Misc
Universal Studios Orlando Halloween Horror Nights 2024: The Definitive House Rankings
The Florida sun is blazing and the smell of fake fog is strong over at Universal Studios Orlando, where Halloween Horror Nights 33 is well underway. I was thrilled to spend several nights at the event in mid September, and after running through each haunted house multiple times (in between enjoying a Mini Stay-Puft S’more or three), I’m pleased to share my totally definitive, can’t-argue-with-my-logic HHN 2024 house rankings with the world.
The Florida sun is blazing and the smell of fake fog is strong over at Universal Studios Orlando, where Halloween Horror Nights 33 is well underway. I was thrilled to spend several nights at the event in mid September, and after running through each haunted house multiple times (in between enjoying a Mini Stay-Puft S’more or three), I’m pleased to share my totally definitive, can’t-argue-with-my-logic HHN 2024 house rankings with the world.
The Houses of Halloween Horror Nights 2024, RANKED
Okay, that’s a lie: my rankings are highly subjective and — I anticipate — fairly controversial, so don’t let them dissuade you from checking out a house you’re curious about! But if you’re on the fence about which Stay & Scream pen to scamper into or whether that 90-minute wait time is truly worth it, let this list guide your feet as you navigate the roving chainsaw gang…
10. Major Sweets Candy Factory
The prequel to the Sweet Revenge scarezone at HHN 31, Major Sweets Candy Factory is one of the six original houses at Halloween Horror Nights this year. I’m sorry to say that, for me at least, it was the weakest of the bunch. Maybe I’m just not scared of kids, but the storyline here fell flat for me.
This house is one of the grossest, however. Puking bodies and barrels of gore plague you as you move deeper into the cruel confectioner’s factory, offset with appearances from the maniacally laughing Miss Treats armed with various weapons. Be sure to press the big red buttons as you pass to trigger a surprise for yourself or another guest!
9. A Quiet Place
I’m sure I’ll catch some flack for this, but I didn’t love my visit to A Quiet Place (and it had nothing to do with my general ambivalence toward the first two films). This house took a big swing with its minimal sound design and attempts to discourage noise from guests, but its overreliance on animatronics makes its scares feel predictable, while also removing the possibility of guest-triggered creature “attacks.” It’s hard to feel truly immersed in this world when the teens in front of you are wittering away without consequence.
What A Quiet Place loses in surprise, it makes up for in set design. With detailed recreations of the flooded basement from the original film, the dock from A Quiet Place Part II, and more, this house certainly succeeds in making you feel like you’re stepping into the franchise. Sadly, there’s no Lupita Nyong’o or cute kitties to be found, but if you’re willing to brave the ever-long wait times, A Quiet Place is worth creeping through.
8. Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
I struggled with the placement of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire on this list. On the one hand, this house includes some virtually screen-accurate recreations of sets from the recent film of the same name, including a frozen firehouse facade that is sure to stir your nostalgia. On the other hand, it’s based on one of the least interesting entries in the Ghostbusters franchise, so unless you’re enamored with the new films (which I am not), you may not find this house rewarding enough for repeat visits.
To combat this, Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire does feature a few cameos from fan-favorite entities across the franchise, and the way that Slimer is brought to life is endlessly endearing. Predictably more fun than scary (though the towering ice demon Garraka has his moments), this house won’t chill you to the bone, but it will make you hungry for one of those Mini Stay-Puft S’mores I mentioned.
7. Triplets of Terror
Halloween Horror Nights is gunning for its own slasher franchise with Triplets of Terror! As you move through the house, you’ll be assailed by the Barmy siblings — Melody, Harmony, and Junior — as, every 10 years, they recreate the night when they slaughtered their parents.
With shades of Rob Zombie and some particularly hulking scareactors portraying Junior, Triplets of Terror successfully conveys the sensation of being trapped inside a slasher film. Where it fell a little short for me was in its repetitiveness. While the triplets do age up as you move through the house, their masks shrinking on their faces, the change isn’t substantial enough to make their repeat appearances with the same weapons feel new or surprising. Still a strong house and often boasting far shorter wait times than the big IPs that surround it, you’d be barmy to miss Triplets of Terror during your visit.
6. Universal Monsters: Eternal Bloodlines
Universal Monsters houses at Halloween Horror Nights are often high rankers for me, but I have to admit that this year’s entry has its faults. The most timing-dependent house of the 2024 line-up, it’s not uncommon to have a walkthrough that feels somewhat empty.
