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‘My Bloody Valentine’ (1981) Review: This Vday, Will There be Flowers? Or a Pickaxe?

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My Bloody Valentine is a 1981 horror slasher flick written by John Beaird and directed by George Mihalka. It is a film that really scratches all of the main metaphorical horror-related itches for fans of gore and slashers. It has been a favorite of mine since I first saw it in high school. It resonated with the angsty teenager in me because I was somewhat of an anti-fun kid and was very skeptical about the nature of certain holidays. The main target of my holiday skepticism was Valentine’s Day; I thought it was a superficial holiday created to sell gift cards and cheap chocolates. So naturally, when I first saw the disembowelment, murder, and impalements that My Bloody Valentine is chock full of, I was instantly hooked and greeted the film with genuine delight.

MBV Follows the story of a group of young adults throwing a Valentine’s Day party in a mining town. As the plot progresses, we learn that twenty years prior, a mining explosion killed a group of miners and left one half-alive; the sole survivor eventually discovered amongst the rubble gnawing at his own flesh. He was deemed mentally handicapped and allegedly sent to a mental asylum. Quickly, we learn the miner has returned to plague the group and hinder their plans to enjoy the Valentine’s Day party, which was a long-standing tradition for the town prior to the incident.

MBV does a lot of things right. As the film opens, we’re greeted by a winded, wheezing miner walking around a mine where he discovers a female miner removing her coal dusted clothes. She notices his presence and performs a light-hearted strip tease, only enticing him to impale her with his pickaxe as the trademark 80s synthesizer sound blares. It was an awesome way to begin a slasher. Promptly after this intro, the movie establishes the unique legend of the antagonist Harry Warden early on. It introduces us to our cast of victims and sets the stage for a gathering of most of the characters bunched together in a centralized location, that location being above the very mine where the incident occurred twenty years prior. All this happens within the first 25 minutes, so the movie opens strong and wastes no time setting the stage. I appreciate this because I often feel that slashers tend to stumble around and spend too much time world-building rather than getting to what we are mostly all here for: the gore, the scares, and the deaths.

Musically, the movie moved me magnificently. I consider the 70s and 80s to be the pinnacle of horror film score composition because the often campy (and in my opinion, charming) practical gore effects depicted on-screen during this era, paired with simple synthesizer chords and melodies, create a genuinely creepy and almost disheveled atmosphere that compliments the subject matter of a gory slasher flick. MBV executes this flawlessly.

Ultimately, My Bloody Valentine delivers exactly what the title promises. It’s Valentine’s Day, and dear lord, is it bloody. It has some of the coolest kill scenes I can recall. There are impalements on showerheads, protruding from the corpse with water flowing like a corporate office courtyard fountain; there are severed human hearts gift wrapped in candy boxes with ghoulish poems inside and left for people to find. Also included are plenty of unique mining equipment-related deaths, which is appreciated because I can only witness so many kitchen-knife murders before growing tired of them. Mining is the name of the game, and the tools of the trade, including drill bits, mine shaft rail cars, and pickaxes, all play a gruesome role throughout the entirety of the movie. In fact, the film was so gory that it had nine entire minutes of gore cut upon its initial release. Eventually, decades later, an uncut version was released.

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For any fan of gore, horror, or slashers, this is an absolute non-negotiable, must-watch. This February 14th, cuddle up next to your significant other for a nice Valentine’s Day movie because nothing says, “Happy Valentine’s Day, babe,” like a deranged lunatic in a mining mask drowning a guy in boiling hotdog water.

Hey, I'm Fred and I'm just a regular guy who likes his metal as he likes his movies; death-related. I enjoy writing, creating music, and hanging out with my dog Ed.

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‘Undertone’ Review: A24’s Scariest Since ‘Hereditary’

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A24 never stopped pumping out banger horror movies. Let’s get that out of the way, straight away. Even its commercial and critical flops, like Opus or Y2K, still took a lot of really original swings, even if it hasn’t been a string of masterpieces like in their horror heyday of the late 2010s and early 2020s. Still, they may have made their scariest yet with Undertone, in a return to A24’s original MO of pure indie filmmaking.

A Single Location Horror Film Powered by Sound

Undertone is not a perfect movie, with an occasional off story beat, and the ending just missing the mark of perfection, but it is a tried-and-true testament to the power of storytelling. With essentially one active, on-screen actress and a single location, the film manages to create a sensory hellscape with immersive nightmare-inducing audio that has both story and scares derived entirely from a podcast. It is a sensory overload of pure terror, one that feels deeply sinister in its pitch-black story, one that demands to be seen in the darkest possible movie theater.

A24’s Undertone: A True Crime Podcast Turns Supernatural

The story is pretty straightforward…at least at first. It follows a true crime/horror podcast host (Nina Kiry), who lives by herself as she takes care of her dying, elderly, and borderline vegetative mother. Her co-host (Adam DiMarco, who is never fully seen) is sent a series of ten mysterious audio files from an unknown address, presumably sent for her to listen to on the show. As they begin to record their latest episode with live reactions to the files, reality slips further as she and her co-host fall into supernatural delirium. Strange noises, slipping time, and other haunted house trimmings all come out to play, each elevated by (as mentioned) horrific sound design and an even more horrific backstory.

