Reviews
‘House of the Dead 2’ Review: Far Better Than The Original
Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead is a trash movie classic. For many, it exists as a ‘so bad it’s good’ movie. For me, House of the Dead is so bad it’s bad. Before looking up movies for March, I had no clue there was a House of the Dead sequel! This is the first time this month that I’ve stretched the category limit, as House of the Dead 2 merely premiered on the Sci-Fi Channel. Remember when movies premiered on the Sci-Fi Channel on Fridays and Saturdays? Those were great times. Seeing commercials all through the week, leading up to the big premiere. Ugh. I miss those days.
Zombies Take Over Cuesta Verde University in House of the Dead 2
House of the Dead 2 takes place a few months after the happenings of the first film. When one of Professor Roy Curien’s (Sid Haig) test subjects escapes containment at Cuesta Verde University, AMS is tasked with securing the campus. Led by Alexandra “Nightingale” Morgan (Emmanuelle Vaugier) and Lieutenant Jake Ellis (Ed Quinn), the team descends on the campus with wanton disregard for student safety. Bullets fly and heads explode as AMS gets closer to finding a blood sample…but the ticking clock starts ticking faster when they’re told a series of missiles will level the college campus shortly. Who will live and who will die in House of the Dead 2?
From writer Mark A. Altman and director Michael Hurst, House of the Dead 2 is a slower, more contained, faster-paced entry into the House of the Dead franchise. While the infected lack the scare factor from those in the original, they succeed at creating a frantic environment and an overall more entertaining film than Boll’s abortion of a motion picture. Thankfully, this sequel’s pacing is improved over the original.
Dialogue and Performances: Campy, Cringe, and Self-Aware
One of my main issues with the original is the overly snappy dialogue. Everything is a joke, a setup for a joke, or cringe “macho” lines. While the majority of Altman’s script carries that over, there’s a more refined element to the dialogue. That could also be attributed to better actors like Vaugier, Quinn, Victoria Pratt, Nadine Velazquez, and Sticky Fingaz. Much of the dialogue here does feel a bit cringe in its entirety, but the cast of 2 leans into it so much more. Part of me feels like Boll took a way too serious path with the original, while Hurst leans into the kookiness and over-the-top energy that makes this film work.
But I’m glossing over the main point of what this film is: a zombie film. The topic of slow vs fast zombies is one of the most annoying topics in horror. Just let them be whatever they are! House of the Dead 2 is full of slow zombies, though some do seem to move at a medium-ish pace. As stated, the infected here lack some of the scare factor from the original, but they make up for it in overall tenacity. Plus, they look gnarly. The team from Almost Human made, I can’t believe I’m saying this, some of the best-looking infected prosthetics I’ve seen in a zombie film. Each zombie feels like they have their own story to tell, and the extras who brought the infected to life play that up very well. Whether it’s a one-off zombie or a whole horde, you can feel the characterization behind them.
The Missed Opportunity: Mosquito Zombie Infections
My biggest issue with this film is something they dropped really quickly. At one point, three AMS members are in a dorm room, looking for infected to kill. One of the members is bitten by a mosquito and becomes infected. On top of the throwaway line about how the infected are evolving, the idea of the infection being transmitted by mosquitoes is a great idea, but one that is quickly dropped. Maybe they had plans to go deeper into this idea with the failed third film, but I was hoping that would have been pushed forward in the story.
A Better (and More Self-Aware) Zombie Sequel
House of the Dead 2 is a fairly typical zombie movie. It’s an ensemble film that introduces way too many characters with the promise of picking them off one by one. But it’s less on the nose than the original and plays into the more darkly humorous side that Uwe Boll couldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. With an attractive cast that knows what they’re in for, a cast that chews up the scenery as much as the undead, House of the Dead 2 brought life into a dead franchise. I’m just glad we didn’t get that reported third film with…Dean Cain (yuck!).
Most people find that stretching their dollar still barely gets them by in today’s economy. I am very particular about what I spend my spare money on regarding extracurriculars. And no one likes to feel like their money is wasted. Madame Morbid Trolley Tours wasn’t an experience I had been familiar with. Maybe that’s because I’m chronically offline for most of my life. So this leads to the perfect question: in today’s turbulent economy, is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours worth the price? The short answer is unquestionably, yes. But it’s more than just a simple yes.
My wife and I arrived at the designated meeting point 15 minutes before the scheduled departure time. A handful of minutes later, a gorgeous, e-candle-lit trolley pulled up to the side of the road. We were greeted by impeccably on-brand Allison Chase, our tour guide, and trolley driver ‘Mad’ Matt Zaller. The wonderfully cheery duo invited us on the trolley, and the tour was set to begin.
400 Years of Death, Destruction, and Infrastructure
After a welcoming video intro from someone who knows a thing or two about busting ghosts, we set off on the inaugural Madame Morbid Trolley Tour in its ninth year of operation. From the Brooklyn Naval Yard all the way to Dumbo, and more, this tour magnificently chronicles 400 years of history, the good and the bad, expertly. No matter how much you think you may know about Brooklyn history, I can bet there will be something new learned within the first 15 minutes of the tour. From the first-ever plane crash to one of the worst theater fires in history, this tour covers tragedies that the greatest horror writers couldn’t conceive.