That’s a shame because Universal Monsters: Eternal Bloodlines is a truly beautiful house. After entering the snowy cemetery where Saskia Van Helsing is mourning her deceased family, we follow the fledgling monster hunter as she seeks revenge against the vampire that killed them. The return of the Bride of Frankenstein is a highlight, but the ambitious plot can be a little hard to follow (even after multiple visits and a Behind-the-Screams tour, I’m a little hazy about why Saskia goes to Egypt). I suspect this one may grow stronger as the scareactors firm up their timing, but for me, Eternal Bloodlines wasn’t as fang-tastic (heh heh) as I’d hoped.
5. The Museum: Deadly Exhibits
I’ve seen a lot of chatter online about The Museum: Deadly Exhibits being meh, but I’m here to tell you that among my scream squad, this one was a firm favorite. If you love museums as much as I do, it’s hard not to be charmed by the detailed signage, inflated ticket prices, and eerily corrupted audio tour as you live out a true nightmare at the museum.
The plot of this one concerns The Rotting Stone, an ancient artifact that possesses the other displays and brings them to life. It’s fun to watch the exhibits unravel and the staff lose their heads (literally) as the evil spreads, represented through glowing green patches on the walls and a handful of living rock creatures that aren’t afraid to crowd you. A wide variety of characters and some well-placed in-plain-sight scareactors provide plenty of screams, but the long nature of some of the corridors does result in certain scares being spoiled long before you reach them.
4. Goblin’s Feast
Located at the very back of the park, Goblin’s Feast consistently had some of the shortest wait times during my visit, so others may not be as hungry for the feast as I was. But for my money, this is one of the most beautiful houses at Halloween Horror Nights this year.
Jaunty music and a prancing goblin with malice in his eyes greet you as you enter the tavern facade of Goblin’s Feast, setting the tone for an experience that balances comedy, fantasy, and meaty gore. These goblins are flesh-eaters, you see, and we’re on the menu. While the distinction between the fairytale creatures in the house isn’t always clear, and some of the details of the impressive set are lost in the darkness, Goblin’s Feast is a delicious bite of camp that made me hungry for more.
3. Monstruos: The Monsters of Latin America
A transplant from Halloween Horror Nights 2023 in Hollywood, Monstruos: The Monsters of Latin America invites guests to experience the legends of Tlahuelpuchi, La Lechuza, and El Silbón, three creatures of folklore that share a taste for blood.
Impeccable set design, one truly jaw-dropping animatronic, and the towering terror that is El Silbón make this house an utter delight to walk through, with one particularly creative scare sending my friend hurtling back into another’s arms. I should note that this house is one of the more pungent entries in HHN 33’s lineup, but hold your nose and power through it, because Monstruos: The Monsters of Latin America is a true standout.
2. Slaughter Sinema 2
Following the success of the original house at Halloween Horror Nights 28 in 2018, Slaughter Sinema 2 welcomes us back to the Carey Drive-In for another B-movie marathon. From a demonic Western to sharksploitation and a mummified sleaze-fest, you’ll step into snapshots of eight fictional flicks, each separated by a stretch of poster-lined lobby that tees up the film ahead.
The success of this house lies in its variation. If one room doesn’t work for you, you know there’s a wildly different movie waiting just around the corner. The drive-in facade also makes the queue for Slaughter Sinema 2 an experience in itself, especially after dark when you’ll see trailers for the films you’re about to witness projected on the big screen. Fill up your novelty popcorn bucket before getting in line, and you’ll be in for a good time.
1. Insidious: The Further
I’ve been coming to Halloween Horror Nights since 2019 and no other house has made me cower quite like Insidious: The Further. Incorporating sinister specters from all five films in the Insidious franchise, the scares come thick and fast in this house, especially once you shiver and shriek your way into the curtain-shrouded realm of the Lipstick-Face Demon.
If A Quiet Place felt like stepping into a movie, Insidious: The Further feels like getting lost in one. From the moment you step through the oversized red door and see the Lambert family house bathed in the eerie blue light of the Further, you’re on your own, Elise’s calming voice growing fainter and fainter behind you. Elise herself only appears twice in the house, though we never see her face, and only in the initial rooms; the deeper you go, the further you get from help.
