It’s no secret that an All-Stars, or Titans, season of The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula is most likely on the horizon. Fans are foaming at the mouth for it, and the Boulet Brothers literally asked the Season 4 Monsters who would be open to returning for such an event during the reunion. Hell, that “other show” is going on its 7th iteration of the concept, so four seasons in is as good a time as any to bring back some of our most beloved Monsters for a redemption arc. We are clearly enormous fans of the show here at Horror Press, and the topic of a Titans Dream Team has been discussed quite a bit. Those chosen either left the competition early despite having a knack for the tenants of Horror, Filth & Glamour, came up just shy of the crown, or are simply so damn entertaining we want them back on our television. Without further ado, here are our picks!
Season 1
Meatball: Certainly one of the campiest queens to appear on the show, Meatball made it to 4th place before being decapitated in the show’s inaugural season. She’s everything my younger self ever imagined a drag queen to be, and the classics remain so for a reason. In the years following her time on the show, she has continued to thrive as a hysterical and irreverent personality in the drag scene. Her Instagram proves mama is booked and blessed, and perhaps it’s time to see if this Meatball has aged like a fine wine.
Season 2
Abhora: The avian clown of Season 2, Abhora made it to the top 4 after a rocky road of drama and insecurities. Their drag is outlandish to the core, often incorporating stilts or other props and always featuring their distinctive beaked nose. Their floor shows were anything but dull; however, sometimes Abhora was a bit sloppier than her competition; to some judges, it was endearing, and to others, she needed to fly away. After a good handful of years to grow and center themselves, the Titans roster needs Abhora’s brand of casual chaos.
Disasterina: She is a singularly wacky persona fully dedicated to incoherence and a faux accent resembling an evil scientist from an old James Bond movie. If Abhora is casual chaos, Disasterina is determined chaos. She knows exactly what she’s doing and has proven herself a worthy competitor and a capable media personality. A headstrong attitude was perhaps also her downfall in Season 2, as her vision often remained uncompromised despite the judges’ critiques. If she’s able to incorporate constructive criticism into her art, Disasterina could soar as a Titan.
Victoria Elizabeth Black: A special effects and prosthetic god among monsters, Victoria Black almost returned to Season 4 after a jaw-dropping performance on the Resurrection special. I believe she would have won, but her hubris derailed an undead comeback after she flat-out said she would rather return for a Titans season instead of S4, as the competition is fiercest when you’re among the best of the best. I don’t necessarily disagree, and clearly, she was confident enough in her pride to shrug off the $20K prize. Victoria Elizabeth Black will be a force to be reckoned with should she make good on that promise.
Season 3
Dollya Black: The drag daughter of Victoria Black, Dollya was somewhat of a dark horse on her season, making it to the final 3 despite being undervalued by her competitors. Her somewhat meek and vulnerable personality is shielded by a layer of bitchy armor, which often brought the drama to Season 3. She’s proven she has what it takes to go all the way, and even though I hope she has grown since her time on the show, I always welcome some petty drama in the boudoir. Additionally, it would be interesting to see a drag mother and daughter compete together since Astrud was exterminated from S4 the moment Dahli made their triumphant return.
Evah Destruction: The hairiest Monster to enter the competition, Evah was a frontrunner in Season 3 before her inner demons spilled out, causing her to second-guess her every move. Confidence is key, and through no fault of her own, a competition as exacting as The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula often slays the best of the best. The purpose of a Titans season is to bring back these Monsters after they’ve had some time to simmer in the cauldron, and Evah has already displayed the Horror, Filth & Glamour required to win – she just needed some more time in the pot.
Maxi Glamour: I love a good smurf, and Maxi Glamour frequently paints themself blue in their drag. Automatic Titan pick! Jokes aside, Maxi went home early in her season. Still, in that short amount of time, they displayed drive and determination not seen in Monsters that make it much farther in the competition – they literally jumped out of a plane for the first Extermination of S3! Maxi’s drag is whimsical and heavily detailed, and I would welcome them back to witness next-level Maxi Glamour.
Yovska: One freaky, shady bitch, Yvoska levels up costumed drag. Initially showing great promise, her S3 floor shows proved slightly underwhelming for whatever reason. Nothing that time and a trained eye can’t fix; a glance at Yvoska’s Instagram page shows she’s taken that next step. Dragged out as every sort of angel, demon, creature, and…Peppa Pig (seriously, go look), she is now where she needed to be back on S3. Plus, as I mentioned, her brief time on the show revealed she’s shady as hell, and that’s always good TV.
Season 4
Astrud Aurelia: The definition of a star snuffed out too soon; Astrud was crushed by the end of episode 2 after decimating the competition the week prior in the first-floor show of the season. Team challenges often spell the demise of strong personalities, and Astrud could not handle the hellfire, resulting in the most explosive meltdown The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula has ever seen. After addressing it at the reunion, it became clear they were not in the best headspace at the time, and perhaps a Titans season will be Astrud’s time to shine. They certainly have the talent, and hopefully, we see it put to good use.
Koco Caine: As I said in my S4 Ep1 recap, Koco is the narrator of Season 4, and she is desperately needed back on television. The big-breasted hooker with a heart of sin, Koco is an endlessly entertaining performer, even if she couldn’t quite cut it against the competition. Hopefully, some time away has allowed her to finely tune her lewks because everything else about Koco Caine screams Star Quality.
La Zavaleta: Zava underwent quite the journey during Season 4, coming in hot as the Regina George of the cast and leaving a fan favorite. Like others before her, she shields herself with an often hilarious brash and cutting personality, but those layers peeled as the season wore on. After a series of ups and downs in the challenges, she was ultimately exterminated in 5th place, just before the coveted Final Four. Zava has what it takes to compete against the best of the Titans, and I can’t wait to see her ass on full display, reading each and every one of them for filth.
Sigourney Beaver: The queen of Season 4, Sigourney is the ultimate glamazon and nearly snatched the crown. However, all that beauty comes with a price, and Miss Beaver had a hard time breaking out the Horror & Filth necessary to become the next Drag Supermonster. With a strong head on her shoulders and a lovable personality, if Sigourney takes her notes to heart and brings blood, guts, and a little bit of vomit to slay the Titans, she might do exactly that.
While these Monsters are the best of the best, some may need to hold off for a second season of Titans so that the show doesn’t blow its proverbial load all at once. Nevertheless, this is a Dream Team roster, and seeing this group bare their souls for the crown would make for an outstanding season. Who’d make it on your fabulous football draft?
The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula is available to stream on Shudder.