Reviews
‘Sorority Row’ Review: An Underrated Remake from 2009
We talk about aughts remakes A LOT. Many of these films are being reappraised as not as bad as we originally said they were. Those of us who grew up with the brash, hyper-violent remakes of 1970s and 1980s horror films didn’t realize how fortunate we were. A modern perspective reveals these films’ deeper horrors, reflecting America’s anxieties through themes of xenophobia and post-9/11 fears. One such remake reintroduced an overlooked 1980s gem to new audiences. Much like its source material, Sorority Row didn’t get the love it deserved in its time. And it still doesn’t get discussed as much as it should!
Sorority Row: A Deadly Prank Gone Wrong
The Theta Pi sisters, Chugs (Margo Harshman), Claire (Jamie Chung), Ellie (Rumer Willis), and Jessica (Leah Pipes), decide to play a prank on Garrett (Matt O’Leary). With the help of Theta Pi’s Megan (Audrina Patridge), they get Garrett to believe she ODs while hooking up. Cassidy (Briana Evigan) gets roped into the prank. Unfortunately, the prank turns deadly for everyone. CUT TO: the end of the school year. As the sorority sisters prepare to graduate, a hooded figure prepares to kill them off one by one.
Sorority Row starts off strong with a well-choreographed one-shot through a bumping house party. It’s hard not to appreciate how quickly Sorority Row gets into the action. It starts off at an 11, brings you down to a safe baseline, and then slowly ramps itself back up to a memorable finisher. It toes the line between its satirical look at Greek life, with some very dark moments of comedy, as well as being a very effective slasher film. Sorority Row would be the first foray into horror for writers Josh Stolberg and Peter Goldfinger. While Stolberg had reasonable success with some comedies at the start of his career, he hit his stride writing Sorority Row with Goldfinger.
Nostalgia and the Aughts Aesthetic in Sorority Row
For some reason, I had never gotten around to watching this film at the time. Sorority Row is one of the films I would see the cover of constantly at Blockbuster. Something about the hooded man on the cover with a tire iron struck fear into my 15-year-old heart. Finally getting around to this film made that 15-year wait worth it. One of the most charming aspects of Sorority Row is its aughts-style aesthetic, which feels like the anti-piracy video we all know and love. If you ever find yourself yearning for that feel, this film will scratch that itch.
Sorority Row’s biggest upgrade to this remake is the killer’s weapon. The cane from The House on Sorority Row is fun and effective, but it’s not the most memorable. One prong is blunt, one is a two-pronged fork, one has an arrowhead shape, and one is a straight-up butcher knife. This weapon leads to some gloriously brutal kills. By the end, it did feel a kill or two too short, but we do have a few wonderfully inventive kills. Where the film stumbles is in its reveal…well, reveals. There’s a fake reveal that is technically a fake reveal, and then there’s the real reveal that leaves you wondering who killed who? It’s a bit messy, but it works for me.
Why Sorority Row Deserves a Sequel and More Love
Hopefully, with this impending sequel, we can get the tire iron back on the big screen! I really can’t believe there isn’t Fright Rags or Cavity Colors apparel, or at least a Scream Factory rerelease. Sorority Row is a quirky piece of mid-to-late-aughts art that serves as a wonderfully gory exclamation mark at the end of a decade. It’s a film that knows what it wants to be and doesn’t attempt to be anything more. More filmmakers should take notes.
Reviews
Madame Morbid Trolley Tour Review: Is It Worth It?
Most people find that stretching their dollar still barely gets them by in today’s economy. I am very particular about what I spend my spare money on regarding extracurriculars. And no one likes to feel like their money is wasted. Madame Morbid Trolley Tours wasn’t an experience I had been familiar with. Maybe that’s because I’m chronically offline for most of my life. So this leads to the perfect question: in today’s turbulent economy, is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours worth the price? The short answer is unquestionably, yes. But it’s more than just a simple yes.
My wife and I arrived at the designated meeting point 15 minutes before the scheduled departure time. A handful of minutes later, a gorgeous, e-candle-lit trolley pulled up to the side of the road. We were greeted by impeccably on-brand Allison Chase, our tour guide, and trolley driver ‘Mad’ Matt Zaller. The wonderfully cheery duo invited us on the trolley, and the tour was set to begin.
400 Years of Death, Destruction, and Infrastructure
After a welcoming video intro from someone who knows a thing or two about busting ghosts, we set off on the inaugural Madame Morbid Trolley Tour in its ninth year of operation. From the Brooklyn Naval Yard all the way to Dumbo, and more, this tour magnificently chronicles 400 years of history, the good and the bad, expertly. No matter how much you think you may know about Brooklyn history, I can bet there will be something new learned within the first 15 minutes of the tour. From the first-ever plane crash to one of the worst theater fires in history, this tour covers tragedies that the greatest horror writers couldn’t conceive.
The Deadly [Charming] Docent
Allison Chase led the fascinating tour in character from the moment we stepped on the trolley until our departure. But Allison’s character was not forced or fake; you could feel Allison’s passion for not just morbid history, but the accuracy of it. Some of the stories we heard were steeped in historical context, and it was not boring for a single second. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is not your standard full-talking tour. It’s a mixed-media adventure of some of Brooklyn’s darkest moments.