It’s terrifying, a word I don’t use lightly, and I found myself drawn inexorably back, even as the wait times crept up (though I’m pleased to report they drop significantly after 1 a.m. if you can stay awake). Let this recommendation be your guide. Keep a steady stride. Into Insidious: The Further you go…
Well, that’s my list, and I look forward to hearing how wrong I am. In all seriousness, I love talking Halloween Horror Nights, so go experience it for yourself and come tell me your rankings! Happy hauntings…
Stephen King probably has the most iconic mix of villains of any horror creator. Yes, Wes Craven has both Krueger and Ghostface, and John Carpenter has Michael Myers and the blue-skull aliens, but let’s be real. King comes out on top for his sheer variety of colorful, nightmare-inducing, iconic, sexy characters.
Hold up, did I say sexy? That can’t be right. Oh…it seems I did, and that can only mean one thing: a smash or pass ranking of Stephen King’s most iconic villains. Pennywise the Clown and Leland Gaunt can steal your soul, but can they steal your heart? And just to clarify the ranking, we are going solely on the characters themselves, not the actors who have portrayed them.
SMASH or PASS: Stephen King Villains Edition
SMASH: Annie Wilkes
Yeah, she’s crazy, but come on. She loves to read, is resourceful, and knows her way around… a sledgehammer? Just don’t kill off her favorite character, and you’re safe. Her farmhouse also seems super cozy, so any time spent there would be lovely. As long as she doesn’t have any problems with my screenplays, I’ll take my chances.
PASS: Leland Gaunt
This is the hardest pass on this list. Everything is a mind game with this guy. Sure, he’ll pay for dinner, but he’ll probably later make you pay him back by stealing a dog or performing some other bizarre task. Everything would be a bargain and transactional. With no clear communication, he is actually the worst imaginable partner on the list. Besides, according to the book, he is a reptilian demon riding a white horse? Check, please…
NEUTRAL: Pennywise
Pennywise’s attractiveness varies wildly. This interdimensional shapeshifter can be literally anything…Sure, Bill Skarsgard is plenty attractive, and his take would absolutely be a smash, but knowing there’s a cosmic spider under there might be a turn-off. He is also a cannibalistic chaos demon, but so are half the characters on this list. You win some and lose some when you open Tinder in Derry, Maine.
PASS: Randall Flagg
Every iteration of Flagg going back to the books has portrayed him as really hot. So why a pass? Well, his whole character is built on the concept of false promises. He feels like your worst ex-situationships. Always promising something bigger, he is a total manipulator who will use you for his own power. Also, he looks real nasty with the devil horns…and not in a good way.
SMASH: Christine
Hear me out. Let’s ignore the fact that she’s a cosmically possessed car. Christine is loyal, loving, and protective. Sure, she’s manipulative and pure evil, but she is obsessed with you. Flagg, for instance, would dump you the second he got what he wanted. But Christine wants you and only you. Maybe that’s worse, given you now have to walk down the aisle with a 1958 Plymouth Fury. But hey, if you don’t have commitment issues, Christine might be your gal.
PASS: Jack Torrance
Going off of the book, it’s a no, solely because when he qualifies as a villain, he is possessed by a sentient hotel. In the movie, he is psychotic from the start of the film. There is no way to spin the possessed Jack Torrance in a positive light.
SMASH: Kurt Barlow
I have no defense for this. I just have a good feeling about him. How can you say no to those eyes! Vampires are sexy. Well, some vampires. I feel like he has kind of an Eggers’ Nosferatu appeal? You LITERALLY cannot resist him. So hey, this seems to be a SMASH whether I want it to be or not.
PASS: Warden Samuel Norten
Unlike most of the villains on this list, Norten is not a fun, supernatural being. This is a real kind of evil. There is not even a joke to be found with this one-this guy sucks. Pass on all accounts. What does it say about your politics when I would rather take my chances with an interdimensional spider-clown?
SMASH: Rose the Hat
Does this even need an explanation? Rose is BY FAR the most attractive Stephen King villain. Sorry Mike Flanagan, the eerie little glowing eyes are kinda hot. I am sure that was not your intention. But here we are. As long as you don’t have the shine, you should be safe. Not sure if I would be down to join her weird RV demon-polycule, but otherwise, it’s a done deal. Actually, you know what? Why the Hell not. Let’s get some shining-mist together!
