Reviews
‘Piranha 3D’ Review: Still Bites Nearly Two Decades Later
While Piranha 3D was released in 2010, I didn’t get around to watching it until roughly four years later, after seeing Piranha 3DD (2012). In complete transparency, I had no clue that 3DD was a sequel to 3D! 3DD was the first film I purchased from FYE my freshman year of college, and it was an absolute blast–though I could be biased because I’m probably the world’s biggest Hasselhoff fan. Color me surprised, when I finally got around to catching 3D with my late friend Jordan in our dilapidated college rental house, that it was even more fun than the sequel. But does Piranha 3D still hold up over 15 years after its release? Or does it fall victim to the fate many aughts (and early 10s) films do, where it exists as an extreme product of its time?
What Is Piranha 3D About?
Jake Forester (Steven R. McQueen) is on the verge of adulthood, as madness descends upon his lake town for this year’s Spring Break festivities. His mother, Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue), tasks Jake with watching his adolescent brother and sister, as a recent earthquake causes a team of seismologists to come check out the new fault. But Jake has other plans. He’s paid to ride around with porn producer Derrick Jones (Jerry O’Connell) and cameraman Andrew (Paul Scheer) for unique and exotic locations to film their next Girls Gone Wild-like video. Things seem to be going well until the seismologists uncover a dreadful discovery that will end in blood, limbs, and death.
Have you ever watched a film that is a convergence of so many exceptionally creative minds, and wonder…how the hell did this even happen?! Just one year after the incredibly underappreciated Sorority Row, and thirteen years before Saw X, Josh Stolberg and Pete Goldfinger would prove once again that their perfect wheelhouse for horror is a mix of great horror and pitch-black comedy. Piranha 3D, while (unfortunately, yes) it does fall victim to its era, the movie perfectly juggles its humor and levity with its garishly grotesque ultra-violence.
Stolberg and Goldfinger’s script doesn’t necessarily break new ground, nor does it stand out from the bloody T&A films of the time. But it succeeds in taking aspects from the original 1978 film and twisting them into the blood-filled, thrilling final product that Piranha 3D is. It really feels like a big-budget Sci-Fi Original.
Alexandre Aja Directs With Gleeful Brutality
This is far from the first time I’ve discussed Alexandre Aja and his producing partner Grégory Levasseur for Horror Press. My very first article was about their extremely incredible The Hills Have Eyes remake, and they quickly worked their way into my heart with that film. Piranha 3D would mark their third US feature, and also coincidentally, their third remake! After Hills, Aja and Levasseur took a step away from ultra-violence for the more subdued, thought-provoking Keifer Sutherland vehicle Mirrors. And while that’s an enjoyable flick, blood and guts are where Aja and Levasseur really shine. Along with cinematographer John R. Leonetti (The Conjuring, Insidious) and SFX artists Greg Nicotero and Howard Berger, Aja and Levasseur were basically given every single opportunity to make a truly exceptional film that breaks the bounds of good taste. And that’s exactly what they did.
Set aside the extremely talented director, cinematographer, writers, producers, and SFX artists; you have a truly jaw-dropping cast. Obviously, you have Elisabeth Shue and Jerry O’Connell. But beyond that, you have: Adam Scott, Dina Meyer, Paul Scheer, Ving Rhames, Richard Dreyfuss, Ricardo Chavira, and Christopher Lloyd! Even with the film’s $24 million budget, that’s still an incredibly stacked cast. While Piranha 3D exists more as an ensemble piece, each star gets their own chance to shine (except for Dina Meyer, for some reason). Adam Scott, Paul Scheer, and Ricardo Chavira chew up the scenery like a ravenous prehistoric carnivorous fish. Ving Rhames and Richard Dreyfuss are kind of in and then out of the film, though their scenes are fun and memorable. And Christopher Lloyd really shines in the film’s exposition beats. There isn’t really a bad performance throughout the film…well, maybe except for Eli Roth.
Piranha 3D Is Still Worth Watching
So, how did all of these pieces come together for this truly weird final product? I couldn’t tell you. What I can tell you is that even though there are moments that make you feel icky and feel very of-the-time, Piranha 3D still succeeds at being a thrilling, bloody, and truly brutal time machine of torture. Sure, LMFAO is on the soundtrack. But there’s also a motor boat scalping that rips someone’s face off! You take the good with the bad. Piranha 3D and 3DD would still work to create a fun, rowdy double feature for you and a group of friends.
This film also left me wondering, do people still celebrate Spring Break anymore? Maybe it’s because I’m not plugged in with the youth, or maybe COVID killed Spring Break. Anyways, if you’re going out to celebrate it this year, maybe listen if you’re told to get out of the water as quickly as possible.
The act of cutting and stitching can grant new life to a long dead prospect, or it can unleash a monster. Dr. Frankenstein understood the stakes, as does any filmmaker aiming to salvage the unsalvageable. The X-Files creator Chris Carter hopes for a celebratory resurrection – or at least the chance to right some cinematic wrongs – with a recut of his 2008 movie, The X-Files: I Want to Believe. Hulu dropped this new version on August 14 under the appropriately cobbled-together title, The X-Files: I Want to Believe – Vrach Frankenshteyn. Carter insists it’s the edgy cut he’d always envisioned, untainted by notes from studio executives who wanted a sanitized PG-13 summer blockbuster.
