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‘Orphan’ (2009) Review: The Not-So-Small Wonder

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Jaume Collet-Serra’s directing doesn’t hold up much on a technical front, but it still produces a memorable and freaky watch.

I find myself asking why sequels are being made more and more these days. In most cases, they were already in production before becoming stuck in development hell, and in other cases they’re formed de novo without any real incentive or demand. 13 years later, we’re getting a prequel to Orphan, and this is the latter. Was anybody asking for this?

When I first watched Orphan back in middle school, I was thoroughly freaked out by it. But I never was one to fondly look back on it as an iconic horror film or even as a rewatchable popcorn flick. And now in the present day, I can firmly say this is a lot more enjoyable when you go in blind, but it still stands out as an interesting piece in the “evil child” subgenre of horror.

As a refresher, following a miscarriage, couple Kate and John adopt a Russian foster daughter named Esther. Esther’s precocious nature and odd mannerisms charm them at first, but soon her odd behavior and violent streak begin to show the cracks in her carefully constructed façade. Spoilers for an incredible twist from here on out, so if you haven’t seen it, stop here and come back.

If you’re looking for more depth out of the film knowing the twist upon rewatches, it may not come to you. While there are a few clever lines from Esther that were clearly intended to be seen differently on a second viewing, those hints toward Esther’s real identity of 33-year-old serial killer Leena are kind of sparse and fall off quickly until the reveal in the third act.

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Isabelle Fuhrman’s Esther is truly one of the evilest children put to film, and her performance carries the film on rewatches. Her creepy kid acting really lends to the movie’s best moments, even if there are times where her performance comes off as funny instead of demented. There is a genuinely hilarious jump scare that interrupts a kitchen sex scene between Kate and John, and some line deliveries with comedic timing feel unintentionally precise, but these are the exceptions to the rule.

Esther’s most frightening moments hinge on her cranking up the intensity of a situation to eleven very suddenly without giving much of a reaction as she does it, something Fuhrman excels in. There are plenty of moments where she unleashes all that psychotic energy and aggression, from strongarming her siblings at gunpoint to breaking her own arm with a vice grip to further a lie. Those moments are genuinely freaky and are where the film is at its best. Esther antagonizing Kate by reading her diary back at her just hits differently, so kudos to Fuhrman for being able to ramp up that quickly without chewing the scenery.

Vera Farmiga’s performance likewise is stellar. Her interactions with John are filled with this soft sadness and anger you can tell is just under the surface of the dialogue, occasionally flaring out as she struggles to maintain control. It’s genuinely better than all her performances across the Conjuring movies since the role allows her a lot more range and authenticity than the very milquetoast writing she gets as Lorraine Warren.

On a technical level, the camerawork and editing have some serious issues. The DP on this film is all over the place with bad tracking shots for fake-out scares that never come and panning transitions to a new scene that lead nowhere. The most baffling shot of all is a close up on Esther’s face as she screeches and causes the entire screen to shake; instead of coming off as frightening, it just looks terrible and kind of annoying.

Scenes with otherwise good lighting occasionally have a muted coloring that is a lot more sepia-toned than necessary, a fault of trying to make a dreary film set in winter feel colder. Poor CGI blood muddles the violence in some scenes, while overblown music cues take a lot of the scariness out others. It isn’t that big of an offender in comparison to its contemporaries of the late 2000’s, but it’s just present enough to detract from the overall quality and vision of the film.

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RATING: 6.5, maybe 7 (Attempted Playground Slide Murders)/10. Spectacular acting from both a young star and a veteran actress wrapped up in an enticing story. On top of it, you get some seriously jacked up moments you won’t be forgetting for a while, as well as some of the coolest art direction I’ve seen in a horror movie with Esther’s blacklight art. It’s just a shame it kind of trips directly into a punji pit of bad cinematography, and it stutters occasionally in attempting to scare.

Luis Pomales-Diaz is a freelance writer and lover of fantasy, sci-fi, and of course, horror. When he isn't working on a new article or short story, he can usually be found watching schlocky movies and forgotten television shows.

