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Edging Tomorrow: The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula: Titans Ep 3 “Science-Fiction (Horror) Double Feature” Recap
In space, no one can hear you flush. And since the coven is doing some post-Spooky Season cleaning, it was pronounced “Ovska for Miss Yovska” last week and their swamp was drained. Now, our precious little witch bitches are trading in their muddy stilettos for a pair of space booties and continuing their journey to slay them all and reign supreme. It’s time to see who can best channel their inner Event Horizon fantasy and make Astrud’s Season 4 Xenomorph look so last season. Rita Repulsa, eat your heart out.
The Challenge
While they await the go-ahead from Miss Houston of the Haus of Mission Control, the Titans convene in the Boudoir to discuss last week’s witchy wonders and who’s probably gotten the chop. Everyone agrees that Erika’s Curse of Baldness was more of a blessing for Abhora, who had a great week with their wild spiral lewk. It appears Erika was the unlucky soul who endured a less desirable candy-coated night. Always one to dabble in the dramatic arts, Abhora claims it was hurtful for Erika to be so petty toward her frenemy. Erika insists petty is not in her vocabulary, but as we continue to see with our Uglies this season, prosthetic queen Victoria isn’t the only one with two faces. Once Kendra makes her grand return to the Boudoir – to no one’s surprise – she calls out Astrud and Evah for their alleged duplicitous commentary before last week’s elimination. The great chanteuse Paris Hilton once told us stars are blind, but perhaps these ghouls should pluck a few more eyeballs to keep watch for an attempted backstabbing, or two.
Back at the launch pad, the Boulets appear via satellite to inform their Titans of this week’s challenge: Science-Fiction Horror. They must conceptualize, design, and create a look to fit this theme, and while it can range from terrifying to retro-futuristic, it must reflect their drag above all else. However, before they can prepare for blast-off and figure out a way to strap Koco’s curvy figure into a spacecraft, the Fright Feat awaits.
Fright Feat
While these Titans are technically undead and could probably survive a few minutes with no oxygen and zero gravity, the Boulets would never send their Uglies to explore deep space unprepared. The underworldly explorers enter a dingy hallway shrouded in misty green light in a fun Saw-like segue reminiscent of the cold opens from regular seasons. They meet their hunky alien drill sergeants and come face to face with the Gravitron Vomitorium. Locked inside claustrophobic boxes, they must avoid using their faces as barf bags and endure heavy g-forces while the contraption spins for three minutes. Kendra admits something like this is her worst fear, and after watching the Titans swirl and twirl for a bit, they all seemingly make it out with their stomachs intact. Surprisingly, HoSo admits this to be the worst experience they’ve ever had on the show thus far, which is quite the feat.
The Real HouseUglies of the Underworld
It wouldn’t be Titans without a disproportional amount of interpersonal drama oozing its way through the Boudoir, and this week, the chaos reaches head-spinning levels of melodrama – Andy Cohen, are you watching? Melissa stirs the pot first by exhuming the lone Yovska vote from week one and asks HoSo if they’ll always be out to protect Abhora. HoSo gives a politically correct answer and states that they love Abhora as an artist and would not want to see them go so soon. Girl, you can try and be Switzerland all you want, but as Kendra lovingly puts it, getting “hugged the fuck up” with Astrud during filming is both somewhat unprofessional and hurtful toward Abhora. HoSo uses their idolization of Abhora as an excuse to avoid confronting the problem but isn’t letting such a volatile situation go nuclear as you look the other way just as problematic? Ideally, Abhora will focus on the $100,000 prize and compartmentalize the heartbreak for another time, but this is the agent of chaos we’re talking about.
Astrud is likewise bothered by the situation despite actively taking part and attempts to hash it out with Abhora. As expected, nothing is solved and everyone – including Abhora’s bestie Evah – is becoming increasingly tormented by this love triangle from Hell.
In a moment that is all things cringe, enlightening, and heartwarming, Evah attempts to sort things through with Abhora despite her frustrations. Melissa sees this as an example of two-faced behavior, but true friends can be compassionate and express their frustrations, no? Abhora is so upset that they stand facing the wall and away from the camera’s gaze. In the end, it seems they realize that anger and resentment are not healthy coping mechanisms. Progress? Stay tuned!
