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CAMPY HORROR TO THE (BETA)MAX: ‘V/H/S/99’ Review

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Respool that cassette of the damned—V/H/S/ is back with another abhorrently good anthology.

The V/H/S/ franchise has a special place in my heart. Beyond the fact that it was the subject of the very first article I wrote for Horror Press about a year ago with the release of the deadly fun V/H/S/94, I got into anthology horror films and television back in 2015 thanks to V/H/S/2, which is still my favorite in the series. I couldn’t be more excited about the upcoming sequel that’s been greenlit, V/H/S/85, and I think this franchise’s infinite potential is always waiting to be tapped like a tree full of gorey, wildly directed sap.

All this is to say, I try not to let my status as an admittedly biased fan cloud my judgment on these films. I go into these movies expecting high-quality shorts that are fun to watch, and our latest installment in the franchise, V/H/S/99, succeeds on that front.

The movie isn’t pants-wettingly terrifying, and I’ll be honest, it isn’t nearly as scary as V/H/S/94, but what it is, is successful in giving you creative horror tales by new visionaries of the genre who have stories to tell in spades. So, how do these shorts stack up to the tall order given?

The second segment, “Suicide Bid,” is a prime example of how this series can construct a scary scenario with a limited set and location, evoking the vibes of an old Tales From The Crypt story. The claustrophobic conceit and the ending to this segment just washed me in the feeling of someone holding a flashlight under their face and saying, “And they were never seen or heard from again!” before giving a ghostly oooh. It was lovable camp. “The Gawkers,” the fourth entry, utilizes the found-footage aspect of the movie to the fullest, with the absolutely terrible young boys filming it, acting extremely accurately. Along with those peeping toms’ performance is a twist that results in a surprisingly good-looking creature reveal and a satisfying ending.

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The fifth and final short, “To Hell and Back,” was written and directed by Joseph and Vanessa Winters, whom I praised, and they didn’t disappoint here either. I’ve described Terrifier 2 as eating a whole bag of fun-sized Halloween candy really fast and then watching a whole bunch of slasher movies at once. I think “To Hell And Back” is similar as a segment because it feels like running through a really fun haunted house where the scare actors are really into the role they’re playing this year (shout out to returning Winters collaborator Melanie Stone!). Not to mention that the location scouting they did for this was beyond wicked.

But above the rest, “Ozzy’s Dungeon,” the third segment by musician Flying Lotus and writer Zoe Cooper, is genuinely an incomparable short. The closest thing you could put it up against is maybe the best of the Adult Swim “Informercials” episodes, and even then, it doesn’t do Zoe Cooper and Fly Lo’s nasty brainchild justice with how well it recaptures the late 90s children’s television vibes, with a much darker and gross slant. It’s a surrealist horror comedy version of Legends of the Hidden Temple, with a dash of body horror before we get into a violent home movie with a bonkers ending, and it’s perfect. It may just be my favorite segment of all the V/H/S/ films for how truly, and there’s no other way to put it, batshit insane it is. It’s wonderful!

You may be saying to yourself, “Second. Third, fourth & fifth segments. Well, what about the first segment Luis?”. And I now have to rip the Band-Aid off and say frankly…

I did not like “Shredding.”

Though the concept was a good one, and I thought the closing of it was goofy fun, the constant attempts to mask cuts with static-filled, garbled transitions are violently distracting and hurt the pacing of the segment. The constant darkness and everything being close up is accurate to how some dumb teenagers would film their antics in an abandoned venue but it doesn’t make for a great watching experience.

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And I say this to make the point that even though it was rough to get through, the rest of this movie is great! You need to give it a chance, and hell, you may even like “Shredding” yourself, so don’t let this review dissuade you. I say it as often as I can: my reviews and I are not here to tell you not to watch movies, just to let you know what to expect when you park yourself into the drive-in.

BOTTOMLINE: While I missed the old framing device of the previous movies, V/H/S/99 is still a more than worthy contender in the franchise’s legacy. It doesn’t take itself too seriously and is firmly tongue-in-cheek for most of its runtime, and it’s better for it. Bloody, strange, and exceedingly inventive in its madcap horror show presentation, I find that every V/H/S/ film leaves me wondering what hellishly fun chapters they will show us next. And V/H/S99 is no different.

V/H/S/99 will be available to stream on Shudder beginning October 20th, 2022.