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[REVIEW] ‘The Dead Thing’ Takes Ghosting To A Whole New Level

The Dead Thing follows Alex (Blu Hunt), a young woman who works late hours, lives by the rays of a sunlamp, and is looking for the one connection that will make life seem less cyclical. When Alex meets Kyle (Ben Smith-Peterson), it seems like things will finally be going in her favor. But all that glitters is not gold. As quickly as he came, he vanished. Hurt, confused, and pissed, Alex tries to get to the bottom of why Kyle disappeared from her life. Some stones are meant to be left unturned.

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Elric Kane has been a prominent voice in the film and horror space for a long time. One of my fondest memories of Kane is his longtime hosting gig on the Shock Waves Podcast. The amount of film knowledge and obscure films I learned about from him and Dr. Rebekah McKendry singlehandedly fueled my interest in collecting physical media. Hearing how passionate and intense they were with their love of the genre is also what started me down the path of writing. While Dr. McKendry has previously dipped her toes in the feature filmmaking game, it’s now time for Elric Kane to do so.

Cut to: The Dead Thing.

The Dead Thing follows Alex (Blu Hunt), a young woman who works late hours, lives by the rays of a sunlamp, and is looking for the one connection that will make life seem less cyclical. When Alex meets Kyle (Ben Smith-Peterson), it seems like things will finally be going in her favor. But all that glitters is not gold. As quickly as he came, he vanished. Hurt, confused, and pissed, Alex tries to get to the bottom of why Kyle disappeared from her life. Some stones are meant to be left unturned.

Writer/director Elric Kane’s (and co-writer Webb Wilcoxen) singular debut feature film is a superbly crafted supernatural spectacle. The Dead Thing starts slow and deliberate; rather than rushing into an overwritten plot with underwritten characters, Kane and Wilcoxen allow the audience to sit with Alex in her neverending love life. One aspect of Alex that I, and hopefully many will, appreciate is how Alex is written. Rarely does Alex feel written from the perspective of the male gaze. Her life may not be going in the exact direction she wants, but the film never makes it out to be a her problem. At no point do they try and make Alex out to be a floozy or condemn her for the life she’s living, instead they make those who live the same kind of lifestyle feel seen. The film asks the audience if they ever feel like there’s no escape; too many of us can relate to that.

It doesn’t matter how a character is written if the acting doesn’t deliver, and Blu Hunt delivers. Set aside the fact that she has one of the most badass names I’ve ever heard, Hunt provides an astounding lead performance. Whether she’s walking alone down a Los Angeles street, or playing off of her longtime friend Cara (Katherine Hughes), coworker Chris (John Karna), or the mysterious[ly handsome] Kyle, Hunt gives it her all. It helps that Ben Smith-Peterson and the supporting cast all give overwhelmingly brilliant performances.

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Supernatural stories aren’t usually my go-to. They can be too overwritten, too style over substance, too “elevated”, or just plain boring. The Dead Thing quickly finds its footing and lets the audience accept it or not. Kane and cinematographer Ioana Vasile (who was a still photographer for Pontypool!!!) wonderfully capture the sometimes-solitary, sometimes-overstimulating beautiful hellscape that is Los Angeles. It should also be noted that one of my favorite actors in the world, Matt Mercer is a producer on this film.

The Dead Thing hits the perfect blend of claustrophobic loneliness and endless yearning. Just like Dr. Rebekah McKendry, it’s clear that Elric Kane doesn’t just talk the talk, he walks the walk. For his debut feature film, The Dead Thing doesn’t need resuscitation. I’d say run, don’t walk, to check this one out, but if you do…look left and right before crossing the street.

The Dead Thing hits Shudder on Friday, February 14! Watch it with your partner if you can, or watch it alone with a tub of ice cream and an overflowing glass of wine. I won’t judge.

