Reviews
‘Bring It On: Cheer or Die’ Review: A Blood Free Slasher That Fumbles the Franchise
Growing up in the mid-90s, I bore witness to some very out-there films. One of the films that defined cinema for many of the women I grew up with was Bring It On. I have never gotten around to seeing the film; being a teen boy in a red town, I was more of a Fired Up! guy. I have long known of a horror installment in the Bring It On series, but had zero interest in ever checking it out. Knowing that Bring It On: Cheer or Die premiered on the SyFy Channel gave me the perfect excuse to finally watch it. Yikes.
What is Bring It On: Cheer or Die About?
Abby (Kerri Medders) is the head cheerleader for The Diablos. Abby and her team are barred from doing any interesting choreography due to an incident from 20 years ago, by Principal Simmons (Missi Pyle). The team decides to go behind Simmons’s back and do a 24-hour rehearsal-thon at the building that their high school used to be in. Once at the abandoned building, someone donning their high school mascot’s costume starts picking off the cheer squad one by one. Will anyone in the cheer squad make it to regionals (Glee joke!), or will this be their last pyramid?
It is at this point in my review, yes, even after watching the movie, that I’m realizing who one of the writers is. Cheer or Die is co-written by Rebekah McKendry and Dana Schwartz, which comes as a complete surprise. I respect the hell out of Dr. McKendry. Her knowledge of the genre, its tropes and cliches, extends beyond what nearly anyone else knows. And I absolutely loved All The Creatures Were Stirring. So the fact that this is a film written by her floors me.
Comparing Cheer or Die to Modern Teen Slashers
While I’m not expecting Hereditary or Don’t Look Now-like storytelling from the seventh film in the Bring It On franchise, I was hoping for a little more than what it ended up as. I’ve discussed time and time again how much I enjoyed Fear Street: Prom Queen. Its general straightforwardness is refreshing in a subgenre that was forced to become too smart for its own good. Cheer or Die is just as straightforward, but nowhere near as good. Prom Queen is a very competent film; it looks great and is entertaining. Cheer or Die is not. It is vapid and pointless, an extreme waste of 91 minutes.
A slasher film should have at least one memorable kill. Right? There is not a single memorable kill, let alone a memorable moment, in Cheer or Die. On top of that, how do you have a blood-free slasher flick? I think there is one singular blood spray that is on camera for less than two seconds. I understand that you have to toe the line between appealing to Bring It On fans and genre fans, but it gets to a point where that line is pointless when you make a nothing film like this.
Karen Lam’s Direction and Technical Missteps
Was this film used as a tax scheme? Karen Lam apparently directed this film, but I didn’t see a single bit of direction the entire time. The cast recited their lines directly from the script with not a single bit of care in the world. I spent the near entirety of the film’s runtime just staring at the screen, wondering how this film got greenlit in the first place. If this were Lam’s feature directorial debut, I would cut it a bit of slack. But this was award-winning Karen Lam’s fourth film. Which is crazy considering the film refuses to adhere to any implication of the 180-degree rule. Wherever they wanted to set the camera, they set it. Few films feel like first-take films, but Bring It On: Cheer or Die feels like a film that utilized every single first take that they got.
Avoid Bring It On: Cheer or Die
My goal isn’t to take a film that someone put love and energy into and shit down its throat. But Cheer or Die barely deserves to be called a film. From its first bloodless death to its painfully obvious motive reveal, Cheer or Die fails at every single aspect. Hell, the killer(s) even say, “Story time,” when they tell the remaining cheer squad their motive. I expected more from the incredibly talented Dr. McKendry. All I can honestly say at this point is to avoid this film with every part of your being.
Most people find that stretching their dollar still barely gets them by in today’s economy. I am very particular about what I spend my spare money on regarding extracurriculars. And no one likes to feel like their money is wasted. Madame Morbid Trolley Tours wasn’t an experience I had been familiar with. Maybe that’s because I’m chronically offline for most of my life. So this leads to the perfect question: in today’s turbulent economy, is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours worth the price? The short answer is unquestionably, yes. But it’s more than just a simple yes.
My wife and I arrived at the designated meeting point 15 minutes before the scheduled departure time. A handful of minutes later, a gorgeous, e-candle-lit trolley pulled up to the side of the road. We were greeted by impeccably on-brand Allison Chase, our tour guide, and trolley driver ‘Mad’ Matt Zaller. The wonderfully cheery duo invited us on the trolley, and the tour was set to begin.
400 Years of Death, Destruction, and Infrastructure
After a welcoming video intro from someone who knows a thing or two about busting ghosts, we set off on the inaugural Madame Morbid Trolley Tour in its ninth year of operation. From the Brooklyn Naval Yard all the way to Dumbo, and more, this tour magnificently chronicles 400 years of history, the good and the bad, expertly. No matter how much you think you may know about Brooklyn history, I can bet there will be something new learned within the first 15 minutes of the tour. From the first-ever plane crash to one of the worst theater fires in history, this tour covers tragedies that the greatest horror writers couldn’t conceive.
The Deadly [Charming] Docent
Allison Chase led the fascinating tour in character from the moment we stepped on the trolley until our departure. But Allison’s character was not forced or fake; you could feel Allison’s passion for not just morbid history, but the accuracy of it. Some of the stories we heard were steeped in historical context, and it was not boring for a single second. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is not your standard full-talking tour. It’s a mixed-media adventure of some of Brooklyn’s darkest moments.