Kendra beckons Melissa to the cauldron to take some shots and spill the tea away from prying eyes. Koco soon joins them, and KoMelDra is back in action, plotting against the Love Triangle Thotties. Koco suggests letting the others be their own undoing, as they should focus on being at the top. They can prance over the corpses of their self-destructive enemies in the finale. It’s here that Melissa also reveals some troubles from home that have been affecting her time on the show, and suddenly her annoyance with the love triangle makes more sense. In an especially cruel brand of spite, her husband left her a week before filming Titans, which has left her at an emotional disadvantage heading into the competition. Kendra and Koco tell her to use the pain as fuel, and she says that’s exactly what she’ll do.
The following day, Kendra and Evah squash their beef from the week prior while Abhora remains unfocused and bothered that no one cares. I feel for you, beaked icon, but ultimately everyone is there to compete for fame and fortune rather than play nice. Some residual drama continues, and Koco calls it back to Blue’s Clues by requesting a handy dandy notebook to keep track of the theatrics. And speaking of theatrics, the Titans give us another silly montage as they make tin foil hats out of Koco’s leftover costume materials. Comedic relief: We love to see it.
Floor Show & Judgment
Our deep space deities, the Boulet Brothers, enter the main stage serving dainty galactic bug. I’d never thought I’d use that word to describe them, but watching them flutter their capes and traipse around the stage in delicate movements is the biggest gag of the episode. I guess evil does have a cutesy side! The duo then introduce guest judges, actor David Dastmalchian – who gives Crispin Glover a run for his oddball money – and their favorite martian, drag superstar Alaska Thunderfuck 5000. A vintage intro that looks like a cross between the video game series Mass Effect and the V/H/S films plays, and the floor show begins.
Astrud starts it off by serving Ivan Primordial Ooze realness. She’s taken all the eyeballs her fellow competitors need to watch their backs and transformed into a bio-goop beast, slinking around like M3GAN in the apocalypse. Koco follows, commanding the stage like Mega-Man’s horny younger sister. She looks absolutely sickening as she makes love to her oversized blaster cannon. It’s even adorned with a small mirror so that she can take in all her beauty as she rides that retro rocket to completion and decimates her foes. Erika, looking the most horrific she’s ever managed as a neon Day Glo Ghidorah is next. Taking a page from Victoria, she uses heavy prosthetics for the first time, and it works, despite a body suit that’s a bit too frumpy.
Abhora then materializes on stage in a typically polarizing lewk. Governed by a sphere around her head and chained into couture, she bites a pigeon’s head off and gives us angel-eater end-of-the-universe perfection. It’s very final boss of a JRPG, but considering the theme, it’s a bit too out there for most. Kendra seeks to one-up Abhora with a performance that’s simultaneously hilarious and baffling. Looking like a character from the 90s Nickelodeon show Doug, she sports a British accent and screams the following into a Nintendo Switch controller:
“BITCH! Grandmother bitch! What do you want?! I’m out with the girls! I’m going to the Protozoa concert later. Grandmother bitch said it was fine! It’s her fucking money! You know she’s your fucking mother! Bitch! Bitch! Grandmother bitch!”
She then poops out some sort of egg and eats it. I have no idea who/what/where/when/why this happened, but it was certainly a choice. HoSo, ironically, makes things sane again as a cyborg schoolgirl with swordplay skills. Going on two seasons in a row of their usual smorgasbord of the senses visual style is becoming a bit too expected, but as usual, it’s presented in detailed perfection.
Evah, Melissa, and Victoria are left to finish the show. Evah, doing her best Biqtch Puddin’ janitor, is a murderous robo-maid with a deadly mop. She nails the movements and has some great props, but the outfit needed a bit more work to make it stand out. Melissa enters as a glamorous Predator who dazzles the stage in a sparkling bejeweled custom bodysuit. It’s a bit on the nose (this isn’t the Horror Icons challenge), but she looks stunning. And finally, Victoria ends the night with a breathtaking display of grotesque horror. In homage to The Thing, she’s under head-to-toe prosthetics as a gnarly monster with an explosive and spikey chest piece. If Abhora was the final boss of a JRPG, Victoria is that of a Resident Evil game.
