Reviews
‘They Will Kill You’ Review: Sistas Slaying Style Over Substance
“Eat the Rich” is one of my favorite songs to dance to, especially in horror. They Will Kill You is a Benz of a vehicle to showcase Zazie Beetz’s flair for violence. ‘Black final girl goes hard in the paint’ is what this movie is, really.
Asia Reeves Takes on a Satanic Co-op to Find Her Missing Sister
Beetz is Asia Reeves, an iron chick on a mission to find her sister after getting separated by good intentions and a 10-year prison sentence. She takes a job at The Virgil, a satan-worshipping, (insert slur for elite asshole here) infested co-op building where her sister Maria (Myha’la) may also be employed as housekeeping staff. We could’ve guessed, but we quickly learn the co-op’s routine of praying on immigrants and women of color looking for work or stability in the city. The rest is spent on an over the top fight for survival that just keeps getting weirder. Can you dig it?
The only thing minimal is dialogue. Aside from a couple of weighted mic-drop moments from Patricia Arquette as sketchy co-op management, Lily, the film strictly follows the “shut up and fight me” approach. I’ve never heard of a limit on how many times one can choose violence in a single night, but in this version of uptown Manhattan, our protagonist has time and stamina for whoever, however. Director Kirill Sokolov gave fans a tastefully immature, closed environment to host this kind of ridiculous sublime.
Zazie Beetz Delivers a Killer Action Performance
Kill Bill might be the heaviest influence, relying heavily on cinematographer Isaac Bauman’s punchy arrangement of camera effects, and the adrenaline of Luke Doolan in the editor’s room. Students of Blaxsploitation will feel the boutique bounce Coffy and TNT Jackson left behind in Asia, especially when gripping a gun. Prop fighting opens up the vision board too. After viewing, I can confirm that They Will Kill You, and level-based fighting games like Tekken or Soul Calibur challenge and bleed with the same playful aggression. It’s the longest fight sequence ever disguised as a feature film, but at no point does betting on Asia to cut through the threats of each co-op floor allow for an opening to get stale in the eyes. Not somehow, but by the work of the stunts and fight coordination team, blunt force trauma feels really good in a place like this.
They Will Kill You Sports A Full On Raimi Style Supporting Cast
For the little banter that they share between beatings, Heather Graham (Lost in Space), Tom Felton (Harry Potter), and the rest of the cult member goon squad all rock the slapstick comedy of a rated R Raimi. Throwing a few oddball “what the hell is that?” anomalies into the chaos brings the Evil Dead formula, maybe not to maturity, but definitely to fruition. In nothing but good taste, the film is an exhibit of Sokolov’s heated admiration of contemporary cult entertainment; nowhere near a manifesto with a moving message to spill. If it were, it’d have to work on untangling the complicated mess of lore based rules that stick up the finale first.
To take on the task of layered messaging while focused on this level of arterial blood spray… we’re blessed to get one of those every 7 or 8 years. They Will Kill You is not one of those.
Final Verdict: Is They Will Kill You Worth Watching?
Does it have A+ style? No doubt. Does it finesse the greater picture? Nah, but it doesn’t need to in order to be a good spot to form a fandom over for the next few months. It’ll rev you up, it’s disgustingly rewatchable, the soundtrack has needle drops for days, and Zazie is just outrageous in a beatdown. What even is considered a pulp these days? Just throw a bunch of stuff in the pot and cook until the audience reacts. I didn’t learn a thing, but shit- I’ll clap.
Reviews
Madame Morbid Trolley Tour Review: Is It Worth It?
Most people find that stretching their dollar still barely gets them by in today’s economy. I am very particular about what I spend my spare money on regarding extracurriculars. And no one likes to feel like their money is wasted. Madame Morbid Trolley Tours wasn’t an experience I had been familiar with. Maybe that’s because I’m chronically offline for most of my life. So this leads to the perfect question: in today’s turbulent economy, is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours worth the price? The short answer is unquestionably, yes. But it’s more than just a simple yes.
My wife and I arrived at the designated meeting point 15 minutes before the scheduled departure time. A handful of minutes later, a gorgeous, e-candle-lit trolley pulled up to the side of the road. We were greeted by impeccably on-brand Allison Chase, our tour guide, and trolley driver ‘Mad’ Matt Zaller. The wonderfully cheery duo invited us on the trolley, and the tour was set to begin.
400 Years of Death, Destruction, and Infrastructure
After a welcoming video intro from someone who knows a thing or two about busting ghosts, we set off on the inaugural Madame Morbid Trolley Tour in its ninth year of operation. From the Brooklyn Naval Yard all the way to Dumbo, and more, this tour magnificently chronicles 400 years of history, the good and the bad, expertly. No matter how much you think you may know about Brooklyn history, I can bet there will be something new learned within the first 15 minutes of the tour. From the first-ever plane crash to one of the worst theater fires in history, this tour covers tragedies that the greatest horror writers couldn’t conceive.
The Deadly [Charming] Docent
Allison Chase led the fascinating tour in character from the moment we stepped on the trolley until our departure. But Allison’s character was not forced or fake; you could feel Allison’s passion for not just morbid history, but the accuracy of it. Some of the stories we heard were steeped in historical context, and it was not boring for a single second. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is not your standard full-talking tour. It’s a mixed-media adventure of some of Brooklyn’s darkest moments.
