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Hotels in Horror RATED: Which Horror Hotel Would Be Nicest to be Murdered In and Why

We rate the best (and worst) hotels in horror. While most of the action takes place on the asphalt as psychotic hillbillies chase their prey down in trucks and slashers hide in the backseat of their target’s cars, both killers and victims alike need somewhere to stay on long nights. You need a place to lay your head down. You need a hotel. And because Horror Press always has the concerned traveler in mind, we’ve reviewed some classic horror movie hotels and motels and rated how nice they’d actually be to stay in.

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As August’s theme is Road Trip Month here at Horror Press, there is one aspect of horror out on the open road you might have forgotten about. While most of the action takes place on the asphalt as psychotic hillbillies chase their prey down in trucks and slashers hide in the backseat of their target’s cars, both killers and victims alike need somewhere to stay on long nights. You need a place to lay your head down. You need a hotel.

And because Horror Press always has the concerned traveler in mind, we’ve reviewed some classic horror movie hotels and motels and rated how nice they’d actually be to stay in.

We’re factoring in four key qualities and rating them on a scale of 1 to 10:

  • The quality of the staff and management
  • The cleanliness and comfort of the rooms
  • The amenities available to guests

Oh, and most importantly, how cool I am with dying here (abbreviated as H.C.A.I.W.D.H?).

Because…it’s a horror movie hotel, you’re probably going to die there.

We’ll be beginning with the most unpleasant and working our way up to the best. Unsurprisingly, we start with…

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RATING HOTELS IN HORROR

THE KAHIKI PALMS MOTEL (THE DEVILS REJECTS)

Even before the brutal torture and murders that took place here, the Kahiki Palms Motel wasn’t a sight for sore eyes when pulling off the highway. It’s got many of the same problems the Bates Motel has (more on that later), and the place is completely filthy even before the Firefly’s step foot in it.

Beyond that, you’re in the middle of Texas cooking in the heat, with no AC and an ice machine that has definitely got sand in it. No bueno. The exterior looks cool at least, just stop and take some photos out there without actually checking in.

STAFF & MANAGEMENT: 1/10

ROOMS: 1/10

AMENITIES: 1/10

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H.C.A.I.W.D.H?: NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT/10

OVERALL RATING: 1/10

SEVEN DOORS HOTEL (THE BEYOND)

The Seven Doors Hotel is smack dab in the southern United States, in a woody and almost swampy part of Louisiana, near New Orleans but sitting directly over one of the seven gates to hell. It’s in disrepair, like many of the others on the list, but that’s nothing a little tender care and love from the new management can’t fix!

Just kidding, this place is unfixable. 

You should never stay at a hotel being run out of desperation. The owner, Liza, is hard up on cash and willing to put up with some supernatural nonsense to try and turn a profit, but she’s in way over her head. Some people just don’t have the heart or brains for hospitality, let alone hospitality when there’s some Lovecraftian black magic going on. An abundance of zombies and a possessed dog put this pretty low on the list of voluntary stays, especially when there aren’t any good views of nature to make up for it.

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Steer clear of this weird antebellum health hazard if you can, although a one-night excursion might be your only choice if the state of Airbnb in New Orleans is as terrible as it is everywhere else.

STAFF & MANAGEMENT: 3/10

ROOMS: 5/10

AMENITIES: 3/10

H.C.A.I.W.D.H?: 3/10

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OVERALL RATING: 3/10

BATES MOTEL (PSYCHO FRANCHISE)

Let’s get all the iterations of this place out of the way, since they’re pretty much the same: they’re kind of sleepy, fairly dusty, and completely underserviced given they don’t get much business. The biggest highlight of staying here is that beautiful house out back, and you don’t even really get to enjoy that outside of seeing Norman pace in the window. Sorry, seeing Mother pace in the window. There’s a difference.

Assuming you are not a woman Bates falls in love with or someone investigating him, you’re pretty safe; after all, it’s just him. But it’s also just him running the motel. He is fairly nice when he isn’t consumed by a homicidal persona but remember: all it takes is one of his mental breakdowns happening during the night for him to be in a mumu walking around with a kitchen knife while the front desk phone is left ringing. Next thing you know, you’re waiting for room service while he’s cleaning up the remains of some private detective off the floor. You’re alive, but you’re also waiting for a cold, probably poorly cooked burger.

Staff and management get two points since it’s technically one guy with two personalities, but that’s being generous.