The Boulets are impressed, stating that it’s the best floor show of the season. Melissa and Erika are safe and excused from the stage, and it’s clear Erika is a bit taken aback as she went all-in this time and hoped to be at the top. Astrud is praised for her complex work this week, but the judges were left a bit unimpressed by her hectic performance. Koco is congratulated for bringing her sexy, unique drag to the challenge, but it wasn’t enough to snatch the crown. It’s left to HoSo and Victoria, who each wowed the judges, and since this is a sci-fi horror double feature, both Titans win!
Evah, Abhora, and Kendra remain in the bottom and are appropriately chewed out. Evah is scolded for bringing store-bought items to the main stage, but the Boulets give her another chance and allow her sanctuary. Dracmorda loved Abhora’s look, going so far as to suggest a career in fashion design, but it did not fit the challenge for them. And finally, despite the hilarity of her batshit performance, Kendra was wearing the most basic outfit imaginable. The pair head into the Cauldron to await their fate.
Last Rites
Kendra understands she and Abhora have a similar track record, but defends her position by stating that, once again, it is unclear what Abhora is supposed to be. Abhora finally realizes that she’s trying to stand out a bit too much, sabotaging herself as a result, and everyone expectedly agrees that Abhora will be the one to go. If you thought this moment of self-realization would be left unscathed, you’re in for a shock. Abhora throws all caution to the wind as they curse out everyone in the room for thinking so poorly of them. They burn every bridge imaginable, and even HoSo thinks it may be their time to go.
Each Titan heads up the Staircase of Souls for the second time this season, and the tension is thick. Somewhat surprisingly, “KENDRA” called, and she plunges into darkness. Two Titans down.
Quote of the Episode
“Oh come on. So we’re supposed to compete with Universal Studios?” -Abhora, on special effects wizard Victoria
Honorable Mention
Koco’s outfits are always skimpy, and sometimes that can be a detriment, but tonight she was the epitome of Koco Caine. The competition is fierce, but Koco is fiercer, and it was fitting to see her at the top despite not being as heavily detailed as some others.
Rating
The triangle of sadness drama is wearing thin, but at least for now, it remains entertaining. Add to this a cosmic floor show for the ages and a bottom two where either one could drop, and episode 3 made for some great TV. (9/10 missed voicemails from Grandmother Bitch)
Welcome back, fellow ranchers! We’ve finally made it to the end of Season 7 of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch. Can you believe it? It almost feels like nothing really happened! As discussed in our coverage of Season 7 Episode 13 “Heating Up”, the final episode of Season 7 is a full data review episode that will inevitably show us/tell us things we’ve heard thousands of times over this season. And since I just got married and don’t feel like wasting my time with that episode, curator of all things Horror Press, James-Michael, thought it would be a better idea for us to cover our favorite and least favorite moments of Season 7.
Before we get into it, let me just make one thing clear. As much as I crap on this show time and time again, it is still one of my favorite television shows. I’ve long been deep into the Ufology/cryptid/mysterious world. A show like The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch and, to a slightly lesser extent, Mystery at Blind Frog Ranch does help relieve some of the stigma that comes with being involved in these worlds. Dr. Travis Taylor and Mormon millionaire Brandon Fugal’s constant bloviating don’t necessarily push the ‘D’isclosure conversation forward, but it does help elementarize the conversation. Simply put, The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch makes these conversations easier to have, even if it does have some ethical concerns we may get into later.
The Best and Worst Parts of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch S7
To put it lightly, we did not get any closer to uncovering The Secret…of Skinwalker Ranch. But it will be fun for us to take a look at the moments that shaped the season, for better or for worse. Without further ado, let’s just dive right into it.
The Worst Parts of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch S7
One of my main issues with Season 7 of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch is how supremely unfocused it felt. There used to be some rhythm to this show before it turned into a cookie-cutter series of talk, test, data reveal. But now it is basically a series of something weird happens during an experiment, they spend the next episode looking into it, something weird happens that episode, the next episode is spent looking into it. A perfect example is how The Triangle became a focus. And then it was The Mesa. And then it was The Bubble. And then it was the magnetic anomaly. And then it was ceramics. And then it was drilling.
