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NO REST(STOP) FOR THE WICKED: ‘Glorious’ Review

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J.K. Simmons voice acting shines in this gloomy, filthy horror dramedy from “Doctor of Horror” Rebekah McKendry.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: an eldritch demi-god and a sad drunk walk into a rest-stop bathroom.

Of course, you haven’t cause Glorious is something else entirely. The second film with director Rebekah McKendry at the helm is a big step up creatively from her previous endeavor, “All the Creatures Stirring,” telling a tale that is as ambitious as it is cleverly contained. See, this was one of the bottle films from the height of the pandemic, but unlike something like Shadow in the Clouds, where that feels distractingly obvious, Glorious is just gloriously weird and thoughtful enough to keep you from realizing it.

The film follows Wes, a man who gets wasted after a messy breakup and finds himself beyond rock bottom in a rest stop bathroom after he becomes entangled in the plans of self-proclaimed god Ghatanothoa (Ghat for short). As Wes tries to escape the restroom and fight against his supposed destiny, he only finds himself getting pulled further into the gears of a long-running feud and dragged way beyond his depth.

Writers Todd Rigney, Joshua Hull, & David Ian McKendry pen a clever and darkly humorous script that doesn’t lay it on too thick with the comedy of it all; after all, the title of the film itself is a gloryhole joke; it could have easily done so and burned any of the tension in the movie. It reminds me a lot of The Color Out of Space & my favorite horror film of 2016, The Void, but on a smaller scale and with a more philosophical slant.

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Glorious dwells primarily on what engenders the ever-growing culture of nihilism many people find themselves sinking into, the film running on philosophical fuel with references to Beckett, Sartre, Hobbes, and other greats I probably didn’t even pick up on a first watch scattered throughout this conversation of human nature.

Overall, I appreciate the film for taking one of the key aspects of cosmic horror and flipping it on its head by asking the question: what if one of those unthinking, unfeeling elder gods started to feel and care? And how disastrous could that be? And though its execution is a bit clunky, the twist of the film drives a double-wide trailer-sized knife through your gut as you try to keep up and recontextualize everything you’ve seen and suddenly get washed over with a feeling of ick.

But what of our leads having this conversation? Well, Ryan Kwanten, True Blood alum and the lead of the underrated James Wan vehicle Dead Silence is delightful in this. He portrays the perfectly pathetic end of a relationship and its consequences greatly, and he gets to engage in a lot of actors’ dream roles as the surprisingly complex Wes becomes gradually more and more unhinged through the course of the movie, making you wonder what his choices will be up until the film’s finale.

And of course, do I even need to say it? JK Simmons is the treasure of this film. He gives a wonderful and very calculated performance where his speech mannerisms, down to his choice of awkward words, and the cadence of his iconic and explosive anger. It’s clear that he had a lot of love for the character and the film as a whole and sculpted Ghat through his acting. If you love him as much as I do, and you’ve been waiting to hear his smooth voice since Season 1 of Invincible, you’re pretty much obligated to check this. He kills it here.

In terms of the cinematography, McKendry is clearly not referred to as a Doctor of Horror for no reason. She, alongside Jakob’s Wife DP David Matthews, have a great sense of space and framing that makes the most of their location and helps construct that “out there” vision of the film when it gets particularly bizarre. There is one scene that will make you believe it can rain inside of a bathroom (I know that sounds weird but trust me on this). The movie looks dead to rights disgusting, and if you’re squeamish, you’re going to be squirming thanks to the movie’s styling, which embodies mephitis. It takes a special talent to create a mise en scene that makes you want to hose down with a decontamination shower after seeing it, and it just gets worse in the best of ways as the story continues.

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Despite how fun the movie is, it isn’t perfect. I’m not entirely a sycophant for this. Horror movies with big cosmic entities as their main villains rarely get the budget they deserve to portray the titanic nature of these shambling extra-dimensional horrors that make it into their scripts, and that’s no different here. While the practicals we see at the end are very well done, the CGI is clunky and probably could have avoided showing the big bad outright.

The film is also surprisingly short, coming in at very tight 80-some minutes. I think this film will benefit from a director’s cut, so I’d like to see what weird visuals and philosophical dialogue the McKendry’s and company have in the tank if an uncut version turns up.

