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My Christmas Tradition: Watching ‘Krampus’

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Some folks will watch A Christmas Story every year for Christmas. Some folks will watch A Charlie Brown Christmas. Me? Every year I watch Krampus. It’s not just my favorite Christmas horror movie but it’s one of my all-time favorite Christmas movies. It’s up there with Elf for me.

Why Krampus Is My Favorite Christmas Horror Movie

There are a handful of good Christmas-themed horror movies—Silent Night Deadly Night, Black Christmas, the Black Christmas remake, Better Watch Out—but my absolute favorite is Krampus. The idea of a horror movie taking place during a holiday that isn’t Halloween appeals to me but this movie feels genuinely like a rotted family Christmas movie which is what makes it so absolutely delicious.

A Hilarious and Chaotic Opening Scene

The movie opens with a slow motion scene showing folks fighting in stores while “It’s beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” plays. We pan through a department store and see families fist fighting and one pair of parents even getting stun gunned by security. We see kids screaming and crying on Santa’s lap. We end with our main character, Max (Emjay Anthony), dressed as a reindeer physically fighting another kid dressed as Jesus during a Christmas recital as his parents run in and his sister laughs while recording it.

The opening alone warms my heart. As someone who has worked retail during more holiday seasons than I care to admit, this barely feels like a parody. It rings true and that’s exactly why I love it so much. There has never been a single holiday season that has gone by where I haven’t been yelled at by some deranged parents blaming me for us not having what they’re looking for. The holiday season isn’t all beautiful decorations and fun family times.

A Dysfunctional Family That Feels Real

Another reason I love this movie is that the family barely likes each other. Which, again, rings more true than some big happy family where everyone seems to be besties and no one is awkwardly bringing up politics. As someone with an extremely liberal mother and extremely conservative father, I relate to the nightmare that is older conservative relatives voicing their bad opinions.

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Toni Collette plays Sarah, a mother on the verge of a nervous breakdown who is trying to keep it together for the holiday. Adam Scott plays Tom, a nice pushover dad who is also kind of a dick. Allison Tolman plays Aunt Linda, who is well-meaning but has a family full of goblins. David Koechner plays Uncle Howard, who is basically every idiot conservative uncle. Conchata Ferrell plays Aunt Dorothy, who is basically every mean older conservative family member.

The Heartwarming Bond Between Max and Omi

But, despite all the fucked up family relations, there’s also some heart to this movie. At the center of the film are Max and his grandma Omi (Krista Stadler)—they genuinely love and understand each other. Omi speaks German and Max speaks English—and as a kid who grew up very close with his Puerto Rican grandma, I find their relationship to be sweet. Omi watches as the family bickers and fights, giving Max knowing looks and never judging him for getting into fights. While I never got into fights as a kid, I definitely didn’t quite fit in with the rest of my family as the big queer nerd of the group. But my grandma and I would watch cartoons, horror movies, and telenovelas together whenever she watched me while my parents worked. We would also give each other knowing looks at family dinners whenever anyone was annoying. So, yes I get emotional every time I watch the grandma sacrifice herself to give her family time to get away.

The movie should feel crowded but it never does—it feels the right amount of full for a movie about a family coming together during the holidays. The first act is fully just a Christmas movie too, which completely works. It’s the perfect movie to put on while partaking in some holiday fun. It starts off chaotic, then gets warm and cozy, then delves into complete chaos. Which is basically the journey I go on when wrapping presents.

The fact that this movie makes me happy and is something I watch every December probably says more about me than anything else. But also, what fun is watching some boring happy family movie?

A Family That Fights Together

The family in this movie feels more real than most in holiday or horror movies. It’s what makes each of them getting picked off feel more brutal. This isn’t a family that shares the same values, it’s a family that barely tolerates each other—but they still all fight together in the end, even if they don’t win. Even the freakin’ baby gets taken by the Christmas-themed demons.

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In the end, Max pleads with Krampus—only to get thrown into his pit of fire. We end with the family waking up on Christmas morning together and they all exchange grim looks. I interpret the ending as Krampus keeping them all prisoner but it can also be interpreted as Krampus letting them go and just keeping an eye on them. I’m not normally a fan of a bleak ending, but in this instance, I kind of love it because it’s scored and shot like it’s a heartwarming Christmas movie ending.

So, grab your hot cocoa and gingerbread cookies and watch Krampus with me while we angrily wrap presents together.

Ian Carlos Crawford grew up in southern New Jersey and has an MFA in non-fiction writing. His favorite things are Buffy, Scream, X-Men, and pugs. His writing has appeared on sites like BuzzFeed, NewNowNext, Junkee, and other random corners of the internet. He currently hosts a queer Buffy and Marvel focused pop culture podcast called Slayerfest 98 and co-hosts a horror podcast called My Bloody Judy.