I just wish the show didn’t feel a need to cater each episode to a new viewership base. When it comes to television, I understand that you must make sure someone who is flipping through the channels can be caught up if they catch the middle of an episode. But that completely negates the existing fanbase who catch each new episode the second it is available to them.
Drilling Issues
Speaking of drilling, let’s talk about Triple A. One thing I’ve noticed about Skinwalker Ranch and Blind Frog Ranch is how there always happens to be a drilling issue at the most pivotal moments. Sure, it creates drama and interesting television. But it makes the reveal feel less interesting when nothing happens. When Triple A blew a hydraulic line in Season 7 Episode 8 “Rocket Men”, it did create fun drama. And when Triple A became operational again…nothing was found. Of course, this led Dr. Travis Taylor to question if the 400-foot-long object in The Mesa was morphing or moving to avoid physical detection. But it’s almost a slap in the face to the audience. Oh, you’ve been here since Season 1 Episode 1? Great, here’s more of nothing.
The Most Baffling Episode of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch
But what was most egregious about Season 7 was Season 7 Episode 5 “Home Sweet Homestead”. Where do we begin with this should-be-Razzie-nominated episode? Let’s start with the non-racist part first. The team invites Retired Navajo Nation Ranger Jonathan Redbird Dover and Medicine Man (or Shaman, as Dr. Travis Taylor refers to him) Art Hardy to the ranch. Not only are they brought here to practically debase themselves, but it just feels wrong from beginning to end.
Not only did the property of Skinwalker Ranch (and hell, the entire US) belong to indigenous people, but they had to watch as the land was taken from them, turned into public land, and then watch as billionaire after millionaire came through and slowly started extending the boundaries of what was “their” land. It’s almost a slap in the face to those who died to attempt to save their land from the Mormon people to turn around then and use them as fodder to “instigate” whatever may be happening at the ranch. We should want, as a community, to retrospectively understand and appreciate how we got to where we are today, and why we are here. The lives of the Native Americans are fraught with sadness and death at OUR hands. But sure Travis, let’s bring them out here to instigate spirits and then tell them to leave. Fucking nonce.
A Questionable Doctor Makes an Appearance
And what makes it even weirder is when they introduce Dr. Haleigh Lundgreen. Now, every time they bring someone who is a doctor onto the ranch, they refer to them multiple times as Doctor BLANK. But not in this episode. Dr. Travis Taylor refers to Haleigh Lundgreen as Doctor once and then completely drops it (and that she’s a neuroscientist at UVU).
But what really gets my goat about this whole thing is why she is there. They refer to her as an EEG specialist. Tell me why she immediately misuses an EEG headset, which leads to the team chalking this whole thing up as anomalous. It’s single-handedly the most disingenuous thing this show has done since their misuse of the KRACKEN device. But hey, Brandon Fugal wants to pay his way into the history books, and he’s doing a damn good job at it.
The Best Parts of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch S7
I don’t want to end this season of Skinwalker Ranch on a bad note, so let’s talk about some things from this season that ARE fun. Now I don’t understand a single iota of what/how Doppler radars really work, besides from this show’s explanation. But including some Doppler experiments did bring a sort of levity to this whole season. It’s a unique way to attempt to find answers, and what is science if not multiple unique ways of understanding life? I only know that the team misused the KRACKEN device because my friend Jeremy McGowan told me how they actually work.
UAPs!
One thing that I greatly appreciated about this season is that rather than the usual screams of “UAP!!” and us not seeing anything, we see tons of UAPs. Most notably, Season 7 Episode 11 “On The Radar” and Episode 12 “Hot Pursuit”. The most undeniable proof of UAPs is when Technologist Dave Mason captures clear evidence on his FLIR camera of UAPs playing chicken with not only Jim Royston’s thermal drone, but with Cameron Fugal’s freaking helicopter! To be honest, it was those moments of the season that kept me engaged and coming back every week (well, that and because I told James-Michael I would cover this show).