During “downtime” (the times between locations), we were edutained by mini documentaries (that were quite funny). Some of the “downtime” was filled with traffic trivia (I won a needle pen!). And other times were show-and-tell-like, with objects passed around for us to examine. But there was never a moment of silence that wasn’t purposeful. All in all, Allison’s knowledge and passion shone like the luminosity of a full moon.
Is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours Worth It?
The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour was not just a fun night out for my wife and me, but it was a delightfully dark night of edutainment. It should also be noted that ‘Mad’ Matt’s driving skills were fantastic. There was a time when I had become enamored with how Matt handled the narrow streets of Brooklyn before realizing that I needed to refocus my attention on Allison. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is an exceptionally fun evening of horror and history that will make you think twice next time you walk down the streets of Brooklyn. It is worth the money, and then some. There’s no better activity for a cold, dark October night than the Madame Morbid Trolley Tour.
For more information on Madame Morbid Trolley Tours, and to get your tickets, click here!
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should have watched the Stephen King adaptation Cujo a million years ago. First of all, I was a voracious King reader in middle school. The other thing I was obsessed with during those years was Friends. You know, the show that hinges a major episode’s subplot on Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) watching Cujo for the first time. Whatever the reason was, I never got around to it, but I’m rectifying that oversight now.
What is Cujo About?
Cujo tells a relatively simple story. Donna Trenton’s (Dee Wallace) a housewife who’s cheating on her husband Vic (Daniel Hugh-Kelly) with local handyman Steve (Christopher Stone). There’s no accounting for taste, because Vic is 10 times hotter and Steve doesn’t own a bed frame. Look, Donna. I know Vic has that awful David Hasselhoff hair, but I promise the 1980s will end sooner or later. It’ll be OK.
Donna’s attempted termination of this affair ultimately leads to its discovery. Amid this drama, her car breaks down at a mechanic’s isolated farmhouse, trapping her and her son, Tad (Danny Pintauro). You see, the mechanic’s dog, Cujo, freshly christened with rabies, is patrolling the area and attacking everything in sight.
Dee Wallace Is Cujo’s Not-So-Secret Weapon
It would be impossible to start a worthwhile review of Cujo without praising Dee Wallace. The woman is a genre icon, naturally. Think about this: She had only appeared in seven theatrical movies before starring in Cujo. Four of those movies are The Stepford Wives, The Hills Have Eyes, E.T., and The Howling. But this woman didn’t become an icon simply by accidentally stumbling into some iconic titles. She is simply terrific as Donna, using her darting eyes and taut expression to deliver oodles of subtext. You instantly get the sense of how trapped she feels by marriage and motherhood without her uttering a single word.
A good performance is vital, here. Because there’s a hell of a lot of drama to get through before she’s trapped in that damn car. But Wallace instantly shoves you into Donna’s perspective, whether you like it or not. This makes it all the more potent when she is menaced by Cujo. Her desperate attempts for survival, also impeccably performed, have true weight because she seems like a real person. She is also given an incredible scene partner in Danny Pintauro. The future Who’s the Boss? star, who was only six when shooting Cujo, has a perfect everychild quality. His innocence heightens the peril. But so does that fact that he is just as irritating as every six-year-old you’ve ever met.
This movie truly captures how annoying it must be to be stuck in a life-and-death situation with a child. This is a compliment, I swear! Donna is worn down by every aspect of the situation, including her own son’s inability to cope with it. And this ratchets up the tension even further, to an almost unbearable degree.
Cujo Is a Mixed Bag, But Worthwhile Overall
The movie doesn’t work if Cujo himself doesn’t work, and at first I was real worried that he wouldn’t. In the first half, the St. Bernards that play Cujo onscreen are often shown to be wagging their tails in delight. Which kind of undercuts the reality of the situation, I’d say. But the editing and the special effects step in to fix what animal training couldn’t. The attack scenes in the second half are constructed with quick cuts that never let you get too much purchase. It’s a good approach for keeping viewers off-kilter.
Also, Cujo becomes less and less recognizable as a cuddly canine the further the movie gets. It’s a simple trick, really. He ends up getting coated with more and more slime. Saliva, pus, blood, and what have you. This is good for making him feel like a true movie monster. Plus, it’s a good mirror for the sliminess inside the car as it gets covered in sweat, blood, and grime.
The second half of the movie ultimately works like gangbusters. It’s a shame that Cujo is too cowardly to get Donna and Tad in the car before the halfway point. This decision is somewhat faithful to the book’s structure as I remember it. However, it diminishes the weight of the long days that they spend in the car. We really need to feel that crushing stretch of time, and we don’t. When Tad is suffering from dehydration, it’s not a gut punch. Honestly, I just found myself asking, “Already?” It’s good that they gave the movie a happier ending, because the classic grimdark Stephen King finale wouldn’t have landed.
Is Cujo Worth Watching in 2026?
At the end of the day, Cujo is a solid movie and I’m glad I finally watched it. However, it’s not such a stone-cold classic that I’m not at least a little intrigued by that upcoming Netflix remake…
