Reviews
[REVIEW] What Resides In The Woods Is ‘Abominable’ (2006)
Abominable actually follows Preston Rogers (Matt McCoy), an affluent man who is returning to his mountain house six months after a rock climbing accident took his wife’s life, as well as his ability to walk. Preston is released into the care of a nurse named Otis Wilhelm (Christien Tinsley). Otis joins Preston at his house for a few days to help him with a sort of immersion therapy. There are also multiple stairs (like over 30) to get into the house, so Preston is essentially trapped in the house without the assistance of Otis. Amanda (Haley Joel) and her friends arrive at the house next door to Preston. Equipped with binoculars, Preston is stuck watching Bigfoot pick these girls off one by one because Otis doesn’t believe him. Can Preston warn the remaining girls? Or will they continue to call the man watching them with binoculars a creep?
Do you have false memories about any specific movie? Something you’ve thought to yourself, for over a decade, was about one thing with one actor playing a specific character and then upon rewatch, you realize you were VERY far off? For me, that movie is Abominable. My neighbor came over on a Saturday at some point in my youth. My parents had the Sci-Fi channel on, and a movie called Abominable was playing. At one point, it caused my neighbor to scream and subsequently ask my dad to walk him across the street at the end of the night.
My Long-Held False Memory of Abominable
Here is my false memory of the movie. A couple goes to a cabin in a heavily forested mountain range and gets trapped inside when a freak snowstorm hits. The couple find themselves trapped in the house as Bigfoot taunts them for hours upon hours before inevitably breaking in and killing them. At one point, Lance Henrikson (in a wheelchair) joins the fray as a former Bigfoot hunter. After buying the subtitle-less MVD Blu-Ray/DVD release I realized just how wrong I was.
Abominable actually follows Preston Rogers (Matt McCoy), an affluent man who is returning to his mountain house six months after a rock climbing accident took his wife’s life, as well as his ability to walk. Preston is released into the care of a nurse named Otis Wilhelm (Christien Tinsley). Otis joins Preston at his house for a few days to help him with a sort of immersion therapy. There are also multiple stairs (like over 30) to get into the house, so Preston is essentially trapped in the house without the assistance of Otis. Amanda (Haley Joel) and her friends arrive at the house next door to Preston. Equipped with binoculars, Preston is stuck watching Bigfoot pick these girls off one by one because Otis doesn’t believe him. Can Preston warn the remaining girls? Or will they continue to call the man watching them with binoculars a creep?
Hitchcock’s Rear Window Influence on Abominable
It is very clear that writers Ryan Schifrin, James Morrison, and director Ryan Schifrin were heavily influenced by Hitchcock’s Rear Window. As someone who has only seen a handful of Hitchcock’s films, I’ll take Ryan at his word on that. While the Hitchcock reference escapes me, I was able to pick up on a few other references to Bigfoot cinema. Well, one reference and one nod. Bigfoot cinema hit the genre heavily in the late ’60s/early ’70s upon the release of the rightfully criticized Patterson–Gimlin footage. Some even say that the footage was the first Bigfoot movie. (I say that because it’s fake.)
The most noticeable reference to Bigfoot cinema is the handful of times we leave Preston’s POV and transport ourselves into the eyes of the Bigfoot itself. Bigfoot’s vision is a slightly out-of-focus image with a yellowish vignette around the outside. This homage is directly lifted from the uniquely gory Night of the Demon, which is a Bigfoot slasher film and one of the only Bigfoot films to be considered a Video Nasty.
From Off-Screen Kills to Full-On Bigfoot Slasher
Abominable tips its hat at the Bigfoot cinema of yore. As these films were pumped out en masse in the ‘70s, their popularity started waning. This meant less money was being funneled into Bigfoot films which forced the subgenre to turn into more of a tell, don’t show subgenre. Bigfoot would rip people off-screen and the outcomes would be shown post-kill (if shown at all). The first person to go missing in Abominable is thought to be killed that way, though Schifrin and Morrison have a great payoff for that character. As the kills ramp up, so does what we see. It feels like Schifrin and Morrison pay their homage to the films that led the groundwork of Bigfoot cinema and then amp it up tenfold to let the audience know, “This ain’t your grandma’s Bigfoot movie.”