Equipment Malfunctions
Continuing with our talk of Season 7 Episode 12 “Hot Pursuit”, we have SFX experts and smoke specialists Steve Bolan and Jeff Ference out on the ranch for a night experiment with Nu-Salt Laser. Like many experts who visit Skinwalker Ranch, Steve Bolan’s smoke machine epically breaks. It’s not just one thing that goes wrong; it’s multiple things in tandem. One of my favorite things about The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch is when these experts, who have decades of experience, come onto the ranch and they see their tools break in ways they have never seen before. Whether you believe what goes on at Skinwalker Ranch or not, it’s hard to refute that kind of evidence.
Paranormal Investigations
Finally, my number 1 moment of Season 7 of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch. Except for the Art Hardy/Haleigh Lundgreen experiment at Homestead Two, I loooooove how many paranormal-esque experiments we had between Homesteads Two and Three. It felt like a way for them to get back to their roots of what this show was initially about. Moreover, these experiments resulted in some fascinating data. Like how Homestead Three (which the team rarely even steps foot on) lit up in Jim Royston’s thermal drone like a Christmas tree AT night–Pete Kelsey compares it to a house whose furnace had been on all day. Hopefully this means that Season 8 will take more time to look into these two homesteads to see if there is anything funky going on. Maybe they’ll get Dr. Jan Francke to run some GPR scans!
Final Thoughts Now That Season 7 of the Secret of Skinwalker Ranch Is Over
Unlike The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch, I won’t end this piece reiterating what you all have just read. And just because there is so much wrong with this show doesn’t mean I’ve completely written it off. There’s a unique balance of great versus awful with this show, just like how there is a balance of it with regular science. Experimenting and exploring is part of how we got to where we are today, and that’s okay. What I don’t like is how Brandon Fugal seemingly attempts to continually pull the wool over our eyes and use labs that he may be personally funding. That has to be an ethical line that shouldn’t be crossed.
But…what do I know? I’m just a fan of the supernatural who likes to see weird things. Will I cover Season 8 of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch? Most likely (if I’m allowed to). Though the question is, how far can this show Oak Island itself before they completely lose their fanbase? Who knows. Thanks for joining us on this journey and we hope you tune back in with us for Season 8! And maybe, just maybe, we’ll finally get to uncover The Secret…of Skinwalker Ranch.
Welcome back, fellow ranchers! We’ve nearly made it to the Season 7 finale of The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch. Can you believe it? Just a few short weeks ago, we were welcomed back to the ranch via Kaleb Bench, longingly looking towards the Command Center’s helipad. And now we have explosions, smoke, and lasers! As stated last week, I don’t plan to cover anything Ufology-related, especially since they’re in the midst of a full-blown civil war.
Apologies for the delay on this piece; I’m finally off the graveyard shift after seven years, and it’s been quite a transition. Before we get into everything, I want to discuss how this may be the last coverage for this season for a very specific reason. But we’ll get into that later. For now, let’s take a trip to our second favorite ranch in Utah to see if we get any closer to uncovering The Secret…of Skinwalker Ranch.
Red Devil Pyro and FLÜG Join the Skinwalker Ranch Experiment
The Skinwalker Ranch Corral – 10:17 AM
We join Dr. Travis Taylor, Erik Bard, Thomas Winterton, Jim Royston, and Technologist Pete Kelsey at The Corral. Kaleb Bench joins the team with a coterie of people for a giant experiment. As winter is closing in fast, Dr. Travis Taylor and his team plan to try to find out just where the hell these UAPs are coming from and whether or not they are related to The Bubble, The Blob, or The Mesa. So, who all is here and what are they going to do?
Firstly, there is Kevin and James Devoll of Red Devil Pyro. Secondly, we have John Engstrom (owner), Charner Ramsey (3D Technician), Isabella Dominguez (3D Technician), and Marlo Irani (Array Director) of FLÜG. The team from Red Devil Pyro will set off multiple fireballs within The Bubble boundary near the western edge. The fireballs will send massive amounts of smoke and energy into the Bubble, which will then create perfectly formed smoke rings. These smoke rings should pass through the side of the boundary at around 50 feet.
While Red Devil Pyro sets the sky ablaze, FLÜG will use 48 cameras to fire simultaneously. Once post-processed, each capture will create a two-second video playback of one frozen moment in time.
