Editorials
The Third Dimension is… Terror?: 10 Best Non-Horror Moments from Jaws 3-D (1983)
Jaws 3-D, released July 1983, is a reviled sequel to one of the greatest movies of all time. Despite being a box office success with a worldwide gross of $88 million and the #2 highest-grossing opening weekend of 1983, genre fans do not remember this film fondly. However, I assert that although there is a lack of general horror, Jaws 3-D still has something to offer audiences… laughs!
First, we must get this out of the way. There actually is a horror element to Jaws 3-D, though unintended, and it serves as the saddest part of its legacy (no, not the terrible CGI). Jaws 3-D was filmed at the actual SeaWorld Orlando, and several SeaWorld animals were used for the film, including Capricorn, who played one of the hero dolphins, and Kotar, named Shamu. Capricorn, as of 2006, was the oldest dolphin in captivity and resided at Discovery Cove (owned by SeaWorld Orlando). Sadly, Kotar died in 1995 due to injuries sustained after a gate closed on his head. SeaWorld has since been condemned by many for its treatment of its marine animals following the disturbing documentary Blackfish (2013). Jaws 3-D serves as a time capsule for an era that favored entertainment over animal rights.
Now, let’s get to the fun stuff. Because while Jaws 3-D falls into the thriller/horror categories, this aged-to-horrible-perfection film is, instead, full of delectable visual treats, actors, and outdated special effects that make it so enjoyable to watch, as long as you refuse to take it seriously. Here are the 10 Best Non-Horror Moments of Jaws 3-D.
10) This quote from Mike Brody: “Where’s your boots?” “I only wear them in bed and in the shower.”
What does this even mean?
9) The dolphins’ Cindy & Sandy victory leap finale
Dolphins Cindy and Sandy are the actual heroes of Jaws 3-D. They battle sharks, rescue the protagonists, and do fun tricks! Somehow, these dolphins were nominated for Worst Newcomer at the 1983 Golden Raspberry Awards for their performances. The most cheesily-satisfying moment of the film happens at the very end when the dolphins, feared dead, leap victoriously into the air to the cheers of the protagonists.
8) The Stand-Off game
Has anyone ever played this game? Was it popular? According to a 2011 interview with actor John Putch (Sean Brody), he said that the game must have been popular back then as it was in the script. It seems even Putch may not have known the game originally! To those still confused about the game’s definition, Kelly Ann tells us herself, “It is a game of balance!” This leads us to the 7th best moment in Jaws 3-D…
7) Kelly Ann Bukowski’s quote, “Come.. on in.. Sean! It’s fun!”
This line’s overdub is horrendous and hilarious. There are pauses in all the wrong places and the pitch of her voice is unsettling. The line is such a delightful bit of goofiness in an intended-serious big-budget film, and even more entertaining coming from a future award winner (this is her first feature film). Another fun tidbit: Thompson’s presence in this 3D feature is a fun little precursor for what is to come in Back to the Future II (1989) with a hologram shark in the fictional Jaws 19 (2015).
6) When Mike Brody had to ask “What the hell was that?!” about a shark despite seeing and encountering sharks several times in his life.
Did the shock Mike suffered from in the first two films wipe his memory? Nope. Because he vividly remembers his encounters in a prior scene, “White sharks are dangerous. I know ‘em. My father, my brother, myself. They’re murderers.” Okay, Mike.
5) This quote from Charlene, the Pat Benetar look-alike waitress, “He don’t sleep in, he don’t live in! You tell Shelby Overman for me he can take a flying leap in a rolling doughnut on a gravel driveway!”
You tell him, Charlene!
4) This quote from Dr. Kathryn Morgan: “Overman was killed inside the park. The baby was caught inside the park. Its mother is inside the park.”
This is all inside the park, right?
3) Mike Brody holding the dog’s ears as it eats
I cannot think of this film without Dennis Quaid immediately coming to mind. He brings sincerity to the eldest Brody son, unlike his teenage counterpart from Jaws 2 (1978). This scene where he holds the hound dog puppy’s ears while it’s chowing down is one of the purest things I have seen in an 80s horror movie. Despite claiming he was high on cocaine in nearly every scene, he brought needed moments of levity to a film that thought of itself too seriously.
