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Friday the 13th Final Girls, Ranked

While the Friday the 13th franchise helped codify the trope of the final girl, no two final girls are exactly alike. So let’s take a real good look at all of the survivors of the various rampages of the Voorhees family (and Roy) through Crystal Lake and beyond, and how well they acquitted themselves both as final girls and as characters in a movie you’ve elected to generously donate between 80 and 100 minutes of your life to.

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While the Friday the 13th franchise helped codify the trope of the final girl, no two final girls are exactly alike. So let’s take a real good look at all of the survivors of the various rampages of the Voorhees family (and Roy) through Crystal Lake and beyond, and how well they acquitted themselves both as final girls and as characters in a movie you’ve elected to generously donate between 80 and 100 minutes of your life to.

Every Friday the 13th Final Girl Ranked

#12 Lori Campbell (Freddy vs. Jason)

The most telling thing about Lori is that she is the only final girl on the list where I struggled to remember her face, her name, or a single thing about her. By virtue of this being a crossover between two horror movie titans, she takes a backseat in her own story once she and her friends set up the smackdown of the century.

#11 Whitney Miller (Friday the 13th 2009)

This is another Lori situation. Whitney simply isn’t that interesting, and she’s not really a central character in her own movie. Even if you’re willing to roll with the weird wrinkle of her being kidnapped by Jason at the beginning of the movie, she only technically becomes the final girl by dint of not being murdered and not for any other reason. Although she does pull off some of the most notable Friday the 13th final girl moves from previous movies once she’s activated, she’s just not really part of the action for the majority of the runtime. More than anything, she’s here to be the damsel in distress that fuels the brooding of Jared Padalecki and his bangs.

#10 Pam Roberts (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning)

With one exception, any final girl from a movie in the Tommy Jarvis trilogy is going to rank pretty low. These are “final boy” movies through and through, and only really have final girls as a matter of tradition. Pam does have that fun moment with the chainsaw, but for the most part she is only around to slip in the mud and turn into a quivering heap whenever Jason shows up.

#9 Trish Jarvis (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)

Trish, Tommy Jarvis’ older sister, offers the movie something of an inroad into the antics of the sexy teens staying in the house next door, but beyond that, she’s a flavorless nothing who has very little to offer either in terms of interest or her own survival. She was never going to outshine Tommy Jarvis, but she doesn’t even try.

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#8 Jessica Kimble (Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday)

Jessica combines the worst attributes of all the women on the lower third of this list. In addition to barely making a blip in the narrative of her own story (it’s hard to do that when Creighton Duke is burning through the movie like someone is holding up a magnifying glass to the film reel), she is a boring character who doesn’t even have enough identifiable traits to be called one-dimensional. However, the Voorhees Legend (or whatever) says that she’s the only one who can defeat Jason, and by God she does, ceremonial dagger and all.

#7 Rennie Wickham (Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan)

Honestly, Rennie is pretty useless too. She doesn’t put much effort into defeating Jason or using her weird psychic connection to his child-ghost self to her advantage. She pretty much just lets New York City’s toxic waste flood take care of him. Her position on the chart is mainly because of her glorious hair. Also, I like that they put so much work into setting up that she’s been given Stephen King’s pen, and then she stabs Jason in the eye with it. I’m a simple man.

#6 Chris Higgins (Friday the 13th Part III)

I think the final moments of Chris’ battle against Jason are quite superb, but for the most part she just runs around screaming for her boyfriend, Rick, and turning off faucets.

#5 Rowan (Jason X)

Rowan is a decent final girl, when push comes to shove! As a researcher, she has a set of skills, which don’t necessarily come in handy, but it’s nice to have skills. And she’s pretty quick on her feet when it comes to luring Jason into traps and attempting to neutralize him so others can be safe from his rampage.

#4 Megan Garris (Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives)

Megan proves that you can overcome the limitations of being a Tommy Jarvis era final girl through sheer force of personality. She doesn’t assist that much in the eventual defeat of Jason, but she’s a hell of a fun, vivacious person for Tommy to play off of, and she injects the movie with energy whenever she’s onscreen.

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#3 Alice Hardy (Friday the 13th 1980)

Alice has her faults, but she is simply iconic. She can’t be number 1, because she doesn’t know she’s in a slasher movie for the majority of the run time, and her response to danger is to laboriously make coffee. But when push comes to shove, she fights for her life hard, and Mrs. Voorhees’ decapitated head is quite a trophy for her mantle.

#2 Tina Shepard (Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood)

Now, Tina’s a bit of a wet blanket when it comes to interacting with the various sexy and/or evil teens in the movie. But when it’s her and Jason, mano a mano, wow does she shine. Her telekinetic powers might be a weird swerve for the franchise, but she wields them with aplomb, throwing everything but the kitchen sink at him in her wild, fierce fight for survival.

