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[Review] ‘Warm Bodies’ (2013) Is Too Cold

Warm Bodies follows R (Nicholas Hoult), a semi-conscious, self-aware zombie who spends his days shambling around an abandoned airport with his zom-buddy M (Rob Corddry). R and M, and a small horde of slow-walking shamblers, leave the airport to go on a feeding run (walk) and happen to run into a group of survivors on a supply run. Julie (Teresa Palmer) and Perry’s (Dave Franco) team are overtaken by R and his crew, leading to R feasting on Perry’s brains. In this universe, feeding on someone’s brain unlocks their memories for that zombie. This leads to R falling head over heels for Julie and saving her from the rest of the zombies. As R and Julie “fall in love”, they realize the cure might just be the girlfriend we made along the way.

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As someone entering their sophomore year of college when Warm Bodies hit theaters, I completely ignored this teenybopper film. Plus, Isaac Marion’s YA novel of the same name was far from anything I wanted to read in high school. (I say this as if I read anything other than Max Brooks’ The Zombie Survival Guide over and over again.) That’s not to mean I’m throwing any shade on those who were fans of the book or film adaptation, but a Nicholas Hoult-led adaptation of something I had no interest in really didn’t get my goose. Watching this film in a post-Nosferatu world is quite odd, and seeing how far Hoult has grown as an actor is impressive. It’s just a shame I had to sit through one hour and 38 minutes of Rob Corddry and Dave Franco in 2025.

Warm Bodies: A Zombie’s Unexpected Romance

Warm Bodies follows R (Nicholas Hoult), a semi-conscious, self-aware zombie who spends his days shambling around an abandoned airport with his zom-buddy M (Rob Corddry). R and M, and a small horde of slow-walking shamblers, leave the airport to go on a feeding run (walk) and happen to run into a group of survivors on a supply run. Julie (Teresa Palmer) and Perry’s (Dave Franco) team are overtaken by R and his crew, leading to R feasting on Perry’s brains. In this universe, feeding on someone’s brain unlocks their memories for that zombie. This leads to R falling head over heels for Julie and saving her from the rest of the zombies. As R and Julie “fall in love”, they realize the cure might just be the girlfriend we made along the way.

I’ll be blunt, writer/director Jonathan Levine has only ever made one solid movie. All the Boys Love Mandy Lane was a unique examination of the idea of the final girl and it was a hell of a directorial debut for Levine. Beyond that film, his career would be nothing more than [mainly] terrible Seth Rogen shitters. Realizing that Levine was the “creative” force behind Warm Bodies was really no surprise. Well, the only surprise was that Seth Rogen wasn’t chuckle-acting his way as the comedic relief zombie here.

Why Warm Bodies Fails as Comedy, Horror, and Romance

Not only is Warm Bodies not funny, it’s not scary. It’s not even romantic? R kills Julie’s boyfriend, kidnaps her under the guise of saving her, and then basically browbeats her into a necrophilic Stockholm syndrome. While I haven’t read the book, I kept saying, “That ain’t it chief,” throughout the film’s runtime. To boot, the film picks and chooses what it wants R to remember when it fits the narrative. It’s a mess.

The acting is fine and some of the zombie makeup is passable. But the skeletons look like mid-aughts, half-assed CGI. Warm Bodies had a budget of 35 million dollars, and they couldn’t even make the antagonists look halfway decent. You’re probably saying, “It’s a rom-com, chill out!” No! Warm Bodies feels like more of a cash grab on a waining-in-popularity IP that was quickly pumped out before the world forgot about it and moved on to the next YA property.

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The Problematic Politics in Warm Bodies

What really gets my goat is the absolute mishandling of the film’s political undertones. Colonel Grigio (John Malkovich) is a pre-Trump oligarch who built a wall to keep the “baddies” out. It’s not until they realize that love cures all that the plague can be undone! It’s a hodgepodge script that says “Not all zombies are bad!” See! There are good zombies! And the good zombies don’t like the bad zombies! (If you can’t tell from my snarkiness, I’m using zombies as an interchangeable term for immigrants.) This political subtext is for the mouthbreathers who need to be force-fed the idea of empathy via overpaid white people. When in reality, all it should take is watching a two-second clip of kids in cages or reading that Gitmo was opened to “house” undocumented immigrants. Honestly, the idea of portraying the undocumented as brain-eating parasites that need to be taught about love is beyond highly offensive.