We need to talk about Bigfoot itself. At its core, Abominable is a man-in-a-suit film. Actor, and Oscar-nominated/winner, Christien Tinsley also served as Creature Effects Coordinator. With the exception of one awful digital Bigfoot mouth, where it unhinges its jaws like a snake, the Bigfoot creature is astounding. On top of the Bigfoot proper, the kills are practical and exceptional. Part of my false memory surrounding this film was that it was a Sci-Fi Original, and I went into this viewing still thinking that. Upon further research, it was not. While some of the acting does feel Sci-Fi Original-ly, the effects are beyond what you would expect for a film like this.
Red Eyes or Yellow Eyes? Bigfoot and Unreliable Sightings
There’s something that Preston says in the film that was either a straight-up error or a very fortunate mistake. Aside from the necessary, “I know what I saw!” line, Preston describes the creature as having red eyes. It clearly has yellow eyes. Part of me wonders if that was intentional or not. Was this a commentary on sightings and conspiracy in general? I’ve spoken at length with a Bigfoot enthusiast/hunter as well as a few Ufologists. None of them have exaggerated their experiences to me, but as someone who is deeply ingrained in this culture, exaggeration is something we need to accept. So, is this eye-color discrepancy a goof? Or is this further commentary on sightings as a whole? I am going to say it’s the latter.
The acting in Abominable isn’t fantastic, but it’s far from schlocky B-movie acting. There are a few cameos from some horror icons. Dee Wallace has a few minutes of screen time. Part of my false memory was correct in the fact that Lance Henriksen is indeed in the film! However, like Dee Wallace, his screen time is limited. And he doesn’t waste a second of it. Paul Gleason is in the film for a few minutes and is a joy to watch. But it’s Jeffrey Combs who steals the [cameo] show. His costume makes him nearly unrecognizable, and he chews up the scenery more than the constant chain of cigarettes in his mouth.
Is Abominable Worth Watching?
What’s most impressive about Abominable is that it’s a film for Bigfoot cinema fans as well as people who don’t really have an interest in the hairy cryptid. (Yes, I called Bigfoot a cryptid, fight me.) Abominable pays its dues to the films before it and still finds new and creative ways to make it fresh and fun. At a lean hour and 34 minutes, this film doesn’t overstay its welcome and will delight and please all ages of horror fans. That being said, I do not recommend the MVD release. There are no subtitles, and the intro from Ryan Schifrin feels like he’s doing a chore. If you have the physical copy, maybe watch it without his intro. It tainted the first 10 minutes of my viewing experience.
Reviews
‘Iron Lung’ Review: Exceptionally Atmospheric Cosmic Horror
As Iron Lung begins, the film places you in an overhead shot looking down at a submarine that’s seen better days. Jagged metal teeth of a broken cage sit at its head, illuminated by a light from the ship above that’s about to cut it loose. As you’re about to be dropped into a roiling ocean of blood, you become quickly invested in its story.
A dire paternal voiceover runs you through your place in the world as an observer: someone is being sent into the “waters” of a far-off moon in a dead, dark galaxy. They’re in search of an answer you’re automatically aware will never be enough and a penance they will never attain. It prompts an obvious, cutting question: if Hell is where we’re looking for an answer, how bad must things be among the stars to go searching there for hope?
A Surprising Outing for Writer and Director Mark Fischbach
The debut feature film of writer and director Mark Fischbach, better known to the internet at large as Markiplier, is as surprising as it is atmospheric. And no, not surprising because Fischbach is an internet personality crossing over into film. And no, not surprising because this is a video game adaptation that is actually quite good.
The surprise here is mainly from the way Fischbach dodges a number of first-time filmmaker torpedoes that would otherwise sink the film straight to the sea floor. It’s in the very clear coordination and trust he has with his cast and crew. In a way, the film itself is a mirror of the submersible his character is forced to pilot: flawed, surely, but strong enough to complete its mission and deliver an exceptional experience.
What Is Iron Lung About Exactly?
The story goes as follows: in the wake of an event called the Quiet Rapture, the stars themselves have been snuffed out. Most of the galaxy has been plunged into sudden darkness, and a mass dying off has consumed countless worlds (think the worst possible aftermath to The Nine Billion Names of God).