#1 Ginny Field (Friday the 13th Part 2)

Ginny Field is the final girl we should all strive to be. She’s smart, resourceful, horny (catch her in my previous article about final girls who have sex and survive their slasher movies in spite of it), and fun to be around. She uses her skills as a child psychology major to tap into Jason’s connection with his mother (which, I assume, is how every child psych major assumes they will be applying their knowledge once they’re out in the real world), she knows how to wield a pitchfork, and she’s got the calisthenics training for some solid running and hiding. She’s the total package.

Brennan Klein is a millennial who knows way more about 80's slasher movies than he has any right to. He's a former host of the  Attack of the Queerwolf podcast and a current senior movie/TV news writer at Screen Rant. You can also find his full-length movie reviews on Alternate Ending and his personal blog Popcorn Culture. Follow him on Twitter or Letterboxd, if you feel like it.

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The ‘Urban Legend’ Franchise RANKED

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Ah, Urban Legend…the plucky younger sibling franchise to Scream. If this is the first time you realize that it’s a franchise at all, that is totally fair. The cult classic slasher’s only theatrical sequel was a critical and box office flop. The third film, Bloody Mary, was direct-to-video. The film has an interesting comparative pitch to Scream. While Scream is a meta-slasher toying with the rules of horror, Urban Legend has its killer basing its slice-and-dicin’ off of famous urban legends…and then they just basically did a version of Scream 3 for its sequel. It’s a fascinating trilogy, particularly in how the movies connect. In Final Cut, the first film exists as an urban legend itself. Bloody Mary, however, is a complete standalone that could be read as an urban legend within the universe of the first entry.

The Urban Legend Franchise Ranked From Worst to Best

So…how do these three films rank against each other? Are the sequels worth checking out at all? Pull up a chair, relax, and start mixing your Pop-Rocks and soda; this is the worst-to-best ranking of the Urban Legend trilogy.

Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005)

Unsurprisingly, the straight-to-video, nearly completely forgotten supernatural entry is last. Directed by Mary Lambert of Pet Sematary acclaim, the movie is a straightforward supernatural horror. Three teen girls say “Bloody Mary” three times into a mirror, and it resurrects a vengeful spirit.

The movie is not terrible by any means. It is just pretty standard, with some good moments of schlocky, 2000s fun. For those that grew up in this era, it can be a goofy little nostalgia trip! The cheesy SFX, hilariously awkward teen acting, and cinematography of a Coke commercial make it a really easy watch. It’s almost like a much bloodier Goosebumps episode! However, for those not fans of this divisive era of TV-horror, it can be a bit of a slog.

The idea of making a movie that feels in-Universe to the first film is clever. However, it is unclear whether that was the exact intention. Despite this critic’s personal, nostalgic love of this film, it is not connected to the franchise at all. Even if this was a masterpiece, this detail makes it hard to put it anything above last place. Sorry Bloody Mary, I still love you.

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Urban Legend (1998)

Ready the guillotine. Light up the torches. Find the IP address this article was written on-but let me explain. Yes, it is controversial not to put this one in first place. Still, it is really more of a tie than second placement. This and Final Cut are vastly different, which makes the franchise interesting, nearly incomparable. They each succeed in their own sub-genres…but this one misses the mark.

Urban Legend is a cult classic for a reason. It is completely itself as a late-90s, teen campus-slasher. The movie takes a simple premise, combining it with a likeable cast and a gothic, dark-academia setting. It feels like it was made for slumber parties and sleepovers. A combination of 80s slashers and campfire tales? Amazing. Plus, the soundtrack is killer.

That being said, the mystery, story, and characters are all just okay. The answers to the mystery (spoilers…?) fall in line with I Know What You Did Last Summer, and many films from the 80s. Prom Night, April Fool’s Day, and The Burning all come to mind. If this came out before Scream, this would be number one, for sure. It is probably, technically, the best film of the franchise, if I had to be objective. However, it just doesn’t reach the levels of originality the final film on this list does.

Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)

Urban Legends: Final Cut is fantastic. No, really. It’s great, and one of the most underrated slashers of its time. While Scream picked apart the slasher genre in a meta-horror classic, this movie picks apart the horror film industry. The film has a lot of commentary on toxicity in the industry, and it is matched by an on-brand mystery.

A big issue with movies is finding a decent throughline. Look at the first Urban Legend, for example. The reason the killer kills has nothing to do with urban legends themselves-it is just a creepy MO. However, the killer in Final Cut has a motive rooted in filmmaking itself. The movie stays on brand, delivering on its promise. It is distinctly different from Scream, while still being perfect for fans of that franchise.