Maybe Warm Bodies would not have me so incensed if I had watched it in 2013, but I walked away from this film with a bitter taste in my mouth. It’s not a compelling romance, comedy, or zombie film. The over-sanitized idea that love cures all may have been more palatable in a pre-Trump world, but that shit doesn’t fly anymore. Resistance makes change. Someone who shares a name with a Mario character makes change. And after watching Warm Bodies, it’s clear that some shiny-shoed Hollywood insider doesn’t understand that.

Brendan is an award-winning author and screenwriter rotting away in New Jersey. His hobbies include rain, slugs, and the endless search for The Mothman.

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Madame Morbid Trolley Tour Review: Is It Worth It?

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Most people find that stretching their dollar still barely gets them by in today’s economy. I am very particular about what I spend my spare money on regarding extracurriculars. And no one likes to feel like their money is wasted. Madame Morbid Trolley Tours wasn’t an experience I had been familiar with. Maybe that’s because I’m chronically offline for most of my life. So this leads to the perfect question: in today’s turbulent economy, is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours worth the price? The short answer is unquestionably, yes. But it’s more than just a simple yes.

My wife and I arrived at the designated meeting point 15 minutes before the scheduled departure time. A handful of minutes later, a gorgeous, e-candle-lit trolley pulled up to the side of the road. We were greeted by impeccably on-brand Allison Chase, our tour guide, and trolley driver ‘Mad’ Matt Zaller. The wonderfully cheery duo invited us on the trolley, and the tour was set to begin.

400 Years of Death, Destruction, and Infrastructure

After a welcoming video intro from someone who knows a thing or two about busting ghosts, we set off on the inaugural Madame Morbid Trolley Tour in its ninth year of operation. From the Brooklyn Naval Yard all the way to Dumbo, and more, this tour magnificently chronicles 400 years of history, the good and the bad, expertly. No matter how much you think you may know about Brooklyn history, I can bet there will be something new learned within the first 15 minutes of the tour. From the first-ever plane crash to one of the worst theater fires in history, this tour covers tragedies that the greatest horror writers couldn’t conceive.

The Deadly [Charming] Docent

Allison Chase led the fascinating tour in character from the moment we stepped on the trolley until our departure. But Allison’s character was not forced or fake; you could feel Allison’s passion for not just morbid history, but the accuracy of it. Some of the stories we heard were steeped in historical context, and it was not boring for a single second. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is not your standard full-talking tour. It’s a mixed-media adventure of some of Brooklyn’s darkest moments.

During “downtime” (the times between locations), we were edutained by mini documentaries (that were quite funny). Some of the “downtime” was filled with traffic trivia (I won a needle pen!). And other times were show-and-tell-like, with objects passed around for us to examine. But there was never a moment of silence that wasn’t purposeful. All in all, Allison’s knowledge and passion shone like the luminosity of a full moon.

Is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours Worth It?

The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour was not just a fun night out for my wife and me, but it was a delightfully dark night of edutainment. It should also be noted that ‘Mad’ Matt’s driving skills were fantastic. There was a time when I had become enamored with how Matt handled the narrow streets of Brooklyn before realizing that I needed to refocus my attention on Allison. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is an exceptionally fun evening of horror and history that will make you think twice next time you walk down the streets of Brooklyn. It is worth the money, and then some. There’s no better activity for a cold, dark October night than the Madame Morbid Trolley Tour.

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For more information on Madame Morbid Trolley Tours, and to get your tickets, click here!