The X-Files: I Want to Believe Gets a New Cut
If you’re not a die-hard X-phile, you could be excused for not even remembering the 2008 version of I Want to Believe. The box office bomb was released six years after the original show’s divisive series ending, in which Mulder and Scully depart from their X-Files post and become fugitives hunted by the FBI. Despite the open-ended nature of the TV finale, I Want to Believe was touted before its initial release as a Mulder-Scully reunion that would serve as a one-off case: the film would contain no references to the show’s ongoing mythology, which involved a convoluted alien conspiracy. This approach was welcomed by many fans who admired the scope and style of the first X-Files feature film, 1998’s Fight the Future, but longed to see a cinematic version of the show’s scary standalone tales like “Beyond the Sea” or “Home.”
Why the Original I Want to Believe Failed
Alas, the 2008 film is a plodding mess. Co-written (with Frank Spotnitz) and directed by Carter, the movie sees Mulder (David Duchovny, in all his deadpan glory) and Scully (Gillian Anderson, with all her understated power) co-habitating and keeping a low profile. Despite their fugitive status, the FBI enlists their help to find a missing agent. “All is forgiven,” the characters note, before it’s back to monster-chasing business as usual. Their only lead: Father Joe (Billy Connolly), a convicted pedophile priest who claims to have psychic visions. Scully’s outrage at his involvement leads her to a crisis of faith, while Mulder (and eventually the movie itself) has the stone-faced gall to encourage patience and sympathy for the sex offender. His visions eventually lead the duo to a Russian organ transporter running medical experiments to stitch together a new body for his ailing husband.
I Want to Believe Struggled as a Horror Movie
Even if I Want to Believe were a pristine thriller in the vein of Seven or Insomnia, its dour subject matter would still have sullied its chances against the competition: in the summer of 2008, the box office was dominated by crowd-pleasing juggernauts like Iron Man and The Dark Knight. But the movie is far from pristine. Its leaden pace makes it a chore for fans and newbies to withstand. Horror-wise, it lacks any monster-movie iconography or moments of unbearable dread. We’re a far cry from anything approaching the icky reveal of the sewer-dwelling Flukeman or the shiver-inducing antics of Satanic substitute teacher Miss Paddock.
I Want to Believe is devoid of the storytelling prowess, philosophical grit, stylistic innovation, and mordant humor that the show exuded at its peak. To top it all off, Carter populates the movie with bizarre directorial choices, including a moment in which Mulder gazes upon a framed photo of George W. Bush as the X-Files theme plays in the background, apropos of nothing. With its tonal muddle and meandering script, the movie was enough to make even the most dedicated fans question their belief in the franchise.
Chris Carter Returns to The X-Files
From 2016 to 2018, Carter revived the show for two seasons, which further served to frustrate longtime fans and newcomers with clunky creative choices. Since then, The X-Files has shown few promising signs of life, but it’s been awakened from the grave with recent news that Ryan Coogler, director of Sinners, is developing a reboot series. It appears that Carter has leveraged the newfound interest in the franchise to make this R-rated director’s cut a reality. But despite the writer-director’s claims that it’s gorier than the theatrical version, bloodthirsty horror fans are likely to shrug. The most notable additions of “gore” include a few new shots of dismembered body parts and headless corpses. These images feel more narratively functional than anything, dramatizing the “modern day Frankenstein” plot instead of just alluding to it in reams of expository dialogue.
How Vrach Frankenshteyn Improves the 2008 Movie
Crucially, though, the film feels tighter. It’s 7 minutes shorter than the original cut, and scenes are now edited at a more staccato, thriller-like pace. Much of what’s missing involves tender character moments between Mulder and Scully. Two of their smooches have been nixed, along with half of a scene that involves late-night cuddling between the paranormal-fixated paramours. References to the characters’ backstory have also gotten the chop, including nods to Mulder’s long-lost sister and Scully’s son she gave up for adoption. Mercifully, this new edit streamlines a tedious subplot involving a young boy whose dire illness Scully goes to great lengths to treat.
Mulder and Scully Remain the Film’s Greatest Strength
The slashing of these character-centric moments might sound ill-advised or even sacrilege to fans who believed Mulder and Scully’s potent onscreen chemistry was the only redeemable element from the theatrical cut. Surprisingly, it all works. Duchovny and Anderson do commendable work in conveying the pathos of all the heartache the duo has endured – their shared glances do more heavy-lifting than any of Carter and Spotnitz’s ham-fisted dialogue.
The X-Files Recut Still Has Major Problems
Still, all the recutting in the world can’t save the film from its inherent design flaws. Mulder and Scully are apart for far too long. Scully’s subplot with her young patient is a snooze, since it keeps her away from the X-File at hand. And that X-File is generic at best, homophobic at worst. The so-called “modern Frankenstein” wants to build a new body for his husband, whose connection to Father Joe plays into eyeroll-y stereotypes around trauma victims and queer people. In both 2008 and 2026, it all feels like something that would land on the reject pile in the Law & Order: Special Victims Unit writers’ room.