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‘Them That Follow’ Review: A Bleak and Brilliant Thriller

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From Blood Shine to now, I’ve really been eating my words with my “don’t like cult horror” attitude. Maybe all I needed was a gigantic break from the hundreds of cult-based horror films that were being churned out. Or, maybe the subgenre just needed some space to find its footing? Anyway, imagine the shock on my face when I was researching snake-based horror films and came across Them That Follow, starring Walton Goggins, Olivia Coleman, Kaitlyn Dever, and *checks notes* Jim Gaffigan!

Lemuel (Walton Goggins) is the pastor of a snake-fearing religious group, tucked away deep in the Appalachian mountains. His daughter, Mara (Alice Englert), is set to marry Garret (Lewis Pullman), a man she seemingly has no interest in. As their young love comes into question, Johnny Law starts breathing down their necks. With her best friend Dilly (Kaitlyn Dever) on her side, Mara questions everything she’s known about her life thus far. Will she go forward and marry a man she may not even love? Or, will her former fling, Auggie (Thomas Mann), win her affection and get her to leave this awful life behind?

A Slow-Burn With Style

Writer/directors Brittany Poulton and Dan Madison Savage bring a wholly unique feature to the table with Them That Follow. At first, the film’s meandering and lackluster pace is grating. WHEN will something happen? WHAT will move this story forward? Slowly but surely, Poulton and Savage’s story serpentines its way into nihilistic horror. If you have zero control over your life, what kind of life is it? Them That Follow is a harrowing, albeit slow, exploration of grief in a way that “elevated horror” typically fails at doing. Rather than forcing audiences into its grief, Poulton and Savage craft an excellent story around it.

Them That Follow explores not just grief, but groupthink. In a world where deeply religious political parties storm pizza restaurants with automatic weapons and kill in the name of their god, this film acts as a harsh mirror. YOU may not be aware that groups like this exist…they do. One of my favorite articles is written by someone who embedded himself in a Q-adjacent cult as he chronicled just how broken some of these groups are. (I wish I could remember the title/author, sorry!) Them That Follow does an incredible job at visualizing some of the things I read in that article. Those who believe Lemuel see nothing wrong with letting one of their friends get bitten by a venomous snake and slowly drift into a quiet death in the name of their god.

Outstanding Performances and a Surprising Cast

What really excited me about Them That Follow is how wonderfully miserable the cast is. Never have I seen people portray misery as entertainingly as this cast. Walton Goggins embodies his violent optimism in a way I haven’t seen him do before (though I haven’t seen Justified). Olivia Coleman is brilliant as always. But it’s everyman comedian Jim Gaffigan who really caught my eye. His performance is subtle and refined, something I didn’t think he could pull off. And if you ever thought you would see the day where Jim Gaffigan and Olivia Coleman play husband and wife on screen, you’re lying.

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It’s not until the final act that the film goes from stagnant (positively) forwardness to amped up energy. I was concerned Them That Follow wouldn’t nail an interesting stinger, but Poulton and Savage wrapped a bloody brilliant bow on the end of this gift. I did wish they had gone in a different, less realistic angle to the film’s ending; something more grotesque. But I can’t fault them for leaving the film grounded in a reality that is justified and believable. Not all films like this have to end with a supernatural, Lovecraftian twist. And for that, I tip my ten-gallon hat to them.

Why Them That Follow Deserves More Attention

Them That Follow was an incredible surprise, and a wonderful change of pace for what cult-based horror films typically are. With a stacked cast, brilliant writing, and stunning performances, I’m shocked more people haven’t stumbled across this film. It utilizes its snake-based horror well and doesn’t vilify those slithery sneaks in a way many snake-based horror films do. At the very least, watch this film to see what it would be like if Olivia Coleman and Jim Gaffigan were married.

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‘Five Nights at Freddy’s 2’ Review: Fanservice Wrapped in Mess

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I have no illusions that Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 entertained me due in no small part to personal bias. There was genuine enjoyment to be had for how silly and fun it was and enjoy it I did. I, of all people, am not immune to nostalgia. But there’s no mincing words: the second outing at the cinemas for creator Scott Cawthon’s behemoth horror franchise is, in no uncertain terms, a movie of mixed to low quality. It’s kind of bad. And that’s okay.

Its effects are simultaneously better and worse, its dialogue ranges from alright to atrocious, and its performances are all over the place. The premise it runs with, remixing the second game with its shiny new Toy versions of the Fazbear Entertainment gang, is a fun time fueled by fan service and busting at the seams to try and accommodate it all to an under two-hour runtime. But it’s messier than the backrooms of the pizzerias it takes place in.

