Reviews
‘Satanic Hispanics’ Review: Fun at Points, But Forgets to Bring The Panic
Satanic Hispanics is an anthology film: four horror stories told by a man trapped in police custody. His crime? Being caught in the middle of a suspected cartel massacre. As the police go through his belongings, every souvenir he has from his supernatural journeys weaves a tale of death and fates even worse. All the while, a timer is ticking down: he has 90 minutes to convince them to free him before an unstoppable monster kills everyone in its path to get to him.
Satanic Hispanics. Seeing the title of this film rolling into the Shudder suggestions in the coming months will probably have every kid who grew up Latino associating memories with the words themselves.
The Cultural Impact of Satanic Panic in Latino Communities
Most of us will remember the sensationalized and dramatized stories of evil and otherworldly forces from our childhoods constantly hocked on Univision; Primer Impacto regularly reporting on witch sightings, ghosts manifesting, and conspiracy theories of the occult was a staple in a lot of our homes. Maybe you’ll recall the mentions of witchcraft rumored about in hushed tones by las viejas chismosas in your apartment building (because your neighbor in 5F is for sure doing chicken sacrifices for power and isn’t just like, I don’t know, a hoarder with a weird work schedule).
Tapping into Latin American Folklore and Modern Fears
For most of the Latino world, Satanic Panic is REAL real. So, there’s very clearly a wellspring of stories you can draw on for a horror anthology like this one, both in folklore and in more modern fears and anxieties. And while this Dread Central feature film does tap into Latin American mythology and esoteric religions well enough, it didn’t land the gut punch I was hoping for in terms of its evocative title or fun premise.
But what is that premise? Satanic Hispanics is an anthology film: four horror stories told by a man trapped in police custody. His crime? Being caught in the middle of a suspected cartel massacre. As the police go through his belongings, every souvenir he has from his supernatural journeys weaves a tale of death and fates even worse. All the while, a timer is ticking down: he has 90 minutes to convince them to free him before an unstoppable monster kills everyone in its path to get to him.
Is Satanic Hispanics Worth Watching?
Right off the bat, I’m not saying you shouldn’t watch Satanic Hispanics; if I’m covering it, chances are it’s at least somewhat worth watching, especially since it’s an anthology, and your mileage may vary depending on which segments you vibe with. I was excited by the concept, and knowing that the film’s framing device was leading to a climactic showdown helped keep me interested. But I was ultimately kind of disappointed, and while I hope the film gets a sequel, it’s mainly so they can address this one’s issues.
Those issues, mind you, are structural and hard to ignore: it’s frontloaded by what are, in my opinion, the film’s two weakest segments, which hurts the momentum of the movie when you’ve got a nearly 2-hour runtime to push through and focusing in during the first 50 minutes had me struggling to keep watching. The framing device can be awkward at points, with segues that feel forced. The dialogue there feels clunky, and is only saved by Efren Ramirez, who plays the titular Traveler. He nails the role of “mysterious man who speaks in riddles and weird lore”, and his performance is too fun for me not to like even when his exposition is ham-fisted. He has a dark tone and wiseacre delivery, which combined with his odd lines just works.
Efren Ramirez and Gabriela Ruiz Shine
In terms of performances, the only real standouts here are Ramirez, and Gabriela Ruiz as the very cool and very creepy Madre Tierra in “Nahuales”. Hemky Madera also has a very charming performance as a bumbling vampire caught out late on Halloween, and though “El Vampiro” was my least favorite of the segments, it’s no fault of his; I enjoyed him as a sort of slapstick, Dominican Bela Lugosi and hope he gets to play more roles like that in the future.
Outside of the framing device which has to take time to heat up to a fun action horror ending (with some really bad spanish butt rock and some really great creature makeup to back it up), the segments generally improve as the film progresses, but have issues in and of themselves. Demian Rugna’s segment “Tambien Lo Vi” which leads the pack really didn’t have the big touchdown moment with its ending that I wanted it to. Nonetheless, I think aesthetically it utilizes the location expertly in spite of its rushed nature, and with a larger share of the runtime would be on par with every other amazing piece of filmmaking Rugna has made.
“The Hammer of Zanzibar”: Stylish but Problematic
The segment “The Hammer of Zanzibar” has an undoubted talent behind the camera in Alejandro Brugués who makes a stylish short reminiscent of Army of Darkness and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but its subject matter has an immature strain of humor that is violently hit or miss; beyond that, some interpretations of the segment can read as pretty offensive to the real life beliefs of diasporic African traditional religions. That is a whole other can of worms I don’t have space to get into, but felt like I should mention as a light content warning.
