Reviews
[REVIEW] Why Did I Wait So Long To Watch ‘Psycho Goreman’ (2020)?
On this week’s edition of movies I regret waiting this long to watch is PG: Psycho Goreman. Or PG for short. It’s fun, it’s hip, it’s wow, and it’s now. Never have I seen an accessible horror film be so inaccessible. PG takes the perfect film a parent could watch with their middle schooler, and fills it with excessive blood, goop, and tentacles. Can you dig it? I know I sure can.
A Child’s Control Over a Cosmic Monster
Mimi (Nita-Josee Hanna) is a super self-aware kid who, along with her brother Luke (Owen Myre), finds a glowing red stone that [eventually] gives her the ability to control the bloodthirsty warrior Psycho Goreman (Matthew Ninaber/Steven Vlahos). Soon after PG’s rebirth, the Templars are made aware of his awakening. To right their wrongs, the Templars must contain PG and get the stone back in their possession. Can a child’s imagination and optimism save the world from total annihilation? Or, at least, save their family?
PG: Psycho Goreman is written and directed by Astron-6 member Steven Kostanski, and stars Astron-6 founder Adam Brooks in one of his greatest roles ever. Unlike The Void, PG is funny as hell. I legitimately cannot remember a time I laughed this hard during a horror comedy. While a good deal of the jokes revolve around PG itself, Mimi and Greg (Adam Brooks) are hands down tied for the funniest. Here are just a few of Greg’s lines, delivered by a lazy slob who really has nothing going for himself, “Back when I was in the army we used to play with guns all the time. Except it was called the Iraq war,” and “How’s this for lazy, Susan?” No notes! We need more Adam Brooks-led movies.
Exceptional Practical Effects: A Passion Project Triumph
Firstly, a huge shoutout to the entire SFX team: Allan Cooke, Todd Masters, Nicole Rodriguez, and Jenn Tait. One thing I found out about PG is how Astron-6 held a Kickstarter to fund the creature/practical effects in this film. And if the film didn’t make it clear about their passion, that sure would. Each creature is crafted with perfection. Even when the lips may not move perfectly as they’re talking, or when the skin paint doesn’t necessarily look realistic, you cannot say 100% was not put in by everyone involved. When I think of passion projects from now on, this will be the first thing that comes to mind. There are SO many creatures from Gigax that we get to see, and each one is more absurd and gnarly than the last. From a metal popcorn bucket full of heads to a Dire Brain. (To be fair, PG creates the Dire Brain, but we can count it.)
Kostanski’s brilliance shines through with PG and it’s clear he understands how to be visually impactful and accept whatever wrenches lay in your path. Even though the majority of PG is practical, there are many effective uses of digital enhancements. Understanding your limitations is important when it comes to filmmaking. Sure, Astron-6 could have used way more digital effects to create a grander scale—instead, they use digital effects the way they should be used, as an enhancement. Digital effects make sense for the world of Psycho Goreman, and Kostanski’s deliberate lack of them makes it easier to accept their overall use.
Why Psycho Goreman is a Must-Watch
Psycho Goreman is a film that must be seen to be believed. It’s absurd, brutal, and…heartwarming. There’s this sweet undertone to the whole film. Watching these characters go through their respective arcs and grow as a family sets a tone of anticipation for an outcome we’re warned of early in the film. Everything about Psycho Goreman is beyond enjoyable.
There’s a new God in town, and his name is Psycho Goreman.
Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead is a trash movie classic. For many, it exists as a ‘so bad it’s good’ movie. For me, House of the Dead is so bad it’s bad. Before looking up movies for March, I had no clue there was a House of the Dead sequel! This is the first time this month that I’ve stretched the category limit, as House of the Dead 2 merely premiered on the Sci-Fi Channel. Remember when movies premiered on the Sci-Fi Channel on Fridays and Saturdays? Those were great times. Seeing commercials all through the week, leading up to the big premiere. Ugh. I miss those days.
Zombies Take Over Cuesta Verde University in House of the Dead 2
House of the Dead 2 takes place a few months after the happenings of the first film. When one of Professor Roy Curien’s (Sid Haig) test subjects escapes containment at Cuesta Verde University, AMS is tasked with securing the campus. Led by Alexandra “Nightingale” Morgan (Emmanuelle Vaugier) and Lieutenant Jake Ellis (Ed Quinn), the team descends on the campus with wanton disregard for student safety. Bullets fly and heads explode as AMS gets closer to finding a blood sample…but the ticking clock starts ticking faster when they’re told a series of missiles will level the college campus shortly. Who will live and who will die in House of the Dead 2?
From writer Mark A. Altman and director Michael Hurst, House of the Dead 2 is a slower, more contained, faster-paced entry into the House of the Dead franchise. While the infected lack the scare factor from those in the original, they succeed at creating a frantic environment and an overall more entertaining film than Boll’s abortion of a motion picture. Thankfully, this sequel’s pacing is improved over the original.
Dialogue and Performances: Campy, Cringe, and Self-Aware
One of my main issues with the original is the overly snappy dialogue. Everything is a joke, a setup for a joke, or cringe “macho” lines. While the majority of Altman’s script carries that over, there’s a more refined element to the dialogue. That could also be attributed to better actors like Vaugier, Quinn, Victoria Pratt, Nadine Velazquez, and Sticky Fingaz. Much of the dialogue here does feel a bit cringe in its entirety, but the cast of 2 leans into it so much more. Part of me feels like Boll took a way too serious path with the original, while Hurst leans into the kookiness and over-the-top energy that makes this film work.
