New York City has the greatest transit system in the United States. Despite this, all riders will tell you their own subway horror stories, myself included. We have seen frightening things while riding throughout the five boroughs. Vomit, excrement, rats, cockroaches, police brutality, open drug and alcohol use, people pushed onto the tracks, guns, murder. These subway realities make for some terrifying (and some silly) scenes in horror movies. Jason Voorhees, King Kong, and even Aylmer have been seen riding the rails, causing chaos and destruction in their wake. So here are some reason why the train is delayed!
“There is a maniac trying to kill us!”
“Welcome to New York.”
– Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
7 Reasons Why the Train is Delayed Today
Despite it all, I love New York and the MTA subways (my favorite cars have the orange and yellow seats… call me old fashioned!). I and my fellow residents rely on the sprawling and highly organized tunnel system to get to, well, anywhere (and for whatever reason). New Yorkers have a certain grit that gives us the assurance and courage to continue riding the subway, and to appreciate it, flaws and all. We continue to look out for one another, knowing that no one is safe from subway mayhem.
And in the darkness of the tunnels, the day may feel like night, shadows grow long, and someone, or something, may be just around the corner…
Here are your announcements for today. Thanks for riding with us!
MTA SERVICE STATUS ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR THE DAY
Attention, riders: there are several announcements regarding station and track closures and delays.
C Train DELAYED for man on tracks at Bergen Street.
The MTA would like to remind you that going onto the tracks for any reason is prohibited. “If you drop something on the tracks, leave it and let an MTA employee know. We’ll do our best to help retrieve it.”
Jacob’s Ladder (1990)
Delancey Street Station CLOSED for repairs. No F Trains will stop at this station until further notice.
The New York Department of Health also has an advisory in the area for unusually large cockroaches. This new species of roach, called Judas, is resistant to chemicals and can spread disease through biting. “Harming the city’s wildlife is prohibited. However, in an effort to slow the spread of this species,” if you see a Judas Roach, “you should squish and dispose of it. You should thoroughly inspect vehicles, luggage and gear, and all outdoor items for egg masses before leaving the New York City region.”
Mimic (1997)
All Queens stations along the NW line are CLOSED for complete track and train repairs. We apologize for the inconvenience.
King Kong (1976)
Active Investigation Near New York University & Times Square
The New York City Police Department has received reports of a man wearing a hockey mask assaulting passengers aboard Manhattan trains. The suspect was last seen boarding a Northbound R Train at 8th Street-NYU and getting off at Times Square. He has left slippery residue on subway platforms and in train cars. Please use caution when boarding and exiting trains, do not move between train cars and do not run.
If you see this man, call 911 immediately or alert a nearby police officer.
Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Lexington-bound 4 Train CLOSED for an active murder investigation. All Green Line Trains will be DELAYED until further notice.
The New York City Police Department would also like to remind you that backpacks and other large containers are subject to random search by the police.
Brain Damage (1988), referencing Basket Case (1982)
Lower Manhattan B, D, and J Train stations are CLOSED due to a toxic spill.
Stations affected include Bowery Station, Delaney St-Essex St, Spring Street, and Grand Street. If you have been in or near these stations and are exhibiting violent symptoms, please alert the New York City Police Department.
C.H.U.D. (1984)
There have been reports of a possible alien invasion in midtown. The New York City Police Department, the New York City Port Authority, and the National Guard have issued a travel advisory. Be sure to check the MTA schedule for maintenance reports and delays.
Fare evasion is a crime. Any persons who illegally jump turnstiles, even in an attempt to flee, will be apprehended by the NYPD.
Cloverfield (2008)
“If you see something, say something. Call the See Something Say Something hotline: 1-888-NYC-SAFE (1-888-692-7233). Thousands of New Yorkers have already done their part, and so can you. That’s how New Yorkers keep New York safe.”
Thank you for riding with MTA New York City Transit.
Sources:
“If You See Something, Say Something” OMNY