The Bubble Experiment Produces Strange Smoke Rings
Dr. Travis Taylor leads the respective teams to a spot near The Bubble boundary. We learn that Red Devil Pyro will be igniting 25-gallon fuel mines. And they’re glorious. The teams start setting up, but that doesn’t mean Travis is going to sit around twiddling his fingers.
While Red Devil Pyro and FLÜG are prepping, Travis sets up a signal generator on a post inside the boundary. The signal generator is taped to a post, and Travis sets it up to generate a 1.2 GHz signal. Erik Bard, who is in the Skinwalker Ranch Command Center, immediately picks up a strong peak at 1.2. Suddenly, FLÜG runs into a gigantic issue; 12 of their cameras stop working. John Engstron says that this has never happened before and that the trigger boxes are losing connectivity. Thankfully, they’re still able to go forward with 36 cameras.
Red Devil Pyro now has the first series of explosions ready to go. Once given the go-ahead, Red Devil Pyro sets off the first explosion. The fireball engulfs the air, slowly fading into a near-perfect ring of smoke. After the smoke has cleared, the team sets off the second explosion. But the ring doesn’t form properly. Weird, because there isn’t a single bit of visible wind.
Did the First Explosion Activate the Bubble?
This leads Travis to ask a very leading question: did the first explosion turn The Bubble on? Giggity. Erik radios to Travis that his 1.2 GHz signal is getting stronger. But what’s even weirder is how Travis has NOTHING on his spectrum analyzer. Mind you, Erik is all the way across the ranch in the Skinwalker Ranch Command Center (inside The Bubble); Travis is roughly 50 feet away (outside of The Bubble). Coincidence?
For explosions three and four, Red Devil Pyro plans to do them in quick succession.
Red Devil Pyro sets off the third explosion. While the fireball proper looks great, the smoke ring doesn’t. It seemingly looks like it’s getting squished by something in the air before escaping the invisible thing’s grip and turning into a perfect smoke ring. The fourth explosion goes off and doesn’t even form a smoke ring, squished or not.
Red Devil Pyro sets off the fifth explosion, and a smoke ring is not formed. Marlo Irani tells the team that he will be able to provide the raw footage immediately, but the processed footage from the bullet time will take about a day. Travis wonders if The Bubble is getting stronger and expanding with each explosion.
Skinwalker Ranch Bullet Time Footage Reveals a Possible UAP
Skinwalker Ranch Command Center – 10:11 AM
Dr. Travis Taylor, Erik Bard, Jim Royston, Kaleb Bench, and Thomas Winterton sit around the Command Center table. Erik Bard pulls up some of the processed footage from Marlo Irani. To be honest, it looks amazing. Erik notes that one of the smoke rings looks as if it grew fangs as it began to form. But I don’t necessarily see it.
What I do see is a damn UAP in the background! Erik zooms in on the unidentified flying object, and it does look interesting. Dr. Travis Taylor says, “[It] looks like a spaceship from sci-fi…man.” Riveting stuff, doctor!
GPR Scans Search for Anomalies Beneath the Mesa
Next Day – Top Of The Mesa – 1:36 PM
Dr. Travis Taylor, Thomas Winterton, Jim Royston, Technologist Pete Kelsey, Kaleb Bench, and Dr. Jan Francke are at the top of The Mesa. Dr. Jan Francke is back with a larger GPR device, which will be let down into the first vertical borehole. Dr. Travis Taylor says this hole was picked specifically due to its proximity to where the Type A ceramic (plaster) material was found. Dr. Jan Francke says he will be using a stronger surface radar to scan the side of the borehole with a much higher resolution.
The rest of the team leaves, but Thomas Winterton stays back to lend a hand. Thomas thinks they should start on the east side of the vertical borehole as it’s closest in proximity to the original anomaly found within The Mesa. They begin, and Dr. Jan Francke is very optimistic about this, saying that it will give us direct access into the heart of The Mesa.
Once the east side of the vertical borehole is completed, they move on to the south side of the borehole. As Thomas pulls the surface radar scanner, Dr. Jan Francke notices something very bright at the 25-foot mark. Travis, Jim, Sam Deriso, Pete, and Kaleb join back up with Dr. Jan Francke and Thomas. Dr. Jan Francke reveals to them what he saw around the 20- to 25-foot mark and that he’s excited to post-process the data.
