Movies
The Final Destination Franchise, Ranked
With this year’s Final Destination: Bloodlines threatening to bring a major horror franchise of the 2000s rushing back into the hearts and minds of the people, just when we need it the most, there’s hardly a better time than to look back at the franchise that was. The five-film series, which kicked off in 2000 with a movie adapted from an X-Files spec script and follows Death’s increasingly elaborate design to claim the lives of people who somehow avoided disaster, is one of the most thrillingly consistent franchises of the modern age, so this was a particularly tough ranking to hammer out.
With this year’s Final Destination: Bloodlines threatening to bring a major horror franchise of the 2000s rushing back into the hearts and minds of the people, just when we need it the most, there’s hardly a better time than to look back at the franchise that was. The five-film series, which kicked off in 2000 with a movie adapted from an X-Files spec script and follows Death’s increasingly elaborate design to claim the lives of people who somehow avoided disaster, is one of the most thrillingly consistent franchises of the modern age, so this was a particularly tough ranking to hammer out.
The Entire Final Destination Franchise Ranked
#5 The Final Destination (2009)
I have a chinchilla-level soft spot for The Final Destination, and it’s not just because of its extreme willingness to objectify male characters at the same level as the female characters, but even I must agree with the general populace on this one. It’s demonstrably at a lower level than the others. There’s no appearance by franchise stalwart Tony Todd (RIP), for one thing, and the questionable 2009 CGI is also incredibly damaging for a franchise that is primarily a delivery system for horrible onscreen deaths.
That said, there is something charming about the brutal efficiency of its storytelling. It’s painting in strokes so broad it almost becomes a fable, and it is still more clever than it gets credit for in its Rube Goldberg approach to Death, especially in the way that most people become undone by their own good luck tokens.
#4 Final Destination 2 (2003)
Final Destination 2 is definitely the movie in the franchise that I’ve flip-flopped on the most over the years. Its conceit, following Death tracking down people whose lives were saved by characters from the first movie who shouldn’t have been alive in the first place, is solid. Plus, it has that unimpeachable opening sequence with the 18,000 car pileup on the freeway.
However, there’s a lot of running around in circles between the death sequences that never amounts to much, A. J. Cook delivers one of the blander protagonist performances in a franchise that isn’t exactly known for textured and interesting leads, and the mini-premonitions she has during the main part of the movie are chintzy and goofy.
#3 Final Destination 3 (2006)
Forgive me for the inexcusable pun, but this one is a roller coaster ride. Mary Elizabeth Winstead delivers a solid leading lady performance, it’s downright nasty to its dead meat characters, and the “prophetic photos” trick is a fun way to get the characters involved in trying to stop their own deaths. This one also suffers from a severe lack of Tony Todd (he has a voice-only cameo at the theme park in the beginning), but at least it remembers that the franchise sometimes gives Death a theme song (“Rocky Mountain High” in the first movie, “Dust in the Wind” in FD5).
The one they chose here – “Turn Around, Look At Me” by The Lettermen – is maybe the most perfectly creepy oldies needle drop this side of “Tiptoe Through the Tulips.”
#2 Final Destination 5 (2011)
This miraculous sequel is not only deeply interested in ways to push the premise of the franchise forward (“take a life, steal their remaining time” is one of the most narratively satisfying approaches to giving the dead meat characters something to do), it also contains some of the best pre-death sequences in the franchise. Every installment has at least one terrific Rube Goldberg sequence where random events pile up into a violent death (the beauty parlor in TFD, the fire escape in FD2, and the tanning beds in FD3 come to mind).
Still, there has hardly been a better tension-building setpiece than the “sharp screw falling on the balance beam” scene in this movie. It harnesses the wicked glee that is always present in Death’s fuckery throughout the franchise, but it also captures the way that some of the most effective horror comes from the most mundane, everyday threats.
#1 Final Destination (2000)
It’s very common for any ranking to have the first movie at the top, but frankly, I don’t know that this is the case for Final Destination. Because all the movies are so good, and the sequels are bigger and splashier (sometimes literally), the original 2000 installment can get short shrift. And sure, later on they found more ways to push the envelope of what is set up here, but it is set up so damn effectively.