2) The CGI Shark’s slow dramatic swim
Of course, the 3D shark is a star, especially in this scene. Its slow swim to the glass, which it soon shatters, is memorable for its clunky CGI use (one of 31 instances in the film). Jaws 3-D channels the early use of 3D technology in 1950s creature features, like Revenge of the Creature of the Black Lagoon (1955). Though thirty years between the two, the technology just hadn’t caught up.
The CGI Shark is iconic, but there is only one other scene-stealing component that surpasses anything the CGI Shark does…
1) ALL scenes with Brucetta, the practical shark
For everyone wondering, yes, this shark does have a name: Brucetta! And her only victims are men. What a queen.
Brucetta was designed by Roy Arbogast, the creative visual consultant, and I love her. The foam rubber, being stiff as a board, and her mouth always being open are some of her best qualities. I would also like to give credit to Jaws 3-Dfor finally bringing an inside-the-mouth shot to the franchise where we actually get to see a man crushed from inside the shark’s jaws. Not to mention, this beast growls! How? Don’t ask me.
All hail Brucetta!
Editorials
‘Ready or Not’ and the Cathartic Cigarette of a Relatable Final Girl
I was late to the Radio Silence party. However, I do not let that stop me from being one of the loudest people at the function now. I randomly decided to see Ready or Not in theaters one afternoon in 2019 and walked out a better person for it. The movie introduced me to the work of a team that would become some of my favorite current filmmakers. It also confirmed that getting married is the worst thing one can do. That felt very validating as someone who doesn’t buy into the needing to be married to be complete narrative.
Ready or Not is about a fucked up family with a fucked up tradition. The unassuming Grace (Samara Weaving) thinks her new in-laws are a bit weird. However, she’s blinded by love on her wedding day. She would never suspect that her groom, Alex (Mark O’Brien), would lead her into a deadly wedding night. So, she heads downstairs to play a game with the family, not knowing that they will be hunting her this evening. This is one of the many ways I am different from Grace. I watch enough of the news to know the husband should be the prime suspect, and I have been around long enough to know men are the worst. I also have a commitment phobia, so the idea of walking down the aisle gives me anxiety.
Grace Under Fire
Ready or Not is a horror comedy set on a wealthy family’s estate that got overshadowed by Knives Out. I have gone on record multiple times saying it’s the better movie. Sadly, because it has fewer actors who are household names, people are not ready to have that conversation. However, I’m taking up space this month to talk about catharsis, so let me get back on track. One of the many ways this movie is better than the latter is because of that sweet catharsis awaiting us at the end.
This movie puts Grace through it and then some. Weaving easily makes her one of the easiest final girls to root for over a decade too. From finding out the man she loves has betrayed her, to having to fight off the in-laws trying to kill her, as she is suddenly forced to fight to survive her wedding night. No one can say that Grace doesn’t earn that cigarette at the end of the film. As she sits on the stairs covered in the blood of what was supposed to be her new family, she is a relatable icon. As the unseen cop asks what happened to her, she simply says, “In-laws.” It’s a quick laugh before the credits roll, and “Love Me Tender” by Stereo Jane makes us dance and giggle in our seats.
Ready or Not Proves That Maybe She’s Better Off Alone
It is also a moment in which Grace is one of many women who survives marriage. She comes out of the other side beaten but not broken. Grace finally put herself, and her needs first, and can breathe again in a way she hasn’t since saying I do. She fought kids, her parents-in-law, and even her husband to escape with her life. She refused to be a victim, and with that cigarette, she is finally free and safe. Grace is back to being single, and that’s clearly for the best.
This Guy Busick and R. Christopher Murphy script is funny on the surface, even before you start digging into the subtext. The fact that Ready or Not is a movie where the happy ending is a woman being left alone is not wasted on me, though. While Grace thought being married would make her happy, she now has physical and emotional wounds to remind her that it’s okay to be alone.
One of the things I love about this current era of Radio Silence films is that the women in these projects are not the perfect victims. Whether it’s Ready or Not, Abigail, or Scream (2022), or Scream VI, the girls are fighting. They want to live, they are smart and resourceful, and they know that no one is coming to help them. That’s why I get excited whenever I see Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett’s names appear next to a Guy Busick co-written script. Those three have cracked the code to give us women protagonists that are badasses, and often more dangerous than their would-be killers when push comes to shove.
