Yeehaw, Uglies! Grab your chaps and boot spurs because this week, we’re heading to the lawless West. The Boulet’s exit a horse-drawn carriage into a sepia-toned ghost town, and the dry heat has them famished. Someone needs to procure a meal, so the pair duke it out in an old-fashioned quick draw duel to see who must go through the trouble. Swan’s wayward aim lands poor Israel a bullet in the arm and thus a DQ. What, or who will she rustle up for dinner?
The Challenge: The monsters must conceptualize a comic book mash-up of sci-fi and the American frontier in this week’s Weird, Wild West theme. Wacky creativity will be celebrated, and the key to a win is dusting off any inhibitions and truly selling their pulpy characters. The “wig bandits” seem excited to let their freak flags fly, except for Koco, who has somehow never seen a sci-fi movie in her life. The West was known for its brothels, though, and Koco is sure she would have been hookin’ the house down boots back in the day. Meanwhile, Zavaleta is inspired by Mexican revolutionary (and alleged homosexual) Emiliano Zapata; Sigourney is bringing Mugler to the dustbowl; Betty is digging into her hill people roots; Dahli is foaming at the mouth for their bounty hunter concoction.
The Drama: After last week’s Aurelian meltdown, everyone is certain that Betty will be returning, although lovestruck Hoso isn’t happy about it. Merrie eloquently tells Hoso to focus and avoid getting “dickmatized.” This time, Merrie takes the brunt of the boudoir’s criticism as most were baffled that she was safe. The jabs keep coming when she’s told her incessant rambling sucks the air out of the room. She does love to hear herself talk, and a shady montage of her doing just that proves the camera doesn’t lie. Sigourney also gets burned when her looks are questioned: She has the glamour, but where is the filth? After all, this is The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula, and I have to agree, despite her stunning fashion.
Floor Show & Judgment: The Boulet’s, entering the stage from a Westworld-inspired portal, are joined by starlets and guest judges Trixie Mattel and Orville Peck. Weird and wild, the floor show is a gamer’s delight as look after look seems taken from video games like Borderlands and Mortal Kombat. Granted safety, Jade seems to be suffering from “I am Not a Monster Syndrome,” and the Boulet’s are delighted that Merrie stepped up her performance; Hoso joins them as well. The rest face harsher judgment as the good, the bad, and the uglies of the week. Betty is given similar critiques to Merrie, but inviting the Terminator to The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas advances her to the top. Trixie is gagging for Sigourney’s American flag and glistening cowgirl haute couture, and Orville is similarly mesmerized by her handography – he must really love the Boulet’s! The duo fully embodying the comic book prompt for the challenge are La Zavaleta and Dahli; Zav goes full Baraka from Mortal Kombat, and Dahli is the necrotic, robotic bounty hunter of the West. Trixie smartly clocks Dahli’s take on masculinity in which using it as a costume pokes fun at how stupid the concept of masculinity is (it’s 2021, ya’ll). Of the pair, it’s Zavaleta who performs a Fatality on the competition and snags the win. Continuing the pattern, last week’s winner Saint and the hooker with a heart of gold, Koco Caine, are in the bottom. Saint unimpressed as a cow in kitten heels, and Koco didn’t venture far enough from her big-breasted go-to, simply adding pig prosthetics to her usual fare. However, before the Extermination can begin, a catfight between Zavaleta and Merrie erupts backstage. Despite encouraging her earlier, Zav decides to belittle her frenemy for wanting to elevate her makeup after being inspired by the other competitors; the Regina George of Season 4 strikes again!
Extermination: The mechanical bull from Hell has arrived, and today all of the monsters must go for a ride. It’s do or die for Saint and Koco, while everyone else has fun with one of the show’s easier Exterminations. After a valiant effort, we return to the sepia ghost town to find the Boulet’s chomping down on some barbeque. The camera tracks outside to unveil the source of their meal: Piggy bottom Koco Caine has been spit-roasted.
Quote of the Episode: “So many horse girls.” -Sigourney Beaver
Honorable Mention: Hoso’s outfit was like a Cactuar from Final Fantasy was walking fashion week.
Rating: This episode had it all: Petty drama, laughs, enjoyable guest judges, and a floor show downloaded from a PS5. (9/10 Anal Probes)