Greetings Boils and Ghouls!
Growing up I was a big fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation. One week I saw in TV guide that Patrick Stewart was hosting a show I had never heard of called Saturday Night Live. In my effort to stay up late enough to watch the show, I started to channel surf until I came upon another show called Tales From The Crypt.
I was instantly hooked on the horror, comedy, and naughty glimpses of nudity. Did I stay up long enough to watch Captain Jean-Luc Picard talk about sexy cakes? Yes I did, but the following week I eagerly returned to spend time with my pal the Crypt Keeper.
Fast forward 30 years: I host a podcast called Dads From The Crypt, where I am joined by two other spooky dads to review horror and sci-fi anthology movies and series, such as Tales From The Crypt, Black Mirror, and Creepshow… and also to give questionable parenting advice.
After reviewing the entire bloody series, here is my list of the best Tales From The Crypt episodes.
The Ten Best Episodes of Tales From The Crypt
10. Skin Deep: Season 6, Episode 2
For a show known for pushing the boundaries of sex and violence, this one has both on full display. Expertly directed by William Malone (House on Haunted Hill (1999), Feardotcom (2002)) and starring the electric Sherrie Rose, this episode should give pause to anyone who considers going home with a mysterious girl at a party.
9. Cutting Cards: Season 2, Episode 3
The legendary Walter Hill (48 Hrs (1982), The Warriors (1979)) brings us the shortest episode in the series that packs a massive punch. Lance Henrickson and Kevin Tighe play two gamblers locked in an escalating battle of will and luck. These two chew the scenery with the ferocity of the shark from Jaws, and the absurdly funny resolution is an ending for the ages.
8. House of Horrors: Season 5, Episode 7
Ever wanted to watch Wil Wheaton, Keith Coogan, and Jason London scrub a floor with toothbrushes in their underwear while being berated by Kevin Dillion? This episode has you covered! Directed by Bob Gale (From the Back To The Future franchise- look for the interview I did with him!), this episode involves a fraternity hazing prank that you can really sink your teeth into. Think Animal House meets Night of the Demons.
7. Dig That Cat… He’s Real Gone: Season 1, Episode 3
This was one of the three episodes (The Man Who Was Death, And All Through The House…) that kicked off the series on Jun 10, 1989. All three of them are excellent and could easily make anyone’s top 10 list, but I went with this one for the sake of variety. Directed by the late great Richard Donner (Superman, The Goonies, The Omen), this episode really showcased the series’ dark humor. Many Tales From The Crypt segments are set in a creepy circus, a great setting for shady stories of the macabre. This one is the best, featuring Joe Pantoliano as a death-defying performer who pushes his luck. His and Robert Wuhl’s performances are so big they could pop out of your screen. Donner crafts a nasty, comedic tale that sets the tone for the rest of the series.
6. Television Terror: Season 2, Episode 16
Real life media personality and verifiable loudmouth Morton Downey Jr. parodies his own career in this take of the BBC’s Ghostwatch. Part terrifying haunted house story, part tongue-in-cheek commentary on the state of the media, this episode chills and tickles to the bone. Legendary stuntman Charlie Picerni directs this fan-favorite episode with a steady, imaginative hand.
5. Dead Right: Season 2, Episode 1
Kicking off season 2, the increased budget is immediately noticeable with improved sets and even the craftsmanship of the Crypt Keeper puppet itself. Demi Moore displays her charisma in this classic episode months before Ghost would make her a household name. Jeffery Tambor dons a plethora of prosthetics to play a character who is uglier on the inside than he appears on the outside. Director Howard Deutch (Pretty In Pink) lands this campy, creepy crypt tale.
4. The New Arrival: Season 4, Episode 7
This is the scariest episode of the entire series. When I first saw it as a kid, I was so scared I kept the lights on when I went to bed. David Warner plays a radio child psychologist who quickly gets in way over his head when he is invited to help a mysterious, disturbed child. Zelda Rubenstein is excellent as always, and Robert Patrick has a fun cameo in this tight terror tale from Peter Medak (The Changeling). Think Frasier Crane visits the house in The People Under The Stairs.
3. “Death of Some Salesman”: Season 5, Episode 1
Bordello of Blood may have been underwhelming, to say the least, but director (and longtime Tales From The Crypt producer) Gil Adler proved he had the chops with two classic Tales episodes: “Death of Some Salesmen” and “What’s Cookin’.” “Death of Some Salesmen” gets the nod here for an incredible performance by the iconic Tim Curry. He plays all three members of a demented family at once, sometimes even in the same shot. Effects master Todd Masters deserves major credit for the exceptional makeup. Ed Begley Jr. is the titular salesman trying to make the deal of a lifetime. This episode provides the gore, humor, and thrills that fans crave.
2. “Top Billing”: Season 3, Episode 5
To kill or not to kill? That is the question this episode seeks to answer, and boy is it a killer time! Jon Lovitz gives a surprising performance as a down-on-his-luck actor hoping to breathe life into his career by auditioning for the lead in a production of Hamlet that is way off-Broadway. Todd Holland directs this quintessential Tales From The Crypt episode, with a colorful cast including Bruce Boxleitner, John Astin, and Louise Fletcher. The shocking twist will floor you, and the gory effects gag in the final scene will leave you shaken.
1. “Yellow”: Season 3, Episode 14
My choice for best Tales From The Crypt episode of all time was not meant to be a Tales From The Crypt episode. At the height of the series’ success, there was a plan to make a more wartime/action-oriented spin-off series. “Yellow” was meant to kick off the series and was given a big budget and longer run time. When the spinoff plans were canceled, this episode and a few others were repurposed into the main series. Lucky for us, this Robert Zemeckis (Back To The Future, Forrest Gump) episode transcended the show’s status quo. The series hallmarks are still present, with gory effects thanks to the World War I setting and a morality lesson that resonates today. Real-life father and son Kirk and Eric Douglas play a father and son on a tragic trajectory that feels so authentic that they barely seem to be acting. Dan Akroyd and Lance Henrikson round out the cast of this fantastic, heart-wrenching episode, which is one of the best episodes of TV ever broadcast.
I hope you enjoyed my list! Let us know your favorite Tales From The Crypt episodes on social media! If you want to know which episodes my co-hosts chose, you can listen to our July 2nd, 2023 episode, where we shared/compared/trashed each other’s list. You can find us on YouTube or your podcast app of choice.