But I’m glossing over the main point of what this film is: a zombie film. The topic of slow vs fast zombies is one of the most annoying topics in horror. Just let them be whatever they are! House of the Dead 2 is full of slow zombies, though some do seem to move at a medium-ish pace. As stated, the infected here lack some of the scare factor from the original, but they make up for it in overall tenacity. Plus, they look gnarly. The team from Almost Human made, I can’t believe I’m saying this, some of the best-looking infected prosthetics I’ve seen in a zombie film. Each zombie feels like they have their own story to tell, and the extras who brought the infected to life play that up very well. Whether it’s a one-off zombie or a whole horde, you can feel the characterization behind them.
The Missed Opportunity: Mosquito Zombie Infections
My biggest issue with this film is something they dropped really quickly. At one point, three AMS members are in a dorm room, looking for infected to kill. One of the members is bitten by a mosquito and becomes infected. On top of the throwaway line about how the infected are evolving, the idea of the infection being transmitted by mosquitoes is a great idea, but one that is quickly dropped. Maybe they had plans to go deeper into this idea with the failed third film, but I was hoping that would have been pushed forward in the story.
A Better (and More Self-Aware) Zombie Sequel
House of the Dead 2 is a fairly typical zombie movie. It’s an ensemble film that introduces way too many characters with the promise of picking them off one by one. But it’s less on the nose than the original and plays into the more darkly humorous side that Uwe Boll couldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. With an attractive cast that knows what they’re in for, a cast that chews up the scenery as much as the undead, House of the Dead 2 brought life into a dead franchise. I’m just glad we didn’t get that reported third film with…Dean Cain (yuck!).
Growing up in the mid-90s, I bore witness to some very out-there films. One of the films that defined cinema for many of the women I grew up with was Bring It On. I have never gotten around to seeing the film; being a teen boy in a red town, I was more of a Fired Up! guy. I have long known of a horror installment in the Bring It On series, but had zero interest in ever checking it out. Knowing that Bring It On: Cheer or Die premiered on the SyFy Channel gave me the perfect excuse to finally watch it. Yikes.
What is Bring It On: Cheer or Die About?
Abby (Kerri Medders) is the head cheerleader for The Diablos. Abby and her team are barred from doing any interesting choreography due to an incident from 20 years ago, by Principal Simmons (Missi Pyle). The team decides to go behind Simmons’s back and do a 24-hour rehearsal-thon at the building that their high school used to be in. Once at the abandoned building, someone donning their high school mascot’s costume starts picking off the cheer squad one by one. Will anyone in the cheer squad make it to regionals (Glee joke!), or will this be their last pyramid?
It is at this point in my review, yes, even after watching the movie, that I’m realizing who one of the writers is. Cheer or Die is co-written by Rebekah McKendry and Dana Schwartz, which comes as a complete surprise. I respect the hell out of Dr. McKendry. Her knowledge of the genre, its tropes and cliches, extends beyond what nearly anyone else knows. And I absolutely loved All The Creatures Were Stirring. So the fact that this is a film written by her floors me.
Comparing Cheer or Die to Modern Teen Slashers
While I’m not expecting Hereditary or Don’t Look Now-like storytelling from the seventh film in the Bring It On franchise, I was hoping for a little more than what it ended up as. I’ve discussed time and time again how much I enjoyed Fear Street: Prom Queen. Its general straightforwardness is refreshing in a subgenre that was forced to become too smart for its own good. Cheer or Die is just as straightforward, but nowhere near as good. Prom Queen is a very competent film; it looks great and is entertaining. Cheer or Die is not. It is vapid and pointless, an extreme waste of 91 minutes.
A slasher film should have at least one memorable kill. Right? There is not a single memorable kill, let alone a memorable moment, in Cheer or Die. On top of that, how do you have a blood-free slasher flick? I think there is one singular blood spray that is on camera for less than two seconds. I understand that you have to toe the line between appealing to Bring It On fans and genre fans, but it gets to a point where that line is pointless when you make a nothing film like this.
Karen Lam’s Direction and Technical Missteps
Was this film used as a tax scheme? Karen Lam apparently directed this film, but I didn’t see a single bit of direction the entire time. The cast recited their lines directly from the script with not a single bit of care in the world. I spent the near entirety of the film’s runtime just staring at the screen, wondering how this film got greenlit in the first place. If this were Lam’s feature directorial debut, I would cut it a bit of slack. But this was award-winning Karen Lam’s fourth film. Which is crazy considering the film refuses to adhere to any implication of the 180-degree rule. Wherever they wanted to set the camera, they set it. Few films feel like first-take films, but Bring It On: Cheer or Die feels like a film that utilized every single first take that they got.
Avoid Bring It On: Cheer or Die
My goal isn’t to take a film that someone put love and energy into and shit down its throat. But Cheer or Die barely deserves to be called a film. From its first bloodless death to its painfully obvious motive reveal, Cheer or Die fails at every single aspect. Hell, the killer(s) even say, “Story time,” when they tell the remaining cheer squad their motive. I expected more from the incredibly talented Dr. McKendry. All I can honestly say at this point is to avoid this film with every part of your being.
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‘Bring It On: Cheer or Die’ Review: A Blood Free Slasher That Fumbles the Franchise
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