It’s the Boulet’s favorite episode of the season, and what better way to celebrate than a trip to the strip club? We enter the bordello in a pool of blood that’s being mopped by our favorite stomach-churning janitor, the Queen of Filth and Season 2 winner Biqtch Puddin. The Boulets arrive from behind the velvet curtain in looks taken straight outta 1980’s New Jersey; you know what they say…the higher the hair, the closer to hell. One unlucky stripper gets a little too excited to perform and spills Swan’s drink. This will not stand, and with the snap of a finger, the poor hunk is choked out between the meaty thighs of his colleague. Punk isn’t dead; he is.
The Challenge: The annual Monsters of Rock show has arrived, and the Boulet’s are pumped. As usual, the cast will be split into two bands that must burn the house down to a performance by YouTube sensation Poppy’s nu-metal track “Bite Your Teeth.” The winner will be illustrated into a comic for “Heavy Metal Magazine” – legendary! The bands are: Zenith, with lead singer Dahli and members Hoso, Saint, and Zavaleta; and Glam Rot, with lead singer Sigourney and members Merrie, Jade, and Betty. Zenith immediately has their act together, and leader Dhali provides a perfect environment for healthy communication. Lucky for us, though, Glam Rot is a raging dumpster fire.
The Drama: At the start of the episode, everyone jumps up and down, jiggling their chests, in a touching and humorous tribute to the slain Koco. But the fun ends there, and nonstop drama consumes Glam Rot. Instantly there is dissonance within, and most of it is rooted in Ms. Merrie Cherry’s dislike for Sigourney Beaver. It’s pretty obvious she has never liked Ms. Beaver, and with her nemesis being named lead singer (and yes, Merrie, that means team leader, too), she takes every opportunity to make this challenge a living hell. For example, Sigourney thinks their looks should go the dark beauty route, while Merrie feels the “pretty girls” should subvert expectations. Disagreement is expected in a group scenario, but Merrie goes hard and relentless. Ms.Cherry also does not have an outfit prepared for the group performance. Sigourney offers to handmake one herself, a topic which comes up later when Betty suggests Sigourney wanted to take everything on, martyr-style. Things even get heated between pals Betty and Jade, resulting in Jade’s disenchantment with Betty and Merrie, whom she had felt closest to. Watching Glam Rot suffer makes for good TV, but as Dhali remarks, the secondhand embarrassment is real.
Floor Show & Judgment: In an appropriately epic entrance, the Boulet’s light up the stage draped in enormous capes and showered by fireworks. The runway portion of the floor show serves: Dahli, a nu metal goddess; Betty in tiger print bulge; Zavaleta resurrects punk glamour and shows off her ass-et; Sigourney, an amalgamation of Juggalos, Kiss, and Marie Antoinette; Hoso, a sinister Avril Lavigne; and someone finally breaks a guitar on stage thanks to Jade. Merrie was there too, looking like an orange Yoda. The band performances were messy – wigs snatched off, Merrie in slippers, people falling, and general incoherence. Personally, this isn’t my favorite challenge; they’re playing Rock Band, but I think their mistakes may have added a certain charm to watching a faux rock show. As expected, Zenith easily takes the battle of the bands, and Dahli wins the whole shebang. All of Glam Rot is up for elimination, and every monster throws Merrie under the bus when asked who should be exterminated. Whether or not Sigourney stepped up as a good leader, Merrie attempted mutiny far too many times.
Extermination: Glam Rot is strapped into the Dreadnought Electrocutioner, and over three rounds, they can select who will be shocked– it’s almost as if the Boulet’s knew they’d want to slit each other’s throats. It’s Merrie who’s in for the biggest shock of her life as we leave the Dreadnought and see her wandering through the deserted strip club. She’s not alone, however, and the club’s hunks close in and introduce her to their killer thighs.
Quote of the Episode: “Now, we’ve taken the liberty of choosing your teams based off of what we thought would piss you off the most, and also, what we felt would create the most drama.” – Swan
Honorable Mention: The Boulets mention that Sigourney would have won if her band prevailed, and I agree. She casually dominated that stage as a Kissified Marie Antoinette.
Rating: Entertaining as the floor show was, the drama with Merrie wore thin, and thankfully it was her time to go. (6/10 Poppy Seeds)