Winter can be a slow one for new horror releases. Luckily, our hearts can start bumping for the new comedy slasher by director Josh Ruben (Werewolves Within, Scare Me). There are more than a few treasured names in the horror department attached, including a writing team of Phillip Murphy (Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard), Christopher Landon, and Michael Kennedy (Freaky). The film is helmed by Scream (2022) king Mason Gooding and Olivia Holt, who we last saw in Nahnatchka Khan’s Totally Killer, and supported by Jordana Brewster (The Fast and the Furious, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning) and Devon Sawa (Idle Hands, Final Destination).
Heart Eyes follows the newly single, stressed out, highly relatable Ally (Holt) through an equally dreadful and ironic Valentine’s Day from start to finish. After a kind of cute, mostly awkward interaction with office hottie, Jay (Gooding), the pair (not a couple!) endure the good ol’ “run for your life- still cute though” slasher treatment, while the audience is treated to copious amounts of camp, guts, and laugh out loud moments. I’m not the biggest fan of slashers, but I, and everyone else in my screening left the theater still laughing.
Historically, slashers run a pretty tight formula and are susceptible to getting a little worn out. Luckily Heart Eyes digs into its stereotype as much as ever, which I will always applaud Landon and Kennedy for. This story is pretty ridiculous, and if you aren’t the type that’s okay with ignoring your outside world experiences in order to meet the filmmakers on their level, this isn’t going to do it for you. Expect a real comedy, from unrealistic plot beats, wacky dialogue, to larger than life performances. It’s a real gag if you’re a fan of the ridiculous sublime, and frustrating if that’s not your bag.
Nobody on this team is playing around when it comes to the blood and guts of it all. Every genre fan appreciates when appropriate attention and budget is awarded to the kills. The opening sequence starts off bright and brutal, giving you a preview of the next 90 minutes of on-screen mania with an aura of the bubbly, naive teen cadence found in Legally Blonde and Clueless. The kills are creative, but also stick to the nostalgic cliches that we toss around every now and then for good reason. Heart Eyes is a rare one that invites you to laugh through the kills, as opposed to using humor to muzzle the trauma of a violent moment.
The movie is heavily centered around its survivors, but lacks enough connection to the killer. An expansion on the killer’s origins, or point of view moments would make the third act feel more rewarding. As it stands, the story might feel one dimensional. Still, I think H.E.K. (Heart Eyes Killer) has the potential to wreak havoc again. Their kills are inventive, their motive is different, and the mask is so rad that it deserves officially licensed merch (If you’re reading this, Josh, the cosplayers are calling). All of the above makes Heart Eyes a great gateway horror; when you’re not wincing over deranged murder methods, you’ll be catching your breath between deadly one liners that are written for the society we currently live in.
Heart Eyes arrives in theaters on February 7th, right on time for Valentine’s Day. Need a date idea? Does your partner like a laugh, but “doesn’t really do horror”? Here’s what you should do: take them to the nice theater (don’t be cheap- the ones with the reclining seats and the service button on the side), get them a margarita or two, and a ticket to see this one. It’s not meant to be watched alone anyway.
You’re welcome.
