chucky movies and shows don’t shoot there. In fact, as far as I can tell, not a single frame of footage was shot in New Jersey for the entirety of the iconic slasher franchise (which has been produced out of Canada for some time now).

Winner: Jason

Winner

Because the New Jersey section is weighted to be worth two points, I can proudly proclaim that Jason Voorhees is the winner! While this makes sense, considering the fact that he has been an icon since before Chucky was a twinkle in Don Mancini’s eye, the killer doll put up a tough fight, going neck and bloody neck with the Crystal Lake behemoth.

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