STAFF & MANAGEMENT: 2/10

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ROOMS: 4/10

AMENITIES: 3/10

H.C.A.I.W.D.H.?: 6/10

OVERALL RATING: 4/10

THE HOTEL CORTEZ (AMERICAN HORROR STORY: HOTEL)

I’m not staying here, there’s like eight different ways you could die and none of them are good! Why would I ever—wait was that Lady Gaga?

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STAFF AND MANAGEMENT: 10/10

ROOMS: 6/10

AMENITIES: 6/10

H.C.A.I.W.D.H?: 1/10

OVERALL RATING: 6/10

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THE YANKEE PEDDLER INN (The Innkeepers)

I like Ti West’s directing, but I’m not going to Connecticut to sleep in a tough queen bed with a scratchy quilt. It could be worse, as we’ve seen with previous entries on this list, but it could also be better. Claire and Luke seem like pretty reliable employees, and as long as you don’t go around swinging crystal pendulums and disturbing the traumatized ghosts, you should be fine. 6’s across the board, I guess?

STAFF & MANAGEMENT: 6/10

ROOMS: 6/10

AMENITIES: 6/10

H.C.A.I.W.D.H?: 6/10

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OVERALL RATING: 6/10

THE DOLPHIN HOTEL (1408)

There is only one room in the hotel that is technically haunted, but we have to assume you’re getting that one because it’s kind of the whole premise of the movie. In which case, you have a 99% chance of dying in a horrible way, and you don’t get any rest or relaxation as the spirits haunting Room 1408 pump your brain full of harrowing illusions.

It’s not a very safe space for people wrestling with trauma or suffering from pre-existing mental health issues, but I guess what a haunted house is? Our protagonist, Mike, does manage to escape in the end (at least, one of the four endings this film has, I haven’t seen the others), but unless you have a bottle of 151-proof in your luggage to torch the place, you’re ironically kind of cooked.

Staff seemed nice when they aren’t letting you walk to your death, it’s got a good view, and you’ll at least have something interesting to write about if you make it out of there.

Editor, don’t even think about it.

STAFF & MANAGEMENT: 7/10

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ROOMS: 7/10

AMENITIES: 7/10

H.C.A.I.W.D.H?: 1/10

OVERALL RATING: 6/10

THE OVERLOOK HOTEL (THE SHINING, DOCTOR SLEEP)

A scary giant hedge maze, snow-blanketed exteriors, and a high-quality turn-of-the-century architectural experience. Good lord, it even has high vaulted ceilings and clean-cut interior design. There are even opportunities to go skiing nearby. The Overlook gets a bad rap for being the site of a bunch of gruesome killings, but in their defense, your honor, the hotel was just evil. All that other stuff happened because the vibes were off.

Is it possible to rehabilitate the place like the Torrance family tried? Not at all. Will you die if you stay there? Absolutely. Is it kind of worth it, cause the place is just so gorgeous? I’m not here to make that judgement for you, but you know you only get to travel so many times in your life, you might as well make the last one a bang.

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You can always count on the management and other guests to be particularly friendly, helping you out of pickles like getting locked in a pantry. They enable your bad habits too, of course, but at least you’ll have company once you’ve frozen to death out there. Who knows, they might even put you in one of their cool time paradox photos!

STAFF & MANAGEMENT: 8/10

ROOMS: 8/10

AMENITIES: 6/10

H.C.A.I.W.D.H?: 6/10

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OVERALL RATING: 7/10

THE GREAT NORTHERN HOTEL (TWIN PEAKS)

This is objectively the right answer, no? The entire Great Northern Hotel is gorgeous with its rich, dark, wood interiors, lit warmly and designed with comfort in mind. It’s serene, has a beautiful look to it, and if you’re not Dale Cooper, your chances of getting shot in the stomach are zero to none!

And sure, the Horne Family that runs it is, on occasion, embroiled in scandal. And MAYBE Benjamin Horne is an irredeemable piece of garbage who wants to tear down the Ghostwood forest. And MAYBE he also owns a combination casino and brothel that he frequents. And MAYBE he’s partially responsible for the murder of a young woman who may or may not have been tortured to death by a demon/spirit/tulpa/doppleganger/Lynchian nightmare butI mean, look at it! Tell me you wouldn’t want to stay there! Stop trying to take this away from me!

At least the Great Northern doesn’t have fish in its percolator.

STAFF & MANAGEMENT: 2/10

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ROOMS: 10/10

AMENITIES: 10/10

H.C.A.I.W.D.H?: 10/10

OVERALL RATING: 8/10

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Luis Pomales-Diaz is a freelance writer and lover of fantasy, sci-fi, and of course, horror. When he isn't working on a new article or short story, he can usually be found watching schlocky movies and forgotten television shows.