Convicted for a reprehensible crime, the convict Simon (played by Markiplier himself) has been given a rare opportunity to return to life among the survivors. The mission is to pilot a death trap of a one-man submarine into the blood oceans of an alien moon, looking for a scientific sample useful enough to earn his freedom. That is, assuming he doesn’t lose his mind or his life in the process.
Bespoke Set Design That Matches the Premise Perfectly
Iron Lung should be commended first and foremost for being a bottle film with the perfect set design to match. Not overly ambitious, but not too simplistic either. Contained in a marvel of a small space, the submarine here is a tactile nightmare of rusty metal and antiquated technology you never get sick of seeing more of.
While Fischbach and director of photography Philip Roy have the camera linger in close ups almost too often, I don’t blame them for wanting to capture the finer details and leer at them. It’s clear every inch of this condensation covered machine was engineered by the art team and production design to emphasize its prison cell qualities as a barely functional vessel.
The ship’s external camera fires off like a flash bulb on its interior, barely illuminating the cabin with its next horrific image of the sea floor before plunging us back into darkness. The oxygen gauge and its cold robotic voice are a countdown to the painful annihilation that awaits its pilot. Its proximity sensors give only the barest indications of what’s going on outside, ticking a dull noise warning us: you are not alone. It’s a punishment to operate, and the set design as well as the very solid sound design that accompany it make that violently clear and effectively spinetingling.
Translation From Game to Film Isn’t So Perfect Though
This perfect setting isn’t always used perfectly though. The translation of the game’s mechanics and gameplay to the screen are both a weakness and a strength. They make the pacing of the first third run to a slow start, especially when Fischbach’s screenplay grinds against the strong suit of the film’s cinematography: the panic of it all.
Like its video game source material, David Szymanski’s Iron Lung, the film is really at its best when it’s instilling a sense of active and imminent panic. A tone that matches the borrowed time the submarine is glued together with. Putting out fires, both literal and metaphorical, ratcheting up its claustrophobia as you’re placed cheek to cheek with Simon in steamy, metallic darkness. This is where Iron Lung shines.
Markiplier’s Performance in Iron Lung is Hit or Miss, But Mostly Hits
It’s outside of these moments of panic where the weakest parts of the script and Fischbach’s performance are highlighted. Some weak line deliveries and beats of dead air kill the real tight headlock the film could have you gripped in from start to finish. And while Fischbach is phenomenal at playing terrified or pleading or even simple exhaustion in the face of the impossible, he really requires someone to bounce off of as his solo work just isn’t as compelling. Even the clunkiest bits of dialogue between him and his jailer (Caroline Kaplan) are better than the best of his moments where he talks to himself or tries to inject some humor into the bleak story.
This is a shame too, because the minimalist storytelling and background we get for his character is genuinely very intriguing. It’s thematically rich for what the film is trying to say about the power and terror of belief, and it’s doubly satisfying that the film has enough confidence to not lay everything out in a longwinded speech explaining the motives and lore that landed him here.
All that being said, his performance is hit or miss, but he mostly hits. The dialogue becomes more urgent as we approach the climax, and all of the cast delivers on that impending doom nicely. It reaches its peak in the final act, and Fischbach is on fire as he struggles to hold himself together in the face of absolute madness leaching its way into the pressurized cabin.
Iron Lung: A Redemptive Finale With Pure Liquid Body Horror
What a fantastic final act it is, one that makes up for its imperfection in the first two parts with a homerun of pure liquid body horror. It’s just phenomenal how the film’s digital and practical effects present the true horrors of Iron Lung. There’s a near perfect mesh between the two, and they highlight the best influences of similar genre films that came before.
Soaked with all the gore, madness, and mystery of the likes of Event Horizon and Pandorum, Iron Lung is a worthy successor in the cosmic horror genre as it rises above its own problems. It’s a moody, environmentally precise stunner of a horror film that sets a benchmark as the movie to beat for forthcoming releases this year.