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‘Cujo’ (1983): A First-Time-Watch Review

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Bee Wallace in Cujo

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should have watched the Stephen King adaptation Cujo a million years ago. First of all, I was a voracious King reader in middle school. The other thing I was obsessed with during those years was Friends. You know, the show that hinges a major episode’s subplot on Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) watching Cujo for the first time. Whatever the reason was, I never got around to it, but I’m rectifying that oversight now.

What is Cujo About?

Cujo tells a relatively simple story. Donna Trenton’s (Dee Wallace) a housewife who’s cheating on her husband Vic (Daniel Hugh-Kelly) with local handyman Steve (Christopher Stone). There’s no accounting for taste, because Vic is 10 times hotter and Steve doesn’t own a bed frame. Look, Donna. I know Vic has that awful David Hasselhoff hair, but I promise the 1980s will end sooner or later. It’ll be OK.

Donna’s attempted termination of this affair ultimately leads to its discovery. Amid this drama, her car breaks down at a mechanic’s isolated farmhouse, trapping her and her son, Tad (Danny Pintauro). You see, the mechanic’s dog, Cujo, freshly christened with rabies, is patrolling the area and attacking everything in sight.

Dee Wallace Is Cujo’s Not-So-Secret Weapon

It would be impossible to start a worthwhile review of Cujo without praising Dee Wallace. The woman is a genre icon, naturally. Think about this: She had only appeared in seven theatrical movies before starring in Cujo. Four of those movies are The Stepford Wives, The Hills Have Eyes, E.T., and The Howling. But this woman didn’t become an icon simply by accidentally stumbling into some iconic titles. She is simply terrific as Donna, using her darting eyes and taut expression to deliver oodles of subtext. You instantly get the sense of how trapped she feels by marriage and motherhood without her uttering a single word.

A good performance is vital, here. Because there’s a hell of a lot of drama to get through before she’s trapped in that damn car. But Wallace instantly shoves you into Donna’s perspective, whether you like it or not. This makes it all the more potent when she is menaced by Cujo. Her desperate attempts for survival, also impeccably performed, have true weight because she seems like a real person. She is also given an incredible scene partner in Danny Pintauro. The future Who’s the Boss? star, who was only six when shooting Cujo, has a perfect everychild quality. His innocence heightens the peril. But so does that fact that he is just as irritating as every six-year-old you’ve ever met.

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This movie truly captures how annoying it must be to be stuck in a life-and-death situation with a child. This is a compliment, I swear! Donna is worn down by every aspect of the situation, including her own son’s inability to cope with it. And this ratchets up the tension even further, to an almost unbearable degree.

Cujo Is a Mixed Bag, But Worthwhile Overall

The movie doesn’t work if Cujo himself doesn’t work, and at first I was real worried that he wouldn’t. In the first half, the St. Bernards that play Cujo onscreen are often shown to be wagging their tails in delight. Which kind of undercuts the reality of the situation, I’d say. But the editing and the special effects step in to fix what animal training couldn’t. The attack scenes in the second half are constructed with quick cuts that never let you get too much purchase. It’s a good approach for keeping viewers off-kilter.

Also, Cujo becomes less and less recognizable as a cuddly canine the further the movie gets. It’s a simple trick, really. He ends up getting coated with more and more slime. Saliva, pus, blood, and what have you. This is good for making him feel like a true movie monster. Plus, it’s a good mirror for the sliminess inside the car as it gets covered in sweat, blood, and grime.

The second half of the movie ultimately works like gangbusters. It’s a shame that Cujo is too cowardly to get Donna and Tad in the car before the halfway point. This decision is somewhat faithful to the book’s structure as I remember it. However, it diminishes the weight of the long days that they spend in the car. We really need to feel that crushing stretch of time, and we don’t. When Tad is suffering from dehydration, it’s not a gut punch. Honestly, I just found myself asking, “Already?” It’s good that they gave the movie a happier ending, because the classic grimdark Stephen King finale wouldn’t have landed.

Is Cujo Worth Watching in 2026?

At the end of the day, Cujo is a solid movie and I’m glad I finally watched it. However, it’s not such a stone-cold classic that I’m not at least a little intrigued by that upcoming Netflix remake

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