Nursery Rhyme Origins and Deeply Disturbing Mythology

The story is about 95% airtight. Without getting too deep into spoilers, the origins of these files and their meaning are deeply fascinating, with some elements and angles involving the origins of nursery rhymes that are very, genuinely disturbing. There is one twist in particular that explores what one of the sounds truly means, which is highly upsetting once pieced together.

That being said, Undertone has some familiar tropes, and while the movie mostly touches upon certain unexplored mythology, certain scenes can feel a little too familiar to other recent demon movies like Shelby Oaks. The true meanings are a lot more creative, but it could have played around with its mythos to create a truly original villain.

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Undertone’s Ambiguous Ending Demands a Rewatch

Similarly, the ending is almost perfect. There is a final twist about something the protagonist might have done that is a little confusing, and reframes the context of the film. It is highly interesting, however, and opens up several cans of worms of what this movie has to say about children, motherhood, and parenthood as a whole, as well as posing questions about the movie’s setting and timeline. It is always better to remain vague in horror, which this movie definitely does, but just a slight retweak of its final act could give the audience just the tiniest more understanding, without it going into full, mainstream territory. The film definitely requires a second watch, and in the best way possible.

A Groundbreaking Podcast Horror Experience

In a nutshell, the film’s methods of storytelling are groundbreaking. This movie is not a podcast, but all of its scares and stories are delivered to us like it is one. It feels like the birth of a new medium or style of movie, a perfect blend of audio and visual, with emphasis on the audio.

Additionally, with the story being literally told to us as if we’re listening to the characters’ podcast itself, it is a nightmare rabbit hole.

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‘Silent Warnings’ (2003) Review: An Unknown UFO Gem

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Like many people born in the mid-90s, the Sci-Fi Channel was one of my first introductions to horror. Whether it was random films playing or Sci-Fi’s 31 Days of Halloween, this channel was one of the main channels in my household. For the month of March, we’re going to take a look at Sci-Fi Originals (and maybe I cheated a bit and picked films that had their premiere on Sci-Fi). Picking films for this month was no easy task. Did I want to cover one of the plethora of amalgamated mega-animals fighting each other? Or what about shark tornadoes? One of the films I picked, after finding it too difficult to find Children of the Corn (2009) on streaming services, was an odd alien film I had never even heard of. That film is Silent Warnings.

What is Silent Warnings About?

Layne Vossimer (A.J. Buckley), his girlfriend Macy (Callie De Fabry), and a group of their friends head to Layne’s cousin’s house, Joe (Stephen Baldwin), after his mysterious death. Once there, they find the house in disgusting disarray. The friends decide to help Layne clean it up in order to put it on the market. But things quickly go south when they find a series of VHS tapes Joe left behind in the attic. What’s revealed in those tapes shows something that’s out of this world. Can Layne, his friends, and Sheriff Bill Willingham (Billy Zane) fend off these otherworldly invaders before it’s too late?

Conspiracy Theories, Mental Health, and Paranoia in Silent Warnings

As stated, this film was a late pick as I could not find 2009’s Children of the Corn streaming anywhere. Boy, am I glad I picked this. Silent Warnings has its fair share of issues. But it makes up for them in so many ways. This film is a very sober look into conspiracy theories, mental health, and the lengths that people go to when it comes to perceived threats. We get very little Stephen Baldwin, but what we do get is more than enough. He’s a recluse who lives on his 40-ish-acre property that’s been alien-proofed. His best friend (cousin?) is a scarecrow that has an AK-47. And he constantly records incoherent ramblings with his camcorder. Baldwin absolutely kills in his limited screentime. It’s like Stanislavski said, there are no small parts, only small actors.

Small-Town Horror and UFO Lore in Porterville

The quaint town of Porterville acts as the perfect backdrop for a story like this: a sleepy, nowhere town, where most people know each other. A town where the big call of the day for the Sheriff is about a missing dog. It’s the perfect setup for a story like this. It even mirrors many of the towns mentioned in Silent Invasion: The Pennsylvania UFO-Bigfoot Casebook. Much of this film’s atmosphere, the crop circles, acres of corn, and the disintegrating house, create a condensed world that adds so much claustrophobia to the film’s soul.

Acting, Dialogue, and the Problem with Early 2000s CGI Aliens

That being said, there are quite a few issues. Mainly, the acting. Besides Kim Onasch, Michelle Borth, Billy Zane, and A.J. Buckley (mostly), much of this film’s acting feels very Sci-Fi Original. It doesn’t help that the film’s dialogue, from writers Bill Lundy, Christian McIntire, and Kevin Gendreau, is just plain boring. And that’s not even mentioning how awful the CGI aliens look. A 2003 film about aliens, when only two or three are shown on screen, should be fully practical. And the fact that they use digital aliens takes away much of the film’s punch.

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Why Silent Warnings Is an Underrated Sci-Fi Original

Silent Warnings doesn’t break much ground when it comes to the topic of aliens/Ufology, but it’s damn entertaining. But that’s the thing. Films don’t necessarily need to break new ground. I appreciate the swings this film takes, whether they hit or miss. There’s a wonderful setup with Stephen Baldwin, and the slow build to an exciting finale makes it all worth the wait. For a Sci-Fi Original, Silent Warnings has worked its way into my heart.

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