Ready or Not Proves That Commitment is Scarier Than Death
So, watching Grace run around this creepy family’s estate in her wedding dress is a vision. It’s also very much the opposite of what we expect when we see a bride. Wedding days are supposed to be champagne, friends, family, and trying to buy into the societal notion that being married is what we’re supposed to aspire to as AFABs. They start programming us pretty early that we have to learn to cook to feed future husbands and children.
The traditions of being given away by our fathers, and taking our husbands’ last name, are outdated patriarchal nonsense. Let’s not even get started on how some guys still ask for a woman’s father’s permission to propose. These practices tell us that we are not real people so much as pawns men pass off to each other. These are things that cause me to hyperventilate a little when people try to talk to me about settling down.
Marriage Ain’t For Everybody
I have a lot of beef with marriage propaganda. That’s why Ready or Not speaks to me on a bunch of levels that I find surprising and fresh. Most movies would have forced Grace and Alex to make up at the end to continue selling the idea that heterosexual romance is always the answer. Even in horror, the concept that “love will save the day” is shoved at us (glares at The Conjuring Universe). So, it’s cool to see a movie that understands women can be enough on their own. We don’t need a man to complete us, and most of the time, men do lead to more problems. While I am no longer a part-time smoker, I find myself inhaling and exhaling as Grace takes that puff at the end of the film. As a woman who loves being alone, it’s awesome to be seen this way.
The Cigarette of Singledom
We don’t need movies to validate our life choices. However, it’s nice to be acknowledged every so often. If for no other reason than to break up the routine. I’m so tired of seeing movies that feel like a guy and a girl making it work, no matter the odds, is admirable. Sometimes people are better when they separate, and sometimes divorce saves lives. So, I salute Grace and her cathartic cigarette at the end of her bloody ordeal.
I cannot wait to see what single shenanigans she gets into in Ready or Not 2: Here I Come. I personally hope she inherited that money from the dead in-laws who tried her. She deserves to live her best single girl life on a beach somewhere. Grace’s marriage was a short one, but she learned a lot. She survived it, came out the other side stronger, richer, and knowing that marriage isn’t for everybody.
Editorials
Horror Franchise Fatigue: It’s Ok To Say Goodbye To Your Favs
I’ve come to the kind of grim conclusion that sooner or later we’re all going to succumb to horror franchise fatigue. Bear with me, this editorial is more stream of consciousness than most of the ones I’ve written for Horror Press. For those unaware, the forthcoming Camp Crystal Lake show spent a short period of time shooting at a beloved local North Jersey restaurant near me in August. This meant progress for the A24 project that has been radio silent for a while; it also meant no rippers while it was closed for filming, but who said Jason’s reign of terror would be without consequence?
When Horror Franchise Fatigue Becomes An Issue
My friends mentioned it on an idle afternoon, and I carried that conversation over to another friend later that week. It inevitably turned into what all conversations of long-lived franchises do. Talking about how far the series had come, how influential it was, and how it died. Or at least, died without a death certificate. Nothing will keep a studio from coming back to a franchise if that’s where the money is, barring legal troubles and copyright shenanigans.
Revisiting Friday the 13th: A Franchise Rewatch Gone Wrong
As I fondly thought about the Friday series, I was spurred to watch the films. I would watch it all, from start to finish, all twelve movies. Not for any particular article, though the planned process was similar. They’re fascinating films that were both helped and harmed by their immense financial success, so they were as good as any franchise to analyze the changes in. I would note the difference between directors, the shift in tone. How cultural consciousness changed the films as they went on. I would dissect them to see what was at the heart of these movies.
I got about 15 minutes into Part 4 before stopping my marathon.
Horror Franchise Fatigue and the Loss of Enjoyment
Now, this might sound strange. I liked The Final Chapter, I like pretty much all the Friday films (especially the worst ones). And I know that I enjoy them, not from some abstract nostalgia driven memories, but because I had seen several of them recently enough to know that. What it came down to was a very simple question of whether or not I was having fun watching them. The enjoyment was the point, but by the fifth day, I wasn’t feeling anything. I wanted to love the Friday the 13th films the same way I did when I previously watched them, but it just didn’t happen.
And I was confused, how a franchise I had enjoyed so much had just become so unmoving. It wasn’t the experience I had had before. But the truth was that experience couldn’t be restored, and that desire to bring it back was actively harming my enjoyment of the films.