A Remix of Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 (And Others), Heavy on Fanservice

This time, the primary antagonist puppeteering a cast of aggressive animatronics is literally a puppet; the Marionette, a scorned victim of the previous film’s antagonist William Afton. Slain and bound to the very first restaurant Afton started, a group of ghost hunters unleash its evil when a recording of their show goes horribly wrong. It’s up to Mike (Josh Hutcherson) and Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail) to try and seal it away again, or risk their lives being torn apart by the supernatural once more.

For the game fans this film was crafted for, it will satiate any lore craving they might have. Well, at least until the third film, when Mike will combat oxygen deprivation that causes him to hallucinate phantom animatronics (no, that sentence is not a joke, that actually happens). There are tidbits of foreshadowing for sequels, confirmations of theories, retcons, and somewhat amusing cameos. For everyone else, you’ll get a good laugh and the occasional scare, but you will have a plethora of questions.

The Screenplay Has Been Springlocked

The script for this sequel is riddled with oddities, nothing characters, and genre cliches that are in a quantum state of “good because it’s hilarious” and “bad because it’s genuinely bad” depending on who is delivering them. The story isn’t always predictable just because of the adaptation factor it relishes in, but its dialogue is undeniably silly and hamstrings what could otherwise be good performances with a need to rush along lore and forced character development.

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Hutcherson’s go around as Mike this time is phoned in, and it doesn’t help that he wasn’t given anything to work with other than being a stereotypical single father figure to his kid sister. It’s not all bleak; Lail does actually deliver the film’s best bits in a genuinely frightening dream sequence delving into Vanessa’s backstory. She also gets a few fun final girl moments, but hasn’t reached the level of iconic that would garner calling her a scream queen; we’ll see if that changes in 3 given the radical shift in character she goes through here.

Great Villains Hamstrung by an Imperfect Script (And Effects)

Piper Rubio is once again fit to her role as Abby, though the character she’s playing is oddly one note for a child who is psychic friends with the ghosts of dead kids. The brief voice lines for the animatronics by guest stars garner little in the way of memorability, but long-time Freddy voice actor Kellen Goff does manage to make a solid impact with the one or two lines he receives.

While we’re on the topic of those new fiendish animatronics, they are much better than anticipated. Their practical puppetry bases and how they’re composited with the CGI isn’t bad at all, with game designs translating well and moving nicely. The Marionette’s myriad forms, however, do feel exceptionally goofy despite the terrifying concept of a slithering octopoid puppet ghost with no concrete skeleton. They’re the lowlight of the film’s effects, but it’s kind of endearing how silly they look.

The biggest victim of the film, however, is Freddy Carter. He plays the creep factor of his character up to a thousand in a way that absolutely would work with better writing and a darker tone. But he’s shackled by the lore implications of being a character people have been waiting for, in a way that feels more offensive to the story than the constant easter eggs. Every word that leaves his mouth feels comically bad, laden with exposition or just outright limp and cold linework.

We Underused Matthew Lillard Again (And Skeet Ulrich This Time Too)

Which is a shame, because our minor villain does get to have fun. Matthew Lillard’s brief screen chewing time in the sun as William Afton once more is delightful, playing a deranged killer in a yellow bunny costume with all the glee that visual would indicate.

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Skeet Ulrich as fan favorite character Henry Emily, however, doesn’t get nearly enough time to shine. Despite being a perfect casting for the role and delivering a convincing turn as a grieving father, he’s relegated to just delivering a plot device that gets 30 seconds of screentime. Here’s to hoping the next film reunites the Scream alums, allowing the long-time rivals of the game to finally cross paths.

Can Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 Be More Than Fan Service?

I suppose the constant reiteration of that last point is important to address: the current train of thought is that hopefully, eventually, the kinks will be worked out as far as the Five Nights at Freddy’s films go. Though I’m not holding my breath.

There are no reservations that this is, first and foremost gateway horror for younger audiences, with a nostalgia barbed fishhook to sink into in older fans as well. My humble prediction is that almost all of these films will remain roughly the same level of quality (middling to poor), the same level of frightening (more than you’d think and much less than you’d hope), and the same level of entertaining for the segments of the population it hits for (a fairly fun time).

And maybe that’s enough. To simply be entertaining gateway horror is fine, I don’t think there’s a screaming necessity for these to be masterpieces. This movie is kind of bad, and that’s okay if all you need is some fleeting entertainment or to see your favorite game adapted to film. But films with this much franchise potential should be treated as all others. They can be strong horror films with great iconography rather than features beholden entirely to that iconography.

Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 fails to wow in any particular department other than being “for the fans” and much of its unintentional humor. Still, there’s a glimmer of hope here in its silvery eyes that this can all be something more down the line.

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