Luis Pomales-Diaz is a freelance writer and lover of fantasy, sci-fi, and of course, horror. When he isn't working on a new article or short story, he can usually be found watching schlocky movies and forgotten television shows.

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[Review] The Thrills and Kills of ‘Ils’ (2006)

Ils follows school teacher Clémentine (Olivia Bonamy) and her boyfriend Lucas (Michaël Cohen), who recently relocated from France to a remote McMansion in Romania. Clémentine arrives home one night after work to a normal evening. She and Lucas eat dinner, watch TV, flirt a bit, and head to bed. That evening, while they’re asleep, Clémentine hears a noise outside. They go to investigate, which turns out to be the wrong move. The couple soon realizes the noise outside has made its way inside. A cat-and-mouse game ensues, forcing Clémentine and Lucas to do anything they can to survive the night. But it soon comes to light the thing inside might actually be things.

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Author’s Note: It’s really difficult to talk about this film without spoiling who/what the killers are, so be warned.

As someone who lives alone, home invasion films have started to really get under my skin. Thinking that someone could break into the room in my basement apartment that I don’t use, and is street-facing, killing me, and then escaping, frightens me. Plus, there are no cameras around my building, and the windows don’t even lock properly. Okay, I’m going to shut up about that. But that doesn’t negate the fact that home invasion films get to me now. So, naturally, when researching some New French Extremity films for November, I figured I should finally break the seal and watch Ils, as it’s known in the States, Them.

Ils follows school teacher Clémentine (Olivia Bonamy) and her boyfriend Lucas (Michaël Cohen), who recently relocated from France to a remote McMansion in Romania. Clémentine arrives home one night after work to a normal evening. She and Lucas eat dinner, watch TV, flirt a bit, and head to bed. That evening, while they’re asleep, Clémentine hears a noise outside. They go to investigate, which turns out to be the wrong move. The couple soon realizes the noise outside has made its way inside. A cat-and-mouse game ensues, forcing Clémentine and Lucas to do anything they can to survive the night. But it soon comes to light the thing inside might actually be things.

Supposedly, this film is based on true events. If IMDb Trivia is to be taken at face value, then this film is based on a couple that a group of teenagers brutally murdered. In retrospect, it’s difficult to believe a group of kids pulled this all off. Take the cold open of the film. There is a mother and daughter involved in a single-car crash. The mother goes to check under the hood and disappears. This leads her daughter to lock the doors. In a few seconds, the car’s hood is slammed shut, mud is slung at the car from both sides, and the street light goes out. So, knowing that teenagers are the ones to blame for this, it seems a bit far-fetched. Especially when we eventually see the kids. We’re supposed to believe they’re teenagers, but they look between the ages of eight and ten.

The film works best when it blends the line between natural and supernatural, and when it seems like there is only one antagonist inside. Writer/directors David Moreau and Xavier Palud can’t find their footing with what type of story they want to tell. Ils would have worked much better as a supernatural horror film rather than a home invasion film with teenagers. When Ils makes you question what lurks within the house is when it works best. The big reveal at the end feels a bit forced. Part of me wishes Moreau and Palud had taken the idea on which they based their story and gone the supernatural route.

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That being said, the cat-and-mouse aspect of Ils is the most enjoyable. When Lucas is taken out of commission, Clémentine is forced to take matters into her own hands. Clémentine is fascinating to watch and makes, what feels like, choices anyone else would make. Her reactions feel more authentic than the actions people usually take in horror films. But there’s still something that feels off and stale about this movie. At just 74 minutes, Ils feels like it rolls the credits before it really gets going.

Many people consider this film New French Extremity, and I can understand that. Would I consider it NFE? No. This is just a plain home invasion horror film. The violence, setting, and action do nothing to classify that as extreme in any sense. Is it scary? Sure! Is the [limited] violence painful to watch? You bet! But it doesn’t push any boundaries or set out to tell something deeper than it does. Ils isn’t a bad film, but it’s far from being a great film.

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[REVIEW] My First Ever New French Extremity Film Was ‘Inside’ (2007)

Inside follows Sarah Scarangella (Alysson Paradis), a pregnant professional photographer who is still mourning the recent loss of her husband. On one unfortunate Christmas Eve, Sarah’s night is interrupted by an unknown woman (Béatrice Dalle). Not knowing who this woman is, Sarah refuses her entry. After taking a photo of this woman, and developing it, Sarah realizes she has a photo of this unknown woman from earlier in the day. Once Sarah thinks the woman is gone, she heads to bed. And that’s when all hell breaks loose. Bodies will drop, blood will flow, and babies will be birthed.