Lasers and Explosions Return for Another Skinwalker Ranch Experiment
Next Day – Skinwalker Ranch Command Center – 5:38 PM
We join Dr. Travis Taylor, Erik Bard, Jim Royston, Kaleb Bench, and Dave Mason outside of the Skinwalker Ranch Command Center. But that’s not all! Also joining the team are
Jason Holmes (Display Operator with Red Devil Pyro) and Adam Scott (Nu-Salt Laser). If you thought the previous day’s experiment was huge, then get ready! Adam Scott is back and ready to go with eight 300-watt space cannons!
The Triangle – 6:27 PM
The teams make their way to The Triangle to get things all set up for the night’s big show. Dave Mason will be running his stationary FLIR throughout the entire experiment. And one thing that’s important to note is how windy it looks. Because later on someone will say, “There’s no wind at all!”
Eight Lasers and Multiple Explosions Target the Triangle
The Triangle – 9:14 PM
Red Devil Pyro is finishing setting up three 20-gallon explosion mines and one 35-gallon one. That’s when Dr. Travis Taylor says, “there’s no wind at all,” as his hair is currently going eight different directions because the wind won’t stop blowing.
Nevertheless, Adam Scott gets the lasers going. Rather than the lasers pointing at a single spot on The Mesa (like in Season 7 Episode 12 “Hot Pursuit”), the lasers are pointing straight up. With the lasers going, Red Devil Pyro begins their controlled explosions.
The first explosion goes off, and looks great set against the pitch-black night sky. Unfortunately, the smoke ring fails to form. Dr. Travis Taylor, who just minutes ago said there was no wind at all, wonders if the smoke ring hit The Blob and failed to form. After the smoke clears, Red Devil Pyro sets off their second explosion–no smoke ring.
Equipment Failures Coincide With 1.2 GHz Signals
As they prepare to set off the third explosion, Nu-Salt’s lasers flash on and off. Suddenly, Jim Royston’s computer and video feeds mysteriously go down. AND THEN all of Dave Mason’s equipment goes offline. Thomas Winterton joins Travis as they go check all generators and circuit breakers to see if anything tripped. But they find nothing.
What is important to note is what Erik Bard reveals. From his spectrum analyzer within the Skinwalker Ranch Command Center, Erik sees four incredibly strong peaks at 1.2 GHz. And then, as if nothing had even happened, all of their equipment comes back online.
Red Devil Pyro refuels the fuel mines. They set off the third explosion. And again, while it looks great, there is no formed smoke ring. That’s when Dave Mason notices something odd. Once the smoke clears from his view, he notices multiple spots on The Mesa that appear to be heated. There is no reason why these rocks should be hot. In fact, they aren’t even close enough to The Mesa for the rocks to retain any heat from the explosions!
Strange Heat Signatures Appear on The Mesa
Red Devil Pyro sets off the night’s final explosion. Who would have guessed…the ring doesn’t form. At least, not right away. From Erik’s perspective, the smoke forms this anomalous figure-eight pattern in the sky. But that’s not all! Dave Mason reveals that the rocks on The Mesa continue to retain heat from the explosions!
Final Thoughts on The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch Season 7 Episode 13
I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about this proxy-season finale. Nor am I sure how I feel about this entire season. It felt incredibly unfocused and lazy, though parts of it were unquestionably entertaining. But this finale just seems…like nothing. Why can we not get a final data review before next week’s big finale?
And the “big finale” is something that also needs to be discussed. Every season ends with one of those “this is what happened this season” episodes. And while that’s not inherently awful, The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch spends about 25% of each episode’s runtime rehashing things already seen or discovered in previous episodes (or in that episode, too). It has become a show that penalizes recurring viewers so that the people who are casually flipping through channels don’t feel lost when they stumble upon it.
I loved what they did with the bullet time capture with Red Devil Pyro, and wish they would do more fun stuff like that. I know science/exploration isn’t always supposed to be “fun”. But it’s supposed to keep someone entertained when you’re MAKING AN ENTIRE SHOW ABOUT IT. Will I cover next week’s episode? My answer is like a UAP; it’s up in the air. All I know is I can confidently say that Season 7 didn’t get us any closer to uncovering The Secret…of Skinwalker Ranch.