During “downtime” (the times between locations), we were edutained by mini documentaries (that were quite funny). Some of the “downtime” was filled with traffic trivia (I won a needle pen!). And other times were show-and-tell-like, with objects passed around for us to examine. But there was never a moment of silence that wasn’t purposeful. All in all, Allison’s knowledge and passion shone like the luminosity of a full moon.
Is Madame Morbid Trolley Tours Worth It?
The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour was not just a fun night out for my wife and me, but it was a delightfully dark night of edutainment. It should also be noted that ‘Mad’ Matt’s driving skills were fantastic. There was a time when I had become enamored with how Matt handled the narrow streets of Brooklyn before realizing that I needed to refocus my attention on Allison. The Madame Morbid Trolley Tour is an exceptionally fun evening of horror and history that will make you think twice next time you walk down the streets of Brooklyn. It is worth the money, and then some. There’s no better activity for a cold, dark October night than the Madame Morbid Trolley Tour.
For more information on Madame Morbid Trolley Tours, and to get your tickets, click here!
Reviews
‘Cujo’ (1983): A First-Time-Watch Review
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should have watched the Stephen King adaptation Cujo a million years ago. First of all, I was a voracious King reader in middle school. The other thing I was obsessed with during those years was Friends. You know, the show that hinges a major episode’s subplot on Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) watching Cujo for the first time. Whatever the reason was, I never got around to it, but I’m rectifying that oversight now.
What is Cujo About?
Cujo tells a relatively simple story. Donna Trenton’s (Dee Wallace) a housewife who’s cheating on her husband Vic (Daniel Hugh-Kelly) with local handyman Steve (Christopher Stone). There’s no accounting for taste, because Vic is 10 times hotter and Steve doesn’t own a bed frame. Look, Donna. I know Vic has that awful David Hasselhoff hair, but I promise the 1980s will end sooner or later. It’ll be OK.
Donna’s attempted termination of this affair ultimately leads to its discovery. Amid this drama, her car breaks down at a mechanic’s isolated farmhouse, trapping her and her son, Tad (Danny Pintauro). You see, the mechanic’s dog, Cujo, freshly christened with rabies, is patrolling the area and attacking everything in sight.
Dee Wallace Is Cujo’s Not-So-Secret Weapon
It would be impossible to start a worthwhile review of Cujo without praising Dee Wallace. The woman is a genre icon, naturally. Think about this: She had only appeared in seven theatrical movies before starring in Cujo. Four of those movies are The Stepford Wives, The Hills Have Eyes, E.T., and The Howling. But this woman didn’t become an icon simply by accidentally stumbling into some iconic titles. She is simply terrific as Donna, using her darting eyes and taut expression to deliver oodles of subtext. You instantly get the sense of how trapped she feels by marriage and motherhood without her uttering a single word.
A good performance is vital, here. Because there’s a hell of a lot of drama to get through before she’s trapped in that damn car. But Wallace instantly shoves you into Donna’s perspective, whether you like it or not. This makes it all the more potent when she is menaced by Cujo. Her desperate attempts for survival, also impeccably performed, have true weight because she seems like a real person. She is also given an incredible scene partner in Danny Pintauro. The future Who’s the Boss? star, who was only six when shooting Cujo, has a perfect everychild quality. His innocence heightens the peril. But so does that fact that he is just as irritating as every six-year-old you’ve ever met.
This movie truly captures how annoying it must be to be stuck in a life-and-death situation with a child. This is a compliment, I swear! Donna is worn down by every aspect of the situation, including her own son’s inability to cope with it. And this ratchets up the tension even further, to an almost unbearable degree.
Cujo Is a Mixed Bag, But Worthwhile Overall
The movie doesn’t work if Cujo himself doesn’t work, and at first I was real worried that he wouldn’t. In the first half, the St. Bernards that play Cujo onscreen are often shown to be wagging their tails in delight. Which kind of undercuts the reality of the situation, I’d say. But the editing and the special effects step in to fix what animal training couldn’t. The attack scenes in the second half are constructed with quick cuts that never let you get too much purchase. It’s a good approach for keeping viewers off-kilter.
Also, Cujo becomes less and less recognizable as a cuddly canine the further the movie gets. It’s a simple trick, really. He ends up getting coated with more and more slime. Saliva, pus, blood, and what have you. This is good for making him feel like a true movie monster. Plus, it’s a good mirror for the sliminess inside the car as it gets covered in sweat, blood, and grime.
The second half of the movie ultimately works like gangbusters. It’s a shame that Cujo is too cowardly to get Donna and Tad in the car before the halfway point. This decision is somewhat faithful to the book’s structure as I remember it. However, it diminishes the weight of the long days that they spend in the car. We really need to feel that crushing stretch of time, and we don’t. When Tad is suffering from dehydration, it’s not a gut punch. Honestly, I just found myself asking, “Already?” It’s good that they gave the movie a happier ending, because the classic grimdark Stephen King finale wouldn’t have landed.
Is Cujo Worth Watching in 2026?
At the end of the day, Cujo is a solid movie and I’m glad I finally watched it. However, it’s not such a stone-cold classic that I’m not at least a little intrigued by that upcoming Netflix remake…