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Over 10 years ago I saw my first New French Extremity film in college. I took a trip to the Family Video near my college apartment and scanned the aisles. It was the first time I was in charge of picking a movie for a movie night with some friends. Most of the people attending that evening were horror fans, so that’s the vibe I was going for. After walking around for about five minutes I saw it. The top left corner read DIMENSION EXTREME. The middle of the cover read INSIDE in thick red letter, right below that stated UNRATED. The image was someone grasping their pregnant stomach and a pair of sharp dirty scissors questionably close to her stomach. That’s the movie I picked. And that was the last time I was allowed to pick the movies for our movie nights.

Inside follows Sarah Scarangella (Alysson Paradis), a pregnant professional photographer who is still mourning the recent loss of her husband. On one unfortunate Christmas Eve, Sarah’s night is interrupted by an unknown woman (Béatrice Dalle). Not knowing who this woman is, Sarah refuses her entry. After taking a photo of this woman, and developing it, Sarah realizes she has a photo of this unknown woman from earlier in the day. Once Sarah thinks the woman is gone, she heads to bed. And that’s when all hell breaks loose. Bodies will drop, blood will flow, and babies will be birthed.

Written by Alexandre Bustillo and directed by Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo, Inside would kick off an excellent career for these two French filmmakers. Brutal, sad, and one of the bloodiest films of all time, Inside is a film that needs to be seen to be believed. Like Calvaire, what makes Inside work so well, besides the tight script and great direction, is the pacing. Instead of a prolonged leadup to a barrage of violence and gore, Inside doles its violence out like a symphony. Each act perfectly leads into the next with the precision you don’t usually see in a debut feature film. The majority of the extreme violence happens to Sarah, which puts a lot of pressure on Alysson Paradis. Paradis sells her performance like Jordan Belfort selling a pen. Her responses are brutal and heartbreaking, while still being extremely grounded.

The special effects makeup department is too vast to list and will eat up my entire word count, but words cannot describe how visceral the practical effects are. From the most minor cut from a mirror to the stairway scene, you can’t help but feel like you’re watching something you should not be watching.

If you haven’t seen the film then this next part will be a huge spoiler, but we need to talk about it. Bustillo’s script takes an unexpected turn toward the end of the film. We learn the reason La Femme is attacking Sarah is due to a car accident. Sarah caused a car accident that took the life of La Femme’s child, killing her unborn baby. La Femme wants Sarah’s baby as reparations. Towards the end of the film, one of the cops who was presumed dead (he was shot with a riot gun) wakes up. His vision is hindered by the riot gun causing him to accidentally attack Sarah instead of La Femme. This attack breaks Sarah’s water, and La Femme kills the cop. Now, Sarah is on the stairs and her baby isn’t coming out–that’s where the scissors come back into play. La Femme has to perform a C-section on Sarah with the scissors, and it is, simply put, gnarly. The film ends with La Femme looking at Sarah’s dead body as she rocks the baby.

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This ending is beyond heartbreaking. La Femme’s character almost has a complete turnaround. It’s hard to tell if she’s crying because she has the baby or because she did end up killing Sarah. My personal belief is that it all became too real once she had to kill the cop. If the cop hadn’t broken her water and forced the birth, would La Femme have gone through with this at this point? It’s up to interpretation, but I believe La Femme had repented her actions by that point. That doesn’t make it any better, though.

Next to Martyrs, Inside has one of the most heartbreaking endings of any New French Extremity film. While it’s a difficult watch, it’s an excellent film to rewatch as a case study on how to write an antagonist. To boot, Sarah was La Femme’s antagonist. Sarah was the one who caused the termination of La Femme’s pregnancy–so in a way, this is a revenge film. Bustillo’s script pulls the rug out from all preconceived notions. We thought we were watching one film when in reality, we were being expertly misled by the person we thought was the narrator. It’s a bold move for a debut.

Bustillo and Maury are still going strong in the genre. Their most recent film, The Soul Eater, recently had its premiere at Fantasia Fest. Like Inside, The Soul Eater was gory and violent, while focusing on an overall story that takes precedent. It’s impressive to see bits and pieces of Inside in The Soul Eater, while also adding all the bits and pieces of lessons they’ve learned over their six previous films. Inside is, to me, the best example of New French Extremity; it’s true stomach-churning, gut-wrenching, bloody as hell terror. 

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