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Misc

HORROR 101: What is The New French Extremity Movement?

What is New French Extremity? The term New French Extremity originated in film journalist James Quandt’s article “Flesh & Blood: Sex and Violence in Recent French Cinema”. The bulk of the article addresses a rash of more violent films that were coming out of French cinema in the late 90s and early 2000s; the article sites Bruno Dumont’s 2003 art film Twentynine Palms as inciting the criticism, seeing it as the latest in a long line of, to him, unimpressive French films at the turning point of a century.

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Welcome back to Horror 101, a series of articles where we explain horror movie legends and their lore. For beginners, the confused, or just those who need a refresher, these articles are for you.

It is certainly ironic to be close-minded as a horror fan. What do you mean you’ll watch fifteen terribly made movies in a week but then turn your nose up at something 20 minutes longer than your usual runtime? (That one was aimed at me, so if you caught a stray, apologia).

But, I’ve always been particularly averse to one grouping of films: New French Extremity, a genre whose name came from an article deriding the very notion of it. In more recent years, I’ve grown some appreciation for its offerings, though, as I’ve come to understand the commentary it has to share. It’s a genre pockmarked by bleak cinematic landscapes, painted with the pains of human suffering and grotesqueries to reflect the horrors of the real world. A genre that often delves into the surreal, wading knee-high through depravity to get there.

…Assuming you can call it a genre.

Like German Expressionism, or Dadaism, it’s a style with some major tenets, but no concrete trappings; debated and shaped by its watchers, and now brought to you here. It’s sometimes hard to grasp, but today’s article will try its hardest to answer the question…  

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WHAT IS NEW FRENCH EXTREMITY?

The term New French Extremity originated in film journalist James Quandt’s article “Flesh & Blood: Sex and Violence in Recent French Cinema”. The bulk of the article addresses a rash of more violent films that were coming out of French cinema in the late 90s and early 2000s; the article sites Bruno Dumont’s 2003 art film Twentynine Palms as inciting the criticism, seeing it as the latest in a long line of, to him, unimpressive French films at the turning point of a century.

Quandt generally writes them off, indicating that they utilize their debauchery as a blunt tool in a clumsy attempt to evoke some sort of philosophical or political message about the human condition, as opposed to the artistic movements of centuries prior like the French Decadent Movement and Dadaism that inspired it. Ironically, the term New French Extremity erupted from this article as the main takeaway for film scholars and critics, because Quandt caps off the article by saying that the grouping of films are too varied in their vision to be considered a proper genre:

The New French Extremity sometimes looks like a latter-day version of the hussards, those Céline-loving, right-wing anarchists of the ’50s determined to rock the pieties of bourgeois culture; but for all their connections (shared actors, screenwriters, etc.), the recent provocateurs are too disparate in purpose and vision to be classified as a movement. […] it appears to be the last gasp of Gallic libertinism.

And so, New French Extremity was minted as a piece of the cinematic lexicon. Jargon meant to describe not only grotesque thriller and horror films coming out of France from the 90s onward, but films whose whole cinematography (both by visuals and by narrative) is rooted in being transgressive. No matter how horrible you think a concept is, New French Extreme will depict it, and no matter how sacred you think something is, expect it to be trampled on with some extremely profane filmmaking. It’s about being so grotesque that they evoke raw and pure disgust, often to reflect the film’s themes or philosophical ideas. 

Then, you might ask…

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WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NEW FRENCH EXTREMITY AND SPLATTER FILMS?

Surely, films like Saw, Hostel, and Human Centipede have political messages underpinned by their violence. And yes, the Saw franchise in particular can at turns be very meanspirited and violent while being bluntly political; it is what I’d call the most politically American horror film series of all time, and its traps and the major bodily dysfunction they cause are a big part of that.

But in the end, it’s not being an American film that separates it from the genre, as even if it were a French film it wouldn’t fit either. Part of the horror of New French Extreme films is how the violence is presented; it is served as real, raw, and uncut as possible. It is unflinchingly (and unhappily) violent, and grounded in a level of uncomfortable reality. So, there goes another tenet of the movement: it has to crank up the meanspirited energy in its violence, and it can’t really be “fun” in how it displays its extremity.

WHO ARE THE DIRECTORS OF THE NEW FRENCH EXTREMITY MOVEMENT?