Why Standalone Horror Experiences Still Matter
In contrast, I showed my favorite giallo film to some friends recently. Dario Argento’s Opera is a film I’ve seen plenty of times, and it was a big hit thanks to its Grand Guignol sensibilities and one-of-a-kind cinematography. As far as tales about an opera singer being forced to witness murders go, it got a warm reception. It was crass, it was odd, it was provocative.
And watching my friends’ reactions, from intrigue to disgust to enjoyment, was the exact kind of experience I was hoping for. It was a memorable experience that stuck with me as much as seeing the film for the first time did.
We Don’t Love Horror Franchises, We Love the Experience
It may sound ignorant, but largely, I feel we don’t love franchises. We love the experience. We love the feeling of seeing something come together over the course of hours, the novelty of characters growing and changing if it’s allowed by the scripts. The special emotion invoked when you spend so much time with a piece of media; it’s the same emotion that gets you hooked on a good TV show.
Now for some of you, this is splitting hairs. But I think the core of this is important to recognize: the franchise is just a vessel for the experiences the media provides. It’s shorthand for what you’ve felt and how you feel, a signifier rather than what’s really being signified. The Friday, and Nightmare, and Halloween “series”, as concepts are abstract enough to mean a million different things to a million different viewers, but at the end of the day they are all a collection of viewing experiences to someone.
Fan Culture, Shared Horror Memories, and Closure
Those experiences are the core of “fan culture”. We love how our experiences link with those of others, registering flashes of recognition at a turn of phrase or a reference to a scene. That nebulous tangling of thoughts and feelings with other people is at the essence of shared enjoyment. And if you’re lucky enough, we love to see the book close on a franchise. To see a film series end, having completed its journey is a reward of its own.
But unfortunately, we often don’t get the privilege of watching a series end gracefully or even end at all. The Halloween series and The Exorcist series with their latest entries are obvious examples, and they’ve put the two franchises at arm’s length for me. But they’re far from the only ones.
Scream, Legacy Characters, and the Cost of Overextension
I especially don’t think I can return to the Scream films for a good long while. Putting aside the absolute trash fire made by Spyglass Entertainment firing its lead, then rushing a 7th film so badly they lost the Radio Silence team, I had already tapped out the minute I had heard the film’s premise. If there ever was a horror protagonist who should have stayed retired, it was Sidney Prescott.
All respect to Neve Campbell for finally getting her paycheck, but I can’t think of something less appealing than Sidney coming back. I’ve always been a Scream 3 purist, so I firmly believe that she shouldn’t have been in any of the films after that. She had gotten her happy ending, and left horror as one of the greatest of all time.
But then dangling a legacy character of that significance over a shallow inflatable pool for a third time, and treating it as shark infested waters, just feels ridiculous. The trailer that dropped for it did very little to assuage the notion that it would be anything but predictable.
This isn’t to say I’ve written off Scream entirely, but familiarity in this case has bred some level of contempt. I can identify pretty clearly what I loved about the experience that the Scream franchise used to offer, and this is not it. It’s made me more or less sulky about what it has to offer now; that is, very little of the novelty and shock factor I loved it for.
Why It’s Okay to Walk Away From Horror Franchises You Love
All of these thoughts and encounters led to a series of questions I kept revolving through. Why do we play a game of loyalty to something so abstract as “the franchise”? Is the collection of experiences we attach to a series supposed to be an emotional wage we’re paid to stick around? Is that payment enough? Why should we keep watching a series if we’ve fallen out of love with what it has to offer?
I know as much as you do that the answer to that last question is “we shouldn’t”, and yet we still do. For those of us who have fallen into a similar pessimistic state about the franchises we enjoy, I guess this is all just a way of stating the obvious: it’s okay to leave a series behind. If it’s not fun or engaging or challenging, you can and should set it aside, at least temporarily. While I’m not a proponent of killing fond memories or condemning all nostalgia, that’s just the problem: I want to feel something more than I want to remember that feeling.
Choosing New Horror Over Nostalgia
The old experience of media we once loved can be nice, but there are more new experiences out there than we can have in a single lifetime. We have a near infinite amount to choose from. So, if we’re fortunate, one of them belongs to a series we love, and we can enjoy it once more. But for those of us who don’t have that luck, consider this a reminder that there is a lot more than these familiar faces to see. Next time you feel down about a series you miss or find yourself unable to continue watching, reach for something new. Something odd. Something you haven’t seen. It might just help.
Happy watching, horror fans.




