Reviews
COPS V. TOYS, DAWN OF PLASTIC: ‘Demonic Toys’ (1992) Review
Some interesting visuals and questionable script choices make for a peculiar but entertaining killer toys film. For our third week of Full Moon February, we jump to the far-off year of 1992 to study a film focused on possessed toys working for a supernatural entity trying to take form on Earth. That’s right; it’s the Puppet Master 4 & 5 review, baby, woo! Time for Sutekh, time for Decapitron with a tiny Toulon head, time for– Wait. Sorry, hold on. I’m getting word from my editor that it’s Demonic Toys. We’re doing Demonic Toys today.
David S. Goyer’s Early Work in Low-Budget Horror
This film was written by none other than David S. Goyer, the scriptwriter who would later go on to make the action-horror Blade trilogy, as well as this article’s namesake Batman V. Superman. I mention this because it fascinates me to see the humble beginnings of big Hollywood writers in small productions, especially when it’s a film this transparent about its thinned-out budget.
This is a cheap film through and through, as most of the film’s horror is done with hand puppets and some slightly above average makeup. But it doesn’t shy away from showing you the cheapness in all its glory, and that’s what I like about it. This ultimately makes the film one of the truest to the company’s ethos of embracing low-budget filmmaking barefacedly and without shame. Its cheapness produces a cinematic oddity of a movie that I can admire for trying to stretch its dollar.
Memorable Toys: Jack Attack, Grizzly Teddy, and Baby Oopsie Daisy
That being said, admiration doesn’t entirely absolve it of its problems. It doesn’t have the luxury the Puppet Master films did where stop motion could evoke a sense of wonder. There’s no set dressing or shooting on location that gives a strong atmosphere as Subspecies did. As for the toys, Jack Attack, Grizzly Teddy, and Baby Oopsie Daisy may be memorable design-wise thanks to the excellent work of John Buechler and the other SFX crewmembers from Magical Media Industries, but for me, they just aren’t as personality-filled as Toulon’s puppets.
So, enough about what this movie lacks, let’s talk about what makes it unique. An insane script and immediate carnage for one. These infernal playthings receive a sizeable amount of screen time and get to killing right off the bat. Unlike the first Puppet Master, which has a subdued ending, the final reel of this film is bizarre at a breakneck speed. Prepare for a toy shooting gallery; little kids slap fighting, a man in a demonic bear costume, and a junk car exploding like it was a Tesla battery.
Tracy Scoggins leads this film as Detective Judith Gray. She’s serving the same role as Mike Norris from Child’s Play, albeit with a confusing supernatural link to her enemy this time around. Scoggin’s is fine in this but doesn’t stand out performance-wise, especially when she’s being outshone by our two other leads: our antagonist, The Kid, and our other main character, Mark.
Daniel Cerny’s Creepy Villain: The Kid Steals the Show
Daniel Cerny, who would go on to play Eli in Children of the Corn III, does some great acting as our villain, The Kid. It’s great for someone lip-syncing their lines the entire time, yes, but still great. He surprisingly manages to provide that real creep essence through his facial expressions that matches the deep, reverberating demonic voice he’s been given, an impressive feat.
On the other hand, Bentley Mitchum’s delivery guy Mark is on the completely opposite side of the spectrum, struggling with his role as the lovable jerk. His interactions with security guard Charnetski are fun because it’s just two blue-collar greaseballs commiserating and waxing philosophical on chicken. Is Mitchum giving a good performance? No, not in the slightest, his line deliveries are terrible and often a bit too loud, but he’s so bad they end up being entertaining. It’s in line with most of the fun to be had with a lot of Full Moon flicks, your classic so-bad-it’s-good movies.
Missed Opportunities: The Giant Chicken Chekov’s Gun
While it can’t hold a candle to its predecessors in terms of visuals, this is still a goofy, fun watch that I’d put just a little above the first Puppet Master movie in terms of entertainment value. It’s got some nightmarish visuals along with all its schlocky effects, and that’s enough for me. My only true regret about this movie is that they set up the Chekov’s gun of having a giant chicken at the beginning of the film, and it doesn’t come to life by the end to wreak havoc. For shame, Charles Band. For shame.