Reviews
‘The Ritual (2017)’ Review: When Grief Gets Gruesome
The Ritual is, without a doubt, one of the most completely enthralling horror films of the past decade. Usually, I wouldn’t open with such a strong reaction for a movie that isn’t a technical and narrative masterpiece, but this is close enough to call that in. It’s at the very least masterful work that deserves more love, and that’s even with it having a permanent home and high placement on the world’s biggest streaming platform. It’s no longer the obscure hidden gem it was at the time of release, if it ever was that, but I refuse to stop talking about it.
The sheer catharsis this film grants through its cast, and the way its environment really pushes that cast of characters, is what I could only describe as “surgical.” It cuts to the bone. It’s a movie about the strangling nature of grief, and it gives us a great time showing its characters fighting against that choking feeling.
What is The Ritual (2017) About?
After the death of Rob, things haven’t been the same for Luke. The memories of the robbery that took his life, a robbery he had to witness hiding behind a liquor shelf, still haunt him. But there’s a chance for closure as he and his friends go on the trip that Luke had helped plan the night he died.
Their quest to honor his memory sends them through the beautiful locales of Northern Sweden, along a hiking trail in the mountains. But after an attempt at a shortcut sends the group deep into the woods and they struggle to get back on course, it becomes violently clear they aren’t the only ones in the wilderness. Ritualistic markings, involving dead animals and dire effigies, warn of a much greater power lurking in the forest. Whether they can escape it depends on whether they can keep each other safe long enough to get out.
Netflix Could You Lock In And Do A Physical Release For Once
This is a phenomenal film, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t get up on my soapbox about its format for just one moment. Regrettably, this is a streaming-only film that has been shackled by Netflix to its platform. It has an excessively rare DVD release floating around, but that is also unfortunately, region locked, and likely more low fidelity than most physical collectors would like. Especially when so much of this movie relies on shadow and darkness, a Blu-Ray release is kind of obligatory for high quality preservation of the director’s vision.
Not sure what I expected from the media conglomerate that it is. Netflix is already notorious for refusing to release physical media and then cancelling and erasing shows from the platform. What are we going to do with you Netflix? You only ever seem to cause me problems. Just make the physical release for this already.
Gorgeous, Grotesque, And Gut-wrenching All At The Same Time
Setting that thought aside, this film was bound to be fantastic given the horror pedigree behind it. Cutting loose anthology director David Bruckner, the MVP of the V/H/S franchise, then giving him a budget and legendary location scouting is about as great as you’d expect. It’s like saying that sugar and butter make things taste better; should you really be shocked?
When you have this many lighting and environmental factors to juggle, expectations are understandably high. The film on paper should look at least a little choppy, but Bruckner and cinematographer Andrew Shulkind really are in their element here. This is only exemplified even further by the film’s most memorable space-bending set piece at its climax. I won’t even risk spoiling it for lack of a better description, but I will say the stark contrast they play with light and shadow here makes for some really captivating visuals and frightening moments.
The naturalistic environment this folk horror takes place in really has a knack for showing the contrasting beauty and grotesqueness of the things hiding in the woods. And its director really has a knack for using that environment to squeeze the actors for all they’ve got.
A Phenomenal Cast Led By Rafe Spall
Make no mistake: The Ritual is not just a pretty face. This is at its core a story about a group of men facing their strained relationships in the wake of a brutal death, and all the ugliness that entails. They’re foolish, angry, bitter, and sad people struggling each in their own way to accept a loss. What it leads you with is what you’d expect to be one-note characters being slotted into archetypal roles, but what they end up as feels surprisingly real.
The obvious star here is our lead Rafe Spall, whose turn as main character Luke ranges from downright depressing to shockingly soul lifting. You can see Spall plays him as a man slowly trying to piece himself back together, fumbling as he’s soaked in alcohol and self-pity. His changing demeanor throughout the film really reflects the truth of his character: he was only ever going to change and confront his past when he was forced to. And him being forced to go through supernatural circumstances really does make for one of the most satisfying character arcs in a horror film I’ve ever seen.
Is This The Best Creature Design Of The Past 20 Years?
Again, it’s difficult to talk about this film without spoiling its most fun moments, so I will just say that you only stand to gain something by watching it. If its emotional aspects don’t grab you, its aesthetic qualities will. And if all that fails to grab you, maybe this will: The Ritual boasts what is the definitively best monster design of the 2010s, if not the past 20 years. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can top the visual concept this film delivers on with that design. Need I say more?