SMASH: The Creep
It’s so hard to find funny guys, right? Not anymore! The Creep is a total jokester. Funny, intelligent…what’s not to love? Well, the rotting skin and exposed skeleton can be a turn-off, but no one’s perfect. It’s what’s on the inside that counts!
Ah, Urban Legend…the plucky younger sibling franchise to Scream. If this is the first time you realize that it’s a franchise at all, that is totally fair. The cult classic slasher’s only theatrical sequel was a critical and box office flop. The third film, Bloody Mary, was direct-to-video. The film has an interesting comparative pitch to Scream. While Scream is a meta-slasher toying with the rules of horror, Urban Legend has its killer basing its slice-and-dicin’ off of famous urban legends…and then they just basically did a version of Scream 3 for its sequel. It’s a fascinating trilogy, particularly in how the movies connect. In Final Cut, the first film exists as an urban legend itself. Bloody Mary, however, is a complete standalone that could be read as an urban legend within the universe of the first entry.
The Urban Legend Franchise Ranked From Worst to Best
So…how do these three films rank against each other? Are the sequels worth checking out at all? Pull up a chair, relax, and start mixing your Pop-Rocks and soda; this is the worst-to-best ranking of the Urban Legend trilogy.
Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005)
Unsurprisingly, the straight-to-video, nearly completely forgotten supernatural entry is last. Directed by Mary Lambert of Pet Sematary acclaim, the movie is a straightforward supernatural horror. Three teen girls say “Bloody Mary” three times into a mirror, and it resurrects a vengeful spirit.
The movie is not terrible by any means. It is just pretty standard, with some good moments of schlocky, 2000s fun. For those that grew up in this era, it can be a goofy little nostalgia trip! The cheesy SFX, hilariously awkward teen acting, and cinematography of a Coke commercial make it a really easy watch. It’s almost like a much bloodier Goosebumps episode! However, for those not fans of this divisive era of TV-horror, it can be a bit of a slog.
The idea of making a movie that feels in-Universe to the first film is clever. However, it is unclear whether that was the exact intention. Despite this critic’s personal, nostalgic love of this film, it is not connected to the franchise at all. Even if this was a masterpiece, this detail makes it hard to put it anything above last place. Sorry Bloody Mary, I still love you.
Urban Legend (1998)
Ready the guillotine. Light up the torches. Find the IP address this article was written on-but let me explain. Yes, it is controversial not to put this one in first place. Still, it is really more of a tie than second placement. This and Final Cut are vastly different, which makes the franchise interesting, nearly incomparable. They each succeed in their own sub-genres…but this one misses the mark.
Urban Legend is a cult classic for a reason. It is completely itself as a late-90s, teen campus-slasher. The movie takes a simple premise, combining it with a likeable cast and a gothic, dark-academia setting. It feels like it was made for slumber parties and sleepovers. A combination of 80s slashers and campfire tales? Amazing. Plus, the soundtrack is killer.
That being said, the mystery, story, and characters are all just okay. The answers to the mystery (spoilers…?) fall in line with I Know What You Did Last Summer, and many films from the 80s. Prom Night, April Fool’s Day, and The Burning all come to mind. If this came out before Scream, this would be number one, for sure. It is probably, technically, the best film of the franchise, if I had to be objective. However, it just doesn’t reach the levels of originality the final film on this list does.
Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)
Urban Legends: Final Cut is fantastic. No, really. It’s great, and one of the most underrated slashers of its time. While Scream picked apart the slasher genre in a meta-horror classic, this movie picks apart the horror film industry. The film has a lot of commentary on toxicity in the industry, and it is matched by an on-brand mystery.
A big issue with movies is finding a decent throughline. Look at the first Urban Legend, for example. The reason the killer kills has nothing to do with urban legends themselves-it is just a creepy MO. However, the killer in Final Cut has a motive rooted in filmmaking itself. The movie stays on brand, delivering on its promise. It is distinctly different from Scream, while still being perfect for fans of that franchise.
Without spoiling, the mystery is great. While the final reveal is somewhat predictable, the twists and turns of the story itself are great. For fans of lost media horror like Red Rooms or Cigarette Burns, the mystery veers into that. One part of the film involves a student film with a mystery splice in the film spool. While the movie is funnier than it is scary, and somewhat outdated at points, it still feels the most rewatchable of all three movies.