RATING: 3, Leaning Towards 3.5 (Creepy Girls in Gasmasks on Tricycles)/5. I’m docking it some points rating-wise because on a technical level it isn’t that great. While it serves up some fun visuals, there are pacing issues even as it sits at tight 80-some minutes. Even though I personally like this a lot, only you can decide if those flaws can be redeemed by this movie’s absolutely and positively nonsensical ending.
You can sign up to stream ‘Demonic Toys’ here.
There are countless subgenres within subgenres for horror, and one that feels underutilized is workplace horror. Unless you’re one of the lucky few, most people wake up at some point during the day, go to work, and then come home. It’s one of the few things in life that’s nearly unavoidable. While there are countless real-life examples of workplace violence, seeing exaggerated forms of it in film can still be fun. When I pitched covering The Belko Experiment for this month, I actually thought I was pitching Joe Lynch’s Mayhem. I soon found out how incorrect I had been, but figured I’d go along with it anyway.
Mike Milch (John Gallagher Jr.) and 79 of his coworkers are locked inside the towering building they come to work in every day in Bogotá, Colombia. They’re given simple instructions: murder two coworkers within the next half hour. When they fail that task, coworkers’ heads start blowing up left and right. When they’re given the next task, kill 30 people in two hours, they take it…a little more seriously.
The Belko Experiment’s Brutal Premise Sets Up High Stakes
Written by James Gunn and directed by Wolf Creek creator Greg McLean, The Belko Experiment is a painfully by-the-numbers film that offers little more than a handful of entertaining kills. Its futile attempts at commentary regarding work/life balance or just how bad “faceless” upper management is fall so flat it’s comical. Nothing like multi-millionaire James Gunn telling me how awful it is to have to work a real job for a living. Great work. And its one-dimensional characters do little more than create a slight sigh of relief when they’re dispatched without regard.
A singular attempt at cleverness is broached from the beginning when we see a colony of ants in an ant farm on someone’s desk. Oh, look at that, these workers are nothing more than mindless ants! But any attempt at following that slightly clever idea is quickly thrown away. At one point, Barry Norris (Tony Goldwyn), the big boss in the office, attempts to group up who should and shouldn’t be killed; who has the most value outside of work. Gunn had the perfect opportunity to make Barry a deep and more sinister antagonist. If Barry had grouped people into sets from most to least profitable for the company, we would have something. It would show that Barry is a forward-thinking villain who is trying to suck up to the people who get paid even MORE than him!
Missed Opportunities for a Smarter Corporate Villain
I’ll do you one better. After all of that, what if the bad guys that Barry recruited to help him cull his subordinates realized they were just pawns in the game of Big Business? So then they attempt to repent by killing Barry in the hopes that they can find a common means of escape from this hell? Why is there zero attempt at making an interesting story other than this shitty, watered-down Battle Royale with people we don’t give a shit about? Instead of anything interesting, we’re just given a group of baddies who try to get into the security office’s gun safe. The only reason we’re slightly scared of the “bad guys” is because they’re bad guys.
The only slightly interesting performances we get are from David Dastmalchian and Adria Arjona, even if it might be a fluke. As someone who is a fan of Greg McLean and the Wolf Creek series, something just felt disconnected about nearly every aspect of The Belko Experiment. I’ve brought it up before that sometimes it’s okay to have a film that doesn’t tell a great story as long as the kills can carry some of the weight. But to say this film has a story is laughable, and that carries over to how flat this film looks.
Skip The Belko Experiment and Watch Mayhem Instead
It’s weird how sour this film left me. When I was watching it, I found myself grimacing at some of the kills. And I didn’t vehemently dislike it as much as this review would suggest. But as I sat there and thought longer, I just couldn’t wrap my head around what anyone sees in this. Mayhem is an all-around better film that tackles this same subject but in a much better way. So if you ever decide to sit down and watch The Belko Experiment, maybe go watch Mayhem on Shudder instead.