What this movie lacks in the slickness of the sequels, it makes up for with brutality. Moments like seeing a strangled teenager’s veins burst in his eyes or the miserable way that Ms. Newton clings to life until she just can’t anymore during her kitchen misadventure have a profound power. This is by far the most emotionally excoriating installment in the franchise, where the weight of the deaths is felt by the characters in a real way, rather than just as yet another link in the supernatural slasher chain the movie is building.
The franchise’s ability to play on common real-life fears is also introduced with one of its brashest set pieces. That Flight 180 explosion is second only to Final Destination 2’s logging truck for lodging right in the back of your brain for the rest of your life.
For a ranking of our favorite deaths in the Final Destination franchise, click here!
It’s still too cold to seriously consider going outside, so I am still in my couch potato era. Cozy, comfort, and Netflix are the three words people will hear me chanting under my breath this month. I also recently finished a group rewatch of Slasher: Solstice and have been looking at the other TV shows currently living on Netflix. Which is why I am looking for the warmth of my next quick binge. That’s right! I’m here with a few shows that could be taken down in one frosty February weekend. Most of them have been on my radar forever, and one of them I want to revisit because it screams lazy Stephen King Sunday. However, what I find most appealing about each of them is that I am guaranteed to lose at least a whole day if it’s a match made in hell.
Without further ado, here are the five titles I have my evil eye on this month. Check out my five Netflix picks for this February below! Happy binging to all my fellow couch potatoes!
The Best Movies to Stream on Netflix This Month
Archive 81 (2022)
An archivist finds himself reconstructing the work of a filmmaker and her investigation into a dangerous cult. I missed Archive 81, but have only heard good things about it. Which is why it’s weird it was cancelled after only one season, consisting of eight episodes. The popular show was created by Rebecca Sonnenshine and starred talent like Mamoudou Athie and Matt McGorry. So, I’m long overdue for this Netflix watch and am excited to finally see what all of the fuss is about.
Castle Rock (2018 – 2019)
A series set in the town of Castle Rock and inhabited by characters from some of Stephen King’s most infamous works. This is the only show on this streaming guide that I have already seen. However, it’s very cozy, and I want to go back in. While this divisive series wasn’t for everyone, it scratched my King itch better than most of his adaptations. Also, this cast was ridiculously stacked. Where else can you see André Holland, Melanie Lynskey, Bill Skarsgård, Jane Levy, Sissy Spacek, and Lizzy Caplan all play together? I will definitely be revisiting these twenty episodes that make up these two seasons of what the fuckery.
NOS4A2 (2019-2020)
An immortal who feeds on children is threatened by a young woman with a mysterious gift. This show has circled my list forever, and it’s high time I cross it off my list. I also need to know what Zachary Quinto and Ebon Moss-Bachrach were doing during this era of genre TV for research. I’m ready to run through these twenty episodes and report back on my findings. More importantly, I love to see a show with big “fuck them kids” energy. So, fingers crossed, he eats a few kids to keep me leaned in. I need this to be good for so many reasons.
Peaky Blinders (2013 – 2022)
A mob family in 1900s England sews razor blades in their caps and causes a ruckus. I am so ready to find out how this alleged crime drama collected so many horror fans. Is it just because it stars Cillian Murphy? Or is it very bloody and violent due to the razor blades being a key factor? Whatever the case, I’m excited to see all six seasons on Netflix. I plan to take these thirty-six episodes down like it is my job. I also cannot get over how lucky I have been to avoid all spoilers for the show, and I need to jump on it before someone ruins it for me already.
Reality Z (2020)
When a zombie apocalypse breaks out, a TV studio becomes a shelter for a small band of survivors in Rio de Janeiro. Because of the pandemic, I missed this Brazilian horror show. However, this seems like the kind of international gory zombie situation that I would like to make my new personality. I’m looking forward to seeing if these 10 episodes are one of the few reasons to keep talking to Netflix this year. Fingers crossed it is a scary good time, because we deserve some scares this February.