The Deadly [Charming] Docent
Allison Chase led the fascinating tour in character from the moment we stepped on the trolley until our departure. But Allison’s character was not forced or fake; you could feel Allison’s passion for not just morbid history, but the accuracy of it. Some of the stories we heard were steeped in historical context, and it was not boring for a single second. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is not your standard full-talking tour. It’s a mixed-media adventure of some of Brooklyn’s darkest moments.
During “downtime” (the times between locations), we were edutained by mini documentaries (that were quite funny). Some of the “downtime” was filled with traffic trivia (I won a needle pen!). And other times were show-and-tell-like, with objects passed around for us to examine. But there was never a moment of silence that wasn’t purposeful. All in all, Allison’s knowledge and passion shone like the luminosity of a full moon.
Is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours Worth It?
The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour was not just a fun night out for my wife and me, but it was a delightfully dark night of edutainment. It should also be noted that ‘Mad’ Matt’s driving skills were fantastic. There was a time when I had become enamored with how Matt handled the narrow streets of Brooklyn before realizing that I needed to refocus my attention on Allison. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is an exceptionally fun evening of horror and history that will make you think twice next time you walk down the streets of Brooklyn. It is worth the money, and then some. There’s no better activity for a cold, dark October night than the Madame Morbid Trolley Tour.
For more information on Madame Morbid Trolley Tours, and to get your tickets, click here!
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should have watched the Stephen King adaptation Cujo a million years ago. First of all, I was a voracious King reader in middle school. The other thing I was obsessed with during those years was Friends. You know, the show that hinges a major episode’s subplot on Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) watching Cujo for the first time. Whatever the reason was, I never got around to it, but I’m rectifying that oversight now.
What is Cujo About?
Cujo tells a relatively simple story. Donna Trenton’s (Dee Wallace) a housewife who’s cheating on her husband Vic (Daniel Hugh-Kelly) with local handyman Steve (Christopher Stone). There’s no accounting for taste, because Vic is 10 times hotter and Steve doesn’t own a bed frame. Look, Donna. I know Vic has that awful David Hasselhoff hair, but I promise the 1980s will end sooner or later. It’ll be OK.
Donna’s attempted termination of this affair ultimately leads to its discovery. Amid this drama, her car breaks down at a mechanic’s isolated farmhouse, trapping her and her son, Tad (Danny Pintauro). You see, the mechanic’s dog, Cujo, freshly christened with rabies, is patrolling the area and attacking everything in sight.
Dee Wallace Is Cujo’s Not-So-Secret Weapon
It would be impossible to start a worthwhile review of Cujo without praising Dee Wallace. The woman is a genre icon, naturally. Think about this: She had only appeared in seven theatrical movies before starring in Cujo. Four of those movies are The Stepford Wives, The Hills Have Eyes, E.T., and The Howling. But this woman didn’t become an icon simply by accidentally stumbling into some iconic titles. She is simply terrific as Donna, using her darting eyes and taut expression to deliver oodles of subtext. You instantly get the sense of how trapped she feels by marriage and motherhood without her uttering a single word.
A good performance is vital, here. Because there’s a hell of a lot of drama to get through before she’s trapped in that damn car. But Wallace instantly shoves you into Donna’s perspective, whether you like it or not. This makes it all the more potent when she is menaced by Cujo. Her desperate attempts for survival, also impeccably performed, have true weight because she seems like a real person. She is also given an incredible scene partner in Danny Pintauro. The future Who’s the Boss? star, who was only six when shooting Cujo, has a perfect everychild quality. His innocence heightens the peril. But so does that fact that he is just as irritating as every six-year-old you’ve ever met.
This movie truly captures how annoying it must be to be stuck in a life-and-death situation with a child. This is a compliment, I swear! Donna is worn down by every aspect of the situation, including her own son’s inability to cope with it. And this ratchets up the tension even further, to an almost unbearable degree.
Cujo Is a Mixed Bag, But Worthwhile Overall
The movie doesn’t work if Cujo himself doesn’t work, and at first I was real worried that he wouldn’t. In the first half, the St. Bernards that play Cujo onscreen are often shown to be wagging their tails in delight. Which kind of undercuts the reality of the situation, I’d say. But the editing and the special effects step in to fix what animal training couldn’t. The attack scenes in the second half are constructed with quick cuts that never let you get too much purchase. It’s a good approach for keeping viewers off-kilter.
Also, Cujo becomes less and less recognizable as a cuddly canine the further the movie gets. It’s a simple trick, really. He ends up getting coated with more and more slime. Saliva, pus, blood, and what have you. This is good for making him feel like a true movie monster. Plus, it’s a good mirror for the sliminess inside the car as it gets covered in sweat, blood, and grime.
The second half of the movie ultimately works like gangbusters. It’s a shame that Cujo is too cowardly to get Donna and Tad in the car before the halfway point. This decision is somewhat faithful to the book’s structure as I remember it. However, it diminishes the weight of the long days that they spend in the car. We really need to feel that crushing stretch of time, and we don’t. When Tad is suffering from dehydration, it’s not a gut punch. Honestly, I just found myself asking, “Already?” It’s good that they gave the movie a happier ending, because the classic grimdark Stephen King finale wouldn’t have landed.
Is Cujo Worth Watching in 2026?
At the end of the day, Cujo is a solid movie and I’m glad I finally watched it. However, it’s not such a stone-cold classic that I’m not at least a little intrigued by that upcoming Netflix remake…