Would it be a month of coverage on Horror Press if I didn’t bring up at least one aughts film? I know the curator of all things Horror Press, James-Michael, is shaking his fists at the sky and cursing the fact that he approved me covering The Hitcher. Of all the remakes that were so pervasive throughout the aughts, The Hitcher is one that slipped completely under my radar. And that’s a damn shame. It wouldn’t be until I found a DVD copy at Bookoff that I finally got the opportunity to watch it. Hot damn, the critics really got it wrong here.
The Hitcher: A Road Trip Turned Nightmare
Jim Halsey (Zachary Knighton) and his girlfriend Grace Andrews (Sophia Bush) are on a road trip to Lake Havasu in Jim’s gorgeous Oldsmobile 442. An unfortunate run-in with a mysterious hitchhiker, John Ryder (Sean Bean), Jim and Grace find themselves in a fight for life and death. Only, John isn’t their only concern. With the 5-0 hot on their tails, Jim and Grace must escape from a psychopathic man with a death wish and the hot-tempered, hot-faced Lieutenant Esteridge (Neal McDonough). As the odometer grows, so does the body count.
The Hitcher is one of those remakes that does not have the approval of the original’s lead, Rutger Hauer. Which is astounding to me. Sure, the original is good. But it doesn’t set itself apart from the crowd too much. Rutger Hauer’s John is slightly more reserved, and while he has an edge to him, I don’t necessarily find him overly menacing. (Don’t kill me.) Sean Bean’s John Ryder, on the other hand, is furiously terrifying. There’s no question that there are tons of issues with the Platinum Dunes remake, though, for me, the pros significantly outweigh the cons.
Jim Halsey Falls Flat
The biggest issue is the character of Jim Halsey. I love how the roles of Jim and Grace are swapped from the original film. It brings an updated, modern edge to the film and is a great way to throw audiences who have seen the original. Though I can imagine the hyper-masculine fans of the original were not too happy with that. When it was decided to swap the roles of the characters, it seems like any character depth for Jim was thrown out of the window. I think Zachary Knighton is a wonderful actor who does the best with what he has, but he doesn’t have enough to work with. Writers Eric Red, Jake Wade Wall, and Eric Bernt updated the film with tons of epic scenarios and moments, while seemingly forgetting to make the supposed lead of the film interesting.
On top of cardboard Jim, the inciting police incident just feels very forced. Grace runs into a diner, covered in blood, after she and Jim found a family butchered by John. Someone from the diner calls the police, which leads to Jim and Grace being arrested and charged with murder. Whether or not that’s supposed to be commentary on rural police doesn’t matter because it completely fails to do anything other than forcibly push the story forward.
Besides that? I hate to say, but I don’t have many issues with The Hitcher.
Soundtrack and Atmosphere: A High-Octane Experience
First and foremost, The Hitcher’s soundtrack is incredible. We start the film with Move Along by The All-American Rejects. Talk about a shot of adrenaline. And the greatest needle drop in all of aughts horror history is Nine Inch Nails’s Closer during the film’s most wild car chase. It’s hard not to get lost in this film when the music kicks in.
What really sells this film is how intensely they handle the violence and the film’s gorgeous chase scenes. It’s no Death Proof, but these scenes are miles above the Fast movies that were out at this time. In a day and age where chase scenes are overly produced, badly edited, and just plain boring, The Hitcher manages to infuse horror and action in a way that probably won’t be seen again. Watching films like The Hitcher makes me sad for the state of modern cinema. The Hitcher wasn’t made to win scores of Oscars; it was made by people passionate about telling a badass, harrowing story (minus Jim). And they greatly excel at that.
The Hitcher Is a Misunderstood Cult Favorite
The Hitcher falls in line with my running theory of post-9/11 ultra violence. We were a nation scared of what happened, what was happening, and what seemed to be on the horizon–The Hitcher bottles that fear and anger, packaging it into a nasty piece of genre. Sean Bean and Sophia Bush are an on-screen match made in heaven. They wade through harsh lighting, thick film grain, and buckets of blood to deliver a film that critics and audiences unfairly panned. While audiences may have moved along, I sure didn’t. I want to exist in a world of nothing but aughts genre films, but am forced to live in a world of elevated horror. Le sigh.
