It’s Fatal Attraction month here at Horror Press, so there truly is no better time to explore the characters who combine the concepts of “fatal” and “attractive” into one beautiful whole: horror villains. Here, I’ve decided to break down some of the most dateable horror villains alive (or dead).
Don’t misunderstand me. You will probably find many of these characters hot in a reasonably conventional way, and I certainly do as well, but hotness is only one piece of the puzzle. The higher up they are on the list, the more they would be a genuinely worthy romantic partner. This is why you’re not getting Jason Voorhees on the list, for instance. Not much for conversation, that one. Or the Xenomorph. You can’t bring it home to meet your parents if it’s going to eat your parents.
This is but a small sampling of the wide world of horror villains you should probably swipe right on, but let’s hope it whets your appetite this Valentine’s season. Oh, and Ghostface isn’t on here, because I couldn’t pick just one, and I didn’t want half the list to just be Scream villains. Maybe that’ll be a list of its own one day. If you want that, take it up with management.
The Best Horror Villains Worth Dating
#13 Frank (Hellraiser, 1987)
Now, on the “fuck, marry, kill” spectrum, he’s obviously much more in the fuck/kill arena. But doing either would be such a pleasure, wouldn’t it? Pinhead certainly thinks so.
#12 Brahms (The Boy, 2016)
OK, hear me out… You’re telling me this scruffy lumbersexual hunk wouldn’t be killing it in the Brooklyn dating game? He just needs a bath and someone who can follow his rules. The “no guests” one is pretty rough, but “never cover his face?” Done. Easy. “Read a bedtime story?” Sure. “Kiss goodnight?” Yes, please. The rest are pretty much just chores, and who doesn’t have to do those from time to time?
#11 Asami Yamazaki (Audition, 1999)
Now, this is a woman who loves hard. Maybe unfollow any attractive people on Instagram before you date her, but as long as you can stay faithful, she’ll always be attentive, and you’ll never be bored.
#10 Bill Farrell (I Married a Monster from Outer Space, 1958)
Sure, when lightning strikes, he does have a pretty scary alien monster face. But a man who looks like Tom Tryon and flew his spaceship millions of miles specifically to breed with you is kinda romantic, if you think about it.
#9 David (The Guest, 2014)
He’s got great taste in music, he can charm your friends and family, he looks like Dan Stevens. He’s the total package, as long as you’re not involved in whatever mission he’s assigned to. There’s no way to know for sure that you’re not involved, but maybe it’s worth the risk?
#8 Santanico Pandemonium (From Dusk Till Dawn, 1996)
We all already know the downsides to dating a sexy vampire, don’t we? That’s right, there are none! Moving on.
#7 Dr. Frank-N-Furter (The Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975)
Dating Dr. Frank-N-Furter would be a good-ass time, and you know it. Singing, having sex, making inventions, doing some light cannibalism, dancing the Time Warp again and again… The only issue would be a major lack of attentiveness. Look at what became of poor Columbia. Frank will forget about you at certain points, and it might feel hard to compete with the perfect specimens coming out of the lab. But Frank definitely wouldn’t mind if you messed around with whatever hot young thing wanders into the manor, so it’s not like you’ll be bored.
#6 Armand (Interview with the Vampire, 1994)
Speaking of sexy vampires… Armand might be a little ruthless, but, being an Anne Rice creation, he has a sensitive soul. Also, you can also be with him for centuries and he will never not look like a 1994 Antonio Banderas, so that’s a plus.
#5 Billy Chapman (Silent Night, Deadly Night, 1984)
As long as you spend the period between Halloween and New Year’s in a country that doesn’t celebrate Christmas, you get to be with this strapping 1980s hunk! Everyone has their triggers, you shouldn’t shame him for his.
#4 Jennifer (Jennifer’s Body, 2009)
Jennifer was obviously going to be high on this list. Who doesn’t want to date someone with succubus powers? But frankly, I like her for her, not for the demonic spirit possessing her. And that might cause issues down the road as you try to disentangle the two.
#3 Christian (Good Boy, 2022)
You’re telling me I just have to survive a little pup play to get with this chiseled-from-marble Norwegian millionaire? Sign me up.
#2 Candyman (Candyman, 1992)
That voice. That face. That coat! There are very few downsides to giving in and becoming Candyman’s victim, so you can be together forever in the hearts and minds (and mirrors) of the terrified populace. You’d have to die, of course, but there are worse ways to meet someone. Really, my biggest personal hurdle is that I have a huge phobia of bees.
#1 Leslie Vernon (Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, 2006)
When he’s not murdering teenagers, he’s an adorkable goofball. And it’s always good to have a passion! If you love what you do, you never work a day in your life, and he’ll bring that good energy home to you. Plus, the movie specifically shows that his serial killer role model is in a healthy long-term relationship, so I think Leslie has what it takes to truly commit.