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[REVIEW] ‘Bride of Chucky’ Takes The Franchise In A New Direction

Bride of Chucky follows two groups of people who inevitably meet up for a final climactic finale. Tiffany Valentine (Jennifer Tilly) procures Chucky’s (Brad Dourif) body following the events of Child’s Play 3. Her goal is to perform a voodoo ritual to put his soul back into a human’s body. Through a questionable series of events, Chucky kills Tiffany and puts her soul into the body of a doll. The side story follows Jade Kincaid (Katherine Heigl) and Jesse Miller (Nick Stabile) who elope, with a thousand dollars, from Jade’s overbearing police chief uncle Warren (John Ritter). After Chucky kills Warren, Jade and Jesse are fingered for the murder. That’s when hijinks ensue.

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The Child’s Play franchise is all over the place. What started as a [fairly] serious slasher series surrounding a killer doll would morph into a Nightmare on Elm Street-like horror comedy before self-correcting to find a solid middle ground. I’ll be the first to admit that I have never really cared much for this franchise. Child’s Play frightened me when I was a kid, and it wouldn’t be until my college years that I decided to watch Bride and Seed–this altered my overall opinion of what the franchise stood for. Watching Child’s Play 2 and 3 back in college left me wondering how a franchise as culturally impactful as this one fluctuated in style and substance.

Bride of Chucky follows two groups of people who inevitably meet up for a final climactic finale. Tiffany Valentine (Jennifer Tilly) procures Chucky’s (Brad Dourif) body following the events of Child’s Play 3. Her goal is to perform a voodoo ritual to put his soul back into a human’s body. Through a questionable series of events, Chucky kills Tiffany and puts her soul into the body of a doll. The side story follows Jade Kincaid (Katherine Heigl) and Jesse Miller (Nick Stabile) who elope, with a thousand dollars, from Jade’s overbearing police chief uncle Warren (John Ritter). After Chucky kills Warren, Jade and Jesse are fingered for the murder. That’s when hijinks ensue.

Before the comments start, let’s return to the opening comment regarding Child’s Play turning into a horror comedy. Chucky was always one for quips. Like Freddy Krueger, Chucky would hit a one-liner shortly before or after his kill. These jokes worked to help cut through Chucky’s horror. It gave some momentary relief from the kills. Bride of Chucky is just one long gag, and for me, it’s frustrating. Like Nightmare, Bride of Chucky has lost the plot. Every scene seems to exist to facilitate a setup for the next bit or one-liner, rather than having moments of comedy flow naturally. The doll sex scene and swinger couple bits are just poorly thought-out filler.

I know this is going to anger some of you, but Bride of Chucky is a seriously awful movie.

There are a few moments that I do truly enjoy and work well in the overall Child’s Play universe. Tiffany kills the officer she buys Chucky’s body from with a nail file and then uses it to file her nails. The moment Tiffany stabs Chucky in the back at the cemetery is a great character moment, but it makes everything that led up to it pointless. With the exception of a few moments here and there, Bride of Chucky ends up being a chore to watch rather than entertainment. For a genre that has always been political, gay representation has been lacking for quite some time. The character of David Collins (Gordon Michael Woolvett) is a welcome addition to the story, but he feels underutilized in the grand scheme of it all.

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While I may not care for the franchise much, I’ve done some research on it over the years. Bride of Chucky features many recycled bits from other Child’s Play scripts and you can really feel it. The kills are few and far between and feel overly forced. Child’s Play 4 was initially put on hold after the abysmal box office of Child’s Play 3 and maybe writer/director Don Mancini should have taken another year or so to really flesh out the canon of Chucky. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of Tiffany becoming a doll and becoming pregnant with Chucky’s baby. But I don’t think the ends justify the means.

Cult and Curse of Chucky, thankfully, take the series back to a more grounded and to-the-roots nature of what Child’s Play was, and I’m glad it took nearly a decade after Seed for it to come to fruition. Mancini is an excellent voice in horror, but time and constraints are necessary for his vision to be fully realized. Those who are Child’s Play die-hards will probably disagree with everything I’ve said, and that’s okay. As a casual Chucky fan, Bride of Chucky feels nothing more than a nu-metal, Hot Topic, try-hard entry into the franchise. The kills look solid, and Dourif gives an incredible vocal performance (as always) but there’s little to no substance to Bride of Chucky.

No wonder half of all marriages end in divorce.

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