The best of these unsurprisingly comes from Gigi Saul Guerrero, who directs the segment “Nahuales”. If you watch this film for anything, let it be this. “Nahuales” is the chapter that most delivers on the film’s leery title, with a story centered on witchcraft, and tapping into the fear of things beyond our understanding. This time around the subject is the mythical nahuales; Mesoamerican shapeshifting monsters who stalk the land bringing bloody vengeance down on the heads of their enemies. However, it has a twist, since under all their literal grime and the human sacrifice they do, it is also a pretty culturally relevant commentary: on political corruption in Mexico, on American hegemony in the global south, and the exploitation and erasure of South American indigenous populations (as much it can comment in the time its given).
Why Satanic Hispanics Falls Short of Greatness
Had all the shorts in this collection been this stylish, this well-directed and acted, and this thematically weighty, Satanic Hispanics would have been an all-time great horror film. But the radical shift in tone between segments, while welcome in some regards, ends up hurting the film’s consistency and compounds its other issues. It holds the movie back because I can only appreciate certain segments, and it doesn’t come together as a whole feature. And personally, I don’t like having to skip through almost half of a film to get to the good parts.
It’s not a unique pitfall, since some of the V/H/S films and both ABC’s of Death movies suffer from it, with ABC’s being unwatchable for me because of this. But it is notable for anybody who plans on entering the world of Satanic Hispanics and its stories that you might not be able to get into it on the first go around. And if you do revisit this one, you’ll almost invariably end up wanting to skim through the grimoire of twisted tales rather than reading it through completely.
Satanic Hispanics will be streaming on Shudder starting March 8th!
Reviews
‘Undertone’ Review: A24’s Scariest Since ‘Hereditary’
A24 never stopped pumping out banger horror movies. Let’s get that out of the way, straight away. Even its commercial and critical flops, like Opus or Y2K, still took a lot of really original swings, even if it hasn’t been a string of masterpieces like in their horror heyday of the late 2010s and early 2020s. Still, they may have made their scariest yet with Undertone, in a return to A24’s original MO of pure indie filmmaking.
A Single Location Horror Film Powered by Sound
Undertone is not a perfect movie, with an occasional off story beat, and the ending just missing the mark of perfection, but it is a tried-and-true testament to the power of storytelling. With essentially one active, on-screen actress and a single location, the film manages to create a sensory hellscape with immersive nightmare-inducing audio that has both story and scares derived entirely from a podcast. It is a sensory overload of pure terror, one that feels deeply sinister in its pitch-black story, one that demands to be seen in the darkest possible movie theater.
A24’s Undertone: A True Crime Podcast Turns Supernatural
The story is pretty straightforward…at least at first. It follows a true crime/horror podcast host (Nina Kiry), who lives by herself as she takes care of her dying, elderly, and borderline vegetative mother. Her co-host (Adam DiMarco, who is never fully seen) is sent a series of ten mysterious audio files from an unknown address, presumably sent for her to listen to on the show. As they begin to record their latest episode with live reactions to the files, reality slips further as she and her co-host fall into supernatural delirium. Strange noises, slipping time, and other haunted house trimmings all come out to play, each elevated by (as mentioned) horrific sound design and an even more horrific backstory.
Nursery Rhyme Origins and Deeply Disturbing Mythology
The story is about 95% airtight. Without getting too deep into spoilers, the origins of these files and their meaning are deeply fascinating, with some elements and angles involving the origins of nursery rhymes that are very, genuinely disturbing. There is one twist in particular that explores what one of the sounds truly means, which is highly upsetting once pieced together.
That being said, Undertone has some familiar tropes, and while the movie mostly touches upon certain unexplored mythology, certain scenes can feel a little too familiar to other recent demon movies like Shelby Oaks. The true meanings are a lot more creative, but it could have played around with its mythos to create a truly original villain.
Undertone’s Ambiguous Ending Demands a Rewatch
Similarly, the ending is almost perfect. There is a final twist about something the protagonist might have done that is a little confusing, and reframes the context of the film. It is highly interesting, however, and opens up several cans of worms of what this movie has to say about children, motherhood, and parenthood as a whole, as well as posing questions about the movie’s setting and timeline. It is always better to remain vague in horror, which this movie definitely does, but just a slight retweak of its final act could give the audience just the tiniest more understanding, without it going into full, mainstream territory. The film definitely requires a second watch, and in the best way possible.
