The opening sequence of The Strangers: Chapter 2 is a promising start to what soon becomes a bafflingly bad movie. Since Chapter 1, I had been hopeful that the trilogy would find purpose for itself beyond being a remake. I honestly thought all the claims of Chapter 2’s irredeemable incompetence were just exaggerations meant to appease the algorithmic machine spirits. Let he who has not written an inflammatory article title cast the first stone.

But no. It actually is that bad.

We pick back up with our protagonist Maya (played by Madelaine Petsch) in the hospital, mourning the loss of her boyfriend to a trio of deranged masked killers. Struggling with wounds physically, mentally, and emotionally, she’s soon forced to get back on her feet and keep running after the titular strangers arrive at the hospital she’s recovering in.

Despite the honestly very strong camera work in this environment, the game is given away early. When you realize how long Maya’s been running from room to room, evading an axe-wielding maniac with cartoon logic, you soon understand the dire truth of the film as she escapes from the hospital morgue into the town: Oh good lord, we’re going to do this same thing for the entire movie aren’t we?

Yep, We’re Going to Do This Same Thing for the Entire Movie

If the final reel of The Strangers: Chapter 1 felt like a molasses drip, Chapter 2 in its entirety feels more like having people pour bottles of maple syrup out onto your face for 90 minutes. Something is technically happening, yes, but it’s the same thing over and over, slowly, and surprisingly very little happens in the grand scheme of things.

Maya runs, then walks, then trudges aimlessly as she flees her attackers, occasionally getting a hit in on them, and then flickering in and out of consciousness. Every character that could give some good insight disappears or dies before they can speak. The ones who do speak are all equal levels of ominous, hinting at the very obvious twist we’re approaching in the third film, that there are way more than three killers and that the rest of the town is in on it.

Large swathes of the runtime are dedicated to watching Maya struggle to do simple things in the wake of her injuries. There’s no mean-spirited nature or message to punctuate the suffering parade she marches on in; she is effectively just fast travelling from set piece to set piece via CTE and blood loss induced teleportation. And while that sentence may be very funny in the abstract, it gets very old very fast.

What Is Actually Going On, I Am So Confused

It’s in these set pieces where the most confusing choices of Chapter 2 abound. We get flashbacks of the Pin-Up Girl killer as a young child, explaining the origin of the Strangers ding-dong-ditching antics. The scenes are just as corny as you’d expect, pockmarked by nonsensical explanations and connections back to the main plot; this is ignoring the fact that it tries to give sense to what are supposed to, at their core, be senseless crimes. It’s like, the whole ethos of the series. There is no point.

The nonsense of it all comes to a crescendo around the midpoint, when the strangers eventually lose track of Maya, and decide there’s only one course of action to get her: release a tactical boar into the woods to hunt her down like a heat-seeking hog missile. What results is a scene so ridiculous that it’s only topped by the shonen anime style flashback Pin-Up Girl has to honor the boar’s demise, fondly remembering how she got the pig in the first place before weaponizing it into a one-ton murder beast.

None of this is a joke in any way, shape, or form. I am still genuinely confused as to how this was all just allowed to happen.

The Strangers: Chapter 2 Brings Technical Faux Pas on So Many Levels

Terrible story aside, it’s not like the film is saved on a technical level either. It’s largely lit like an IKEA commercial and shot in some locations, just like one too. The soundtrack is middling at best. The actual action is often shot shakily and edited in a manner so frantic that it would make early-2000s found footage blush with its visual instability.

The best I can say is that the practical effects to detail Maya’s wounds and subsequent sutures are great, but even then a finger curls on the monkeys’ paw as a trade; the film matches that with CGI blood at multiple points, blood that is so clumsily textured and layered on fabric that it made me nostalgic for the 2010s YouTube sketch videos they reminded me of.

Petsch’s performance is on par with her previous appearance in Chapter 1, still solid character work here, barring some cheesy moments that are like potholes in the road of the script. But when you’re fighting against a director who isn’t directing you in any meaningful way, and a script that doesn’t give you anything to work with, it really feels like she’s been left to spin her wheels. They don’t even let her act opposite Richard Brake for more than one scene, who spends most of the movie sitting in a diner drinking sweet tea with another officer. If anything is criminal here, it’s that. You don’t put Richard Brake in a corner!

Abandon All Hope for The Strangers: Chapter 3

For a film about masked killers, Chapter 2 is awfully mask-off about what it is— just the slow, low middle point in a nearly 5-hour movie that’s been cut into thirds. It’s a meandering stroll through some really alien choices in storytelling that ultimately feels hollow. It’s eerily reminiscent of the 2015 Martyrs remake, since that was also a complete trainwreck that didn’t understand what made its source material tick.

The Strangers: Chapter 2 is a trite hellbilly slasher at points, a played-out character study of its killers at others, and a limp thriller throughout where anyone can be the killer, and where ultimately, it doesn’t really matter who the killer is. While I wish I could say it’s insane failures in filmmaking will find itself a cult audience that loves bad horror, I don’t know if I fully believe that either. It lacks the heart necessary to be a cult classic. Whatever it is, it doesn’t bode well for whatever can of worms its finale has in store.

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