During “downtime” (the times between locations), we were edutained by mini documentaries (that were quite funny). Some of the “downtime” was filled with traffic trivia (I won a needle pen!). And other times were show-and-tell-like, with objects passed around for us to examine. But there was never a moment of silence that wasn’t purposeful. All in all, Allison’s knowledge and passion shone like the luminosity of a full moon.
Is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours Worth It?
The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour was not just a fun night out for my wife and me, but it was a delightfully dark night of edutainment. It should also be noted that ‘Mad’ Matt’s driving skills were fantastic. There was a time when I had become enamored with how Matt handled the narrow streets of Brooklyn before realizing that I needed to refocus my attention on Allison. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is an exceptionally fun evening of horror and history that will make you think twice next time you walk down the streets of Brooklyn. It is worth the money, and then some. There’s no better activity for a cold, dark October night than the Madame Morbid Trolley Tour.
For more information on Madame Morbid Trolley Tours, and to get your tickets, click here!
Reviews
‘Cujo’ (1983): A First-Time-Watch Review
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should have watched the Stephen King adaptation Cujo a million years ago. First of all, I was a voracious King reader in middle school. The other thing I was obsessed with during those years was Friends. You know, the show that hinges a major episode’s subplot on Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) watching Cujo for the first time. Whatever the reason was, I never got around to it, but I’m rectifying that oversight now.
What is Cujo About?
Cujo tells a relatively simple story. Donna Trenton’s (Dee Wallace) a housewife who’s cheating on her husband Vic (Daniel Hugh-Kelly) with local handyman Steve (Christopher Stone). There’s no accounting for taste, because Vic is 10 times hotter and Steve doesn’t own a bed frame. Look, Donna. I know Vic has that awful David Hasselhoff hair, but I promise the 1980s will end sooner or later. It’ll be OK.
Donna’s attempted termination of this affair ultimately leads to its discovery. Amid this drama, her car breaks down at a mechanic’s isolated farmhouse, trapping her and her son, Tad (Danny Pintauro). You see, the mechanic’s dog, Cujo, freshly christened with rabies, is patrolling the area and attacking everything in sight.
Dee Wallace Is Cujo’s Not-So-Secret Weapon
It would be impossible to start a worthwhile review of Cujo without praising Dee Wallace. The woman is a genre icon, naturally. Think about this: She had only appeared in seven theatrical movies before starring in Cujo. Four of those movies are The Stepford Wives, The Hills Have Eyes, E.T., and The Howling. But this woman didn’t become an icon simply by accidentally stumbling into some iconic titles. She is simply terrific as Donna, using her darting eyes and taut expression to deliver oodles of subtext. You instantly get the sense of how trapped she feels by marriage and motherhood without her uttering a single word.
A good performance is vital, here. Because there’s a hell of a lot of drama to get through before she’s trapped in that damn car. But Wallace instantly shoves you into Donna’s perspective, whether you like it or not. This makes it all the more potent when she is menaced by Cujo. Her desperate attempts for survival, also impeccably performed, have true weight because she seems like a real person. She is also given an incredible scene partner in Danny Pintauro. The future Who’s the Boss? star, who was only six when shooting Cujo, has a perfect everychild quality. His innocence heightens the peril. But so does that fact that he is just as irritating as every six-year-old you’ve ever met.
This movie truly captures how annoying it must be to be stuck in a life-and-death situation with a child. This is a compliment, I swear! Donna is worn down by every aspect of the situation, including her own son’s inability to cope with it. And this ratchets up the tension even further, to an almost unbearable degree.
Cujo Is a Mixed Bag, But Worthwhile Overall
The movie doesn’t work if Cujo himself doesn’t work, and at first I was real worried that he wouldn’t. In the first half, the St. Bernards that play Cujo onscreen are often shown to be wagging their tails in delight. Which kind of undercuts the reality of the situation, I’d say. But the editing and the special effects step in to fix what animal training couldn’t. The attack scenes in the second half are constructed with quick cuts that never let you get too much purchase. It’s a good approach for keeping viewers off-kilter.
Also, Cujo becomes less and less recognizable as a cuddly canine the further the movie gets. It’s a simple trick, really. He ends up getting coated with more and more slime. Saliva, pus, blood, and what have you. This is good for making him feel like a true movie monster. Plus, it’s a good mirror for the sliminess inside the car as it gets covered in sweat, blood, and grime.
The second half of the movie ultimately works like gangbusters. It’s a shame that Cujo is too cowardly to get Donna and Tad in the car before the halfway point. This decision is somewhat faithful to the book’s structure as I remember it. However, it diminishes the weight of the long days that they spend in the car. We really need to feel that crushing stretch of time, and we don’t. When Tad is suffering from dehydration, it’s not a gut punch. Honestly, I just found myself asking, “Already?” It’s good that they gave the movie a happier ending, because the classic grimdark Stephen King finale wouldn’t have landed.
Is Cujo Worth Watching in 2026?
At the end of the day, Cujo is a solid movie and I’m glad I finally watched it. However, it’s not such a stone-cold classic that I’m not at least a little intrigued by that upcoming Netflix remake…



