It’s giallo month here at Horror Press. Many things come to mind when thinking about the giallo subgenre: bold colors, black-gloved killers, style-over-substance whodunits, and the like. But for yours truly, I can almost never get past thinking about the Italian genre movies’ lurid, unforgettable titles. You’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but can you judge a giallo by its title? Let’s find out by ranking the Top 10 giallo movies based on their titles alone.
Ranking Giallo Movies According to Their Titles
#10 Death Laid an Egg (1968)
Original Title: La morte ha fatto l’uovo
Alternate Titles: A Curious Way to Love, Death Trap, Plucked, The Sadist in Room 24
Death Laid an Egg is a perfect title, except for one pesky little problem. There’s no way the actual movie can cash the check that the title is writing. It is based around a poultry factory, which is a unique enough angle for a horror movie, but even the least-seasoned horror movie viewer around would be able to sniff out the inevitable disappointment of the title a mile away, as much fun as it is to conjure images of the madcap Salvador Dalí/Ingmar Bergman mashup it promises.
#9 A.A.A. Masseuse, Good-Looking, Offers Her Services (1972)
Original Title: A.A.A. Massaggiatrice bella presenza offresi…
Alternate Titles: N/A
Now this movie has the opposite problem from good ol’ #10. It is a poetic title that draws the reader in, but what it promises is exactly what you expect to get: a seedy little movie that’s more softcore than giallo. But it’s a concise, evocative title nonetheless. The Italian horror genre’s answer to “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”
#8 The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh (1971)
Original Title: Lo strano vizio della Signora Wardh
Alternate Titles: The Next Victim, Blade of the Ripper
Now here’s where things get truly giallo-y. Who is Mrs. Wardh? Why is her name spelled like that? What is her vice? Sex? Murder? Both at the same time? What’s particularly strange about it, if so? This title is such a perfect blend of eroticism and intrigue, it essentially doesn’t matter if the movie is good or not.
#7 Seven Blood-Stained Orchids (1972)
Original Title: Sette orchidee macchiate di rosso (Seven Red-Spotted Orchids)
Alternate Titles: N/A
Another nothing-but-net giallo title. The image of delicate beauty literally being stained by violent bloodshed is a perfect evocation of one of the genre’s favorite predilections: allowing the viewer to watch some of the most stunning women in the world in decadent, deadly peril.
#6 A Lizard in a Woman’s Skin (1971)
Original Title: Una lucertola con la pelle di donna
Alternate Title: Schizoid
This is another title that promises something the movie couldn’t possibly deliver, but it’s so forward about its delirious poetic metaphor that you wouldn’t expect it to anyway. It’s straightforward and a little tawdry, but with a dollop of beauty to it, which is exactly what you want from a Lucio Fulci picture anyway.
#5 Kill the Fatted Calf and Roast It (1970)
(image 6)
Original Title: Uccidete il vitello grasso e arrostitelo
Alternate Titles: N/A
This is another metaphor-forward title that can’t help but conjure up a tangled web of glorious giallo plotting. We follow a rich layabout, perhaps, with a target on their back. Potential killers around every corner. Pure deadly melodrama of the highest order.
#4 Strip Nude For Your Killer (1975)
(image 7)
Original Title: Nude per l’assassino (Nude for the Killer)
Alternate Title: Tenebre braccia della morte (Dark Arms of Death)
No need for metaphors here! Strip Nude for Your Killer gets straight to the point. This is going to be a lurid, nasty movie of ill repute. But there’s nevertheless something poetic about the inclusion of the word “your” in the title, drawing the reader uncomfortably close to the action against their will like a tractor beam. It’s not just naked women and killers in this movie, you the viewer are also on the chopping block. It’s common for horror movies to feature second-person taglines to draw the viewer into the experience (“In space, nobody can hear you scream,” anyone?), but for the title to do it? And in such a delectable prurient way? Now that’s bold.
#3 Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion (1970)
Original Title: Le foto proibite di una signora per bene
Alternate Titles: N/A
This title provokes the same kind of reaction as The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, but with the added benefit of tripping tantalizingly off the tongue. It’s a work of blunt-force poetry.
#2 Twitch of the Death Nerve (1971)
Original Title: Ecologia del delitto (Ecology of Crime)
Alternate Titles: A Bay of Blood, Last House Part II, Massacre at Blood Lake, Carnage, Reazione a catena (Chain Reaction)
This one just sends a tingle down your spine, doesn’t it? It’s pure Edgar Allan Poe gothica that grabs you by the throat and proudly announces itself as a movie you won’t soon forget. As one of the bloodiest gialli on the market, which set the blueprint for many an American slasher to come, Mario Bava’s many-titled movie deserved however many rereleases it had to go through in order to reach this sublime, scintillating title.
#1 Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key (1972)
Original Title: Il tuo vizio è una stanza chiusa e solo io ne ho la chiave
Alternate Titles: Excite Me, Eye of the Black Cat, Gently Before She Dies
Chef’s kiss. This title has everything. Passion! Eroticism! Drama! This title takes you on a journey. Do I have any idea what it means? Hell no! But it’s a vainglorious descent into indulgent poetic grandiosity that wouldn’t be matched for sheer unalloyed linguistic exuberance until 27 years later when Fiona Apple cracked her knuckles and got to work.