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Without spoiling, the mystery is great. While the final reveal is somewhat predictable, the twists and turns of the story itself are great. For fans of lost media horror like Red Rooms or Cigarette Burns, the mystery veers into that. One part of the film involves a student film with a mystery splice in the film spool. While the movie is funnier than it is scary, and somewhat outdated at points, it still feels the most rewatchable of all three movies.

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‘The Fly’ Movies Ranked (There’s More Than You Think)

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When people talk about the 1980s’ great horror remakes, they always bring up three titles updating 1950s sci-fi classics. Those would be John Carpenter’s The Thing, David Cronenberg’s The Fly, and Chuck Russell’s The Blob. It is generally recognized that both the originals and the remakes are pretty great in all three cases. However, when it came time to bring you good folks a ranking for Horror Press’ sci-fi month, one emerged victorious. Now, each franchise has at least three movies. 1958’s The Blob has a sequel (Beware! The Blob, from 1972). And 1982’s The Thing has a prequel (2011’s The Thing). However, The Fly franchise actually has five movies altogether. The extended Fly franchise isn’t talked about as much as it should be, and it’s highly deserving of a ranking. So let’s take a deeper look at this oh-so underrated series.

The Fly Movies Ranked

#5 The Fly II (1989)

The sequel to David Cronenberg’s The Fly gets a bad rap, because it’s not David Cronenberg’s The Fly. In The Fly II, Eric Stoltz plays Seth Brundle’s son, Martin. In the tradition of many a puberty metaphor, his dormant fly DNA triggers a transformation when he reaches sexual maturity. All in all, this movie is actually pretty good. It has a decently emotional narrative centered on the idea of parents passing a disease to their children. It has a bombastic score by Christopher Young. And it’s pretty gooey and gross, in the grand tradition of fun 1980s horror. However, it’s still a bit goofy and repetitive in a way that prevents it from climbing higher up the list. Plus, the only actor from the original 1986 movie who comes back (outside of archive footage) is John Getz. No shade on Getz, but he’s no Jeff Goldblum or Geena Davis.

#4 Curse of the Fly (1965)

On the other hand, Curse of the Fly wields goofiness as its most memorable strength. It gets away with it because it is never ever boring. However, the third Fly movie goes totally off the rails as far as the franchise is concerned. So it’s not going to be that satisfying as the third stepping stone of a larger marathon. It basically forgets that these movies are about scientists accidentally blending their DNA with houseflies. Instead, it expands its scope to a broader “mad science” realm. Primarily, it follows a young woman discovering the sinister secrets harbored by the rich family she hastily married into. It’s part Rebecca, part The Island of Dr. Moreau, and all weird. In a very good way.

#3 Return of the Fly (1959)

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. The son of the guy from 1958’s The Fly finds himself caught up in the aftermath of his father’s experiment. Unfortunately, the human-fly hybrid stuff here isn’t that interesting. It plays more like a generic 1950s monster movie than any of the other installments. However, that bit only comes in the third act, after an hour of pure mayhem! We’re talking even more experiments gone wrong (a guinea pig is given human hands in one memorably surreal moment). We’re talking juicy family melodrama. We’re talking backstabbing, duplicity, and Vincent Price. Overall, it’s a pretty good time! Also the male lead, Brett Halsey, is a total babe. You know, if that helps.

#2 The Fly (1958)

The Fly could easily have been terrible. It’s quite obviously cheap, and some of its special effects are dodgy. It’s not particularly action-packed, either. It mostly focuses on the investigation of the mysterious death of the brother of François Delambre (Vincent Price). Given that this is a movie called The Fly, you get no points for guessing what happened to him. However, even if you’re several steps ahead of the mystery, it’s still a rock-solid thrill ride. Both in the present and in flashbacks, the movie largely focuses on the dead man’s wife, Helene (Patricia Owens). This allows it to revel in watching her cozy domestic life swiftly unravel, which requires no special effects at all. It’s a hell of a satisfying watch that swivels between nihilistic horror movie and charming 1950s sci-fi romp. And I like both of those things very much!

#1 The Fly (1986)

I sometimes break from tradition with my No. 1 picks, but that will not be the case here. No way, no how! Cronenberg’s remake of The Fly does everything you want a remake to do. First, it amps up the special effects something fierce. His The Fly is a gruesome, gut-churning adventure. It constantly asks, “Could the human body get any grosser?” and always answers that question with a firm yes. However, it also takes the bare-bones plot of the original and adds a huge amount of depth. While both movies follow couples being challenged by the man becoming a fly-human hybrid, the remake’s romance is infinitely richer. The Fly is not only a great remake, but the ultimate auteur horror film. It feels like nothing less than David Cronenberg cracking open his skull and smearing his brain across the camera lens.
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