BOTTOMLINE: This is a short, tightly contained watch with a surprisingly philosophically ponderous plot—you know, given this is a movie about a Lovecraftian horror stuck in a toilet stall. With well-paced humor and some absolutely batshit visuals sprinkled throughout, I’m excited for when this hits Shudder to see other people revel in the curious oddity that is Glorious.

Glorious premieres on Shudder Thursday August 18th.

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Luis Pomales-Diaz is a freelance writer and lover of fantasy, sci-fi, and of course, horror. When he isn't working on a new article or short story, he can usually be found watching schlocky movies and forgotten television shows.

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Christmas Horror Parody ‘The Mean One’ Successfully Converts Christmas Classic ‘The Grinch’ into a Scary Story

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If Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch was too tame a Christmas-hating monster for your tastes, never fear; The Mean One is here.

How ‘The Mean One’ Wins as a Christmas Horror Movie

This comedy-horror slasher, directed by Steven LaMorte, tells the story of Cindy You-Know-Who (Krystle Martin) returning to her hometown of Newville – where her mother had been viciously murdered in front of her twenty years prior. The sheriff did not take the young girl’s claims that a monster had killed her mother seriously, so the murder remained unsolved. Cindy’s return to town shows a Newville that is wholly undecorated for Christmas, and as a string of murders begins to occur, Cindy knows her mother’s killer has returned.

With the appearance of the Mean One himself and a good balance of campiness and horror, all spread out amongst an intriguing storyline; The Mean One is a fun Christmas horror movie that subverts a beloved childhood classic and makes it its own.

The Horror-Parody Version of The Grinch

One thing the film did exceedingly well was its presentation of The Mean One. The makeup effects were stellar in creating a monster who is at the crossroads of a terrifying cryptid and a holiday icon. From his dirty Santa coat to his black snarl, he checked all the boxes for how a Christmas-hating monster should look.

Of course, to talk about the monster is also to talk about the man behind the mask, David Howard Thornton. After establishing himself as a horror icon in his role of Art the Clown in the Terrifier films, it was fun to see him transcend another role as a horror villain. With another horror flick under his belt, David Howard Thornton is one to keep an eye on. So far, every character he has been behind has been creepy and entertaining, perfectly matching the film’s tone.

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The Approach to Campy Horror

A horror film with rhyming couplets interspersed throughout could never be completely serious, and The Mean One succeeds because it doesn’t try to be. However, the film is not without its creepy moments that would be well-placed in any modern-day horror movie. Like any good scary movie, there are dramatic reveals, emotional turmoil, and suspense building.

It also injects a sense of fear into the holiday itself as it makes the idea of celebrating Christmas a dangerous thing. It’s a delicate balance to create something that is not very serious but simultaneously creepy, and the film does just that.

The Mean One Tells a Story That You Already Know in a Different Way

When making a horror film based on a traditional Christmas story, the added challenge is changing it enough to fit into the horror genre but not so much that it becomes unrecognizable. The Mean One was clearly up to the challenge as it was able to interweave a story that mimicked the traditional Dr. Seuss style of storytelling, with plotlines of a typical scary movie, while still paying homage to the source material. The integration into horror was so smooth that it felt like it should’ve been a scary story all along.

The idea of presenting the recognizable holiday monster as a cryptid is a genius move and calls to question why the Whos down in Whoville never inquired about the existence of the creature who descended from Mount Crumpit to steal their Christmas away in Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

It was not only the Mean One that saw some subversion of Christmas lore. A white-haired bearded man with a red cap who seems to watch over the beginning events of the film (and is aptly named “Doc” Zeus) integrated a little bit of a real-life Santa into the storyline.

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Make no mistake; this film is not a high-budget, major Hollywood production. The blood spray effects are campy to the nth degree, and the movie is not without its flaws. But what it does well, it does very well. The Mean One’s appearance is gritty, fun, and familiar; the storyline is immediately immersive – altogether, it is an entertaining watch.

It delivers everything the premise promises: a presentation of a fun Christmas flick that we all know, but this time for horror fans.

See The Mean One for yourself in theaters on December 9th!

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RUN RUN RUDOLPH, KILLER ROBOT SANTA’S IN TOWN: ‘Christmas Bloody Christmas’ Review

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Seasons screamings, everyone!

I have another wonderful treat for you all, hot out the Shudder ovens. If you’re like me, that means your holiday evenings as a horror fan might be feeling a little bit empty in terms of festivity, and Christmas Bloody Christmas is here to make that right. I’m cheery about the film from the jump. Que raro!