As critical as Quandt was of the idea, he did provide a very handy list of names to focus on as the most prominent voices of the movement:

“François Ozon, Gaspar Noé, Catherine Breillat, Philippe Grandrieux—and now, alas, [Bruno] Dumont”. 

Names missing from that list, but which crop up later in the article and in the scene in general include Alexandre Aja (director of High Tension), Virginie Despentes (the mind behind the very controversial Baise-moi), Alexandre Bustillo & Julien Maury (the duo behind Inside and this years The Soul Eater), and Pascal Laugier (of Martyrs and Incident in a Ghostland fame). And though Xavier Gens was a bit late to the party with his 2007 film Frontier(s), he is an important director in terms of where the movement went and where it’s going with its politics. This isn’t a comprehensive list, but a good starting point for you if you’re interested in the genre.

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WHO IS THE MOST INFLUENTIAL NEW FRENCH EXTREMITY DIRECTOR?

The short answer? Michael Haneke. The long answer? Technically, Haneke popularized the use of transgressive elements to shock and disquiet the audience among his contemporaries. Still, Gaspar Noé is the genre codifier and the most dominant voice in the space creatively.  

Despite the extreme nature of films like Funny Games and The Seventh Continent (both brutal and genuinely terrifying), I personally find myself in the camp that his movies are not New French Extreme. We can debate the limits of how messed up something has to be before it’s considered extreme until the cows come home. But the fact is, if you put Haneke’s work alongside all of the films I’ve listed above in the previous segment, he would be the odd man out. He is, simply put, considerably more restrained in terms of showing gore and sexual violence, and the majority of his films’ horror and anxiety come from psychological aspects rather than physical consequences.

The material world is the battleground of the New French Extreme, and the nauseating nature of the films is the tool that Quandt named as the hallmark of the movement. With that in mind, I believe that Gaspar Noé, instead, should be considered the godfather of the genre. Given his films are the most well-known and commercially successful of the New French Extreme “movement”, he is more than worthy of the title; not to mention, he’s the most extreme in all regards. I would consider Irreversible’s directing and presentation to be the peak of the New French Extreme, since its nausea-inducing and sickening content comes with plenty of disorienting directing and editing; and for people with better sound setups than mine, you’ll find the little sound design trick that Noé placed in the film to make it as disturbing as possible.

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF NEW FRENCH EXTREMITY?

A question that is much less definitional, and much more philosophical. Why the bleak landscapes? Why the hopeless endings? Why so much violence against women, especially THAT kind of violence? And there is no clear answer, as every filmmaker has a different motivation. However, there is an undeniably political slant running through most of these movies that can all generally be applied to the rise of the right-wing and alt-right in French politics from the 1990s onward.

Film scholars like Alice Haylett Bryan and Marc Olivier have pointed to films like Inside, Sheitan, and Frontiers as coinciding with and commentating on the rise of politicians like Nicolas Sarkozy, politicians running on strong anti-immigration platforms and blaming the immigrant populations of France for its ills like the 2005 riots. Though it is less easy to see on the surface level, the Mademoiselle of Martyrs and her secret society are a group of wealthy, white French aristocrats who find purpose through the suffering of others, depicted as the impoverished and WOC; they even describe the process of torturing their martyrs as something they do “systematically”, akin to the policies of a government.

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Like the trend of the nuclear monster reflecting our Cold War anxieties in the 50s and 60s, and the spike of home invasion films that took place in the 70s, New French Extreme directors have political engines built into their movies. The shocking parts of New French Extremity punctuate what many of these films are supposed to be: countercultural art meant to attack and depict the dangerous political ideologies that spends the lifeblood and livelihood of underserviced people as currency; ideologies that could very well pose a threat to the existence of a democratic France itself.

New French Extremity’s horrifying sights are not only made effective through the verisimilitude of their directing and production; they are made to remind you of the world’s much more realistic terrors, here right now and possibly yet to come. 

DO YOU HAVE NEW FRENCH EXTREMITY RECOMMENDATIONS?

So, now for your required reading from this lecture.

Needless to say, all of the films mentioned in this article bear a massive and profoundly long list of trigger warnings (seriously), primarily for their intense violence, depictions of sexual violence, and depictions of pretty much every terrible thing you can imagine. Please make sure to do your research before watching any of these, and don’t skimp on the self care.