A Groundbreaking Podcast Horror Experience
In a nutshell, the film’s methods of storytelling are groundbreaking. This movie is not a podcast, but all of its scares and stories are delivered to us like it is one. It feels like the birth of a new medium or style of movie, a perfect blend of audio and visual, with emphasis on the audio.
Additionally, with the story being literally told to us as if we’re listening to the characters’ podcast itself, it is a nightmare rabbit hole.
Reviews
‘Silent Warnings’ (2003) Review: An Unknown UFO Gem
Like many people born in the mid-90s, the Sci-Fi Channel was one of my first introductions to horror. Whether it was random films playing or Sci-Fi’s 31 Days of Halloween, this channel was one of the main channels in my household. For the month of March, we’re going to take a look at Sci-Fi Originals (and maybe I cheated a bit and picked films that had their premiere on Sci-Fi). Picking films for this month was no easy task. Did I want to cover one of the plethora of amalgamated mega-animals fighting each other? Or what about shark tornadoes? One of the films I picked, after finding it too difficult to find Children of the Corn (2009) on streaming services, was an odd alien film I had never even heard of. That film is Silent Warnings.
What is Silent Warnings About?
Layne Vossimer (A.J. Buckley), his girlfriend Macy (Callie De Fabry), and a group of their friends head to Layne’s cousin’s house, Joe (Stephen Baldwin), after his mysterious death. Once there, they find the house in disgusting disarray. The friends decide to help Layne clean it up in order to put it on the market. But things quickly go south when they find a series of VHS tapes Joe left behind in the attic. What’s revealed in those tapes shows something that’s out of this world. Can Layne, his friends, and Sheriff Bill Willingham (Billy Zane) fend off these otherworldly invaders before it’s too late?
Conspiracy Theories, Mental Health, and Paranoia in Silent Warnings
As stated, this film was a late pick as I could not find 2009’s Children of the Corn streaming anywhere. Boy, am I glad I picked this. Silent Warnings has its fair share of issues. But it makes up for them in so many ways. This film is a very sober look into conspiracy theories, mental health, and the lengths that people go to when it comes to perceived threats. We get very little Stephen Baldwin, but what we do get is more than enough. He’s a recluse who lives on his 40-ish-acre property that’s been alien-proofed. His best friend (cousin?) is a scarecrow that has an AK-47. And he constantly records incoherent ramblings with his camcorder. Baldwin absolutely kills in his limited screentime. It’s like Stanislavski said, there are no small parts, only small actors.
Small-Town Horror and UFO Lore in Porterville
The quaint town of Porterville acts as the perfect backdrop for a story like this: a sleepy, nowhere town, where most people know each other. A town where the big call of the day for the Sheriff is about a missing dog. It’s the perfect setup for a story like this. It even mirrors many of the towns mentioned in Silent Invasion: The Pennsylvania UFO-Bigfoot Casebook. Much of this film’s atmosphere, the crop circles, acres of corn, and the disintegrating house, create a condensed world that adds so much claustrophobia to the film’s soul.
Acting, Dialogue, and the Problem with Early 2000s CGI Aliens
That being said, there are quite a few issues. Mainly, the acting. Besides Kim Onasch, Michelle Borth, Billy Zane, and A.J. Buckley (mostly), much of this film’s acting feels very Sci-Fi Original. It doesn’t help that the film’s dialogue, from writers Bill Lundy, Christian McIntire, and Kevin Gendreau, is just plain boring. And that’s not even mentioning how awful the CGI aliens look. A 2003 film about aliens, when only two or three are shown on screen, should be fully practical. And the fact that they use digital aliens takes away much of the film’s punch.
Why Silent Warnings Is an Underrated Sci-Fi Original
Silent Warnings doesn’t break much ground when it comes to the topic of aliens/Ufology, but it’s damn entertaining. But that’s the thing. Films don’t necessarily need to break new ground. I appreciate the swings this film takes, whether they hit or miss. There’s a wonderful setup with Stephen Baldwin, and the slow build to an exciting finale makes it all worth the wait. For a Sci-Fi Original, Silent Warnings has worked its way into my heart.