Is Vrach Frankenshteyn Worth Watching?
While the original I Want to Believe is all but unwatchable, Vrach Frankenshteyn feels more like perfectly serviceable streaming fare. With Coogler’s much-anticipated reboot, many curious genre fans are checking out the show for the first time, working their way through all eleven seasons. If these newcomers wish to include I Want to Believe and the revival seasons in their binge-a-thon for sheer completists’ sake, they’d be well-advised to watch Vrach Frankenshteyn instead of the original: it’s a re-animated cinematic corpse that isn’t quite as beautiful as the Bride of Frankenstein, but it’s not quite dead-on-arrival either. If nothing else, at least it leaves that inexplicable George-W.-Bush-photo moment on the cutting room floor.
The X-Files: I Want to Believe – Vrach Frankenshteyn is streaming on Hulu and Disney+.
David Robert Mitchell’s The End of Oak Street has only committed one crime: premiering this late into the summer movie slate. Hot off the heels of The Odyssey and Spider-Man: Brand New Day, one can only hope Oak Street won’t be lost in the noise of August’s bigger releases. Because those who go to see it will have the pleasure of witnessing one of the few movies this year to actually capture the feeling of those classic Hollywood blockbusters that made Steven Spielberg a household name. And indeed, it’s the blockbuster we’ve been waiting for.
What Is The End of Oak Street About?
The End of Oak Street follows the Platt family: mother Denise (Anne Hathaway), father Greg (Ewan McGregor), and kids Audrey and Brian (Maisy Stella, Christian Convery). Don’t forget their beloved dog, Starbuck (played by newcomer Brisket). Though they blend into their suburban confines as a typical family, turmoil bubbles as Denise and Greg’s strained marriage begins to take a toll on their children.
But soon, an even bigger problem begins to plague Oak Street. Mysterious flashes of light and sound that explode in the night, the largest of which culminates in the entire neighborhood being transported through time and space: from 1982 to the prehistoric era. As dinosaurs and other megafauna wreak havoc, hunting down the unprepared humans brought to their time, the Platt family struggles to figure out how they’ll stay alive and if they’ll even be able to find a way back home.
David Robert Mitchell’s Writing and Directing Make for A Certified Home Run
For those who have been starved for a truly great big-budget dinosaur film given the slow death of the Jurassic Park franchise, you really can’t ask for more than this. Writer-director David Robert Mitchell, the mind behind It Follows and Beneath the Silver Lake, has returned to mix sincere family-drama with a thrilling science fiction survival film. Oak Street blends a lot of heart into its gloomier aspects, at turns funny, dark, charming, and frightening. It runs the emotional gamut and keeps you pinned to your seat as Mitchell constructs a rich interior world for the Platt family that is grounded against the fantastic situation they’re thrust into.
They’re not revolutionary characters, not by a long shot. An emotionally distant father and a mother looking for purpose beyond a suffocating home life, rebellious kids who are impulsive and scared, it’s nothing new. The script writing isn’t bombastically clever. But it is incredibly compelling thanks to the naturalistic dialogue and on-screen chemistry between the four actors. The realistic struggles of the family, driven by phenomenal performances from Hathaway and McGregor first and foremost, balance against the more thrilling elements of the film and keep it from tipping over into mere spectacle.
80’s Suburbia Meets Cretaceous Terror in The End of Oak Street
When it zooms out from the family dilemma to indulge in that spectacle, though, it’s a visual feast and a half. Mitchell crafts an aesthetically luscious setting for the drama to take place in by melding 80’s suburbia with Cretaceous jungles. The blend of modern and primeval elements makes for a deadly and breathtaking environment, constructed with some incredible production design and wonderful digital effects.
Those effects never get old as we see the world beyond the block, and the same can be said for its numerous monstrous reptiles that populate it. Each new one the film pits the family against is more dangerous than the last, and they all look phenomenal. They have genuine weight and impact on screen, and if you even had to ask how, of course it’s Industrial Light & Magic doing their strongest cinema sorcery yet again.
Mitchell and Gioulakis Are On Their Photography A-Game
Mitchell and returning cinematographer Michael Gioulakis weave the camera through the neighborhood in a slick fashion, moving through buildings and yards deftly. They block every chase sequence and dinosaur encounter with immense style, resulting in some especially creative sequences. The locations feel purposeful, and the way the camera swoops and dives around is adventurous and legitimately energized. The dynamic camera work pairs with editing that’s snappy and perfectly paced, leaving just enough room to breathe between its exhilarating moments of prehistoric peril.
The End of Oak Street Is a Must-Watch Blockbuster
By its final scenes, Oak Street cements itself as a new favorite of the year. Big stars bringing bigger and more heartfelt performances, big budget effects that actually manage to wow you over and over, and a big entertainment value that reminds you of how even the simplest stories can generate a feeling of true adventure. The End of Oak Street is endlessly impressive and will revitalize even the most fatigued theatergoers this year.