Martyrs (2008) has some of my favorite reveals in any horror movie, and an unforgettable ending you won’t want spoiled, so watch this one first. High Tension is a favorite of many Horror Press readers and writers for a reason. It’s an unrelenting, pulse-pounding film that earns its controversial reputation, and you don’t really feel safe until it’s over (if that). Trouble Every Day gets a lot of flak from Quandt in his original article (what doesn’t?), but I went in blind and was completely caught off guard by what the movie turns into, so avoid any spoilers if you want to see something interesting. Sheitan is a head trip of a film, with recurring face-of-the-genre Vincent Cassel cranking up the madness dial on his performance to an 11. Calvaire, likewise, has a very demented villain on par with the main antagonist of Inside, so they would make for a very interesting double feature if you can stomach two at a time. And while I said Haneke is not New French Extreme, if you want something a little quieter but with an ending that will shake you to your core, I suggest watching The Seventh Continent.

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That brings me to the one very big question I had writing this:

Should I even recommend Irreversible? It may be the one film that embodies New French Extremity the most, given how far it pushes the envelope. But do I like it?

No.

It personally is just too much for me. It’s bleak, horrific, it will disturb you entirely and might very well ruin your week, and I can’t stand to watch it. Which is the whole point, but there’s a limit to what I can tolerate. I find Noe is unflinching in his determination to make you run from the theatre and abandon the film altogether, especially in its most infamous and cruel sequence.

From a film history perspective, it is undeniably a piece that has carved itself into French cinema indelibly (for better and for worse), and if you want to plumb the depths of human horror, you’ll be hard-pressed to find as difficult of a watch. So, when you ask me, “Should I watch Irreversible?”, I can only meet you with one honest response: you can certainly try to.

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Good luck with that, horror fan.

***

And that will be it for today’s Horror 101 lesson. See you in the next class and stay tuned to Horror Press’s social media feeds for more content on horror movies, television, and everything in between.

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Physical Media Matters: Terror Vision and ‘Frogman’

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I’ve talked about Frogman from writer/director Anthony Cousins ad nauseam. It even made my Favorite 3 Horror Movies of 2023 list. Hearing that Frogman was getting a physical release from Terror Vision was music to my ears. And, honestly, how crazy was it that it was also getting shelf space at Walmart?! Very rarely can you find a film that killed on the festival circuit and then was readily available on physical media at both a boutique distribution online store as well as a big box retailer.

August 10th, 2024, would be a day that changed my life; Terror Vision was releasing a deluxe edition Blu-ray bundle with a limit of 100 copies. Typically, boutique labels will do limited edition slipcases for films, limiting them between 1,000 and 2,500 copies. The Frogman Deluxe Edition bundle was different. For $68 bucks, you could get one of the most unique and visually stunning releases of my lifetime. So I purchased it. After preordering this majestic bundle, I waited patiently for two and a half months…and then it arrived.

The purpose of this piece isn’t to rub my one (hundred) of a kind purchase in anyone’s face, instead, it’s to highlight the care and beauty behind this release. Simply put, if you love a movie and find it being released by Terror Vision, you should pick it up. Here is the physical side of what came with this bundle:

  • A black MILF (Man I Love Frogman) shirt
  • A double-sided foldout poster
  • A Frogman-themed brochure of Loveland, Ohio/Frogman Point (With a 15% off coupon for Sticky Tongue Gifts & Collectibles)
  • A Loveland, Ohio postcard
  • A sticker set
  • The Fortune Teller Miracle Fish (not listed on the bundle’s itinerary, but a happy inclusion)
  • A Frogman mug
  • A bound film-supplement book
  • A limited rigid box that perfectly fits over the embossed slipcase
  • AND A CD full of frog sounds!

In all honesty, I initially thought $68 was a steep price. As the minutes passed, I knew my chance of picking one up was dwindling. Once I opened the box, put on the shirt, read the book, and drank some lukewarm coffee out of my mug…

I realized it was beyond worth the price.

Terror Vision has set the bar for labels like Shout! Factory, Vinegar Syndrome, Arrow Video, and many more. I do not know who runs the program behind the scenes, but it’s clear they are some of the deepest fans of physical media out there. If I had to nitpick, there was one issue I have with the Blu-ray. The title screen. It’s a flat image with a play, subtitles, and special features option. These options are overlaid over a thick blue bar and it doesn’t feel very in theme. Even though the title screen felt a bit bland, the special features surely made up for it.

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All of this is to say, if you’re a physical media nut like myself and you haven’t picked anything up from Terror Vision, then what are you doing?! They have excellent releases like WNUF Halloween Special, Malum, Door, and so much more. And thanks to Terror Vision for all they’ve done, we can’t wait to see what you release next.

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