So, that’s where you can find me this February. Under a weighted blanket, in front of a TV, and eagerly taking advantage of the shows Netflix has collected. Let me know if any of these titles on my list will be your excuse to stay in this winter, too. Although, I am sure many of you will be revisiting your favorite Mike Flanagan Netflix Originals. Meanwhile, I am trying to get into some new (to me) stuff because the winter of our discontent is upon us. I plan to beat the winter of our discontent by being unreasonably comfortable and drowning in genre shows. I advise you to do the same because the weather outside is frightful and we have no place to go.
Shudder is making February a little more frightening with this month of programming. The streamer is adding indie horror that has been stuck in festival purgatory for a couple of years. The app is also getting a few international movies I need to see, a couple of classics, and one of my favorite overlooked Blaxploitation horror gems. So, it should go without saying that I will be very busy this month.
That is why I am sharing my notes with the class now so I can live every day in February like it is Shudder Saturday. Check out my five picks for the month below now and be prepared to see some weird stuff!
The Best Movies to Stream on Shudder This Month
J.D.’s Revenge (1976)
A murdered 1940s gangster possesses a young law student 30 years later to get revenge on his killer. This overlooked piece of cinema stars Glynn Turman and Louis Gossett Jr. I caught it last year, and will still argue that it is at the intersection of Blaxploitation and Shakespearean theatre. The plot is plotting, the drama is over the top, and the players are diabolical. Come to laugh at the outfits and stay for the betrayal and outstanding performances. I am especially grateful that Shudder is getting J.D.’s Revenge this month, so people can see a cleaner copy without ad breaks. It is truly a Black History Month miracle. Get into it while you still can.
You can watch J.D.’s Revenge on February 1st.
Nina Forever (2015)
A suicidal man starts dating a co-worker. However, whenever they have sex his dead girlfriend appears. That premise has my attention, and I will be hitting play on this immediately. I want to watch this dead woman heckle this man and his new girlfriend almost as much as I want anything else in life at the moment. This British horror comedy has my attention, and I hope it is even half as good as I have built it up to be in my head. This is the kind of chaos I expect from Shudder, and I am glad they are one of the few things that I can depend on these days.
You can watch Nina Forever on February 9th.
Kill Your Lover (2024)
A couple’s relationship becomes so toxic that it leads to an acidic battle to the death. Kill Your Lover is a movie that understands the horrors of a bad romance. This movie is sick, this apartment gets dank, and it will remind you that being single is usually for the best. I’m beyond excited to make people watch this now that it is finally on Shudder. After all, how many indie body horror breakup movies will we get in this lifetime? I highly recommend that you watch it with your friends, who should separate and see if it starts an overdue conversation.
You can watch Kill Your Lover on February 9th.
Hood Witch (2024)
A single mother who smuggles exotic animals and illegal goods develops an app that connects users with spiritual healers. However, when someone uses her app and gets deadly results, her community turns on her. Hood Witch is a lot of anxiety seasoned with some “good for her” moments. They take a witch hunt virtual with the use of apps, cellphones, and internet outrage over misinformation. The thought of your internet ops meeting up to hunt you down is enough to make us break out in a cold sweat. This movie was a fine time when I caught it a couple of years ago. I imagine it has only gotten even more timely as it finally makes its way to Shudder.
You can watch Hood Witch on February 16th.
The Last Sacrifice (2024)
The Last Sacrifice examines the real-life 1945 murder that inspired The Wicker Man (1973) and jump-started folk horror as we know it. The alarming witchcraft killing of Charles Walton shook its small community, and this true-crime documentary is here to remind us that this popular cult movie is based on a true unsolved murder. The doc also looks into society’s rabid fascination with true crime. How often do we sensationalize something grizzly to the point of losing the humanity of the subject? This documentary has eluded me for months, and I am looking forward to catching it while it’s on Shudder this month. What a time to be a subscriber!
You can watch The Last Sacrifice on February 16th.
Shudder really has something for every day of the month, and I am living. They really thought of every good little ghoul, and that’s why they’re kinda the best. So, it is only polite that we smash the play button on these wicked goodies and tell our friends to do the same.
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