Do you ever wonder who you would be if the stars aligned (probably not in your favor) and you found yourself in the middle of Woodsboro? Madame Horror Press has chosen to emerge from her psychomanteum and impart upon us which character we are in the Scream franchise based on our astrological signs.
We at Horror Press recognize that, just as the Scream franchise has displayed many different personalities, the signs cannot simply be defined by only one character. To every yin, its yang. Which side of the coin you land on depends on your heart, dear horror fan. So, as you weigh your two options, ask yourself: are you the good guy or the villain?
Note: As of the creation of this article, Scream 6 is brand new. As such, for the sake of no spoilers, none of the new canon or characters will be referenced.
Aries 3/21-4/19
Sidney Prescott//Mrs. Loomis
With your determination to never back down from a challenge and bold personality, is it any wonder that you’d be the OG final girl Sidney Prescott? However, in the wrong hands (or right hands, depending on your POV on vengeance), you could find yourself as none other than Mrs. Loomis.
Taurus 4/20-5/20
Tatum Riley//Cotton Weary
Like Tatum Riley, you have a fun-loving nature, and you’re a great time to be around. Although this has its downturn, a constant fixation on cash, stubbornness, and envy of others can make you look a lot like Cotton Weary if you’re not careful. (Okay, so he’s not a murderer, but he’s certainly not #goals either.)
Gemini 5/21-6/20
Chad and Mindy Meeks-Martin//Ghostface
Your many interests and desires can be personified in one of two ways, depending on you, dear Gemini. If you are endearing in your endeavors, then the playful Meeks-Martin twins are your reality. If not, then your nature can only be rightly captured by all the duplicitous madness lurking behind the Ghostface masks.
Cancer 6/21-7/22
Dewey Riley//Stu Macher
Your caring, devoted nature and inherent silliness are all trademarks of Dewey Riley. However, these qualities can quickly turn sour when you’re roped into a homicidal frenzy with your best pal, only for him to stab you and hit you with a phone – like Stu Macher.
Leo 7/23-8/22
Derek Feldman//Jill Roberts
Your adventurous and humorous nature and affinity for the spotlight could have you standing on a cafeteria table singing “I Think I Love You” like Derek Feldman. Be cautious, however. That desire to be the star-of-the-show forms the swirling depths from which the likes of Jill Roberts emerge.
Virgo 8/23-9/22
Randy Meeks//Roman Bridger
Your analytical nature and love of order and solving puzzles make you Randy Meeks, informing everyone of the rules of the horror movie. However, if you let the past haunt you and use your powers of analysis for evil, that makes you none other than Roman Bridger, a calculated killer to the nth degree and the most disliked in the franchise.
Libra 9/23-10/22
Principal Arthur Himbry//Amber Freeman
You thrive on justice and harmony and work tirelessly and thanklessly to preserve balance, much like Principal Arthur Himbry. Take caution, for if you become too rigid in your expectations, and let your bossy ways take the wheel without mercy, you may find yourself in the same position as Amber Freeman – on the business end of some hand sanitizer.
Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Sam Carpenter//Billy Loomis
You dark spirit, you. Like Sam Carpenter, you have a mysterious aura, are loyal to a fault, and derive great power from your emotions. Unfortunately, some are driven insane with that power, and then we’re left with Billy Loomis.
Sagittarius 11/22-12/21
Gale Weathers//Still Gale Weathers
You are funny, fair, and have an unquenchable thirst for information and will go to great lengths to get it – much like Gale Weathers. While this can be an admirable quality, tread carefully. That quest for knowledge can be dangerous, as before you know it, you’re interrogating a teenager on the anniversary of her mom’s death about being wrong about her mother’s killer. I’m not saying she was a villain pre-Ghostface trauma, but she was a villain pre-Ghostface trauma.
Capricorn 12/23-1/19
Kenny Brown//Mickey Altieri
Your hard work, sense of responsibility, ability to be a team player, and humility all amount to the undervalued (and undoubtedly underpaid) Kenny, the cameraman. Conversely, the desire to continuously take what you want right nowcan amount to hare-brained schemes where you team up in a murderous plot with a random grieving mother you met online.
Aquarius 1/20-2/18
Kirby Reed//Hank Loomis
Like fan-favorite Kirby Reed, you are a dedicated innovator who knows how to have fun. Be wary; your rebellious side and recklessly pursuing your passions can amount to the likes of Hank Loomis, Billy Loomis’ father. When your son and your (ex) wife are driven to serial murder from the fruits of your desires, it may be time to begin looking inward.
Pisces 2/19-3/20
Tara Carpenter//Richie Kirsch
You are sensitive to the plights of others and respect intelligence, much like Tara Carpenter. Is it any wonder you’re such a fan of elevated horror like the Babadook? On the other hand, your deep thinking can get you into trouble – as being prone to fantasy can trick you into believing you would get to ride off into the sunset with your clearly sociopathic girlfriend (cough, cough, Richie.)
Do you agree with the Scream character Madame Horror Press has given you? Let us know in the comments!
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