Christmas Bloody Christmas follows what happens when an attempt to turn surplus military technology (a.k.a. killer robots) into friendly department store Santa animatronics backfires; our jolly old Saint Nick ends up painting the town redder than a candy cane’s stripes, terrorizing coworkers Tori (Riley Dandy) and Robbie (Sam Delich) amid their budding romance. Is the premise kind of dumb? Yes, but if you’ve been reading my reviews, you know dumb fun horror is my wheelhouse just as much as the highbrow stuff is. And just because something is silly doesn’t mean it can’t be well made.

Writer and director Joe Begos is getting my second shoutout of the year for his work. I thought the foul-mouthed dialogue of this movie sounded familiar, and that’s because he headed another Channel 83 venture I recommended for October, the 2019 vampires-on-drugs film Bliss. There are many similarities between the two directorially, though this is much more oriented for fun than the psychological nightmare Bliss was. Where Bliss was a dark game of Vampire: The Masquerade, Christmas Bloody Christmas is your classic slasher during the holiday season.

We’ve also left the Panos Kosmatos-esque territory of Bliss’s cinematography, which might be due to the influence of cinematographer Brian Sowell who previously made the film Beyond the Gates, another fun little low-budget horror flick I remember enjoying. Neon wasteland cinematography that is replete with a color palette tuned for blacklight posters and Christmas lights in every single shot, and every scene outside being caked in fake snow and decorations help the aesthetic this movie is going for feel fully realized.

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Composer Steve Moore who worked on both Mayhem and The Guest, two of my favorite action horror films, provides an impeccable score for this film of heavy synth rock with homage to some of the band’s name dropped in the film by our leads. And Josh Russell, who did makeup work for The Night House and a little horror remake you may have heard of called Hellraiser (2022), rounds out that group. The crew on this one is practically a perfect assortment of horror movie production irregulars.

Delich and Dandy have pretty good on-screen chemistry as dirtbag crustpunks who need several mouthfuls of soap scrubbed onto those tongues. Dandy in particular is a veteran of fun, romantic holiday movies, and it’s nice to see she can extend her range beyond being a forgettable Hallmark protagonist whose outfit stepped out of a JCPenney catalog. She makes for an enjoyable final girl for this.

The duo talk like their dialogue is on loan from the Hellbillies of a Rob Zombie film, but they’re believable as coworkers in a long-term “will-they-wont-they” relationship. Their exchanges are genuinely funny at points, even if they stay a bit longer than welcome. These don’t veer into trying to impress you with the character’s pretentiousness about music; they’re just two friends drunk and high on Christmas eve, talking about their flailing romantic lives and which of their bands has the best Christmas song.

Beyond characters, the meat of the film is Silent Night Deadly Night by way of The Terminator in its premise. And in its execution, it feels like a lower-grade SNDN film for how cartoonishly violent and mean the kills can get, and I mean that in the best way. A single axe swing chops a guy in half like it’s a board of wood at a kid’s karate class, several people get thrown around like ragdolls through objects, and there are plenty of fake heads and bodies getting demolished for the gore hounds in the audience. Even the robot gets severely jacked up with sparks flying and explosions.  The special effects are hammy, and I love it more for that.

But as much as I like it, this one isn’t flawless. I feel like our dear Santa could have had a stronger design, maybe with a solid mask, and played with more robotic physicality beyond what we get in the third act. The camera work can sometimes be distracting in its attempts to convey high tension, ending up feeling fidgety instead.

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And to be quite honest, I’m very torn on the films ending. While it’s very entertaining and we get to see the full depth of the crazy animatronic Santa we’ve been waiting for all film which I love, it also drags in a way that is funny for some and might be a bit grating for others. Ultimately some editing flaws are exacerbated by the film being an exceptionally tight 86 minutes (we’re talking stocking stuffed to the brim tight), so it could serve well to have a director’s cut.

BOTTOMLINE: Christmas Bloody Christmas is an over-the-top, grindhouse-y spectacular that gives you exactly what’s in the title. It isn’t your standard holiday horror fare where there’s usually more about the film to laugh at than laugh with, but it definitely isn’t humorless. It’s a solid little film that looks like it could make a reliable staple in the rotation of dumb fun holiday horror for many Christmases to come. You know, assuming you don’t get killed by a robotic Santa Claus before then.

Watch Christmas Bloody Christmas starting 12/9 on Shudder!

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